Safeguard
by somebody's secret
Summary: "Why me?" Alex whispered, the tears still glistening in her eyes. "He wanted you to begin with." When Olivia takes a drunk woman home from a club, she certainly doesn't expect her life to turn upside down. But when it does, she has to find a way to protect Alex Cabot, the newest member of the SVU team and a woman she can't help but love.
1. Chapter 1

Olivia slipped into her dark blue jeans and turned to the side to see herself in the mirror. It wasn't often that she went out but tonight she intended to get so drunk that she couldn't remember the horror that the cases from today brought her. She needed to be reassured that sex could be a good thing, something that both people want. Once she was satisfied that her jeans properly accentuated her ass, she slipped on a flowing red tank top that allowed a generous amount of cleavage to show. She checked herself in the mirror once more before messing up her brown locks a bit. Perfect.

Twenty minutes later, she was at a club, the bass pumping through her veins, bodies rubbing up against her, beautiful men and women filling her view. She scanned the bar before finding an empty seat and ordering herself a shot. Before a drink could be poured for her, a man was already leaning next to her barstool. "A gorgeous woman like you certainly didn't come here alone?" He asked.

Olivia turned to see him before answering. Tall, dark, and handsome to a T. "Oh but I did," Olivia replied with a wink. The woman next to her got up and left which allowed the man to sit down next to her.

"Well if that's the case how about I buy you a drink?" He asked with a charming smile.

"I just ordered," Olivia explained but decided not to let this one go, "but you can drink with me and take me out to the dance floor instead."

He grinned at her and nodded. "Bourbon on the rocks," he told the bartender before turning back to Olivia. "Peter," he said as he held out his hand for Olivia.

"Olivia," She responded as she shook his hand. She picked up her shot glass which was now in front of her and downed the vodka. After a few minutes of small talk, Peter led her out onto the dance floor where they grinded for close to half an hour. She gyrated her ass seductively against his groin as he gripped harder into her hips, clearly trying to control his urges. Olivia grinned when she felt his member pressing into her; she always took it as a compliment. She tipped her head back against his shoulder and turned to his ear. "I think I could use some water," She stated before pulling away from him and heading to the bar.

They both settled down next to each other once again. "You're an amazing dancer," Peter commented as he ordered himself another drink.

"Mm, thank you. You're not too bad yourself," Olivia said as she nudged his shoulder flirtatiously. She glanced past Peter's face when she saw a shimmer of gold. She narrowed in on that shimmer which was actually long blonde hair cascading down a woman's back. Her eyes casually ran up and down the woman's body. While she may have been flirting with a man tonight, she was always open to both sexes. The blonde was wearing a pair of four inch fuck me black pumps and Olivia felt her mouth water. For a moment she considered going over to her and trying to take her home but Peter was nice enough.

The blonde took a step away from the bar and turned to face someone standing behind her. Olivia noticeably gulped as the blonde's chest came into view. She was wearing a skin tight red dress that dropped so low in the front Olivia was sure she'd be greeted with a more than generous amount of breasts. The dress had slits on both sides of her torso which allowed Olivia the perfect view of pale skin contrasting with the red of the dress.

"Olivia?" Peter's voice pulled her out of her arousal induced haze.

"Yeah? Sorry, I zoned out there," Olivia replied as she turned her attention back to Peter.

"That's alright. Can I buy you another?" He asked, gesturing to her empty glass.

"I think I'll stick with water," Olivia answered with a polite smile. They made small talk for a few more minutes as Olivia stole glances at the blonde, begging for her to turn so Olivia could see her face. She was afraid that she might have a heart attack if the woman's face was as gorgeous as her body although that seemed to be true considering all the attention she was attracting at the bar.

She glanced over as Peter ordered his own drink, her eyebrows furrowing. The blonde woman had her back pressed against the countertop of the bar and a man was standing in front of her, his hands on her skin where the dress had slits. It was very obvious that the blonde was leaning away from him and did not want the attention that she was receiving, especially when she weakly put her hands against his chest and tried to push away.

Peter slid another glass of water in front of her and she nodded in thanks before peering over at the blonde once more. The man pulled her away from the bar and she stumbled slightly in a drunken haze. He wrapped an arm possessively around her waist as he led her to the exit. Olivia watched them curiously as she shook her head and turned away from the door; the man was clearly trying to take her home but she was resistant to the idea.

For a moment Olivia wondered how drunk the blonde must be. She was stumbling a little bit but that might also be in part from the high heels that were far too high for normal attire. The man pulled her over to a booth, sliding in before she sat down. Instantly she was holding her head between her hands. Olivia clenched her jaw as she watched the man's hands wander under the table, running up the blonde's thighs and under her very short dress. The blonde weakly protested as she pushed his hands back down but he used one of his large hands to move both of hers, pinning them to the table while his other hand slipped up her dress.

"Excuse me," Olivia said to Peter before rising from her seat and walking over to the booth. She shot daggers at the man who was too busy looking down the blonde's top to notice. Olivia cleared her throat as she leaned over to the blonde. "Hey, sweetie. Sorry I'm late." Olivia leaned down and gently kissed the woman on the cheek, instantly causing the blonde to look up at Olivia in confusion along with the man. "Who is this?" Olivia asked, gesturing to the pervert next to the blonde.

The blonde peered up at her and Olivia felt her breath leave her body. God, was she gorgeous. Long blonde hair, slightly curled, cascading around her pale face, accentuated by ice blue eyes. The man's hands had long since abandoned the blonde's thighs. "Who the hell are you?" He asked as he glared at Olivia.

"Her girlfriend, so why don't you explain why your hands were trying to grope my girl?" Olivia asked as she squared her shoulders and towered over him.

"She didn't saying nothing 'bout a girlfriend," He responded as he looked towards the blonde.

"I don't think she had to considering she kept pushing you away. Come on, sweetie," Olivia said as she held her hand out for the blonde, hoping she wasn't too drunk and would play along. The blonde looked up at her once more before taking Olivia's hand. Olivia pulled her up and against her body, carefully wrapping a possessive arm around her lower back as she glared at the man. "I suggest you leave before I call the cops. No means no you perv," Olivia told the man before leading the blonde towards the exit.

"Thanks," The blonde muttered as she held onto Olivia for support as she wavered slightly.

"Olivia!" Olivia stopped walking and turned around to see Peter walking towards her. "I don't suppose I'm lucky enough to go home with both of you, huh?"

Olivia chuckled at his comment. "I can't speak for her but let's go with no. I had a really nice time with you though so thank you."

"Here," Peter said as he pulled out a business card from his pocket and handed it to Olivia. "On the back is my cell, call me if you want."

"Thanks," Olivia replied before leading the blonde out to her car.

"Whoa, 'm not…" The blonde stutter as she pulled away from getting into the car.

"It's okay," Olivia replied as she leaned the blonde against the car. She opened open the door and grabbed something out of the glove department. "NYPD, I'm a detective and I intend to escort you home since you're drunk," Olivia told the woman as she held out her badge for the blonde to see.

The blonde picked it up and fiddled with it momentarily before placing it back in Olivia's palm. "Mkay," She mumbled before allowing Olivia to help her into the car. Olivia carefully shut the door behind the blonde and walked around to the other side of the car before hopping into the driver's seat.

She glanced over at the blonde whose head was lulling back against the headrest. "Can you tell me your address?" Olivia asked as the blonde's head fell limp to the side. "Hello?" Olivia asked as she nudged the blonde's shoulder. Great, now she had a drunk girl in her car and had no clue where she lived. Olivia eyed up the blonde, looking for a purse which she wasn't carrying which meant she probably stuck her driver's license and phone somewhere on her body which Olivia didn't feel right looking for.

She thought about taking the blonde to the precinct and having her sleep in the crib but decided against it since she had no clue if anyone was still at the precinct and she didn't have a key on her. After debating a bit and trying to get the blonde's attention once more and failing, Olivia decided to go to her apartment. The blonde, who still remained unnamed, could sleep on her bed and she could take the couch.


	2. Chapter 2

Twenty minutes later, she was carrying the passed out blonde into her apartment complex and onto the elevator. She conveniently decided the hold her badge in her hand which was wrapped around the blonde's back so that anyone giving her a second look could see that she was NYPD. Somehow she managed to unlock her door without dropping the sleeping woman. She kicked the door shut behind her and carried the woman into her bedroom, carefully laying her onto the bed.

Olivia looked down at the blonde and pursed her lips. Of course on the one night she was planning on getting wasted and having guiltless sex she'd end up taking the sexiest woman in the bar home and not be able to have sex with her. She reached down and quickly pulled off the blonde's heels, tossing them to the side of the bed. She maneuvered the covers out from under the blonde and slid her into the bed before laying the covers over her.

Once the blonde was settled, Olivia slipped into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. She exited the bathroom a few minutes later and found the blonde fumbling around the room. The blonde peered up when she heard the door open. "Hi," She mumbled as she looked up at Olivia with a smile.

"Hi, are you feeling okay? Do you need anything?" Olivia asked as she kept her distance from the blonde just in case the blonde didn't remember how she ended up in someone else's bed.

"Water?" The blonde asked and Olivia nodded.

"I'll go get you some. Why don't you lay down?" The blonde sat down on the bed and Olivia slipped out of the room and into the kitchen. She appeared back into the room with a glass of water. The woman gratefully took it and drank half of the glass. "Would you like me to drive you home?" Olivia asked curiously as the blonde continued drinking.

"S'okay. Dunno you," The blonde mumbled as she set down the glass and closed her eyes.

"So you're willing to sleep in a stranger's bed for the night but not allow said stranger to drive you home?" Olivia asked with a small grin.

The woman opened up her eyes and her forehead wrinkled in thought. She pursed her lips before looking back up at Olivia. "What's your name?"

"Olivia, Olivia Benson," Olivia replied as she looked at the blonde curiously, wondering why she was asking.

"Mkay, Livia. Mm Alex, now you're no stranger," Alex replied, only slightly slurring her words now.

"Guess not," Olivia replied with a chuckle. Alex looked down at her body and pulled uncomfortable at her dress slightly. "Would you like something else to change into?" Alex looked up at her momentarily before nodding. "Sweatpants and a t-shirt okay?" Again, the blonde nodded. Olivia walked over to her dresser and pulled out some clothes before setting it down next to the blonde. "The bathroom is right there," Olivia said as she pointed over to the bathroom.

Olivia turned back to the blonde when she heard movement and went slack-jawed as the blonde wiggled out of her dress. The skirt of the dress was now over her thighs, revealing black lace panties. She paused and plopped down onto the bed before turning to look at Olivia. "Can ya'help?" Alex asked as she tugged at her dress which she obviously had difficultly pulling over her head.

Olivia swallowed hard as she nodded and walked over to the partially exposed blonde. Alex stood up and steadied herself on Olivia's shoulders. Olivia reached down and began to drag the dress up Alex's body before Alex moved her arms upward so that Olivia could pull it over her head. The blonde immediately lost balance and fell against Olivia, Olivia quickly reached out to steady her before noticing that the blonde was not wearing a bra.

The brunette stared memorized at the blonde's pert breasts, forcing herself to drag her eyes upward to look Alex in the eyes. When she did, she was met with a mischievous glint her in eyes, her bottom lip seductively sucked into her mouth. "See somethin' ya'like?" Alex asked as she grinned. Olivia could only bring herself to nod weakly. The blonde leaned closer to her, so close in fact that Olivia could feel her breath. Olivia blinked a few times, glancing down at the blonde's lips and back to her eyes before leaning in and connecting their lips.

Alex moaned quietly against Olivia's mouth before parting her mouth for Olivia's probing tongue. Somehow, Olivia was so lost in the kiss that she couldn't taste the alcohol in Alex's mouth. Alex leaned backwards, or maybe she swayed backwards, but somehow Olivia ended up on top of her on the bed. Olivia adjusted herself so that she could place a thigh between Alex's legs before pushing up toward Alex's center. The blonde immediately groaned against Olivia's mouth as she pushed her hips off the bed, pushing the brunette's knee more forcefully against her.

Olivia slid one of her hands down the blonde's torso before gently caressing her breast. The blonde moaned again before abruptly stopping her gyration and pulling her lips away from Olivia's. Olivia leaned up a bit and looked down at the blonde curiously as she blinked furiously and looked at her surroundings. "I'm not…" Alex tried to say before pushing lightly against Olivia's chest. Olivia took the hint and quickly climbed off of the blonde, forcing herself to breathe deeply in order to calm her raging libido. "You—I…we can't," Alex mumbled before grabbing the t-shirt that Olivia had given her earlier. She quickly slipped it on before grabbing the sweatpants.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," Olivia finally managed to say as she looked at the blonde with sorrow in her eyes. "I don't know what came over me."

"I should go," Alex said as she put on the sweatpants and grabbed her dress.

"Alex, it's 2 am, it's far too late for you to go out on your own. At least let me give you a ride," Olivia offered.

"No, s'okay," The blonde responded as she got up and swayed slightly.

"Alex please. Just stay here for the night. I promise I'll sleep on the couch and there's a lock on the bedroom door so if you don't trust me you can lock yourself in. I promise I won't try to do anything to you. I'm NYPD, I will respect your decision." The blonde looked up at her for a few seconds, contemplating her words. Finally she nodded. "I'm just going to get changed and then I'll leave, okay? Lock the door if you want. If you need anything you can wake me, I'll be on the couch."

"Thank you," Alex replied shyly as she laid down on the bed and covered her eyes with her arm to block out the light.

After a few moments the lights flickered off. "Good night, Alex," Olivia whispered before gently closing the door. She trudged over to the couch and laid down, reliving the last few minutes in her mind. She certainly had screwed up, trying to take advantage of a drunk woman. Alex may have initiated it but that didn't mean she should have taken it further. She knew better. Drunk people couldn't consent.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Olivia groaned as she rolled off of the couch and peered at the clock. 8 am. She yawned as she walked into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. Curiosity got the best of her and she wandered into the bedroom, walking in since the door was open. The bed was neatly made and there was a piece of paper in the center of it. She walked over and picked it up.

_Olivia,_

_Thank you for taking care of me last night. I don't normally end up so drunk and to be honest I don't know what would've happened if you didn't take me home, so thank you. I'm sorry for any confusion I may have caused last night, you're quite an attractive woman but I date men. I wish I could thank you in person but I have the curse of waking up early when I have a hangover. I hope you don't mind but I found a notepad and pencil on your desk. I also took your clothes with me, I'll find a way to return them eventually. _

_Alex _

Olivia folded up the note and placed it on her bedside table before returning to the kitchen for her coffee. Part of her was curious as to what the blonde meant when she said she dated men. She seemed to be very interested in women last night. Olivia brushed it off and filled up a cup of coffee, thankful that she had two more days to rest before she had to return to work.

She pulled some cereal out and was about to fill up a bowl when her phone went off. "Benson."

"Hey Liv we've got a case," Elliot answered.

"Where?"

"Vic's at Mercy. I'll meet you there."

"I'll be there in 20," Olivia responded before hanging up. She put the cereal away and chugged down the rest of her coffee before going into her bedroom to change. She quickly pulled on slacks and a blouse before attaching her badge and cuffs to her hip. She attached her gun holster and checked her gun before slipping it in the holster.

Fifteen minutes later she was walking up to Elliot in Mercy. "What do we have?" Olivia asked as she stood next to Elliot.

"Rape victim. She was found passed out outside of a bar at 6 am this morning. She was brutally beaten. Doc said she had a high BAC," Elliot explained as they walked to the room. Olivia couldn't help but think of the beautiful blonde from the night before. If she didn't intervene that could've been her. Elliot knocked on the door softly before entering the room. "Ms. Garth, I'm Detective Stabler and this is Detective Benson."

"Please, call me Madeline," The woman said with a weak smile. She had a large bruise covering the majority of her face. One eye was practically swollen shut while the other was a bit swollen. Olivia could see a series of fingerprint bruises running down the woman's arms. But the most striking thing was the woman's appearance. Olivia could tell that she had a rather slim, fit body. She had long blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, much like Alex.

"Can you walk us through what happened last night?" Elliot asked since Olivia was still too engrossed in the woman's appearance.

"I don't remember much to be honest. I think I drank a bit too much. I had just lost my job and I figured I'd drown my sorrows for the night…I shouldn't have…"

"Being drunk is no excuse for what happened to you, Madeline. We prosecute these cases the same whether or not you had alcohol in your system," Olivia explained as she softened up her face. She reminded her so much of Alex…

"Maybe if I hadn't drank so much," The woman continued.

"You can't blame yourself for this," Elliot said as he took the seat next to the woman's bed. "Can you take me through the events? Take as long as you need. Try to remember any details as small as they may be."

"Okay," The woman said as she paused to think. "I went to the club around 9 pm. I immediately started drinking but I can't really remember how much. It was more than I normally drank but I was upset. I remember talking to quite a few guys but none of them really stuck around since I told them I planned on staying at the bar until closing."

"Do you remember the name of the club that you were at?" Elliot asked.

"Uh, Chelsea's was the name of the club. I used to go there all the time with my friends," Madeline said. Olivia's eyes widened at the name.

"You said 9 pm?" Olivia asked immediately. "Do you remember how long you stayed?"

"I don't know for sure but the last time I remember looking at the clock was around 1 am." Olivia ran her hand through her hair and closed her eyes as she exhaled slowly. She was there last night. She should've been able to help this woman but she was focused instead on Alex.

"Liv, you okay?" Elliot asked curiously as he glanced up at her.

"Give me a minute," Olivia said before exiting the room. Elliot continued on with the interview.

Twenty minutes later, Elliot walked out of the room and went to the chair that Olivia was sitting on outside of the room. "What happened in there?" Elliot asked.

"I was there last night, El. Same time. I got there at 10 pm and if I had to guess I'd say I left a little after 1 am."

Elliot's eyes widened. "Do you recognize her?"

"Not in the slightest. I was a bit—distracted. I was talking to someone," She explained before reaching into her pocket where she slipped the business card this morning so she could stash it in her desk. She pulled it out and handed it to Elliot. "He might have seen something."

Elliot took the card and flipped it over, glancing between the card and Olivia. "I take it you two had a good time if he left you his cell number?"

"I didn't leave with him," Olivia practically growled at Elliot. "I left before he did which is why I gave you his card. As far as I know he stayed to scope out another woman after I left."

"Why'd you leave?" Elliot asked curiously.

"What, am I a suspect now?" Olivia snapped back as she rose from her chair and walked away from Elliot.

"Whoa, Liv, chill. I was just wondering if something may have caused you to leave. Maybe something pertaining to the case?" Elliot asked as he chased after her.

"Nothing to do with the case, El. Drop it." Quite frankly, she didn't feel like talking about the fact that she left with a drunk woman that looked exactly like Madeline and took her home.


	4. Chapter 4

Elliot sat down across from Peter in the interrogation room. "Detective Stabler," Elliot said as he held out his hand. The man reached out and shook it.

"Peter Stuart," The man responded. "What can I do for the NYPD?"

"Were you at Chelsea's club last night from 10 pm onward?"

"Uh, yes. Until around 2 am I believe," Peter responded. "Am I a suspect for something?"

"No, I received information that you were at the scene of a crime and was wondering if you may have seen anything," Elliot said as he opened up a folder. "What did you do last night at the club?"

"Uh, drank, chatted up a woman until she left, and then left. Alone, of course," Peter clarified.

"Okay. Do you mind if I show you a picture of a woman and you can tell me if you recognize her from the club?" Peter nodded. Elliot took out an unblemished photo of Madeline and slid it across the table.

"Was she drinking a lot?" Peter asked as he looked at the blonde woman.

"She was. Does she look familiar?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah, she does. Some guy was hitting on her the entire night and she was stumbling around like a new born calf. She looked far too drunk," Peter explained.

"So she left with this man? Would you be able to identify him in a line-up?"

"No, she didn't leave with the man. She left with a woman, actually." Elliot's eyebrows shot up.

"And this woman, where did she take her?"

"Well I saw her leading the blonde to the exit. The blondie was so drunk she was slumped up against the woman as she practically dragged her out."

"And you didn't think to call the cops? A woman dragging a very drunk woman out of a bar?" Elliot asked with a bit of anger.

"I thought she knew her," Peter remarked. "She was a nice lady."

"So you know the woman who took Madeline out of the club?"

"Yeah, I was talking to her all night. She left me for the blonde instead. I gave her my business card before she left though, maybe she'll call me and I can give you her number? I think her name was Olivia."

Elliot's eyebrows flew up at the knowledge. "This woman, Olivia, took her out of the club?" Elliot asked as he pointed to the picture of Madeline.

"Yeah, a little after 1 am," Peter responded. Elliot couldn't believe his ears. What the hell was going on? Maybe that was why Olivia was so freaked out in Madeline's room. Maybe that's why she left. What happened the night before? He thanked Peter and escorted him out before searching for Olivia.

He wandered up into the crib where she was catching a nap. "Liv, we need to talk," Elliot stated as he sat on the bed next to her.

"What about?" Olivia grumbled as she sat up on the bed.

"I talked to the guy who gave you his business card."

"Peter?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, Peter. He told me that he was talking to you all night."

"El, I already told you. I didn't take him home. What does that matter anyway? It doesn't pertain to the case."

"Oh it does, Liv. You may not have left with him but he said you left with someone else." Olivia felt her face turn red. Shit. "He identified you as the woman who escorted Madeline out of the club a little after 1 am."

Wait, what? Olivia's eyes widened as she looked at Elliot. "I didn't take Madeline home! I didn't even see her last night!" Olivia defensively shouted at Elliot. "What the hell are you accusing me of Elliot?"

"I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm just trying to figure out why a guy you chatted up all night was able to identify you as the woman who took our drunk victim out of the club at the appropriate time."

"I didn't take her out of the club! I took someone else out," Olivia said, lowering her voice at the latter part of the sentence.

"Someone else? A woman that looked exactly like Madeline?" Elliot replied a bit sarcastically.

"Yes, her name was Alex. She looked exactly like Madeline which is why I freaked out this morning. She was being hit on by some obnoxious asshole and she was far too drunk to consent to anything so I escorted her out."

"And where exactly did you take her?"

Olivia froze and looked up at him. "I took her home." Elliot looked at her suspiciously. "Okay, I tried taking her back to her own apartment but she fell asleep in the car and I ended up just driving to my apartment. I carried her up and let her sleep in my bed while I took the couch."

"Alex, right? Do you have a last name?" Elliot asked.

"You can't possibly think I'm a suspect," Olivia said in shock.

"We need to cover our bases, Liv. You know that."

"I don't know her last name but she left me a note saying thanks. Will that help? There's also a camera in the elevator where I carried her. Maybe you can see her face on the camera? She looks a lot like Madeline but she's not Madeline."

Elliot ran his hand through his hair and nodded. "Okay I'll check the video feed and once we confirm Peter was wrong we can pursue other leads."

* * *

An hour later, Elliot was sitting at his desk, scrolling through Olivia's apartment's elevator feed. "Stabler, Benson, my office," Cragen called from his door.

"One sec, Cap. I'm just confirming that Liv isn't a suspect," Elliot replied without thinking.

"What?!" Cragen shouted as he marched into the room where Olivia was leaning over the chair behind Elliot.

"Uh, I can explain," Elliot offered up as the watched Olivia enter the elevator carrying a passed out blonde. "Come on, turn your face," Elliot whispered to the camera.

"Oh my god," Came a woman's voice from behind Elliot and Olivia. They both glanced at the woman's face which was in fact, not Madeline's, before turning to see who spoke. Olivia felt her eyes grow wide as she looked into the Alex's eyes.

Cragen turned to Alex. "Well since we're all here, let me make introductions. Detective Elliot Stabler and Detective Olivia Benson, this is Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot. She will be trying SVU's cases from now on."

Elliot looked at Alexandra and turned back to the screen where he had frozen the picture so he could see the blonde's face. He looked at Olivia before looking once more at Alex. Olivia quickly leaned over and pressed escape on the keyboard before Cragen could see the picture and make the connection.

"What were you saying about Olivia being a suspect?" Cragen asked sternly as he looked at Elliot.

"Uh, nothing Cap. Someone gave a description similar to Olivia's and being the thorough detectives that we are, we double checked and confirmed that the person gave an incorrect description," Elliot explained. Cragen eyed him suspiciously before nodding.

"Get back to work," Cragen called as he went back to his office.

Alex glared at Olivia. "What the hell are you doing with that footage?"

"Whoa, it's not what it looks like," Olivia replied defensively.

"Really? It looks like you're showing your partner your 'conquest' from last night," Alex replied with air quotes around conquest.

"What!" Elliot blurted out. "Liv you slept with her?! You told me you just put her to bed!"

"I didn't sleep with her!" Olivia shouted defensively. "I literally just took her home!"

"Then what the hell is she talking about?" Elliot asked as he looked at Alex.

"You weren't telling him some lie?" Alex asked quietly, clearly embarrassed of her assumption.

"No. We had a case this morning where someone was attacked in the same club that I was in last night. A witness identified me as the one leaving with the victim but they confused the victim with you. We had to get the footage to confirm that you weren't the victim," Olivia explained.

"Oh," Alex replied, clearly shocked. "I'm sorry for accusing you then but you must understand why I was concerned."

"Yeah, sure," Olivia replied a bit sarcastically before pushing off of Elliot's desk and returning to her own without another word. How the hell could the blonde think she was the type to brag about sleeping with someone when she didn't? Especially as a SVU detective? She had been a perfect gentleman to Alex—well except for the kiss.

Alex glanced at Olivia who was purposely glaring down at her paperwork. She looked back at Elliot who shrugged. _Way to put your foot in your mouth, Cabot._


	5. Chapter 5

The next three days dragged on since the detectives couldn't find anything substantial on the case. The breakthrough finally came when Olivia interviewed a witness who thought she saw the man that Madeline was with.

"Do you think you could give us a description of him?" Olivia asked as she looked at the woman. She seemed honest enough.

"I didn't really see his face but he was with another woman before I saw him leave with her," The woman said as she pointed to a picture of Madeline.

"Do you think you could describe that woman?"

"Yeah, she looked just like Madeline. I'm sorry if this question sounds odd but were you at the club that night?" The lady asked Olivia.

"Uh, yes," Olivia answered, curious as to where this was going.

"I thought I recognized you! The other blonde woman that the man was with was the one that you left with. You did leave with another drunk blonde, didn't you?"

Olivia looked at the woman in shock. "Are you positive?" She pulled out her phone and showed the woman a picture of Alex from a background check. "The man that you saw take Madeline was with her before I intervened?"

"Yes, I'm positive." Olivia looked down at the picture on her phone as her vision started to blur at the corners. No, this couldn't be true, could it? She stared at the picture until her eyes were almost completely dark, only seeing a halo of blonde hair through a pinhole. "Detective Benson?" Olivia glanced up at the woman before jumping out of her seat and rushing out of the room.

Elliot jerked his head up at his desk when he heard the door burst open. He watched Olivia slide across the floor before kneeling down in front of a trashcan to throw up. Elliot jumped out of his seat and was behind Olivia in a second. "You okay, Liv?"

Olivia could merely nod as she lost her breakfast. After her stomach was empty, she took the napkin Elliot offered her and wiped her mouth. "Sorry," She muttered as she headed to the women's restroom.

"You going to tell me what the hell that was about?" Elliot asked as he held the door open for her and checked to make sure no other women were in the restroom before entering.

"Our witness couldn't identify the man that she saw leave with Madeline but I know who he is, or at least what he looks like."

"How?"

"Our witness swears that it's the same guy that was preying on our ADA before I intervened," Olivia explained as she splashed water on her face. Elliot understood without even asking. "It could've been her. I should've arrested him. I could've stopped this."

"Liv, this isn't your fault. And you're right, it could've been ADA Cabot but you saved her from being the rape victim. No one else intervened, but you did. You can't blame yourself for not doing more. For all we know, he could've killed Cabot. At least Madeline is alive and she'll recover with therapy."

Olivia let the cold water run over her hands for a few seconds before looking up at Elliot. "Don't tell her."

"Who?"

"Alex. Don't tell her that it was the same guy." Elliot didn't have to ask. Olivia made that call for two reasons: Olivia didn't want Alex to fear that she could've been a rape victim and she didn't want her to feel indebt to Olivia for saving her life.

"Okay."

* * *

"We need a warrant, Cap," Elliot stated as he stood in Cragen's office.

"Talk to Cabot, not me. She's the new ADA, that's her job."

Elliot glanced at Olivia who was holding the information on Dylan Whiteman, the man that Olivia identified as Madeline's rapist which was confirmed by their witness. "Is there any way we can go around Cabot for this one?"

Cragen looked at them suspiciously. "She's the new ADA, include her on this. That's an order, not a request."

Olivia nodded before turning to Elliot as they left the office. "Maybe she won't recognize him," Elliot offered up.

"She will when she tries the case, or at least he will," Olivia countered.

"Isn't that a conflict of interest? She'd be removed from the case anyway so why can't we just skip all the trouble and get a warrant from another ADA?"

"You heard Cap," Olivia replied. They grabbed their gear and headed over to Alex's office.

"Come in," Alex called out. Olivia and Elliot entered her office. "What can I do for you, detectives?"

"We need a warrant," Elliot said as he walked up to the desk.

"Okay…care to be more specific or am I supposed to guess?" Alex replied sarcastically.

"Dylan Whiteman, he's the suspect in the rape case from earlier this week. We need a warrant for his car and apartment," Elliot explained.

"That's a tall order, Detective Stabler. What evidence do you have?"

"A witness sort of identified him and…another witness," Elliot said as he glanced over at Olivia, "was able to pick him out from photos."

"So this witness saw him leave with Madeline?"

"Well, not exactly. But we know it's him."

"And how exactly do you know that?" Alex asked with a raised eyebrow. She was making this rather difficult.

"It's complicated but how about you just trust us and get us that warrant?" Elliot asked, half begging.

"I can't go to a judge and beg for a warrant without evidence, Detective. I'm not going to jeopardize my career just because you can't spit the truth out and tell me what evidence you really have."

Elliot glanced at Olivia once more who nodded. "Fine. A witness couldn't give a good facial description of Dylan but she recognized Olivia from the club and told Olivia that she came into contact with Dylan. Olivia was able to identify Dylan from the entrance footage at the club."

Alex glanced up at Olivia who remained silent. "That's hardly enough evidence. Did anyone actually see him leave with Madeline? Better yet, did anyone see him do anything to her? I can't possibly rely on Detective Benson thinking she knew who it was especially since she didn't see him leave with Madeline."

"Alex, please," Olivia finally said as she looked up at the blonde. "Get us that warrant and I'll prove that it was him. We know he brought a bag with him in the club. We believe it had the knife that he used to cut Madeline. We'll find the bag in the trunk of his car."

Alex looked up at her and pursed her lips. She picked up her phone and dialed a number. "Judge Harriman please…This is Alex Cabot in the DA's office." Elliot and Olivia looked at her curiously. "Uncle Bill! Good…Look, I need a little favor." Olivia and Elliot looked at each other in shock. Who exactly was their new ADA?


	6. Chapter 6

"Got it," Olivia shouted as she pulled the black bag out of the back of Dylan's car. Elliot walked over and carefully opened it up as he glanced inside. He rummaged around, noting the various papers and sweaty clothes before finding the folding blade.

"We've got a winner," Elliot replied as he pulled out the knife and showed it to Olivia. "Let's get this down to our techs. Hopefully we can get Madeline's DNA on this or match it to the cuts."

Fifteen minutes later Elliot and Olivia sat down at their desks in satisfaction. "I hope you have a reason for the smug looks on your faces," Alex quipped as she walked into the precinct.

"The knife was in the trunk of his car, just like I told you," Olivia cockily replied.

Alex raised an eyebrow at her attitude. "Good job, you made an educated guess counting on the fact that our rapist was an idiot. Don't think that'll make it any easier for you to get a warrant based on your 'gut' instinct," Alex replied before she headed to Cragen's office.

"She really hates me, doesn't she?" Olivia asked Elliot after she saw Alex close the door.

"She'll come around. I did," Elliot replied with a grin.

"Yeah, I don't know about that. Hopefully she'll be able to nail this bastard and she'll get off my ass. I feel like she has a vendetta against me or something."

"Well you did carry her drunk and passed out to your apartment at 1 am and then proceeded to show it to me. Probably not the best reputation for her to go around on the first day."

"It's not my fault that she drank so much she was stumbling around! I was just trying to be nice and save her from that asshole," Olivia muttered before shutting up when she heard heels clicking behind her.

She glanced over at Elliot whose eyes grew wide as Olivia heard the clicking stop, right behind her. She nearly jumped out of her seat as the smell of vanilla filled her senses and warm breath hit her ear and slid down her neck, causing her to shiver. "I suggest you attempt to get off of my bad side, Detective, not dig yourself a deeper hole," Alex whispered in her ear so that only she could hear it before leaning upright again and heading toward the elevator.

Olivia didn't like being threatened. She watched the ADA's ass sway as she walked away. "Or what? Gonna call daddy?" Olivia mocked, just loud enough for Alex to hear. She could see Alex's figure falter from her smooth path slightly before returning to her normal walking pace and leaving the precinct without another word.

"Geez, Liv. Are you trying to get yourself killed? Don't you remember the phone call from yesterday? Uncle Bill?"

"Yeah, yeah, doesn't mean she owns us, El."

* * *

"How the hell did you lose the motion to suppress the knife from evidence?!" Olivia yelled at Alex as she barreled into the ADA's office.

"Excuse me!" Alex exclaimed as she pulled her open blouse shut and glared at her intruder. "Could you at least have the common decency to knock?"

"I'm sorry, our last ADA didn't walk around without a shirt on," Olivia sarcastically replied.

"Some intern spilled coffee on me," Alex muttered as she buttoned up her shirt, accidentally allowing the top part of the blouse to part so that her white lace bra was revealed. Olivia couldn't help but stare at the smooth pale skin and the tops of her gorgeous breasts that were poking out of her bra. She shook her head to clear the thousands of dirty thoughts racing through her mind.

"You probably deserved it," Olivia replied and Alex's head shot up as her fingers stilled, glaring at Olivia in shock. "How incompetent do you have to be to get the main piece of evidence in this case suppressed? What, couldn't call in a favor from Uncle Bill again?" Olivia mocked.

"Detective Benson, you have no right to barge into my office and accuse me of being incompetent. The folding knife was suppressed from evidence because it had no DNA from Madeline on it!" Alex argued back in anger.

"It matched the cuts all over her body!"

"Those cuts could've been caused by half of the knives in New York, Detective. The knife was nothing special. I needed DNA, you failed to get me that. You gave me a flimsy identification anyway and you still haven't explained how you knew it was Dylan."

Olivia ran her hand through her hair in frustration before practically growling at Alex. "Good job, Alex. You just lost your first case and let a fucking rapist go free," Olivia spat out before slamming Alex's door and leaving the office. The case would most likely be over. They couldn't rely simply on her identification of Dylan and all of the supplies in his gym bag were clean of any DNA from Madeline. They were grasping at straws with the knife to begin with but she was still pissed at Alex.

She thought back to the bail hearing when Alex had faced off the defendant without a second glance. It was obvious that Alex didn't recognize the man from a week prior. But one thing was clear; he recognized her. Olivia saw it in his eyes. The way his disgusting grin grew when he laid eyes on Alex. The way his eyes wandered up and down her body, spending extra time to look at her chest. The way he smiled at her as he was escorted by the bailiff. Olivia shivered at the thought. The worst part, he was now a free man because she couldn't make the evidence stick. He was a free man who could go after Alex.

She didn't know why she cared so much about protecting their new ADA. She couldn't explain it even if she wanted to. NYPD always had an unspoken agreement that you look out for your own but the ADA wasn't one of them. Quite frankly she was a pain in their asses but that didn't stop Olivia from wanting to protect her. She thought back to the night that she had taken Alex home. Their kiss. Maybe that's why she wanted to protect the blonde. She couldn't get that damn kiss out of her mind. Touching Alex's body, Alex's hips grinding against her thigh, the delirious sounds coming out of Alex's mouth as she rose higher and higher, almost achieving ecstasy but never quite reaching it. And then her pulling away and claiming she was straight. Olivia scoffed at the thought. No straight woman kissed and grinded on another woman like that.


	7. Chapter 7

Alex locked up her office door and headed toward her car. She peered across the parking lot where only two other cars were left. She squinted slightly at the black mustang which seemed to have a person in it. She didn't recognize the car from earlier but brushed it off as a coincidence. She entered her Audi and started up the engine. She pulled out of her spot and headed towards the exit, glancing in the rearview mirror as the headlights for the mustang lit up. She exited the lot and onto the main road. She could see the headlights turn behind her and follow her down the street.

Alex continued to glance behind her as the car followed her. She purposely drove around a block to confirm that the car was in fact following her before she pulled up to her apartment and tossed her keys to the apartment complex valet. She watched as the mustang continued to pass the apartment and pull over in a free spot along the side of the road. She turned towards her apartment and hurried in, nodding at the doorman and the security officer at the front desk. She was safe here.

A few minutes later, she entered her apartment and locked the door behind her. She walked over to her window which had a view of the street where the mustang had pulled over. She glanced down and saw the mustang still on the side of the road. She continued to look at the car for a few more minutes before she saw a dark figure walk over to the driver's side and get in the car. The figure looked oddly familiar…

Fifteen minutes later, Alex walked back over to the window and glanced down at the mustang which had yet to move. She narrowed her eyes, hoping to get a better view of the figure. Without thinking, she snatched her phone out of her pocket and dialed a familiar number.

"Benson," Came the curt reply.

"Are you going to stalk me and sit out there all night?" Alex asked as she stood at her window.

"What?"

"Look up," Alex ordered. She watched as the dark figure peered up at the window and the hood fell down, revealing Olivia's face.

"How…"

"For a detective you made it rather obvious that you were following me. First of all, no one drives a mustang at the DA's office. Secondly, you really suck at blending in especially when you follow me around a block twice."

Olivia was silent for a bit. "Can I come up?"

"Why? So you can chew me out some more for something that I had no control over?"

"Look, Alex, I'm sorry but this case is destroying me—"

"And you don't think it's destroying me? It's my first case and I already screwed up," Alex replied.

"A case. Is that all this is to you? Just a case? To me it's a woman who was brutally beaten and raped. That woman could've been y—" Olivia froze midsentence. "It could've been anyone Alex. And for all we know, he'll go after someone else since now he knows he got away with rape."

"And somehow stalking me helps the case?" Alex questioned sarcastically.

_In a way yes._ "No, I just wanted to apologize. Please can I come up?"

"Fine, 8th floor. I'll leave the door unlocked."

"No, don't," Olivia quickly replied. "I mean it's not safe to leave your door unlocked. I'll knock. Don't answer until then."

"Fine," Alex replied before hanging up. She quickly phoned the front desk and told the security guard to allow Olivia up to her room.

A few minutes later she heard a knock on her door. "Detective Benson," Alex replied as she opened up the door and motioned her arms for Olivia to come in. Olivia nodded and walked into the rather roomy and large apartment. Everything was in pristine condition with little to no personal sentiments filling the apartment. She imagined the hardwood flooring in this apartment alone cost more than three months' salary for the detective. She almost didn't want to step into the room and dirty the pristine living space.

"Are you going to just stand there?" Alex asked as she walked over to her couch and sat down in the corner. She glanced up at Olivia before picking up her notepad which was on the small side table and pulled the pencil that was resting from behind her ear. She jotted down a few things before looking back up at Olivia who finally moved and sat down at the other end of the couch. "Are you going to tell me why you were stalking me?"

Olivia looked at her and grinned. "Nope."

"Is this where I find out that you're a psychopath and you're going torture me in my own apartment?" Alex asked, clearly teasing the detective.

"Yup," Olivia replied. Alex looked up from her notepad to give the detective her best glare. Olivia reached to her side and held out a pair of handcuffs. "Want to do this the easy way or the hard way?" Alex's eyes widened as she looked at the handcuffs. Her body tensed up slightly and Olivia chuckled. "Wow, you certainly are paranoid." Olivia set the handcuffs down on the table and turned back to Alex who was still looking at the cuffs. "What, do you have some kind of handcuff fetish?"

Alex's eyes shot back up to hers. "Excuse me?"

"You couldn't take your eyes off of them from the moment I pulled them out. You into being handcuffed? A little bondage? I don't judge," Olivia teased as Alex turned a brilliant shade of red.

She shook her head repeatedly. "No, I'm not into…that," Alex replied as she glanced back at the handcuffs. "I just didn't realize you still had them on you." She looked down at Olivia's waist and leaned forward slightly. "Are you wearing your gun?"

"Please don't tell me you're a badge bunny," Olivia quipped.

"A what?" Alex asked as she leaned back and looked at Olivia curiously.

"Oh come on, a badge bunny?" Alex furrowed her eyebrows. "You can't possibly expect me to believe that you don't know what a badge bunny is." Alex shrugged in response. "You're killing me, Cabot! A badge bunny is someone who has a thing for people with badges. Like let's say cops and detectives…"

Alex reddened slightly again. "Oh I don't…I mean I like cops, not like that of course, but I don't…"

"Someone's a little tongue tied," Olivia teased the blonde.

"Why are you here?"

"Trying to switch topics?" Olivia asked.

"No, just trying to get some answers. Why exactly are you here, Detective?"

"Maybe I enjoy your company and want to get to know you a little better," Olivia lamely offered up.

"We fight like two rabid dogs," Alex deadpanned.

"Interesting imagery there. Why'd you let me in?"

"Because you asked me if you could come up," Alex replied.

"You could've said no."

"Well, I—uh, I don't know. I figured you had a reason for stalking me and I thought you'd tell me if I let you come up."

"Nope."

"So you're just going to sit on my couch all night?" Alex asked as she finally removed the notepad from her lap and put it back on the side table.

"No, actually I planned on sleeping here a little bit later," Olivia replied with a grin.

"Uh, no. You are not sleeping on my couch. Don't you have your own apartment? Someone to go home to or something?"

"Nope and I'm really tired. I'd probably fall asleep at the wheel if I tried driving home right now so I think it's your duty to make sure that your officers are well-rested and safe."

Alex glanced at her before getting up off of the couch and leaving the room. Olivia straightened up, afraid she had offended the blonde. A few seconds later, the ADA emerged with a blanket and a pillow. She tossed it down on the couch next to Olivia. "What, not going to offer to let me share the bed with you?"

Alex pinned her with a look that Olivia thought could kill. "Don't even think about crawling into bed with me. I have pepper spray." Olivia chuckled at Alex's empty threat.

She raised her hands in submission before unfolding the blanket and laying down on the pillow. Alex looked at the detective once more before heading to her bedroom. "Good night, Alex," Olivia called from the couch.

"Good night," Alex muttered in confusion. She closed her bedroom door and quickly stripped out of her clothes before walking over to her dresser to put on her sleeping clothes. She paused as she picked up the t-shirt that she had been wearing to bed recently. She held it out in front of her and couldn't help the small smile that appeared on her lips as she looked at the large print across the torso of the shirt. NYPD. She slipped it on without thinking twice and grabbed a pair of shorts instead of the sweatpants that Olivia had given her from their night together. She flicked off the light and crawled into bed, her mind running 100 mph, wondering why Olivia was sleeping on her couch. Maybe she'd get some answer tomorrow.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning, Alex rolled over in her bed and ran her hand along her smooth sheets. She inhaled deeply and settled her head back into her pillow, ready to fall back asleep when she heard a creak. She halted her breathing and listened without hearing anything else. She popped open an eye and glanced around the room the best that she could before pushing herself off the mattress and turning toward her door. "Oh my gosh!" Alex exclaimed as she eyed Olivia who was standing at the foot of her bed, looking down at the blonde.

"Morning," Olivia replied as she smiled down at her.

"What are you doing in my bedroom?" Alex asked as she leaned up slightly so that she could look at the brunette.

"Well I just got out of your bed," Olivia replied casually as she walked over to Alex and sat down at the foot of the bed.

"You what?!" Alex exclaimed as grew wide eyed and glanced around her bed to see if there was any indication of Olivia being in her bed.

"You didn't pepper spray me," Olivia remarked with a light chuckle.

"What did you do…?" Alex asked warily as she eyed the brunette.

"Don't you remember our conversation last night? I'm a psychopath who's going to torture you?" Alex raised an eyebrow as she looked for Olivia's handcuffs. "Oh relax, Alex. I'm kidding, I didn't sleep in your bed. I just came in from the living room and…are you wearing my shirt?"

Alex looked down at her chest and smiled. "Why yes, I am Detective," Alex replied as she flashed Olivia a grin. "It's rather comfortable and I figured it was appropriate since I now work with the NYPD."

"So am I not getting that shirt back?" Olivia teased lightly as she rose from Alex's bed and offered the blonde a hand. Alex took it and allowed Olivia to pull her out of the bed.

"It's kind of comfortable. You can have the sweatpants back if you really want. I have to roll them around my waist to make them fit and then it makes more of my stomach show."

"I don't see the problem," Olivia replied with a mischievous grin.

Alex gently pushed her shoulder as she walked past her, heading toward her closet. She grabbed out some clothes before passing Olivia. "I'm going to shower. There's some coffee in the third cabinet from the right if you feel like being useful," Alex stated with a wink before slipping into the bathroom.

Olivia shook her head slightly before leaving the bedroom once she heard the shower turn on. She wandered into the kitchen and opened up the cabinet that Alex had pointed out. She pushed around a few containers before finding what she needed. She started a pot of coffee and rummaged through Alex's fridge in hopes to find something to make Alex for breakfast. She wasn't surprised to see rather healthy food choices in the blonde's fridge including lots of fresh vegetables.

Fifteen minutes later, Alex walked into the kitchen in a sweatshirt and a pair of running tights. "You cooked," Alex stated as she peered around the kitchen.

"Yeah, I hope you don't mind," Olivia replied as she handed Alex a cup of coffee. "I wasn't exactly sure what you normally ate for breakfast so I just stuck with eggs." She handed Alex a plate and she looked slightly surprised.

"This looks more like an omelet than eggs, Detective," Alex stated as she cut open the omelet and smiled at the plethora of fresh vegetables on the inside.

"Yeah, well you had a lot of veggies so I chopped some up and tossed them in. Hopefully it tastes okay; I'm not the best chef."

"Mm," Alex moaned lightly as she took a bite of the omelet. "It's delicious, thank you for cooking and thank you for the coffee."

"Thank you for letting me stay the night," Olivia replied as she took a bite of her own omelet.

"Yeah, about that. Why did you stay the night?" Alex asked as she gestured for Olivia to take a seat next to her at the bar.

"I told you, I was tired," Olivia stated with a smirk.

"You're a bad liar, Detective. You stalked me and then insisted on sleeping over. Why? Are you that curious about me?"

"Maybe. Maybe I just want to get into your pants," Olivia offhandedly said and watched as Alex choked on her coffee and immediately set the cup down on the table. She pressed a hand against her chest and patted it slightly as she held her mouth shut, trying her best not to spew coffee everywhere. "Relax, Alex, I'm just screwing with you."

After a few more seconds, Alex finally managed to calm herself. She waved a hand in front of her face to cool down her now red cheeks. "I know, that just caught me off guard. This certainly feels, well, rather domestic," Alex replied as she waved her hand around noncommittally, gesturing to the kitchen and Olivia.

"I promise I won't pull out a ring and get down on one knee," Olivia teased as she gently nudged the blonde with her elbow.

"You did a pretty good job at avoiding the subject, Olivia."

"I did no such thing!" Olivia replied as she pretended to be shocked from the accusation.

"Tell me why you're here."

"It's nothing Alex. It's just something I felt like I needed to do."

"You needed to stalk me and sleep on my couch? Really Olivia? That's your excuse?" Alex asked as she picked up the empty plates and brought them to the sink.

"It's complicated, okay? I'll explain it someday and we can have a good laugh about it," Olivia stated as she walked over to Alex to help her wash the dishes.

"I've got it," Alex replied as she avoided Olivia's help. "Why don't you go shower? There's a spare towel on the rack and you can use my stuff."

"It's okay. I should probably go home anyway," Olivia replied as she watched the blonde scrub furiously at the dishes.

"No, just shower and then we're going to talk."

"Alex, it's okay—"

"It wasn't a suggestion," Alex bluntly said as she washed off one of the dishes and set it down to dry. "Go. You can steal your clothes back if you want although I wore the shirt to bed as you noticed."

"I can wear the clothes that I'm still in," Olivia replied as she left the kitchen and headed toward Alex's bedroom. She quickly shed her clothes and slipped into the shower. The hot water was definitely needed. She felt like she hadn't showered in days despite showering the morning prior. After a few minutes, she washed out Alex's fancy shampoo that smelled like strawberries and vanilla. She pulled her head out from under the water when she heard a small crash.

"OLIVIA!" Olivia pushed open the glass door and grabbed a towel, haphazardly throwing it around her body before running out of the bathroom and slipping slightly across the hardwood floor. Shit. She left her gun and phone in the living room. She glanced around Alex's bedroom, looking for anything to defend herself with before giving up that thought process when she heard Alex scream again. "Help!" She heard another crash that sounded like it was coming from the living room.

Without hesitation, Olivia barreled through the bedroom door and into the living room. She stopped abruptly when she saw Alex, kneeling on the floor. A man with a ski mask on was clinging onto the blonde's hair with one hand, while the other held a gun firmly against Alex's temple. Alex's head was pulled back and she was clearly in pain; both of her hands were clinging at the wrist that was wrapped around her locks.

"Let her go Dylan," Olivia said calmly as she held out hands to show that she wasn't going to harm him. The masked figure shook his head without speaking. "I know it's you. I saw the way you were looking at her in the courtroom. Let go of her and you can walk out of here like nothing happened, okay?"

"You're in no position to talk," The masked figure responded as he held the gun out to point it at Olivia.

"Oh really? I already called 911, they're on their way as we speak, Dylan. They don't waste time if they know a cop is in danger. They know it's you. You can try to kill me and take her but you won't have enough time before they get here. Think, Dylan. Your only option is to let her go and leave now."

"No…no, you're lying!" Dylan exclaimed as he pressed the gun back to Alex's temple, causing her to yelp out in pain as tears spilled down her cheeks.

"I'm not lying, Dylan. They're probably a minute out. Make your choice before it's too late. You either leave a free man or we end up in a hostage situation and they won't think twice about using a sniper on you," Olivia told him as she took a step towards Alex.

"Stop moving! Don't move!" Dylan yelled as he trained the gun back on Olivia.

"Just let her go Dylan. You have thirty seconds before they're here. Just let her go and leave. Take the stairwell exit and pull the fire alarm. So many people will be leaving the building that they will never be able to find you." Dylan seemed to contemplate it for a few seconds. "You can get out of here a free man, Dylan. Let Alex go." He nodded shakily before pulling on Alex's hair, yanking her to her feet. "Dylan…let her go. You can't take her with you!"

"Yes I can! If they're out there she's going to be my barrier!" Dylan yelled as he pulled the blonde against his chest and took a step towards the door.

"Don't do this Dylan, they're probably not here yet but if you try to take her with you they will be! It'll become a manhunt and they won't stop until they get you. Let her go and run."

Dylan shook his head as he glanced around the room and shifted the gun down to Alex's chest and then back up to her head. In a split second, he pushed Alex's forward, causing her to tumble onto the floor as he ran out of the apartment. Olivia lunged forward and pulled Alex into her arms before pushing her back against the front door and locking it. Alex was sobbing rather hysterically now. Her entire face was soaked as hot tears streamed down her cheeks. "It's okay, Alex. You're okay," Olivia assured her as she helped Alex over to the couch and set her down. She quickly picked up her phone and called 911. She told the cops everything they needed to know before they sent out a unit to look for Dylan and an ambulance to check on Alex.

Olivia set down her phone and looked at the blonde who was clinging to her for dear life. "You're safe, Alex. He can't hurt you," Olivia whispered as she gently ran a hand through the blonde's matted hair and used her other hand to rub soothing circles into her back. She felt slightly awkward considering that she was still wet and in a bath towel from her shower but she wasn't about to ask Alex to let go of her. She could tell that they blonde was rattled and she couldn't blame her.

"Dylan…Dylan Whiteman, how'd you know?" Alex finally asked as she looked up at Olivia. Her eyes were swollen and puffy from crying.

"He was looking at you in the court room," Olivia whispered as she ran her fingers gently through Alex's hair.

"Why me?" Alex whispered, the tears still glistening in her eyes.

"He wanted you to begin with." Alex pulled back in confusion. It took a few seconds before the blonde's face contorted as she looked up at Olivia in shock.

"He looked familiar…he…the guy at the bar?" Alex finally asked as her voice cracked slightly. Olivia could only nod. "Oh god," Alex whimpered as she buried her face back against Olivia's body and allowed her body to wrack from sobs against the brunette.

"It's okay, you're okay Lex," Olivia whispered as she rocked the blonde the best that she could with their awkward position. "I won't let him hurt you. That's why I'm here sweetie." And suddenly it all made sense to Alex.


	9. Chapter 9

"Make yourself at home," Olivia said as she placed Alex's bag on her bed and wandered over to her closet to make room for Alex.

"You don't have to do this, you know," Alex replied as she peered around the room uncomfortably. They had spent the majority of the day talking to the police and giving their statements before Alex was checked by an EMT. After that Alex went to the precinct with Olivia to try to track down Dylan with no success. They finally decided to head home and Olivia insisted that Alex stay at her apartment until they found Dylan.

"I already made up my mind. We don't exactly have the man power to hire uniforms to stand outside your apartment so I figured this was the next safest bet. That way I'm always around you and we can go to work together."

"It sounds more like babysitting," Alex scoffed as she walked over to her bag and opened it. She pulled out her suits, hoping that they weren't already wrinkled. She quickly hung them up where Olivia left space for her and tossed the rest of the clothes into a spare drawer Olivia had given to her.

She tensed up slightly when she felt two hands cover her shoulders. She relaxed when they gave her a gentle squeeze. "Relax, Alex. It's going to be fine. We got his prints from when he pulled the fire alarm and we both can voice ID him. As soon as they find him, he's going to jail for breaking and entering and a few more charges." Olivia gently kneaded Alex's shoulders which caused the blonde to tip her head back involuntarily.

"Thank you," Alex replied before pulling her head back upright and turning to face Olivia. "I mean it. I'll sleep on the couch and stay out of your way."

"No, you're definitely not sleeping on the couch. I don't want you anywhere near the door," Olivia replied before realizing that the statement would probably scare Alex. "I mean just in case. I'll take the couch and that way I'm a buffer."

"You know I think I'd be even safer if you were right next to me," Alex replied casually as she looked at Olivia. The detective raised an eyebrow at Alex's suggestion. "I mean he could climb up the fire escape and come through the window. You'd be no use if you were in the living room," Alex finished with a small grin.

"Only if you promise not to pepper spray me," Olivia teased as she wandered into the bathroom and pulled out a spare towel and toothbrush for Alex.

"Deal."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, both of them were getting ready for bed. Alex was already wearing Olivia's NYPD shirt and sweatpants since it provided her some sense of comfort that her regular clothes didn't. She slipped under Olivia's sheets and couldn't help but smile slightly; the bed smelled just like Olivia and for some reason it made her feel as if she was cocooned in safety.

"Someone looks comfortable," Olivia replied with a chuckle as she looked at the blonde curled up in her bed, wearing her clothes.

"Mm, yes I am. Now turn off the light and come join me," Alex replied as she pulled the covers from the other side of the bed up for Olivia. Olivia locked her bedroom door and checked the window before flicking off the lights and crawling into her bed. Alex allowed the covers to drop back down over Olivia as she curled up on her side of the bed.

"You can spread out, you know," Olivia stated as she turned onto her side so that she could look at Alex who seemed as if she was trying to stay strictly on her half of the bed. "I promise I won't bite."

"I know," Alex replied quietly as she smiled up at Olivia. "Thank you for making me feel somewhat safe."

"Somewhat safe?" Olivia asked as she looked down at the blonde curiously.

"I mean you make me feel safe but I'm still a little shaken up over what happened. I know it probably sounds ridiculous…"

"No, of course it doesn't Alex. You were attacked in your own apartment. It's going to take a while for you to feel safe again but you'll get there. Just give it time."

"I know. Thanks," Alex replied quietly.

"What's wrong?" Alex glanced up at Olivia's words. She felt like the brunette could read her mind despite her best attempts to keep Olivia from seeing her scared.

"I don't know… I just want to feel comfortable and safe again. I don't want to—"

"Come here," Olivia interrupted as she held up the sheets for Alex. The blonde looked at her in confusion before a small smile graced her lips. Olivia definitely could read her mind. She slid across the mattress so that she was next to Olivia and burrowed her head against the detective's chest. Olivia's strong arms draped around her thin frame and held her tightly against her chest. "I won't let anything happen to you, Lex," Olivia whispered to Alex before pressing her lips against the top of Alex's head and giving her a quick kiss. "I promise."


	10. Chapter 10

The following morning, Alex woke up to an empty bed with light streaming all around her through the windows. She leaned up slightly and rubbed her swollen eyes before slipping out of Olivia's bed. The night before had been hard for both of them; for Alex it was filled with nightmares and a lot of thrashing around in her sleep. For Olivia, it involved trying to calm down the blonde in any way she could. At roughly four am, they had both given up on sleep and ended up talking to each other for hours. Olivia had finally convinced Alex to try to sleep again at six am.

Alex glanced at the clock as she dropped her feet onto the cold hardwood floor, instantly curling her toes in response to the coldness. 10:23 am. She certainly hadn't expected to sleep so long but was relieved that she managed to sleep at all. She freshened up in the bathroom a bit before heading toward the kitchen.

"Morning," Olivia called from the kitchen as she turned around with a cup of coffee in hand.

"Good morning," Alex replied with a smile as she walked over to where Olivia was standing. The detective grabbed a cup out of the cupboard and filled it up with coffee before handing it over to the blonde. "Thank you." Alex curled her hands around the warm mug and sipped gingerly at the hot liquid.

"How'd you sleep?"

Alex paused mid-sip and lowered the cup slightly. "I think you know the answer to that. Thank you for staying up with me, you really didn't have to."

"Nonsense. I'm always going to be here for you, Alex. Are you hungry? Can I make you something to eat?" Olivia asked as she set down her cup and walked over to the fridge. "What do you normally eat?"

"I usually just eat toast for breakfast," Alex replied as she took another generous sip of her coffee. Olivia turned around from her position in front of the fridge and shook her head at the blonde. "What?"

"Toast, really, Cabot? You need something a little more filling. How about eggs and maybe some meat." Olivia paused slightly as her eyebrows furrowed. "Do you even eat meat?"

Alex chuckled lightly. "Yes, I do, Detective. I happen to be rather fond of bacon and eggs sound delightful."

"Bacon, huh? Perfect," Olivia replied as she pulled some eggs and a package of bacon from her fridge. "I'll even make you toast," Olivia teased as she set out the ingredients on the counter.

"You're spoiling me," Alex replied as she leaned up against the countertop and watched Olivia work her way seamlessly around the kitchen. "I may never want to leave."

Olivia continued whisking the eggs as she turned back to the blonde. "Good, I plan on keeping you around for a while." She quickly winked before turning back to the eggs and pouring them into the heated pan. Alex could feel the blush rising on her cheeks as she walked over to Olivia's table and set her cup down, suddenly feeling rather hot.

Once Olivia was done cooking, they both sat down at the table and ate in relative silence. Neither woman was really sure what to say. Alex glanced up and caught Olivia's eyes before looking back down at her food. Before she could speak, a ringing flooded the silent room. Olivia jerked up slightly and pulled her phone out of her pocket. "Benson."

"Hey, Liv," Elliot replied from the other end of the line.

"What's up, El?"

"Dylan Whiteman is in the wind. There have been no recent transactions on any credit cards or anything. The last purchase was from a hardware store a day prior to his attempted kidnapping of Cabot."

"Do you know what he purchased? Maybe that can help us track him down," Olivia replied as she stood up from the kitchen table and wandered into the living room. She wasn't sure how much of this Alex should be hearing or even wanted to hear.

"The store gave us a copy of his receipt. He bought some ropes, a blow torch, a couple things of duct tape, a tarp, a couple of knives, and a few bottles of bleach."

Olivia sighed as she ran a hand through her hair. "And I'm assuming those weren't for a home improvement project?" Olivia scoffed sarcastically. "Damn it. What are we going to do? We can't exactly hire around the clock protection for Cabot."

"We'll keep chasing down leads, Liv. We're going to find him but in the meantime Cragen told me that Donnelly wants Cabot to take some time off for recouping. Apparently Donnelly has already brought an ADA from white collar in. She wants Cabot to come down and brief her on her current cases."

"Okay, I'll let her know. I'll bring her in with me in a bit. Thanks for the update, El."

"No problem. Keep her safe for us, okay?"

"Will do." Olivia hung up her phone and wandered back into the kitchen where she found Alex washing the last of the dishes from breakfast. "Are you okay with swinging by the precinct and your office for a bit?"

Alex set the last dish down to dry and turned to face Olivia. "Has there been any progress on catching Whiteman?"

"No, unfortunately not. Look, Alex, don't get upset but Donnelly is forcing you to take a little time off."

"Why?" Alex instantly snapped as she gripped onto the counter. Olivia glanced down as her knuckles turned white from her hold. "I'm perfectly capable of working. It's not like I was assaulted."

"Alex, it has nothing to do with your ability to work. Donnelly just wants to make sure that you have time to process what happened. She already called someone in from white collar to fill in for you in the meantime. She requested that you fill in the new ADA before taking some time off."

Alex sighed as she released her grip from the countertop and walked out of the room. "I'll be ready in half an hour."


	11. Chapter 11

Olivia drove them both to Alex's office and escorted her to Donnelly's office. Donnelly peered up from her desk when the two entered her office. "Don't bother arguing, Alexandra," Donnelly immediately stated as she looked back down to her paperwork and scribbled something down.

"Liz, I don't—"

"Alexandra!" Donnelly snapped which immediately shut the ADA up. "You will respect my decision." She set her pen down and stood up from her desk. "Now, the new ADA is waiting to meet you. You will brief her on your current cases and she is going to take over for you until you come back."

"How much time do you expect me to take off?" Alex asked with a bit of an edge as she glared at her boss.

"As much as I deem appropriate. Now if you're done acting like I child, we can make our introductions. I expect you to be cordial to the new ADA." Liz walked around her desk and gestured for the two to follow her. She headed down the hallway and turned toward Alex's office.

"She took my office?" Alex asked in shock as Liz knocked on the door.

Liz turned back to Alex and narrowed her gaze at the blonde. "Alexandra, honestly, you sound just like you did when you were five. I do believe you were taught how to share," Liz deadpanned as she opened up the office door. Alex mumbled something incoherent as she walked into the office, ready to stare daggers into her replacement. "Casey Novak, this is Alexandra Cabot. She is the ADA that you will temporarily be taking over for. This is Detective Olivia Benson, one of the officers you will be working with."

The redhead sitting behind Alex's desk smiled politely at the three women. She stood up and walked around the desk before stretching out a hand for Alex. "It's nice to meet you, Alexandra."

"Call me Alex," Alex muttered as she took the redhead's hand and shook it.

"Alex," Casey stated as she released Alex's hand and turned to Olivia. "Nice to meet you as well, Detective Benson. I've heard so much about you. I will be by the precinct later this afternoon for formal introductions with the rest of your squad."

"Please, call me Olivia." The detective shook her hand and smiled politely at the woman, curious as to where exactly the ADA had heard about her.

"Alexandra, please brief Casey on your current cases even if you think it's unnecessary," Liz stated as she shot Alex a hardened glare.

"It would be my pleasure," Alex replied sarcastically, ignoring Liz's glare. Olivia looked between the two curiously before excusing herself from the office alongside Donnelly, leaving the two ADAs to get to know each other.

"So, I see you have three open cases right now. One of them I can tell will be an easy win," Casey started as she opened up the top file and flipped through it.

"White collar, huh?" Alex asked as she leaned against the door, not bothering to come any closer to the redhead.

Casey glanced up from her position at the desk. "Yes."

"SVU isn't like white collar," Alex replied as she took a few steps into the room and braced herself against the chair in front of the desk.

"I'm aware of that," Casey replied as she flipped the folder closed and looked up at Alex, holding her glare. "We've just met, what could you possibly have against me?"

Alex was slightly taken aback by the bluntness of the woman. "Who says I have anything against you?" Alex replied.

"You've been cold to me from the moment you entered the room. Quite frankly I thought you were the next ice age."

Alex couldn't help but crack a smile at the comment. She quickly shook it off and looked back up at Casey. "Oh sweetheart," Alex started off in a mockingly adorable voice. "You haven't seen anything yet." And with that, Alex turned on her heels and headed for the door.

Before she could open up the door, however, Casey called out to her. "Hey Cabot." Alex paused and turned her head back to the redhead. "How about dinner tonight at 7?" Alex rolled her eyes which didn't go unnoticed by Casey. "You still need to brief me on these cases," Casey stated as she lifted up the folders and held them out for Alex to see.

"Haven't you heard? I'm currently under protective custody," Alex replied with a smirk. She couldn't believe the nerve of the new ADA. First she takes her job and office and then she tries to hit on her?

"That's not a problem, Detective Benson can come along," Casey responded with a smirk of her own. "I'll bring my own date."

Alex's head jerked back as she looked at the ADA in shock. "Excuse me? What exactly did you mean by that comment?"

"Nothing," Casey replied with a shrug. "I'll see you tonight at 7."

"You don't even know where I'm staying," Alex retorted, holding back the urge to roll her eyes again.

"Sure, I do. See you then, Cabot." Alex stayed rooted in her spot for a few seconds before shaking her head and exiting the office. The new ADA certainly was a piece of work.

"Should I call for a bus?" Olivia teased as Alex shut the office door behind her.

"She's still alive…for now," Alex quipped back with a grin. "She's certainly something else. Apparently she thinks she's taking me out on a date tonight."

Olivia fought back the anger that pulsed through her veins. It wasn't as if she had any claim on the blonde but she still didn't like the idea of someone else going after her. Maybe it was an ego thing. _Yeah, it's an ego thing,_ Olivia tried to rationalize to herself.

"I don't think going out on a date is really the best idea right now," Olivia replied, trying to keep her voice even.

"Don't worry, Olivia," Alex stated as she set a gently hand on Olivia's arm. "She doesn't know where I'm staying nor do I intend on going out with her. Now come on, I'm hungry. Let's go get lunch." Olivia didn't bother fighting back the smile that formed on her lips as Alex pulled on her sleeve and led her out of the building.


	12. Chapter 12

Olivia groaned as she tossed her phone onto the couch. Alex pulled her eyes up from her book and glanced over at Olivia. "Everything alright?"

Olivia ran a hand through her hair before nodding. "Are you okay with someone coming over tonight? An old friend of mine decided that it was time for us to hang out again. She said she'd bring dinner."

"That's fine," Alex replied as she looked back down at her book. "It's your apartment, don't think you need to get my approval to have your friends come over."

"Alex, it's our apartment now," Olivia stated before blushing profusely. Alex peered back up at her with a small grin. "I mean you're going to be staying here for a while so it's kind of like we're roommates, or something," Olivia muttered as she dropped her head onto the back of the couch and groaned as it thudded against the wood frame.

"I know what you meant and it's fine. As long as there is enough food for me," Alex quipped back.

"Oh, don't worry, she likes to go big," Olivia said with a slight grin. "Do you like BBQ?"

"Love it," Alex replied before looking back down at her book. She scooted up slightly and curled her legs underneath her body and leaned against the side of the couch. Olivia looked over at the blonde before reaching for her phone and responding to her friend in the affirmative.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Olivia glanced over at Alex. "Hey, it's almost seven," Olivia teased.

Alex glanced at the clock and turned back to face Olivia with a grin. "I told you I rejected her. I'm kind of surprised she didn't try to get my number and call me though. She seemed like she was set on having dinner with me tonight."

Olivia's response was lost as someone knocked on her door. "That would be my friend," Olivia stated as she stood up from the couch and opened up the door. "Casey?" Olivia asked, the surprise obvious in her voice. Alex's head jerked up as she jumped off of the couch and turned to the door where Casey stood.

"Ya just gonna stand there or are ya gonna let an old friend in?" Came another voice from behind Casey.

Olivia leaned to the side slightly and looked at her friend. "Abbie, hey," Olivia replied as she stood to the side. Both Casey and Abbie entered the apartment. "Uh, Casey, no offense but what exactly are you doing here?" Olivia flinched slightly as a hand slapped her shoulder. "Ow, what the hell Carmichael?"

"That's no way to talk to my girlfriend," Abbie replied with a grin as she wrapped her arm around Casey's waist. "This is the hottie that I told you about a couple months ago, Benson!"

Both Alex's and Olivia's eyes widened as she looked between Casey and Abbie. "You're the softball player that whooped Abbie's ass in the game a few months back?" Olivia asked.

"That's me," Casey replied as she glanced over at Alex who was still staring at them in shock. "Told you I knew where you were staying."

"I thought…You weren't hitting on me?" Alex asked as her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Casey laughed as she shook her head. "Nope, sorry but you're not exactly my type, Cabot."

"Yeah, she likes 'em tall, dark, and handsome," Abbie replied as she pecked Casey on the cheek. "So, who's ready for the best damn BBQ north of Texas?" She asked as she raised up the large back that she was holding.

"I'm starving," Olivia said as she gestured for them to set up in the living room. Abbie quickly set out the food and the four women began chowing down on the plethora of ribs, pulled pork, beans, buns, mashed potatoes, and coleslaw.

"So, about those cases," Alex said as she locked eyes with Casey. "I can brief you on them if you want."

"I would like that," Casey replied as she set down her plate and leaned back against the couch.

"Well, like you said, the first one is an easy win. Don't let him plead out because you'd have to be an idiot to lose the case. Wilson's case is a bit trickier but I have a feeling that he's going to plead out for a reduced sentence. I'd say take nothing less than 15 years. Grosther's case will have to go to trial and you'll have to test your skills. We can discuss the case more in depth but I think you'll be able to try the case efficiently if you reference my case notes in the file you have."

"And, Whiteman? What about that case?" Casey asked as she looked curiously at the blonde.

"That one…"

"Is complicated," Olivia interrupted as she looked briefly at Alex and then turned to face Casey. "He has since fled and we can't find him."

"Well it didn't seem like you had much of a case against him for the rape of Madeline Garth. Why would he flee?" Casey questioned.

Olivia glanced at Alex once more and was about to speak when Alex cut her off. "He broke into my apartment and tried to kidnap me yesterday morning. That is why Donnelly requested that I take time off and called you in as my replacement. The detectives are trying to track him down now and when he's found, you will take him to court for the rape charges in addition to breaking and entering, assault with a deadly weapon, and attempted kidnapping."

The four women were quiet for close to a minute before Abbie broke the silence. "Damn, how'd you get away from him?" Olivia immediately shot her a glare.

"Actually, I didn't. Olivia was at my apartment that morning and managed to convince him to let me go, despite being unarmed," Alex answered as she looked over at Olivia and smiled.

"Badass Benson," Abbie remarked as she gently punched Olivia's shoulder. "Always gotta be a hero."

"Oh you haven't even heard the best part!" Alex exclaimed as her face lit up slightly. They all turned their attention to her. "She did it all while wearing nothing more than a bath towel," Alex stated with a smirk.

"Alex!" Olivia exclaimed as she blushed profusely as the rest of the women burst into a fit of laughter.

"I could just imagine it now, Benson! What'd you do, drop the towel and blind him?" Abbie teased as Olivia shot her another glare.

"I'm pretty sure he wouldn't flee the room if Olivia dropped her towel," Casey stated with a suggestive wink.

"Hey, you're mine, no checking out Benson!" Abbie exclaimed as she pulled Casey against her and tickled her.

"I was kidding, Abbie! Stop, I can't breathe!" Casey replied as she squirmed against Abbie's wandering hands. Finally Abbie let up and Casey took in a deep breath. "Besides, I'm pretty sure Cabot would kill me if I checked out Olivia." Alex's head shot up as she stared at Casey. "What?" Casey asked as she looked at Alex.

"We're not…" Alex tried to explain.

"Oh come on," Abbie added in. "Why else would Olivia be naked in your apartment in the early morning?"

"I was showering!" Olivia exclaimed defensively.

"Mhm, I bet you and Alex were gettin' real wet," Abbie quipped.

"I'm straight," Alex stated as her eyes wandered between all three of the women. The room was silent for a few seconds before Casey and Abbie burst out in laughter. Alex just stared at them, dumbfounded.

Finally the laughter stopped and they both looked at Alex. "Wait, you're not kidding? You're seriously straight?" Casey finally asked.

"Yes!" Alex replied as she looked at them as if they were stupid.

"You could've fooled me," Abbie replied as she leaned back against the couch. "I would've bet good money that Benson was banging you."

"Well I'm not," Olivia replied as she scowled at Abbie while trying to hide the blush that was rising up her neck. This entire conversation was bringing back memories of their rather short night together before Alex claimed that she was straight. She couldn't help but replay that night over and over again. Alex's soft lips, the delirious sounds she made, her sweet taste, her writhing body…

"Well, we should get going. It's getting late," Abbie stated as she got off of the couch and helped Casey up.

"Thanks for the food Abs," Olivia stated as she gave her friend a hug.

"No problem, I'm just glad that you finally got to meet my girl," Abbie said as she pulled Casey closer to her.

"It was very nice meeting you Casey," Olivia replied as she smiled at the redhead.

"You too. And Alex?" Alex looked up at Casey. "When you're not imagining dozens of different ways to kill me, maybe we could get coffee sometime? I'd really like to get to know you better and not screw up your cases."

Alex laughed lightly at the joke. "Actually, it's hundreds of ways. But I would like to get to know you better, too. You're not as horrible as I thought you were. You're actually quite fun to be around. Thank you guys for allowing me to join you for dinner."

"I told you we'd be having dinner together at 7," Casey replied with a smirk. The group quickly said their goodbyes before Abbie and Casey left. Olivia cleaned up the mess from dinner while Alex prepared for bed.

After cleaning up, Olivia wandered into her bedroom as Alex just finished pulling on her sweatpants. Alex turned to face Olivia and sat down on the bed. "So does everyone think I'm a lesbian?" Alex asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I plead the fifth," Olivia quipped with a grin. She grabbed her own clothes and began to change.

"Oh no. I'm the lawyer, not you! Why does everyone think I'm a lesbian?"

Olivia shrugged slightly as she took off her shirt and put on her night shirt. "Abbie probably thought that because you're staying with me and for Casey, no clue."

Alex contemplated the new information for a bit before speaking again. "Are we ever going to talk about that night?"

Olivia slipped on her shorts and looked over at Alex. "Do you want to?"

"Not really."

"Then no," Olivia replied as she flicked off the lights and crawled into the bed. "Are you going to sit there all night or are you going to join me?" Olivia asked as she looked at the dark figure still sitting at the edge of the bed.

"Do you want me to sleep on the couch?" Alex asked after a couple seconds of silence.

"Do you want to sleep on the couch?"

"Not really."

"Then come join me. Unless it bothers you?" Olivia asked as she leaned up slightly in the bed.

"It doesn't," Alex responded as she crawled across the bed and pulled the covers down before sliding in next to Olivia.

They remained silent for a few minutes before Olivia rolled over so that she was facing Alex. She lazily opened up an eye and squinted slightly to make out the thin figure next to her. Alex was laying on her back, staring up at the ceiling. "Are you okay, Alex?"

"I'm fine," Alex replied back as she continued staring up at the ceiling. Olivia moved a bit closer to her and propped herself up on one arm so that she could look down at the blonde. Finally, Alex glanced up at the dark eyes above her. "I just…I shouldn't feel like this," Alex finally whispered.

Olivia lowered herself back down onto the mattress and nudged Alex slightly. The blonde looked at her curiously before rolling over to face away from the detective which seemed to be what Olivia was asking her to do. She tensed slightly before immediately relaxing as a protective arm wrapped around her body and pulled her back slightly. She sighed lightly in contentment as she pressed her body further into Olivia's so that they conformed into identical positions.

"It will get better," Olivia whispered against the back of the blonde's head. She moved her hand around slightly before finding Alex's and wrapping their fingers together. "I promise."


	13. Chapter 13

Casey rolled her neck slightly in an attempt to relieve the tension in her body. She reached for her phone and pulled up Alex's number.

_Wilson's lawyer wants to make a deal. 12-15 years with a chance of early release. What do you think?_

Casey quickly sent the message and turned back to the folder in hand. She had been talking to Alex a lot recently about the different cases. She had already won her first case thanks to Alex's help and the detectives' exemplary work. Her phone buzzed against the desk and she quickly opened up the message from Alex.

**_12-15 with no chance of early release. He'll take the deal, just fight back a bit first and give him a run for his money. By the way, I heard about Grosther's case. Congratulations on the win. _**

_Okay, I'll be meeting with his lawyer tomorrow at 10 am. I only won thanks to the ADA before me who left me all of her notes :) _

Casey sent the message and set down her phone again. She stood up from her desk and turned around to rummage through her cabinets. She paused momentarily as she heard her door open and couldn't help but grin. Abbie had told her that she was going to swing by and pick her up so that Casey wouldn't stay at the office until midnight again. Instead of turning around, she figured she'd let her girlfriend surprise her. An arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her backwards, before she collided against a large body. Before she could turn around and confirm that it wasn't her girlfriend's body, a cloth covered her mouth as she was dragged towards the door. Casey struggled against the body before her vision blurred at everything went dark.

* * *

"Benson," Olivia grumbled into her phone as she rolled out of her bed and headed for the door so that she wouldn't wake Alex.

"Olivia, have you heard from Casey?" Came Abbie's voice.

"Not since around 3 when she delivered a warrant, why?" Olivia asked as she rubbed her forehead and walked into her kitchen and glanced at the clock. 11:42 pm.

"I texted her half an hour ago telling her that I was going to pick her up from the office but she's not here."

"Maybe she went home," Olivia replied as she filled herself up a glass of water and took a sip.

"She would've texted me. She's not responding to my calls either," Abbie stated.

"Well maybe you did something to upset her?" Olivia asked as she sat down at the couch. She glanced up as she heard light footfall. Alex rubbed her eyes sleepily and looked at Olivia in confusion. "Go back to bed, it's just Abbie," Olivia whispered to the blonde.

"Maybe. I don't know, I don't think I did. Can you call her for me?" Abbie asked.

"Sure, I'll call Casey right now. Do you want me to call you back after?" Olivia questioned.

"I'll call her," Alex interrupted as she left the room.

"Alex is going to call her. They were texting right before we went to bed." Alex wandered back into the room with her cell phone pressed up against her ear.

"I think she left her phone here," Abbie said. Olivia could hear a bit of rustling on the other end of the line. "Liv, her phone is on her desk. That's not like her. She never leaves her phone anywhere."

"Abbie, calm down. She probably just forgot it. She's probably waiting for you at home right now," Olivia told her, hoping that she'd calm down.

"Liv, I'm telling you, this isn't like her. What the hell?" Abbie muttered quietly into the phone.

"What is it?" Olivia asked as she pressed the phone closer to her ear in case something was wrong.

"There's just some towel by the door that I didn't notice earlier." The line was quiet for a few seconds. "Oh," Abbie groaned slightly and Olivia heard a thump.

"Abbie, are you okay? What's going on?" Olivia asked frantically as she stood up from her seat.

"I…I don't feel good, Liv. I—I think I'm going to pass out…the towel…"

"Abbie? Abbie?! Go to the security guard now! I'll be there as soon as I can." Olivia ran into her bedroom and pulled on a pair of jeans, quickly attaching her gun and badge to her hip. Alex followed her lead and slipped on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. They were out the door within minutes.

* * *

"Abbie?" Olivia called as she walked down the hallway and towards Casey's office. She put out a hand to stop Alex from following her as she pushed open the door to Casey's office and peered in. She immediately saw Abbie, who was half-sitting on the ground with her head against the wall. "Abbie, are you okay?" Abbie groaned slightly as her head fell to the side. "Abbie, what's wrong?" Olivia asked as she dropped down onto her knees and held Abbie's face in her hand. She gently tapped her cheek, trying to get her to wake up.

"The towel…" Abbie managed to whisper out as her eyes opened up weakly. Olivia glanced down at the ground and picked up the towel. "It made me feel really sick when I smelled it."

"Shit," Olivia mumbled as she pulled out her phone and dialed Elliot's number. "El, I need you at Casey's office immediately. She's missing and I think she was kidnapped."

"What do you mean you think she was kidnapped?" Elliot responded, his voice suddenly sounding less sleepy.

"Abbie went looking for her and there was a cloth on the floor. I think it's chloroform. Get CSU here," Olivia stated as she ended the call and helped Abbie onto the couch. "Alex, go to the front desk and tell the security guard to lock the place down. Don't let anyone in or anyone out and have him call the police." Alex nodded in agreement and headed towards the front entrance where the guard was stationed.

A short ten minutes later, the room was swarming with CSU and police officers. Abbie was checked out by a medic while the room was closed down as a crime scene once they confirmed that the cloth had traces of chloroform.

"Pull up the footage from 11:10 pm this night," Olivia ordered as she towered over the security guard. He quickly located the time range and Olivia and Elliot watched the four different cameras that covered the exits. The security guard forwarded the video slowly before they saw movement from the back door camera. "There!" The security guard scrolled back slightly and pressed play. They watched in silence as a large figure in a dark hooded jacket carried a limp body out of the building. The figure turned slightly to push the door out of the way, revealing Casey's face.

"Oh god," Abbie muttered from behind Elliot and Olivia. They both spun around to look at her before Olivia grabbed onto her and turned her towards the exit.

"You shouldn't be here Abbie. You shouldn't have seen that."

"Someone took her…someone took her Olivia! You have to find her!" Abbie exclaimed as she pulled away from Olivia.

"We'll do everything we can," Olivia tried to assure her.

"No, don't tell me that. Tell me you'll find her! Promise me you're going to find her and she's going to be okay, Olivia!" Olivia pulled her close and held onto her and her body shook. "You can't promise that," Abbie whispered against Olivia's neck. It was true, she couldn't.


	14. Chapter 14

Darkness. That's all she could see. Casey rolled her head to the side weakly; she couldn't feel the lower half of her body. And then there was light. She pinched her eyes closed immediately and her head fell backwards as the light bombarded her senses.

"What the fuck is this?!" A man's voice echoed through the room.

"You told me to grab her so I did! Where's the rest of my money?" Another voice asked.

"I told you to grab Alexandra Cabot, not whoever the fuck this is! I gave you her fuckin' work address! How'd you screw this up?!"

"I went to the place you told me to! It even had her name on the door, man. ADA Alexandra Cabot, right? That's her!"

"That's not her you dumbass!" The yelling was getting louder and louder as the seconds progressed. Casey used her remaining strength to pull her head up slightly and opened up her eyes. Two men. An empty room. A large white light set up in front of her. She glanced around the room before noticing the mattress tossed on the floor. And then panic set it. She struggled to get out of the chair before realizing that her hands were tied behind her back, her feet were bound to the chair, and she was gagged. There was nowhere to go. The men both turned to her. "Screaming is pointless, no one will find you here. Now tell me your name," The smaller of the two men ordered as he pulled the gag out of her mouth.

Casey contemplated her options before jerking in her chair, allowing it to fall back onto the ground as she screamed. "HELP! SOMEONE HELP!" Both of the men were on her in a flash. The larger of the two pulled her chair back up while she was still screaming before the other slammed a fist into her stomach, effectively knocking the air out of her lungs.

"Keep yelling all you want and I'll keep hurting you," The smaller man said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife. He flicked it open and held it up to Casey's neck. "Now tell me, sweetheart, what is your name?"

Casey leaned her head back as far as she could so that the blade couldn't dig into her neck but it was helpless. He pushed a bit harder. "Casey," She whispered, trying her best not to move her neck against the blade.

"Casey. Casey what?"

"Casey Novak."

"Good," The man replied as he pulled the knife away slightly. "Do you know Alexandra Cabot?" Casey straightened up her neck and looked at the man in front of her. He looked familiar but she couldn't place him. "Answer me!" He screamed at her as he grabbed the back of her head and yanked her head back, pressing the knife back against her neck.

"Yes!" Casey yelped out as she tried her best to hold back her tears. She could feel the man pulling her hair out from his painful grip.

"What were you doing in her office?"

"I—" The man loosened up his hold on Casey's hair and pulled the knife back slightly. "I'm her replacement ADA. She's on leave."

"Where is she?"

"I don't know," Casey replied as she shook her head. "I don't know. She left." She was well aware that this man had some sort of vendetta against Alex and given his anger, she wasn't going to let him know where the blonde really was.

"Don't lie to me!" The man yelled out as he pummeled her in the stomach once more. Casey lurched forward from the punch and started violently coughing. He pulled her back up into a sitting position. "Try number two. Where is she?"

Casey tried desperately to suck in as much air as she could. "I…don't know." Another punch landed against her stomach, knocking the wind out of her. She felt a kick vibrate through the chair before a loud bang echoed through the room as the chair hit the ground so that she was on her side.

"Where is she?" He asked again. Casey merely shook her head as she choked back her sobs; she wasn't going to let Alex endure this pain by telling him the truth. A kick landed against her stomach and a sickening crack filled the room. "I have no problem continuing this all night long, Casey. Where is she?" Casey closed her eyes and willed the pain to leave her body to no avail. Another crack filled the room but she couldn't feel the hits anymore.

The room fell silent again until all she could hear was the ringing in her ears and the blood pumping through her veins. "Do I get the other half of my money?"

"No, you fucking idiot, you don't. Get me Alexandra Cabot and you will."

"Hey, I went to the address you told me to! You're the one who didn't give me a picture of her! I deserve some sort of payment! I risked my life to go kidnap that bitch and I could go to jail so you better fucking pay up."

Silence. Casey heard wood scraping on concrete as blood rushed to her head. She weakly opened up her eyes, noticing that she was now sitting upright in the chair. Her eyes fluttered closed and then open again as the smaller of the two men approached her. He kneeled down in front of her and she squirmed slightly as the blade dug into her leg and she heard a loud rip. The same thing happened to her other leg and then it was quiet again. Her head started spinning as her body was lifted up and she used her remaining strength to open up her eyes. The room was spinning and the floor was moving before everything stopped.

She felt her body bounce against something firm as her head lulled to the side. Her eyes fluttered open once more as she looked at the triangular patterns next to her. She was on the mattress. Cold hands pressed up against her collarbone before the sound of fabric ripping filled the air. Casey felt a cold breeze waft over her torso, causing her to shiver. She weakly opened up her eyes and looked down at her exposed chest.

"There's your payment."


	15. Chapter 15

"Liv."

Olivia stared down at the mess of papers scattered across her desk. There were dozens of screenshots of Casey's limp body in the man's arms but there were no shots of his face. She needed to find out who he was; it didn't make sense. Casey had only tried three cases so far, two of which she won so the men were in jail and the other which she settled. None of the criminals had made any threats against her life and they couldn't find any other reason for someone to go after her.

"Liv."

There had to be something here. She pushed the pictures to the side and stared down at Casey's open case files. There were only two. One for public indecency which wasn't really worth Casey's time and then Whiteman's case.

"Olivia Benson!" Olivia's head jerked up when she heard Elliot yell her name.

"What?"

"Staring at those pictures isn't going to help any," Elliot told her as he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah, well then what is? We have to do something, Elliot. We need to find her. Abbie is counting on me," Olivia whispered the last part as she dropped her head into her hands. She wanted this all to be over.

"Detectives, I have a match." Olivia and Elliot both looked up at their medical examiner, Melinda Warner. "The finger prints on Casey's doorknob hit a match in CODIS."

"Who?" Elliot asked as he walked over to her and grabbed the file in her hand.

"Paul Mitchell. He was arrested two years ago for breaking and entering and attempted kidnapping. The charges for the kidnapping were dropped but he did 18 months for breaking and entering." Melinda explained.

"I'm running his name right now," Olivia stated as she typed his name in their system.

"Pull up his financials," Elliot instructed as he walked up behind Olivia. "If he was charged with attempted kidnapping before he's most likely a hired hand."

Olivia pulled up the records and paused at the first entry. "$10,000 was wired into his account two days ago."

"Can we see who wired it in?"

"Give me a sec," Olivia said as she ran the bank account. She felt her breath leave her body as the name popped up. "No…It can't be him."

"Dylan Whiteman."

* * *

Olivia arrived home at 1:20 am, barely managing to get into her apartment without falling asleep. They had spent the entire day trying to track down Whiteman but he was gone. The bank wiring was the only transaction since Alex's attempted kidnapping. She locked the door before wandering into her bedroom, running into the door on her way to the room.

"Liv?" Alex called out as she roused from her sleep and got up out of the bed.

"It's me," Olivia replied softly as she closed the bedroom door behind her. "Go back to sleep."

"You told me you had a new lead. What is it?" Alex whispered back as she reached out blindly for Olivia. Olivia grabbed her hand and pulled her close. "Liv, what is it?"

"The guy who took Casey…We found a payment wired to him from Dylan Whiteman."

Alex stiffened up as she glanced over at the bed. Olivia followed her eyes and narrowed her eyes on another figure in the bed that she didn't see earlier. The figure shifted slightly before leaning up in the bed. "Whiteman," Abbie stated in a thick voice.

Alex looked back over at Olivia who was looking at Abbie curiously. "She came looking for you and she was in no shape to drive home. I hope you don't mind," Alex whispered into Olivia's ear so that Abbie couldn't hear her.

"Whiteman," Abbie stated again as she slipped out of the bed and stood in place, grabbing the bedpost tightly to keep from swaying. "The guy who tried to kidnap Alex?"

"Abbie, I shouldn't be discussing this with you. Go back to bed, okay?" Olivia said as she walked over to Abbie and laid a gentle hand on her upper arm.

Abbie immediately recoiled and pushed Olivia's hand away. "No, don't tell me to go back to bed! That's my girlfriend you're talking about! Some psychopath took my girlfriend and now you expect me to act like nothing happened?"

"I didn't mean it like that," Olivia tried to reason with her.

"There's nothing you can do as of right now, Abbie," Alex tried to assure her as she walked over to Abbie.

"No!" Abbie exclaimed as she grabbed onto Alex's arms and pulled her towards her. "This is your fault! He wanted you!" She shook Alex roughly as she continued screaming at her. "He was going after you! You're the reason Casey's gone!"

Olivia immediately wrapped her arm around Alex's waist and pulled her away from Abbie as she gave Abbie a shove backwards. "Abigail! Stop it!" Olivia released her grip around Alex's waist and pushed the blonde behind her as she stepped in front of Abbie's path.

"It's her fault! Move out of my fucking way Benson!" Abbie screamed as she lunged forward.

Olivia grabbed onto her and pulled her close. She ignored Abbie's soft punches against her shoulders as she held onto her. "You can't blame her for this Abbie. She's a victim in this just as much as Casey is, you know that." Abbie's soft punches stopped and turned into a death grip against Olivia's shoulder's as sobs wracked her body.

"I love her, Olivia. I've never loved anyone more," Abbie whispered against Olivia's shoulder.

"I know, Abbie. We're going to find her even I have to personally carry her back to you myself," Olivia told her as she ran a hand through the mess of curls in front of her.

Alex stood back and watched the scene unfold in silence. Abbie was right; this was her fault. It suddenly all made sense. Dylan wanted her, not Casey. She walked over to the bedside table and picked up her cellphone and quickly unlocked it. She scrolled through her recent calls and stared at the last 10 missed calls from a restricted number. The restricted number had called her every hour, on the dot, since yesterday at 4 pm. She glanced over at Abbie as Olivia coaxed her to lay down on the bed.

Without another word, she left the room and closed the door softly behind her. She walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water before settling down on the couch. She looked up at the clock and sighed. 1:39 am. Twenty one minutes to go.


	16. Chapter 16

Alex jolted up from her position on the couch as the vibrations from her phone ran through her body. She blindly reached out until she felt the phone vibrating in her hand. She looked down at the name and slid the accept button. She placed it up to her ear and held her breath, hoping that her intuition was right.

"Alexandra," The voice called out and Alex immediately felt a shiver course through her body. It had been a while since she heard his voice but she would never forget the sickening sound. "Are you there, sweetheart?"

"Yes," Alex managed to whisper as she clung to the phone with a death grip. "What do you want?"

"You, Alexandra. I want you. You see, the idiot I hired grabbed the wrong person. I'm sure by now you realized that ADA Casey Novak was missing."

"Please, let her go. She has nothing to do with this," Alex pleaded as she glanced over at Olivia's bedroom door which still remained shut.

"Oh but I can't just let her go now, Alexandra. She cost me good money."

"Please, Dylan, please let her go. I'm begging you."

"That's what I like to hear," Dylan replied. Alex could swear that she could hear the smile in his voice. "How about we make a deal, Alexandra. You like deals, don't you? You for her."

"When and where?" Alex asked without wasting a second.

"Well, we could wait until morning but I don't think Casey will survive that long. How about half an hour, outside Rico's Café. Come alone or else I'll put a bullet in her head. Don't test me Alexandra." Before she could respond, the line clicked, signaling the end of the call. Alex placed the phone down and stared at the dark wall in front of her. She knew she had to do this. She couldn't let Casey and Abbie suffer for something that was her fault in the first place.

* * *

Alex pushed herself up off of the couch and silently slipped into Olivia's room. She glanced down at the two sleeping bodies. Abbie was curled up against Olivia's chest and the detective had her arms protectively wrapped around Abbie. It was a position that Alex had been in many times before with Olivia. There was something about Olivia that she couldn't resist; the way she held onto you as if nothing else mattered. The way she whispered sweet nothings into your ear, knowing exactly what to say in order to calm you down. Her intoxicating scent that immediately calmed you down. Her soft lips as she kissed you.

Alex dragged her eyes away from the sleeping forms and walked over to the dresser. She carefully pulled it open and grabbed out a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. She walked back over to the door and paused before exiting the room. She looked back once more at Olivia and couldn't stop the small smile that formed at the corner of her lips.

She knew Olivia was going to blame herself for this even though it wasn't her fault. She gripped the clothes more firmly in her hand as she tried her best not to let the fear get to her. Without a second thought, Alex strode over to Olivia's sleeping form and leaned down. She pressed her lips softly against the brunette's temple and inhaled her soothing scent. She pulled back when Olivia moved slightly and rolled her head to the side, a small smile appearing on her lips. Alex looked down at her for a few seconds before leaning down again and pressing her lips against Olivia's. Her eyes instantly fluttered closed as she felt the soft lips brush against her own. "I'm sorry," Alex whispered softly against her lips before pulling away.

She left the room with looking back and shut the door behind her. She quickly stripped out of Olivia's sweatpants and NYPD t-shirt and pulled on her jeans and sweatshirt. She smiled slightly as Olivia's scent washed over her and she glanced down at the sweatshirt, recognizing it as one of Olivia's instead of her own. She folded up the night clothes that Olivia had given her the first day they had met and set in on the couch before exiting the apartment. She locked the door behind her and twirled the key between her fingers momentarily before slipping it under the door and giving it a gentle push so that it would land on Olivia's living room floor.

The lights in the hallway flickered slightly as Alex walked out of the building. She pulled the hood over her head and wrapped her arms around herself as the wind from outside whipped against her exposed skin. She walked on autopilot to the café, not noticing a single person as she strode down the empty streets of New York.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, she was outside of the café. It didn't take long for the sound of tires squealing to fill the cold air around her. Before she could even turn around, she felt herself being pulled backwards and into a van. Her head thumped against the wall of the vehicle but she didn't bother making a sound. Dylan towered above her with a knife and a grin just as vicious.

"We had a deal," Alex stated calmly as she pushed herself up off of the floor of the vehicle slightly and held her stare with Dylan.

"We did," Dylan stated as he took a step next to Alex and pulled away a black sack, revealing Casey's beaten and bruised face.

"Let her go," Alex ordered as she reached over and gently traced her hand along Casey's discolored face. "It's okay, sweetie. You're safe now," She whispered as a swollen eye cracked up and looked up at her.

"Not quite," Dylan interrupted as he roughly grasped onto Casey's arm and yanked her off of the floor.

"Don't hurt her! We had a deal!" Alex screamed out as she pushed herself off of the floor of the vehicle and lunged at Dylan. His arm flailed towards her and she felt the skin across her cheek split open as the hilt of his knife connected with her face. She fell backwards against the inside of the van.

"I told you I'd let her go, Alexandra. I'm a man of my word," Dylan stated as he pulled the door open and pushed Casey out. Her body dropped like a rag doll against the concrete sidewalk. He reached around his back before pulling out a gun. "I didn't say I'd let her live." He turned toward Casey's limp body and held up the gun, leveling it with her head.

"NO!" Alex screamed out in sync with the resounding crack of a bullet breaking the silence. Dylan spun around just in time to connect the butt of the gun with Alex's temple, causing her to fall back onto the floor in a limp pile. The doors of the van slid shut as the vehicle lurched forward, the squealing of tires filling the empty streets of New York once more.


	17. Chapter 17

Olivia weakly rolled over in her bed and smacked her hand against her bedside table. She slid her hand around until her fingers touched the vibrating phone. She pulled it over and squinted against the bright screen as she answer the call. "What's up, El?" Olivia husked out, sleep still heavily lining her voice.

"We've got her." Olivia sat up in the bed a bit straighter. "We've got Novak."

"Where?" Olivia asked as she jumped out of the bed and practically ran over to her closet.

"She's at Mercy but it's not looking to good. She was shot and she's beaten up pretty badly."

"How'd you find her?" Olivia asked as she held the phone with her shoulder and pulled off her pants and slipped into jeans.

"I got a call from a buddy who responded to the 911 call. He said he recognized her from the DA's office and gave me a call the moment he knew it was her. I watched them wheel her into the ER. She's in surgery right now," Elliot explained.

"Where was she found?"

"Side of the road outside a café about twenty minutes ago. Someone heard a gunshot and called the police."

"Okay, I'll wake up Abbie and Alex and we'll be there as soon as we can. Keep me updated."

"Of course." Olivia slipped her phone in her pocket and gently shook Abbie.

"Abbie, wake up. We have to go." Abbie rolled up and rubbed her eyes slightly before looking up at Olivia. "They found her, Abs. They found Casey." Abbie immediately jerked up in the bed and jumped out. "Abs, she's at Mercy but it's not looking to good. I need you to know that going in. She's in surgery right now."

Abbie stared at her in shock as she covered her mouth in an attempt to stop herself from crying. "What happened?"

"She was shot. Elliot just called me. He's with her at Mercy. Get dressed while I go wake Alex and we'll go there immediately, okay?" Abbie nodded as she pulled on her clothes from the day before.

Olivia wandered out into the living room and looked over at the couch. When she didn't see Alex there, she walked into the kitchen and flicked on the lights. Her heartrate picked up slightly as she strode out into the living room again and walked around the couch. Her eyes frantically searched the room before landing on the clothes folded neatly on one of the cushions. She stared down at the pile before picking up Alex's phone which was laying on top of the stack. She typed in the password and felt her stomach drop as the notepad opened up to a page of writing.

_Liv,_

_I'm so sorry. He told me that he'd let her go in exchange for me. Please don't blame yourself, there was nothing that you could've done. I started this mess and now I plan on ending it. Please apologize to Abbie and Casey for me for all that I've put them through; they didn't deserve any of this and neither did you._

_Alex_

Olivia clung to the phone tightly as her hand started to shake. She could feel the hot tears rolling down her face before splashing onto the screen of the phone, causing the writing blurred.

* * *

At the first glimpse of his partner, Elliot strode over and wrapped his arms around Olivia, pulled her tightly against his chest. "We're going to find her, Liv. He's not going to get away with this." Olivia let herself fall apart in his arms for the first time in years. Elliot was the only one who could see how Olivia actually felt about the blonde. "We'll find her."

A few minutes later, Captain Cragen arrived at the hospital and headed straight toward Elliot and Olivia. "I put out another BOLO on Whiteman as well as one for Alex. Both of them are linked to a partial plate on the black van that a witness saw leaving the café. TARU is already searching all the street cameras in an attempt to track down the location of the van. We've alerted every toll booth within fifty miles and sent out pictures of both of them. We're going to find them." Elliot locked eyes with Cragen and nodded; he didn't trust himself to speak since Olivia was still clinging to his chest. He could already feel the tears soaking through his shirt. "How's Novak?"

"The last I heard she was being rushed into surgery. The EMT said that she suffered from a single gunshot wound to the chest. Massive internal bleeding and her body looked pretty broken already. Abbie is trying to track down a doctor to get some more information. Maybe you should try to find her." Cragen nodded as he headed toward the nurse's station in an attempt to track down Abbie.

* * *

"Family of Casey Novak?" Abbie stood up immediately as she looked at the doctor. Olivia, Elliot and Cragen followed suit.

"That's us," Cragen responded as he glanced at his detectives and the frozen former ADA.

"Ms. Novak suffered from a gunshot wound to the upper left quadrant of her chest. It broke through two ribs and sent bone splinters through her tissue which pierced her heart."

"Just tell us, is she going to be okay?" Abbie interrupted in a half strangled cry.

"We can't be sure. We were able to stop the bleeding during surgery but the internal damage is extensive. Assuming we were able to remove all the bone during surgery, she has a 30% chance of survival. That number drastically declines if any bone was left over because with a wrong move, it could lodge itself in her heart. This also leaves her at a great risk for infection. At this time, she is far too weak for another surgery so an infection could potentially kill her. She is currently in a medically induced coma in ICU."

"Can we see her?" Olivia asked as she wrapped an arm around Abbie to keep her from swaying.

"Due to the risks of potential infections, no. You may see her through a glass window if you'd like but I don't want to expose her to any outside germs which could potentially kill her in her weakened state. Her immune system doesn't have the strength or resources to fight off any potential contaminants. I'm sorry," The doctor stated as he looked at the group in front of him. "There's a place for prayer down stairs if any of you need it. If there are no more questions, I must be going."

"Thank you," Cragen said as he nodded for the doctor to leave. The doctor tipped his head down in acknowledgment and left.


	18. Chapter 18

"Good morning, Alexandra." Alex weakly opened up her eyes and looked up at her tormentor. The craze was apparent in his eyes. Her eyes glanced down at his hands as he fiddled with the switch blade that he was holding. "Now, things are going to be a bit different from here on out." Alex rolled her eyes at his words before a resounding smack filled the room and her head twisted to the side. He gripped underneath her jaw and jerked her face forward, his nails digging painfully into neck. "You will respect me, Alexandra," He growled at her as he pulled away before placing a boot between her legs and kicking her chair backwards.

Her vision blurred as her head smacked against the concrete floor beneath her. Part of her wanted to lose consciousness, submit to the darkness, so that she wouldn't have to endure what he had planned for her. But the other part of her wanted to fight. She couldn't let him break her or else she'd never recover. But maybe that was his plan all along.

She blinked rapidly as light flooded her vision again. Dylan was towering above her, with a sickening grin on his face. It was an expression that she had come to learn meant he was going to torment her. He pulled her chair back up and slid the knife down to her legs, cutting the ropes off much like he did with Casey. He walked behind her and cut the ropes around her wrists as well. Alex stayed in the chair and looked up at him, her eyes darting back and forth trying to find a way out.

"You see, there's no way out of here but I'd sure love to see you try to find a way. Run, Alexandra. Fight me." Alex hesitantly reached up and peeled at the corner of the duct tape on her mouth before ripping it off.

"What do you want, Dylan? You have me now, just get it over with," Alex spat out as tossed the duct tape to the ground. She rubbed her wrists subconsciously, irritating the already tender flesh.

He took a couple of steps closer to her and leaned down so that his mouth was against her ear. "Run," He whispered as he reached into his pocket and pulled something out. Alex felt the cold metal press against her side as electricity coursed through her body. Her body jolted as a million volts coursed through her, immediately dropping her to the ground. The tingling sensation swept through her body as her eyes rolled sluggishly to the side. "Run, Alexandra." Another spur of electricity flowed through her as her body arched up before dropping back down onto the cold concrete with a resounding thud.

She felt something cold push against her temple before acrid breath flowed across her face. "I'll be the cat if you'll be the mouse," He whispered into her ear before pressing his lips against her temple, irritating the large bruise that he had caused when he hit her with his gun. In a heartbeat, Alex jerked her head upwards, connecting her skull with his in a deafening crack. He stumbled back slightly before falling down, instantly reaching for his knife.

Alex used what strength she had to push herself up off of the ground, swaying slightly, before stepping forward with heavy legs. Her footsteps increased until she could no longer feel her legs at all. "There's nowhere to hide, Alexandra!" His voice filled the room and echoed off of the walls. She spun around the room as the metal walls turned into a blur. Doors, windows, there had to be something somewhere. Her eyes caught a flash of metal. Stairs. She ran over to the staircase as fast as she could, quickly ascending the steps.

"You can run but you can't hide my little mouse!" Alex shivered as his voice filled her ears. She halfheartedly gripped at the railing of the staircase as she tried to pull herself up. She could hear the harsh thud of his boots against the concrete floor below her. "There's nothing for you up there, Alexandra."

She pulled herself over the last step before collapsing down onto the cold ground, suddenly losing all her energy. She helplessly ran her hands over the floor, desperately trying to pull herself forward and away from the staircase. The thumping of his boots grew louder and louder, the steady footfall never faltering. There had to be something, somewhere. Crates. She pulled herself up slightly as she crawled across the floor, urgently trying to reach the crates before Dylan climbed up the remainder of the stairs. She rolled onto her back once she was behind the crates and wrapped a hand across her mouth to stop her panting. The room was completely silent expect for Dylan's heavy footfall.

And then everything was quiet. "Oh Alexandra, where are you?" She willed her heart beat to slow down, as if somehow he could hear it rapidly beating against her ribcage. A thud. Then another. She could hear his boots stomping against the ground with every step as the sounds grew closer. The crates scattered all around her as they smashed to pieces. "There you are my little mouse," Dylan whispered as he reached down and pulled Alex up to his body.

"No!" Alex screamed out as she thrashed against his body. She quickly lost her footing as he dragged her across the room before tossing her against a table that rested in the corner of the room. He pinned her back against the wooden table as he pressed himself against her and held his hands flush against the table on either side of her body.

"That was fun, shall we play again?" He asked as he leaned in and ran his lips across her cheek. Alex jerked away from his touch and held her breath for the smack that she knew was coming. Instead, he pulled back slightly and looked at the bruised and tear-stained face in front of him. "I think I deserve a reward for winning though, don't I? Or maybe you deserve a punishment…Yes, a punishment."

Alex's eyes flicked up to meet his as he pulled out his knife and grabbed onto her left wrist, pinning it flat onto the table. He looked up at her with a grin, his eyes wide with craze. He raised up his hand with the knife before barreling it down and stabbing it right through the back of Alex's hand. She immediately screamed out as the pain flooded through her, her body buckling slightly as she fell down to her knees. Dylan took a step back and allowed her to fall down, the only thing keeping her from collapsing completely to the floor was the knife which now stuck through her hand and into the table.

"I'm going to enjoy breaking you, Alexandra."


	19. Chapter 19

Olivia ignored the thumping against her door, no doubt from someone's fist banging against the wooden frame. "Olivia, open up!" It was Elliot. She merely rolled over in her bed and pulled the covers over her head. "Olivia, I have a spare key so you better be presentable!" Olivia groaned as she snuggled deeper into the covers. Something cold pressed against her hand and she roughly shoved the object to the side.

Her bedroom door creaked open but she didn't bother moving. She knew it was Elliot and she knew why he was here. "Liv, get up. You can't keep living like this."

"Sure I can," Olivia mumbled against the bed sheets. Elliot glanced around the room and immediately spotted the empty alcohol bottles scattered around the floor, some even on the bed with her. With a sigh, he walked over to the windows and pulled open the curtains, allowing light to flood into the room. He walked back over to his sleeping partner and yanked back the covers.

"El, what the fuck?" Olivia grumbled out as she grabbed for the covers, which he held back.

"Get up, Liv. This isn't helping anyone."

"Yeah, well it's not like I can help anyone anyway! Cap kicked me off the case, remember? Too fucking personally involved," Olivia spat out as she leaned up in the bed slightly. She squinted around and took in her surroundings before grabbing the half empty vodka bottle that she have shoved to the side only moments earlier.

"Don't," Elliot warned as she picked up the bottle and unscrewed the cap.

"Fuck off, El." She tossed the cap to the side and brought the neck of the bottle up to her mouth, only to have it pulled out of her hands. "Leave!" She screamed at him as she pushed him away from her, allowing him to take the bottle.

"She wouldn't want you to be doing this to yourself," Elliot whispered as he sat down on the edge of Olivia's bed.

"Don't talk about her!" Olivia screamed out as she shoved him again. "She's gone, El. She's gone," Olivia whispered out as she fought back the tears before giving up and collapsing back onto her bed.

"You don't know that, Liv. We're still looking for her. We're going to find her eventually."

"It's been five days, Elliot! Our chances of finding her dropped to zero after forty-eight hours! I should've protected her…It's my fault."

"You can't blame yourself for this," Elliot told her as he set the bottle on the side table and gently ran his hand through her tangled locks.

"Yes I can," Olivia replied because in her mind, it was her fault. She told Alex that she would protect her and she promised to keep her safe. She failed at that simple task and now there was no guarantee that Alex would ever return home safely.

"Liv, you know I love you which is why I can't let you carry on like this. It's time that you stopped drowning your sorrows with alcohol. You know that Alex never would've wanted that. Now come on, go shower and I'll start cleaning up the place," Elliot told her as he pushed off the bed and tugged at her lightly. She reluctantly got off of the bed and glanced around the messy room. There were at least half a dozen empty bottles of alcohol scattered across the floor along with various take-out containers. She hadn't bothered to leave her apartment since Cragen told her to go home, three days ago.

She trudged her way toward the bathroom and shed her clothes, tossing them onto the floor before stepping under the hot spray. She allowed it to beat down on her for a few minutes as her tears mixed with the water before washing down the drain.

After a long shower, Olivia slipped a towel around her torso and reentered her bedroom. She looked around momentarily, surprised to see how clean the room was. She heard a ripping sound from the other room and exited her bedroom. She turned the corner and paused as she watched Elliot pulling down the collage of photos and clippings plastered across the wall. "Leave it!" Olivia screamed out as she ran over to Elliot and pulled him away from the wall. Dozens of photos of Alex fluttered to the floor alongside a few of Whiteman.

"Liv, you can't keep obsessing over this. You're not going to find her this way," He said as he glanced up at the wall once more. A large portion of the wall was covered with photos, newspaper clippings, and reports. There were dozens of photos of the black van that were caught on traffic cameras along with a few of Dylan's face. There were a few shots of him from the club, him on the streets, and even a few from a profile that they were composing of him.

For every picture of Dylan, there were half a dozen more for Alex. Pictures of her entering the DA's office, pictures of her leaving, pictures of her entering Olivia's apartment, pictures of her on the elevator. There was an entire row of photos of Alex as she strode down Olivia's hallway before pulling Olivia's hood over her head and leaving down the staircase. There were a handful of newspaper clippings, all with different bolded titles: _Missing ADA, ADA of SVU Kidnapped by Alleged Rapist, Alexandra Cabot Missing, Only Daughter of the Influential Cabot Family Kidnapped, No New Leads on Kidnapped ADA. _

"I need to find her," Olivia finally whispered as she took a step closer to the wall and traced her hand along the dozens of papers that were stapled and taped to her wall. Her fingers stilled over a smiling photo of Alex, a rare sight. It looked as if she were at a beach because her hair was flying around in every direction, each blonde strand catching the sunlight and glistening in some sort of halo around her. She plucked the photo off of the wall and pressed it against her chest as she turned to face Elliot. "Would you do anything for me?"

Elliot turned to face her and froze. He could see the anger and the deep craving for revenge in her eyes. "Liv—"

"No questions, Elliot," Olivia quickly interrupted. "Would you or would you not do anything for me?"

"You know I would Liv but not like—"

"Good," Olivia cut him off again. "I need to know where to get an untraceable sniper rifle."


	20. Chapter 20

"Around you, because of you, my mind fogs. Call it rash, call it wrong, call it what you'd like. But when the haze clears, I will know I made the right decision. To protect you, I must change who I am, temporarily, not indefinitely."

* * *

_Breathe. _

The bag weighed heavily on her shoulders as she walked down the street without looking around. No one knew. No one could tell what was inside the bag. She turned the corner and glanced around herself as people pushed their way through the crowds. A hit on her left shoulder caused her to spin slightly as she glared at the man in the business suit who couldn't watch where he was going.

_Breathe. _

She opened up the trunk of her car and tossed the bag in, slamming the truck closed. She couldn't bring it back to her apartment. She had a plan. She slipped the car into gear and headed back to her apartment. The bag stayed in the trunk as she walked into the building and smiled at the doorman. Once in her apartment, she pulled out the dark clothes and mask, quickly slipping them into her gym bag. She shed her clothes and slipped on a tank top, shorts, and running shoes before heading out the door with the gym bag slung casually across her shoulder.

_Breathe._

She smiled at the desk attendant as she swiped her gym membership card and typed in her password. She purposely aimed her face directly at the camera without actually making eye contact with the lens. She knew exactly where it was. She went straight back to the locker room and closed the bathroom door behind her. She hung the bag on the back of the door and hastily unzipped it, eyeing the slick black metal. She closed the bag again and left the stall. She peered around the locker room as a woman in a suit walked in and opened up a locker. The woman shed her clothes and shoved everything in her locker, shooting a small smile toward Olivia.

"This is the only time I ever get to work out," They lady said as she laced up her running shoes. "It's my way of getting away from work and the kids."

Olivia eyed her curiously as she dropped down and pretended to tie her own shoe. "Yeah? I take it you spend as much time as you can in here then, huh?" Olivia casually asked.

"At least two hours. I'm hoping for three today. I'll probably go for a soak in the pool after a few hours and relax. How about you? You don't really look like you need to work out, darling," The woman replied as she took in Olivia's muscular physique.

"I try to work out for a few hours, too," Olivia replied with a smile. "It helps me maintain this body. Maybe I'll join you for that soak in a couple of hours."

"See you then," The woman replied as she shut her locker and left the room. Olivia glanced around to confirm that the room was in fact empty before she opened up the woman's locker and felt blindly around. She heard a lightly jingle and reached into the woman's pocket, extracting the car keys. She pulled them out and closed the locker before pulling on a pair of nondescript shorts and sweatshirt, along with a different pair of worn-out tennis shoes. She slung the bag over her shoulder and glanced around the room once more before heading toward the emergency exit in the back of the locker room. Instead of pressing in the push bar, she slipped a small card over the release mechanism along the door frame. She gently pushed the door open until she was sure that the alarm wasn't going to sound. She quickly secured the card over the mechanism so she could get back in from the outside and left.

_Breathe._

Olivia glanced around the rows of parked cars. She could see hers out of the corner of her eye, which she conveniently chose to park under a security camera so that her car was in perfect view. With her hoodie up and over her head, she looked down at the ground as she headed for the chirping that resulted from the keys she was pressing down on. She opened up the car door and tossed the bag into the passenger seat before starting up the engine and leaving the lot.

_Breathe._

She slipped the car into park and killed the engine. She unzipped the bag and pulled out the dark clothes, quickly exchanging the ones she was wearing for those instead. In a matter of minutes, she was fully dressed and ready to go. She hesitantly reached back into the bag and grasped onto the cold metal which still felt as if it burned her skin even through her gloves. She twisted the barrel of the sniper in place before snapping on the backing. She reached into the bag and grabbed the gun magazine and slipped it into the slot. She glanced up in the mirror at the mask covered face in front of her before exiting the vehicle and running towards the staircase. She ascended the steps, three at a time before reaching the top of the building. She peered around until she spotted the building and laid down on the texturized roof.

_Breathe._

She pulled back the loading mechanism until she heard the bullet lodge in the chamber. She pressed the back of the rifle gently into her shoulder before pointing the barrel towards the room. She peered through the scope before movement caught her attention, instantly causing her to spin towards the figure entering the room, a hundred yards away from her. The barrel of the gun follows the man until he paused in front of a woman. Alex.

Olivia felt her heartrate pick up at the sight of the beaten and bruised blonde, bound and gagged. Her hands were tied up and hooked over something hanging from the ceiling as her body hung limp. There was no doubt in Olivia's mind that she had long since lost feeling in her arms. Olivia couldn't help but flinch as Dylan slapped Alex across the face. The blonde didn't bother moving. A punch landed on her stomach. Then another. Olivia's hand shook as she lined up the sights with his head. He just needed to move. She didn't have a clear shot. Another punch. She couldn't wait. He needed to die if Alex were ever to be safe again. She had no choice. A flash of metal as he pulled out a knife and held it to her throat. She had to do it now. Alex would be dead before the police arrived if she called in the location.

_Breathe. _

_Squeeze._

A crack filled the air as the bullet broke the sound barrier. Distantly, she could've sworn that she heard glass breaking but she couldn't be sure. Her eyes were blurred from the tears as she frantically stood up and looked down at the building. Blood. A body.

_Breathe._

She descended down the stairs as quickly as she could and sprinted toward the building. She used her elbow to punch out the rest of the broken glass from the window that she had shot through before hoisting herself up and dropping down into the room. Alex. She spotted the blonde immediately and ran toward her. She was struggling against the binds around her wrists before she paused and looked at the masked figure in front of her, suddenly panicking.

Olivia dropped the rifle to the ground and held up her hands to show that she meant no harm. She carefully stepped closer to Alex before wrapping her arms around her waist and picking her up so that her hands fell from the hook that held her up. She gently set the broken and bruised body down onto the ground before reaching into her pocket and taking out the burner phone. She pressed three keys before setting the phone into Alex's bound hands.

"Who…" Alex managed to choke out as she looked up at the dark figure above her. Olivia could tell that she was struggling to speak. She gently pressed a single gloved finger to Alex's lips in an attempt to silence her. Without saying a word, Olivia traced her hand across the blonde's forehead and down her temple. She brought their foreheads together and rested her masked forehead against Alex's tenderly for a second before pulling back. She wrapped her hands around Alex's and held up the phone for her to see the number. 911. She pressed call before standing up and retreating from the room.

And just like that, she could finally breathe.


	21. Chapter 21

She cleaned up her mess in a flash. The gun was handed off to a prearranged buyer. Her clothes were dumped at a homeless camp. The car was returned to the parking lot in the same spot. She slipped back in the gym through the back entrance. The keys were placed back in the woman's pants. She smiled as she slipped into the pool with the woman and talked about her workout, sweat still dripping down her forehead. She changed back into the clothes she went to the gym in and tossed her towel casually over her shoulder as she left the gym, carefully turning her head so that the camera could see her. She tossed her gym bag in the back of her car again and slowly pulled out of the parking lot. It was finally over.

She pulled the car into the parking garage and headed upstairs to her apartment. She smiled at the doorman and waved at the security guard at the desk. It was normal for her. Everything was going to go back to normal again. She entered her apartment and tossed her gym bag onto the floor before collapsing to her knees.

_Normal._

She dragged herself off of the floor and headed into the bathroom. The hot water pounded down on her, the sound masking her sobs. It was almost over. Alex was finally going to be safe. She had to do it. She had no choice. She was Alex's safeguard.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, she exited the shower and ran a towel lazily over her wet hair. She glanced down at her phone before unlocking it. Still no call. It would be coming soon. She needed to be prepared. She tossed her phone onto her bed and slipped on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. She glanced back at her phone before crawling onto her bed and laying down on her back so that she could stare up at the white ceiling.

Alex was finally safe. Dylan Whiteman was finally dead. Part of her wanted to make him suffer for what he did to Alex. She could only imagine how much torture Alex went through before Olivia managed to track her down, a week after her initial kidnapping.

The bed vibrated and Olivia jerked up right as she felt around for her phone. Captain. She took a deep breath before sliding the unlock button and holding the phone up to her ear. "Benson."

"Olivia, I need you to come down to Mercy immediately."

Olivia felt her heart rate pick up. She took another deep breath before responding. "Cap, I don't think I'm quite ready to go back to work. I haven't recovered from…Whiteman," Olivia replied, trying her best to sound sullen.

"They found her, Olivia. Alex. She's alive," Cragen told her.

"What?" Olivia gasped into the phone. "She's at Mercy? How is she? Is she going to live? How'd you find her?" Olivia rambled out all at once, making sure he could hear the shock in her voice.

"I think she's going to be okay, Olivia. I figured you'd want to know immediately. I was called a few minutes ago and I just arrived at Mercy to confirm that it was Alex. There was a 911 call this morning from an abandoned warehouse about thirty minutes out of the city and they found her there."

"I'm on my way," Olivia replied as she snapped the phone shut and grabbed her car keys, racing out of the building.

* * *

"Cap," Olivia panted slightly as she held a hand to her chest. "I got here as soon as I could."

Cragen wrapped an arm around her shoulder and led her down the hallway. "Alex is being checked for internal bleeding right now and then she'll be getting a head scan. She's severely bruised and beaten, Olivia, but the doctors think she'll make a full recovery. She has a couple of fractured ribs, a dislocated shoulder, and she needed around thirty stitches, some for her face, the rest for her stomach and her hand."

"Her stomach and hand?" Olivia asked as she looked up at her captain.

"He cut her up pretty badly across her torso and it looks as if he stabbed a knife through her hand. She might not be able to use her hand quite like she used to."

"And Whiteman?" Olivia asked, even though she knew the answer.

"He was found with her, a gunshot wound to the torso. He's in surgery right now."

Olivia's head jerked up to face his. "He's alive?" She asked as her eyes widened and her heartrate quickened.

"For now he's alive. The responding officers have no clue as to what happened," Cragen explained as he looked up as Elliot walked over to the two. "I already briefed Elliot on the situation but the officers responded to a 911 call that was placed by Alex. They could hardly hear her begging for help so they sent out a unit. They found her and Dylan in one of the warehouses. As I said, Dylan suffered from a gunshot to the chest which is unexplained as of right now. CSU found a broken window where the bullet could've came through and are searching for any evidence."

Elliot glanced over at Olivia, catching her gaze her she dropped it to the ground. Elliot couldn't be involved in this; she knew she had to protect him which is why she refused to tell him anything more once he gave her an address to get a gun from. "Once Alex is healthy enough, we're going to get her statement," Cragen finished as he looked between his two detectives; instantly recognizing the tension.

* * *

"Oh Alex," Olivia whispered as she walked into the hospital room where the blonde was laying. She was fast asleep on the bed with a handful of wires surrounding her, and dozens of bandages around her face and arms. It seemed as if there wasn't a single inch of skin that was left unmarked by cuts or bruises. Olivia walked over to the side of Alex's bed and gently picked up the blonde's limp hand. She ran her thumb gingerly over the bruised flesh. "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you."

Olivia looked up when she heard the door creak slightly. She looked at Elliot for a moment before dropping her gaze back down to the bruised body beneath her. "Was it worth it, Liv?"

She glanced back up at Elliot and nodded. "She's alive and safe now, isn't she?"

"You could lose everything," Elliot stated as he walked over to the opposite side of the bed as Olivia and looked down at Alex.

"She's worth it," Olivia simply replied as she used her free hand to gently brush back a small segment of blonde hair. She couldn't help it as her eyes fluttered closed ever so slightly as her fingertips brushed the soft skin that she had missed so much.

"An eye for an eye, Liv," Elliot said as he looked up at Olivia. "You know how the saying goes."

"He got what he deserved, El. I figured you of all people would understand."

"I understand the urge but I've never acted on it like this. Are you ready for the consequences?"

Olivia paused mid-stroke across Alex's forehead. She leaned down and pressed a whisper of a kiss on Alex's forehead before pulling back and staring down Elliot. "I have no idea what you're talking about Elliot. I was at the gym all afternoon."


	22. Chapter 22

"I don't know," Alex stated as she subconsciously ran her fingers across her bandaged hand where the blade had cut straight through her flesh. "He was beating me and then suddenly there was blood everywhere."

"And how'd you get the phone?" Fin asked as he scribbled down something on a notepad. The team had convinced the other precinct to pass Alex's case over to them since the kidnapping started in their district.

Alex glanced around the room momentarily before running her uninjured hand through her hair, wincing as she brushed against her bruised forehead. "It's okay, Alex. Just tell us the truth," Olivia told her as she nodded slightly at the blonde.

Alex glanced around once more before turning back to Fin. "Someone was in the room. I don't know how but a few minutes after Whiteman was shot, someone came in with a rifle."

"And what happened then?" Fin prompted her once more.

Alex tried her best to calm her racing heart but she couldn't. She couldn't breathe. She clasped a hand over her chest and stood up abruptly, sending the chair skidding across the floor before it clanged against the ground. Olivia instantly jumped up and was by her side in a second. She wrapped an arm around Alex's back gently and rubbed soft circles against her sweatshirt. "Breathe," Olivia whispered to the blonde as she used her free arm to turn Alex to face her.

Alex reached out and grabbed onto Olivia's sweater, wrinkling it beneath her hand as she gripped onto it as if her life depended on it. "You're okay, Alex. Just breathe," Olivia told her again as she reached up and softly traced her fingers across Alex's forehead and toward her temple. The touch caused Alex to shiver as her mind flashed back to that day.

_"Who…" Her voice was weak. She could hear it herself. Quite frankly, she was surprised that she could even speak considering all the abuse that Dylan had subjected her to. She looked up at the mask figured and somehow felt at ease even though she knew she should be freaking out. This person had a sniper rifle. This person had shot Dylan. A gloved hand reached out and pressed gently against her lips. She looked up at the masked figure and pressed her lips back together. _

_Familiar brown eyes…_

_The figure reached out again and traced a hand gently across her forehead. It didn't hurt like it should have; instead it calmed her. She reveled in the first intimate human contact that she had felt since Dylan had kidnapped her, who knows how many days ago. The hand gently slid down and across her temple before pulling back. _

_The masked figure leaned down and pressed their foreheads together tenderly. A familiar scent washed over her senses. _

Alex's eyes shot up to meet Olivia's. Silence. Alex searched her eyes frantically for the answers she needed to hear but there was nothing. No sorrow, no guilt, no more anger. And now Alex knew why. They held each other's gaze for a few seconds longer before Alex pressed her forehead against Olivia's much like Olivia had done for her that night.

"It was you," Alex whispered so quietly that Olivia wasn't even sure she had heard her. She released her grip on Olivia's shirt and turned back to Fin. "I'm sorry, I seem to be quite a mess."

"We can continue this tomorrow if you want, Alex," Fin told her as she looked between the two women. He was no fool; he could tell that they just shared an intimate moment.

"No, that's quite alright Detective Tutuola." Alex looked back at Olivia once more before walking back over to the table. "As I was saying, a man with a rifle came into the room."

"And you're sure it was a man?"

"Yes," Alex responded with ease. "He was a rather large man. I started panicking as he walked over to me. He pulled me up off of the chain that had me hanging from the ceiling and set me down on the floor. He proceeded to hand me the cellphone and then left."

"Did you see how he left?"

"No, I wasn't really paying attention," Alex replied as her eyebrows furrowed as if she was deep in thought. "I know I should've been paying attention but I was so focused on calling for help. So I used the phone to dial 911. I managed to ask for help and well, the rest is history."

* * *

"Alex, wait up," Olivia called as she half jogged to catch up to the blonde who practically sprinted out of the precinct once she finished the questioning. Alex stopped and turned around to face her. Olivia could see the pain in her eyes as her eyebrows bunched up and her bottom lip quivered slightly. She was going to cry. "Alex."

"Don't," Alex whispered as she shook her head, inadvertently allowing a few tears to roll down her cheeks and splash against the concrete sidewalk. "You don't get to do that. What the hell were you thinking, Olivia?"

"I wasn't," Olivia responded as she reached out for the ADA and gently cupped her upper forearms.

"I made my choice that night! I chose to let him have me, Olivia!" Alex screamed out as she shook her head violently side to side. "You had no right!" Alex weakly balled up her fist and hit it against the center of Olivia's torso. "You had no right…" She sobbed out as Olivia pulled her closer.

Olivia held onto her as sobs wracked her body, lightly running her fingers through her blonde locks over and over again. "I had every right to save the woman that I love," Olivia whispered against the top of her head before placing a gentle kiss there.

Alex pulled back slightly and looked up at Olivia before shaking her head. "No, you can't, Olivia. You can't love me." Before Olivia could argue with her, Alex spoke again in a whisper. "Especially not now…He broke me."

"He didn't break you, Alex." She ran her hand through Alex's hair once more before cupping the back of her head and nudging Alex's face up to hers ever so slightly. "You're far too strong for that."

She shook her head frantically in response. "No, he broke me. I'm broken, Liv." Alex's gaze fell down to the ground before she leaned forward, allowing herself to fall against Olivia's chest. "He—he said he was going to enjoy breaking me…"

"Shh," Olivia whispered against her head as she rubbed soothing circles against her back.

"He won."


	23. Chapter 23

Alex groaned as the thudding on her door continued. She just wanted to sleep. She just wanted to hide away and pretend that this was all just a nightmare but life didn't work that way. She begrudgingly pushed herself off of her sofa and wandered over to the door, not bothering to look to see who it was; there was no point anymore.

"Casey?" Alex asked as she looked at the redhead who was still covered in bruises in various stages of healing. Without a work, Casey walked, or more appropriately, limped past Alex and into her apartment, heading straight toward the couch. Alex shut the door softly behind her and paused; she wasn't looking forward to the anger that Casey must have felt toward her since it was her fault that Casey was kidnapped. A part of her didn't want to know what had happened to the ADA but another sick and twisted part of her was curious as to whether or not they received similar treatment at Whiteman's hands.

"Why?" Casey asked, breaking the silence. Alex rested her forehead against the cold door for a second before pushing off and turning to face Casey. She bit her lip hesitantly as she walked over to her and sat down on the opposite end of the couch. She remained silent, unsure of what to say, as she turned to face Casey. The redhead met her eyes with ease. "Why'd you do it, Alex?"

"Do you hate me?" Alex finally managed to ask as she diverted her eyes from Casey's and suddenly found her hands rather interesting. She gently traced a finger across the large bandage that took up the majority of her left palm.

Casey stayed quiet as well, contemplating her next words. "You know, I gave up. I gave up after one day." Alex looked up from her palm to meet Casey's glistening eyes, a look that she was all too familiar with every time she looked into a mirror. "I would be dead if it weren't for you."

"You almost died because of me," Alex interrupted as she dropped her gaze once more. She subconsciously pulled her legs up onto the couch and wrapped her arms around them in a protective manner, something that she had become very fond of in her time with Dylan.

_It took five days but he had finally done it, he broke her. Alex laid naked on her side on the tattered and blood stained mattress. There was really no other position that she could lay in even if she wanted to; he had bound her wrists and ankles together, before tying them both together as if she were a hog ready to be strung up over a fire pit. She was used to spending nights like this, bound, gagged, and helpless. Quite frankly, she had given up hope of being found after two days but he had yet to break her…until tonight. She curled her head further into her bound wrists as if somehow the simple act made her feel better; it didn't. There was nothing that could get rid of this feeling of emptiness. Nothing. On day one she was brave; she looked down at him as if he didn't stand a chance at breaking her. On day two she was scared; she tried her best to hide from him but it was futile. On day three she was in a paranoid haze; every creak, every whistle of the wind set her off as if he were standing above her, preparing to continue the abuse. On day four she had a miserable feeling of despair; this was her first hint at him finally breaking her. And on day five, she felt nothing. No anger, no sadness, no guilt, no despair, no more pain, nothing. _

"No, Alex, I survived because of you. You saved me," Casey stated as she scooted a little bit closer to Alex the best that she could. She recognized the flashbacks with ease; she had been dealing with them since she had woken up at the hospital.

"I'm no hero," Alex replied with a scoff. She pushed herself further into the cushions of the couch as she leaned back against them, still holding her legs tightly against her chest.

"No," Casey replied as she shook her head slightly. "Hero isn't the appropriate word; it implies that you did this for recognition. I believe the more appropriate word would be an altruist."

"Really?" Alex asked sarcastically as she finally made eye contact with Casey again. "Because I've heard Ice Queen and Heartless Bitch in the short amount of time that I've been working in the DA's office but that's certainly a new one."

"We both know that it's just an act, Alex, just like this is right now."

"What?" Alex asked as her eyes narrowed in on Casey.

"This whole, 'I'm okay and I don't need your help' act."

"Who says it's an act?" Alex questioned as she diverted her eyes once more.

"How long did it take for him to break you? Three days? Maybe four? Because you are broken, Alex. Don't try to tell me that you're not. You're not okay, I know that for a fact but that's okay. It's okay to be broken. It's okay to be a victim."

Without a word, Alex pushed off of the couch and left the room. A part of her knew that she was trying to avoid facing the truth; that she really was broken and that she would need help. The other part of her wanted to pretend that this was all some horrible nightmare and that she'd wake up wrapped in a familiar, protective pair of arms…

She quickly downed a glass of water before spinning around when she heard a faint clicking against the tile floor. She looked down at Casey's walking cane before glancing up to her face. "How'd you do it?"

"I'm still in the process of dealing with it," Casey replied honestly as Alex pulled out a chair at the kitchen table for her, gesturing for her to take a seat. Alex rummaged around momentarily before placing a glass of water in front of Casey. The redhead took a sip before looking back at Alex. "But having someone that loves me helps."

Alex fiddled with her wrapped hand again, an act that she found herself doing more often than not. "I don't really have anyone like that."

"You do, Alex." Alex's eyes shot up to meet hers. "Everyone can see the way Olivia looks at you. She loves you."

"She shouldn't," Alex countered immediately.

"Why?"

"You know why," Alex replied as she glanced down at the table before getting up again and filling up her water glass. She needed to keep herself occupied so that she couldn't think about it. She couldn't break down in front of anyone; she could only break down when she was alone in the safety of her own bedroom.

"Say it," Casey stated as her eyes followed the blonde's every move.

"Say what, Casey? That I'm broken? I'm broken!" Alex practically screamed out as she started pacing the room. "I'm broken and I can't do anything about it. Maybe you'd like to hear everything that I've tried, huh? Drinking, breaking things, crying my eyes out for hours on end. Would you like to hear about the physical pain? Because there's nothing that I can do about that either. Every time I take my damn prescriptions I end up hovering over the toilet for an hour. I can't stomach the pills anymore because I can't stomach anything! I can't remember the last time I actually ate something that I didn't immediately throw up. Is that what you wanted to hear, Casey?"

"It's okay to ask for help, Alex," Casey simply stated as she stood up from the table, struggling slightly to maintain her balance with her cane in one hand. Before she left the kitchen where Alex was still seated, she turned around. "Call her."

Alex heard the door softly close behind Casey, signaling her exit. How were things so simple for Casey when she was left struggling to pick up the pieces? She removed her cellphone from her pocket and pulled up Olivia's number. Her thumb hovered over the call button as she thought back to her fourth day with Dylan.

_She gasped as she jerked awake, struggling to pull off whatever was wrapped around her neck. Instead, her hands were met with resistance from the binds. Dark eyes from above looked down at her in a mixture of amusement and disgust. "Do you dream about her often?" Dylan asked as he tightened his grip around Alex's throat so that she couldn't speak even if she wanted to. "You were calling out her name, you know. Do you think she can protect you from me? Do you really think she's coming to save you? News flash, she's not. She doesn't give a shit about you. She's too busy drinking herself stupid. Some hero." _

_Finally, his hands loosened from her throat as she desperately sucked in as much air to her lungs as she could. It hurt; it physically hurt to breathe now. She was positive that he had broken quite a few ribs during his last assault but she was too afraid to look down at her bruised and beaten body. The last time she looked down at her exposed body, she threw up. But it wasn't the first time that she did, nor would it be the last. _

_He pulled her limp body over so that she was resting rather uncomfortably on her back. She didn't even bother fighting anymore; she knew what he was going to do as he pulled his knife out from his pocket and flicked it open. He pushed her bound arms down so that her chest was exposed and brought the knife against her already tender flesh. He always took his time during this part; maybe it was his sick way of making sure that she endured the most amount of pain or maybe he was just a perfectionist. For the first time since he kidnapped her, she didn't cry out as he pressed the blade into her skin until it split open, slowly sliding it down her body until the blood pool spilled over onto the mattress. _

_"That makes four, my little mouse," Dylan stated as he withdrew the bloody knife from her stomach and wiped off the excess blood across her cheek, causing her to flinch. Four. Four days. Four tallies now carved into her stomach, a permanent reminder of what she went through. A perpetual reminder if she even got out of this alive…_

Her thumb dropped down against the screen the same moment the tears splashed against the table. "Liv, I need you."


	24. Chapter 24

She didn't say a word. Maybe there was really nothing to say but she expected something. Some speech about how it's okay to need someone and how being a victim doesn't make you weak but instead there was nothing. Olivia had simply walked into Alex's apartment and walked right past the blonde, straight toward her bedroom.

Without a word, she tossed the bag that she had brought with her onto the bed, quickly unzipping it. Alex leaned against the door frame lightly as she watched Olivia walk over to her dresser, pull out a handful of clothes, and set them into the bag. She repeated the same act over and over until her drawers were staggered open and mostly empty minus a few articles of clothing.

Then she headed toward the closet, pulling the doors open as well before taking a step back and looking over the dozens of pristine suits. She ran her hand along the hangers, allowing the clothes to part from each other for a brief second before she pulled back and shut the closet as if nothing in there interested her.

Alex followed Olivia with her eyes as she left the bedroom and entered the bathroom. She could hear a bit of rummaging before Olivia came back out and tossed a few more things in the bag before zipping it up and slinging it over her shoulder. They made eye contact briefly before Olivia walked over to her and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. There was something in Olivia's eyes that she hadn't seen before but it wasn't like the look that everyone else had been giving her. There was no sympathy, but rather, empathy. And somehow that made all the difference. She understood what the others couldn't.

They left the apartment in silence and Olivia drove them to their next destination without saying a single word. It was somewhat refreshing for Alex; it was strange for someone to not immediately poke and prod at her for some sort of information about what she went through. But then again, Olivia was never like everyone else.

Once they arrived at their destination, Olivia led Alex into the building and up to her apartment. She gestured for Alex to stay in the living room as she went into her bedroom and dropped off the bag full of Alex's stuff. She came back with a stack of blankets that almost blocked her view before dropping them down on the couch. One by one, she unfolded the blankets and spread them out. One was tucked into the couch cushions and draped over the smaller couch before being tucked in there as well. Olivia dropped down to her knees and pushed her coffee table out of the way before picking up another blanket and spreading it out as well. She draped that one over the remaining portion of the longer couch before wrapping it partially around the edge of the coffee table. Another blanket covered the other two before being placed under a small stereo that was placed next to her TV stand.

Slowly, the stack of blankets dwindled down until there were only a few left. She tossed those under the make shift fort along with a handful of pillows from the couch. Alex tried her best not to smile as Olivia kneeled down on the ground and extended a hand out for Alex to take, as she held up one end of a blanket, so that she could enter the fort. She willingly placed her hand into Olivia's and this time, she couldn't stop the small smile that graced her lips as Olivia pulled her down and into the fort, immediately dropping the blanket so that they were surrounded in darkness.

Olivia slid over slightly as she fluffed a pillow before setting her head down onto it, reclining back so that she was looking up toward the ceiling of the fort. Alex rested her back against the front of the couch the best that she could since the blanket hung low. She looked down at Olivia as a hand reached up and took hold of her own. She took the hint and allowed herself to lay down next to Olivia, resting her head on the pillow that Olivia was using as well.

They stayed there, hands weaved together, staring up at the roof of the fort for close to an hour before Olivia finally spoke. "When I was little, I used to build blanket forts and hide in them for hours on end. It was the only way for me to get away from all the bad in my life." She gently brought their intertwined hands up to her face before placing a soft kiss on the back of Alex's hand. Before Olivia could bring their hands back down, Alex rolled onto her side, facing Olivia, and hesitantly rested her head against the left side of Olivia's chest. Their intertwined hands separated; Olivia immediately wrapped her now free hand around Alex's back pulling her closer. Alex's left hand rested gently across the center of Olivia's chest as Olivia's other free hand wrapped around the arm across her chest.

Alex lazily traced the fingers on her left hand across the exposed skin high on Olivia's chest for a few minutes before Olivia felt the wetness seeping through her shirt. She glanced down the best that she could and willed back her own tears as she watched tears roll down the blonde's face. "I can't feel this," Alex whispered as her fingers stilled against Olivia's chest before sliding across the expanse of exposed skin, making her meaning clear.

Olivia had remembered Cragen telling her that Alex faced permanent damage in her left hand from where Dylan had stabbed a knife through it. Without hesitation, she wrapped her hand around the back of Alex's, careful not to press down onto the bandaged portion. She gently lifted the blonde's hand off of her torso before bringing it up to her mouth, tenderly kissing the pads of her fingers, one by one. Olivia could feel Alex crying harder now as her thin frame shook against her body. She carefully placed Alex's hand back down onto her chest before affectionately running her fingers through Alex's hair, brushing ever so gently against her scalp.

Alex balled Olivia's shirt up under her hand as she clung desperately onto Olivia. She needed something; something to hold onto. She knew Olivia's actions had meant to comfort her but the feelings rushing through her body were overwhelming. Love, devotion, care, tenderness, and even fear. It was a mixture of feelings that she was sure she had never experienced before. She forced herself to loosen her grip on Olivia's shirt before reaching her hand up to Olivia's face.

She couldn't help herself as she brushed her fingers across Olivia's cheekbones, trying to feel something where there was nothing. She knew how soft Olivia's skin was. She could remember sweeping her fingers across the smooth, bronze skin but now she felt nothing. She desperately pressed her fingers harder against Olivia's cheek before dragging it down to Olivia's lips. She blindly ran her hand along the plump lips that she knew were incredibly soft but instead she felt nothing.

She dropped her hand back down to Olivia's torso, curling her fingers into her palm roughly as tiny red streaks rose across Olivia's skin from where her nails had scraped. "Shh," Olivia whispered against the top of the blonde's head as she ran her fingers softly through the locks once more. "Just listen," Olivia whispered again as she cupped the back of Alex's head and moved it to the side ever so slightly.

Alex drew in a shaky breath as she pressed her head back down into Olivia's chest. The quiet beats of Olivia's heart gradually grew louder. She allowed her eyes to flutter shut as she listened to the strong, consistent beats. They seemed to flood her senses and somehow every twisted emotion that she was feeling faded away. She focused in on the sound of Olivia's heart, the feeling of Olivia's fingers running through her hair, the subtle scent of Olivia's body wash. And in that moment, everything seemed like it was going to be okay.


	25. Chapter 25

When they woke up, neither woman wanted to move from their position wrapped up in each other's arms. There was something so peaceful about being held that Alex had never experienced before. She wasn't usually one to enjoy cuddling, even after sex, but she couldn't imagine being anywhere else. She had been awake for what she estimated to be an hour before she felt Olivia stir slightly, indicating that the detective was now awake.

Alex sighed in contentment as Olivia ran her fingers gently through her hair, unconsciously nuzzling her head further against Olivia's chest. If she could stay there forever, she would, but she knew things needed to be said. Alex gently pushed herself up ever so slightly so that she could look into Olivia's eyes. Brown eyes met blue and locked on, not wavering once. They continued looking into each other's' eyes until Alex could see the brown eyes shifting side to side, as if she was searching Alex's eyes for answers.

Alex bit her lip nervously before diverting her eyes and lifting herself completely off of Olivia so that she was now sitting on the floor. She glanced up as her head brushed against the blankets above them, momentarily forgetting that they were still under Olivia's impromptu blanket fort. "Should I take it down?" Olivia asked as she followed Alex's gaze and looked up around them at the blanket fort.

Alex shook her head as she looked around at the fort herself. She could only guess that it was morning now by the way the light was streaming through the weaved patterns of the blanket. The additional light had made it easier for the two women to see each other which made it hard for Alex to deny what had happened the night before. She could feel how swollen her eyes were when she blinked and she was sure they were just as red as they were swollen.

She glanced back at Olivia, almost afraid to make eye contact again, before realizing that Olivia's eyes probably looked a lot like hers. Olivia also had slightly swollen and red eyes as well but Alex hadn't seen her cry the night before but then again Olivia always tried to be brave for others. That was something that Alex had ardently admired about the detective even though it drove her crazy at times such as now. She wished that Olivia would've broken down with her but then again she wasn't sure how well she would've handled that. Crying had become a pattern for her recently despite not being a crier in the past but seeing Olivia cry would only make it that much more real. She wasn't sure that she was ready for that.

"I don't know if I can talk about it," Alex finally whispered as she dropped her head so that she could look at her hands which were resting in her lap. She traced her fingers over her patched left hand and closed her eyes as she took in a deep, steady breath.

"You don't have to tell me anything," Olivia replied softly as she leaned up slightly so that her back was resting against the front of the couch. She could see the struggle behind Alex's eyes, as if the blonde wanted to spill everything out at once while another part of her wanted to bury it somewhere deep inside of herself. It physically hurt Olivia to see the war waging behind those normally crystal clear blue eyes.

"I—" Alex paused as she looked up at Olivia before looking back down at her waist. She fiddled with the bottom of her shirt slightly before making eye contact with Olivia once more. The empathy that Alex saw in those big brown eyes were enough encouragement for her. She brought her hands up to the top of her button down shirt and fiddled with the button before slipping it out of the hole. Her hands slid down a few inches before stopping at the next button and repeating the process.

Olivia patiently waited as she watched Alex unbutton her shirt about halfway before shrugging it off of her shoulders a bit. The detective swallowed roughly and ground her teeth together, trying her best not to let her anger show as the plethora of cuts and bruises were revealed, inch by inch. It was certainly a sight that she knew was coming but couldn't prepare herself for. Nothing could prepare you for seeing the one you love in so much pain, physically and emotionally.

Alex glanced back up at Olivia and softened her eyes, silently pleading Olivia not to say anything about the horrors under her shirt. She knew she wouldn't be able to talk about what happened, at least not yet, but she knew Olivia deserved to know a bit about what she went through. It took everything she had to continue unbuttoning the remainder of her shirt, knowing full well that the worst of her scars were below her ribcage. She quickly pushed the last button out of the hole before holding onto the corners of her shirt, still keeping her body covered.

Alex closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, willing herself to have the courage to show Olivia what she had endured. After what felt like hours, she pulled her shirt open and let it fall down her shoulders completely, her eyes still pinched shut. She felt her heartrate pick up as she ceased her breathing completely, trying her best to hear some sort of sound in the silent room. The only thing she could make out was her heart thumping against her ribcage, increasing in frequency.

_The silence was deafening. She almost feared these moments the most; the moments when everything around her was quiet as she waited for the assault on her body to continue. Dylan seemed to enjoy building up the suspense and watching her shake in fear before continuing his attack; he was sick in that sort of sense. An abrupt scream filled her ears, a familiar voice that she knew was hers but she couldn't even tell if it was coming from her anymore. Everything was so distorted and nothing made sense anymore except the scorching pain shooting through her body. _

_The acrid scent of burning flesh filled her nostrils and she tried her hardest not to throw up at the scent. The scent that no doubt was coming from her sizzling flesh where Dylan was holding a blow torch to it. It seemed as if he was tired of using his knife on her; he had to branch out in order to further his pleasure from her pain. She could hear the flickering flame grow closer to her ears as a wave of heat washed over her. She bit her lip abruptly to hold back from screaming, not bothering to care that blood was now flowing in her mouth from where she had bit herself. _

_She wondered momentarily about something her father had told her when she was younger. Something about only being able to focus on one painful thing at a time. She bit harder into her lip and immediately disposed of that theory; she could still feel her burning flesh along with the pain from her bleeding lip. _

_After what felt like a lifetime, Dylan finally shut off the torch. She was relieved and terrified at the same time; his torture usually lasted for the majority of the day which meant that he had something else planned for her. _

Two soft hands gently brushed against her forearms and she clenched her eyes even tighter. The terrified part of her told her that Olivia only touching her unblemished skin meant that the detective was disgusted. She willed herself not to break down from the rejection as Olivia pulled her forward slightly. She kept her eyes closed as Olivia's prompted her to turn and lean down until her bare back came in contact with soft blankets.

Her eyes were still pinched shut when something soft pressed ever so slightly against one of her eyelids. She could feel a warm breeze rush across her face before Olivia gently kissed her other eyelid. Her eyes fluttered open and she wasn't surprised to see Olivia's face right above hers. They locked eyes as Olivia slid down Alex's body until she was hovering over Alex's torso.

Olivia maintained eye contact with Alex until the blonde nodded ever so slightly, indicating that she was okay with this. Olivia slowly lowered her eyes until she could see the dozens of small cuts and bruises, various larger cuts, and seven large stitched-up hash marks across Alex's abdomen. She let out a breath that she didn't know she was holding as she examined the neatly stitched up flesh. The corner of Alex's skin puckered up slightly from where the stitches were pulling her skin back together. She swallowed hard as she blinked furiously, willing herself not to break down in front of Alex. She knew she needed to assure the ADA that the scars didn't make her think any less of her.

Olivia hesitantly lowered her head, waiting for any objections. When none came, she lowered her head the rest of the way until she could press her lips against Alex's torso. She skimmed her lips gently over the skin right beneath Alex's bra until she felt a rough spot touch her lips. She kissed the healing skin softly before sliding her lips lower. She tenderly pressed her lips against a large bruise and placed another kiss there before sliding even lower.

She paused when she reached the tip of the first hash mark. She peered up at Alex and immediately closed her eyes as a burning sensation flooded her own eyes. Alex's eyes were softly closed but Olivia could see the streams of tears that were running down her cheeks. Everything about Alex's body spoke levels to how much emotional pain she was in right now. Olivia wrapped both of her hands around the sides of Alex's waist and drew soft circles into the exposed skin, willing the blonde to calm down. She wasted no time in pressing her lips gingerly against the first hash mark and sighed in relief when she felt Alex's body relax into the touch.

Acceptance. That was the only way Alex could rationalize this in her head. Olivia accepted her destroyed body. She accepted the dozens of fading bruises and healing cuts. She accepted the seven horrendous stitched up slits across her torso. But mainly, she accepted her. Alex couldn't stop herself as her body quivered and shook as more tears spilled down her cheeks, memories of her time with Dylan flooding her mind.

_"Your body is a piece of artwork, Alexandra," Dylan whispered in her ear, pulling her out of her sleep induced haze. A part of her wanted to just pretend that she was still asleep but she had learned quickly that it would only cause her more pain in the long run. She weakly opened up her eyes and looked up at the ceiling of the warehouse, purposely avoiding his beady eyes as they wandered over her naked body. _

_"I'd like to make my own piece of artwork. With your help, of course," Dylan clarified as he pushed up off the ground and continued wandering his eyes over Alex's body. It was only then that she heard the crinkling beneath her. She immediately looked to the tarp beneath her body where there was normally hard concrete; he must have moved her onto the blue tarp during her slumber. She shivered at the thought of him touching her while she was unconscious but maybe that would've made this more bearable, not knowing what he did to her in perfect detail. _

_Her eyes flashed back up to him when she heard metal objects clink together. He was holding two knifes, running them against one another as if he were sharpening them. "I see you found the canvas," He commented as he looked at the tarp that she was resting on. "You're going to be the paint, my little mouse." _

_She swallowed hard and closed her eyes as Dylan lowered himself onto her. She struggled weakly against her bound hands, knowing full well that it would only agitate her bloodied wrists even more. The first cut wasn't nearly as painful as it should've been considering the amount of blood that he drew. She could hear the blade slicing against her skin before his hands pressed against the cut, causing more blood to flow out of her body. She heard faint splattering against the tarp, immediately figuring that it must've been her blood. She swallowed down the bile rising in her throat as he pressed both the knives up against her again, digging them painfully into her flesh. More splattering. _

_After what felt like hours of cutting and splattering, Dylan finally pulled back and admired his handiwork. "Such a beautiful piece of artwork, wouldn't you agree Alexandra?" She wearily opened up her eyes, knowing that if she ignored him it would only cause her more pain. There were dozens and dozens of dark red spots and smears across the blue tarp surrounding her. She was sure that if she looked down at her torso, she would see a large puddle of blood and mangled flesh where she should've seen smooth, pale skin. _

_"But it's missing something. I think it needs a little color," Dylan said as he tapped a bloody knife against his chin gently, causing her blood to smear onto his skin. He looked back down at her and ran his eyes along her body before stopping at her head. He kneeled down so that he was straddling her upper torso before roughly grasping onto the back of her head and yanking her forward. "I always thought you had such beautiful hair, Alexandra." She could hear the knife ripping roughly through a segment of her hair before he pulled back off of her. He sprinkled the one inch segment of blonde hair across the tarp as if he was an actual artist, perfecting his work. _

_"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Dylan asked as he walked around the tarp, admiring it from different angles. "Too bad I had to destroy one piece of artwork in order to make another. But with all good things come sacrifices, right Alexandra? I'll have this beautiful piece of artwork to remember our moments together forever. And for you? Well, you're no longer a beautiful piece of artwork, my little mouse. No one will ever accept you now, except me. You'll do yourself good to remember that, Alexandra." _

_It was silent for a few minutes before he spoke up again. "When she sees you or touches you, if she ever gets to see you or touch you again, she'll only think of me." _

He was wrong.

Olivia immediately pulled away from kissing Alex's torso, afraid that she had hurt the ADA. Once she realized that those were tears of relief rather than pain, she kissed the remainder of the cuts before sliding back up Alex's body so that she was once more hovering over the blonde's face. The detective slid her arms up with her and caressed Alex's cheeks gently, swiping away the tears with her thumbs.

Alex's eyes opened once more and they looked at each other for a few seconds before Olivia leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against the blonde's forehead. Both of them somehow seemed to understand that what just happened wasn't out of desire. It was Olivia's way of comforting Alex and assuring her that nothing changed. But for Alex, it changed everything.

When Olivia rested her forehead against Alex's, much like they had when Olivia rescued her, the blonde tilted her face up, connecting their lips. There was no passion in the kiss, no burning desire, but somehow Alex couldn't imagine it being any other way. Their lips were gently pressed up against each other's, both too afraid to move and face the consequences of what this meant. So instead, they stayed perfectly still, reveling in the feeling of the softness of the other's lips, not daring to breathe as if suddenly this would all turn into a dream.

When oxygen became too prominent of a need, Olivia slowly withdrew her lips from Alex's as the blonde lowered her lips back down so that their foreheads were pressed together again. They both breathed heavily, trying to calm their racing hearts before opening their eyes. When Olivia finally opened up her eyes, she found herself staring into once more crystal blue eyes, something she hadn't seen since their first night together.


	26. Chapter 26

The abrupt knocking on the door pulled Alex out of her thoughts. She peered across the room toward Olivia's door before glancing back toward Olivia's bedroom, where the brunette had gone just seconds ago. She hesitantly got up off of the couch before berating herself for being afraid to answer the door.

Before she could even register the face in front of her, her body froze up as she let the door fall completely open. "Hello dear," The man stated rather loudly as he stepped forward, inviting himself into Olivia's residence.

Once the detective had heard a man's voice in her apartment, she practically sprinted out into the living room before stopping sharply as she took in the tall man. He stood at over six feet tall, clad in a full suit. His demeanor revealed nothing as to why he was here but his eyes gave it away. It seemed as if those piercing blue eyes were the only thing that he had passed on to Alex.

"No," Alex replied as she shook her head. "You have no right to be here." Alex hardened her features as she stared at her father, a man that she had come to despise growing up. He had never been there for her as she grew up except when he found it convenient.

She remembered a time when she had been so happy because her father had invited her out to dinner with his coworkers and even bought her a dress. She felt as if her heart was going to leap out of her chest as she dressed up and her father escorted her to their car. She had always craved the attention that a father should give his daughter, that strong father daughter bond. It was only when she met her father's coworker that she understood why her father had brought her along.

The man practically devoured her with his eyes, appraising her young body. She suddenly found herself acutely aware of how short the dress was and how much of her chest was revealed but that was clearly her father's intent. She felt as if she was going to throw up when her father so conveniently mentioned that she was seventeen when he introduced her, making it clear that she was legal.

By the end of the dinner, Alex wanted to crawl out of her skin and hide away from everything and everyone, including her father. He had forced her to sit next to the man and it was no secret that his hands wandered up Alex's exposed legs, groping anything that he could while still being discreet. She kept glancing over at her father, willing him to make the man stop, but instead he just diverted his eyes with a faint smirk. When they finally left the restaurant, her father simply smiled at her and said, "You helped me close a multi-million dollar deal tonight, Alexandra."

"I am your father," He countered as he reached out to touch her arm.

She immediately jerked away from his hand and wrapped her arms protectively around herself. "No you're not. You abandoned me as your daughter until you realized that you could use me to close your business deals. Get out."

"That is no way to speak to your father," He gritted out behind clenched teeth as he took another step toward her. He stood taller than her as he leveled himself in front of her, her body immediately shrinking as he towered over her.

"The only connection we have is through blood," Alex replied as she stood her ground, not taking another step back as he looked down at her. "Now I would like you to leave."

He didn't bother moving an inch and Olivia readied herself to interrupt their conversation and force Alex's father out. It was clear that they didn't have the best relationship but she didn't want to intervene unless it was necessary. Alex always liked to do things her way. "I came to see how you were," He responded harshly as he looked up and down Alex's body, as if he could assess the damage by that simple gesture.

"It has been over a week," Alex gritted out as she straightened up her body and glared at him. "You lost the right to know anything about me when I woke up alone in a hospital room. You didn't even bother calling!"

"You know I'm a busy man," Her father countered immediately. "Who do you think offered half a million for your safe return?!"

Alex scoffed as she shook her head and turned away from him. "So that's how much I'm worth to you? Five hundred thousand dollars? I'm not some business transaction! You can't just buy your way out of every problem you come across, now get out!"

"Alexandra," Her father warned, his voice was cold and threatening.

"Don't. Don't call me that," She interrupted abruptly as her entire body started shaking. Before Olivia could close the distance between them and steady the blonde, she fell onto her knees, grasping her head with her hands as if to protect herself.

_"Alexandra," Dylan warned in a harsh tone as he tapped the knife against Alex's wrists which were now covering her chest. "I thought we were past you disobeying me." She shook her head roughly side to side as she held her arms firmly against her chest in a vain attempt to ward off his advances. _

_Without hesitation, he jerked Alex's hands off of her chest and forced them above her head before stabbing the knife through the center of the ropes that bound her wrists together, effectively pinning her hands to the mattress. He admired his handiwork for a second before climbing on top of Alex, pressing his jean covered erection against her naked body. "There's no reason to be shy, my little mouse," He told her as he brought his hands up to her chest and groped her breasts roughly. "You've been waiting for this part, haven't you?" _

_She had been dreading this part. A part of her was starting to wonder if it would ever happen considering he had stuck mainly to physical abuse over the last few days. He had beaten and abused her body until she thought she could no longer take it. Maybe he was waiting until she was too weak to fight back but he always struck her as the type to enjoy the challenge. _

_She closed her eyes and bit back her tears as his rough hands continued to fondle her breasts. She weakly tried to cover her body again before realizing that the knife stopped her from any movement. An idea instantly struck her and she tugged at her restraints once more. She could hear faint tearing as the blade of the knife cut through the ropes but she could also feel the immense pain as the knife cut through her skin as well. There was no doubt in her mind that Dylan had placed it there on purpose, enticing her to try to escape but knowing full well that there was no way for her to cut through the ropes without cutting her wrists as well. _

_But still, she struggled against the ropes, biting back her screams from the pain that was coursing through her body. She welcomed the pain over the feeling of Dylan's grimy hands on her body. After a few more firm tugs, she felt the ropes fall slack just as Dylan lowered his face to her chest. Without hesitation, she used what little strength she had to knee Dylan between his legs as she desperately grasped for the knife that had once been pinning her hands to the mattress. Once she felt her fingers curl around the hilt, she pulled it out and brought it above her chest, attempting to impale it into Dylan's chest but failing since the awkward position made it hard to aim the knife toward him. _

_In a flash, the knife was turned on her as Dylan brought it down with the entire weight of his body, just missing Alex's neck as he impaled it into the mattress in a rage. He pulled back from her and for a brief second, she could see the anger in his eyes before his fists rained down on her body, pummeling every last ounce of strength out of her until she finally succumbed to the pain and blacked out. _

"Alex, sweetie, you're okay," Olivia whispered as she wrapped an arm around Alex's waist and helped her to her feet. She turned to face Alex's father and bit back her anger as she glared at him. "Get out of my apartment before I arrest you," Olivia gritted out between clenched teeth, trying her best not to scare Alex in the process. She gently cupped the back of Alex's head when she felt her shaking and stroked the soft blonde locks in an attempt to calm her down.

Alex's father looked between the two women before scoffing in disapproval. "How dare you threatened me and lay your hands on my daughter! You're nothing but a filthy dyke," He spat out as he reached out to pull Alex out of Olivia's arms.

"Don't touch her!" Olivia screamed at him as she pulled Alex closer to her chest and side stepped his advance.

"Get your fucking hands off of my daughter," He ordered once more before grabbing onto the collar of Olivia's shirt.

"Stop! Let go of her!" Alex finally managed to scream out as she clung desperately to Olivia's chest. Her father paused before dropping his hold on Olivia's shirt and shoving her backwards a bit.

"You're staying with her," Her father observed more than asked. "No daughter of mine will be a fucking dyke! I'll cut you out of the damn will and take away your trust fund!" He threatened as his voice rose. Before he could continue yelling, however, Olivia connected her fist with his nose, causing a loud crack to fill the room.

"Get. Out. Now." Alex's father reached up and touched the blood flowing out of his nose before glaring back at Olivia. He took a step toward Olivia which was met with a step forward by her as well as she positioned herself so that Alex was protected. He stared her down for a few seconds before turning abruptly on his heels and leaving the apartment without so much as another word.

"I'm sorry," Alex mumbled against Olivia's neck repeatedly. Olivia pushed her door shut and locked it before leading Alex over to the couch.

"It's okay, Alex. He's gone and he won't be coming back. I'll call down to the front desk and have him banned from entering this building," Olivia assured her as she sat down, trying her best to maneuver Alex with her since she didn't seem ready to release her grip on Olivia's shirt. She ended up with Alex's legs draped awkwardly over her thighs, almost sitting in her lap, as the blonde buried her face further against the detective's neck.

Alex squirmed slightly as a buzzing ran through her body before realizing that it was Olivia's phone. Olivia reached beneath Alex and silenced the phone before wrapping her arms back around the blonde. Less than a minute later, the buzzing picked up again and Olivia sighed as she reached to reject the call once more. "You can answer it," Alex told her as she pulled away slightly and took the phone out of Olivia's pocket for her.

"Benson," Olivia stated as she pressed the phone up against her ear.

"IAB wants you to come in immediately," Elliot told her.

"Why?" She asked as she straightened up slightly while still maintaining a protective arm around Alex's back.

"They're looking into Whiteman's shooting. Tucker already interrogated Fin and Munch. I'm up next."

"Are you kidding me? That sick bastard kidnapped and—" Olivia paused as she looked down at the weak looking blonde in her arms. "She's one of our own. Tucker can go shove it up his—"

"Liv," Elliot interrupted. "Tucker doesn't care if he's a bad guy or not. He suspects that one of us was involved which is why he's here so just come down here and straighten things up." He paused for a minute before speaking again, sarcasm dripping from his voice. "You were at the gym all day, remember?" Olivia ended the call without another word.

She was expecting this. She dropped her phone down onto the couch before wrapping both of her arms around Alex and holding onto her. She pressed a gentle kiss against the side of Alex's head before closing her eyes and settling in against the couch. Tucker could wait.


	27. Chapter 27

Olivia glared at Sergeant Tucker as she strode into the precinct, stopping right in front of him. "You called?" Olivia asked snidely.

"As a matter of fact, I did, Detective Benson. Follow me," He ordered as he led her into one of the interrogation rooms where another man was already sitting. She glanced around the room and narrowed in her focus on the table which had a video recorder propped up in the corner along with a recording device in the center of the table, already flashing red, indicating that the interrogation had begun the moment she entered the room.

She stood in front of the chair and watched Tucker as he crossed the room and pulled out his own chair, next to the other man in the room. "Sit, Detective."

"I think I'll stand," Olivia replied with a smirk. "This won't take long."

Tucker looked up at her with a raised eyebrow. "Suit yourself," He said as he flipped open a file and propped it up in front of himself so that Olivia couldn't see the contents. "What is your relationship with Alexandra Cabot?"

Olivia rolled her eyes as she turned around and walked to the back of the room before turning back to face him, leaning up against the wall. "She's the Assistant District Attorney for the Special Victim's Unit."

"I asked what your specific relationship with Cabot was, Detective," Tucker clarified as he nodded at the man next to him who scribbled something down.

"She's the ADA for my unit. Is that better?" Olivia sarcastically replied as she crossed her ankles and leaned heavily against the wall, crossing her arms as well.

"You don't have a personal relationship with her?"

"Not really," Olivia replied as she watched the man next to Tucker as he scribbled something down before showing the notepad to Tucker who nodded and looked back up at her.

"Really? Then why is Ms. Cabot currently residing at your apartment?" Tucker asked cockily, a smirk appearing on his face.

Olivia narrowed her eyes in on him and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "You want the truth?"

"Preferably."

"She called me crying after what had happened. I've seen hundreds of victims go through what she did and I've comforted all of them to the best of my ability. So I felt as if it was my duty to help her up from rock bottom. Her apartment was a reminder of her initial attempted kidnapping by Whiteman, which by the way is the sick bastard that you should be interrogating, not me."

"Cut the snide remarks, Detective," Tucker ordered as he glared at her. "Continue."

"As I was saying, her apartment was a reminder of Whiteman so I picked her up and took her back to my apartment."

"So you're denying a sexual relationship with Ms. Cabot?" Tucker asked as folded his hands on the table in front of him as if he knew that the question would get a rise out of Olivia.

"Excuse me?" Olivia asked as she pushed herself off of the wall and strode over to him before pounding both of her fists against the table and leaning across the table so that her face was right in front of Tucker's face, an act that she often did to suspects. "Neither my, nor Ms. Cabot's sexual life is any of your business, Tucker."

"It was a simple question, Detective," Tucker replied as he leaned back slightly in his chair, unconsciously trying to distance himself from Olivia much like suspects did.

"Well if everything is so simple in your book, why don't we just get straight to the point instead of dancing around the real reason why I'm here." Olivia pushed herself up off of the table and stood at her full height as she looked down at Tucker.

"Did you shoot Dylan Whiteman?"

"Let me guess, you're asking this because you think I'm sleeping with Ms. Cabot therefore I had motive?"

"Answer the question, Detective," Tucker ordered. It was clear that his patience was beginning to wear thin but this was just the beginning for Olivia.

"What about opportunity? When was my opportunity, Tucker? Surely you were smart enough to check out my alibi before wasting both of our time by calling me down here." Olivia chuckled lightly as she walked to the door. "Get back to me if you have a problem with my alibi. I was at Fitness Gym on Grant Street the entire time. Goodbye Tucker," Olivia stated as she pulled open the door and walked right out of the room. She could faintly hear what sounded like a growl coming from Tucker as he hit a hand down against the metal table.

"Tucker clear you?" Elliot asked as he walked up to Olivia.

"Once he checks out my alibi he will," Olivia stated as she turned to face Elliot. "Care to fill me in on what's going on with Whiteman?"

"He's in the medical wing of a prison right now. Once he heals from the gunshot wound he'll be locked up for good. He's done, Liv."

"Will Alex have to testify?" Olivia hesitantly asked as she thought of the terrified blonde. It was hard leaving Alex at her apartment alone but she had tried her best to convince the ADA that everything was going to be fine and she'd be back within the hour. She finally managed to get Alex to fall asleep before she left a note and slipped out of the apartment as quietly as she could.

Elliot sighed as her rubbed the scruff on his chin. It was clear that he hadn't gone home within the last two days. "Unless he confesses, yes."

Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath to calm her anger before opening her eyes again. "I want to have a go at him."

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Liv?" Elliot asked. "You're a bit too closely involved with this."

"More reason for me to interrogate him, El. I've seen firsthand what he did to Alex. I can get into his mind; if he's like every other pervert out there he's going to want to brag and take credit for his handiwork. He'll want to talk to someone who has seen his work and as much as I hate to say it, that's me."

"She told you about what she went through?" Elliot asked curiously. They all had seen how shaken up and destroyed Alex was when they first saw her in the hospital. She looked so weak and small, no longer the force to be reckoned with in the courtroom.

"She still hasn't talked about it," Olivia replied as she ran a hand through her hair, remembering the events from the other day when Alex had shed her shirt to show Olivia her body. "I—I've seen the cuts and bruises on her torso. She wouldn't tell me anything about them; she just showed me."

"She just showed you? Didn't explain a thing?" Elliot asked.

"I think it was her way of trying to tell me what she went through without words. Talking about it makes it real. If she keeps it to herself, she can pretend that it's all in her head." _And I can keep hoping that he didn't get the chance to violate her body in the worst kind of way. _


	28. Chapter 28

"Mmm, Detective Benson. I was starting to wonder when you'd be paying me a visit," Dylan Whiteman stated as he leaned back in his chair the best that he could with his hands handcuffed to the table. Olivia walked around the table once, circling Dylan like he was her prey before pausing behind him and leaning on either side of the desk around him.

"You were waiting for me?" She whispered into Dylan's ear before pushing back and walking around to the other side of the table. She didn't bother to sit down, instead she kicked the chair out of the way, allowing it to crash against the floor.

Dylan eyed the chair curiously before looking back up to Olivia. "You're just like me, you know."

In one stride, Olivia closed the distance between her and the table before slamming both of her fists on the table top, causing Dylan to flinch slightly. "I am nothing like you," She spat out vehemently as she forced herself to calm down her ragged breaths.

"Did I hit a nerve?" Dylan asked as he leaned closer to her so that their faces were mere inches apart. She scoffed before pushing herself off of the table and standing at her full height so she could look down on Dylan. "Tell me, why exactly are you here, Olivia?"

"You know why."

Dylan smirked as he leaned back in his seat, knowing full well that he controlled this conversation. Olivia willingly gave up power, hoping that with some form of control, Dylan would feel more powerful and feel the need to brag about his work. "How is my dear Alexandra?"

In the blink of an eye, Olivia flipped the table over, effectively pinning Dylan to the ground. She leaned into the table and watched him sputter slightly as he struggled for air. "Don't you dare say her name."

The interrogation room door burst open a second later as Elliot and Fin tumbled in. "Liv, he's not worth it." Olivia glanced back at him before removing the pressure from the table so that Dylan could breathe again.

"But isn't that what you're here for? You want me to tell you about all the sick little things that I did to her beautiful body, don't you?" Dylan taunted as pushed the table off of himself since the other detectives made no attempt at helping him up.

Olivia clenched her fists together as she took a deep breath before turning back to face Dylan. Fin forced Dylan back into his chair with a firm hand on his shoulder before leaving the room with Elliot. "You're going to prison for the rest of your life, Dylan. I don't need to hear a thing you have to say," Olivia stated calmly.

"Oh but you want to, don't you? Did she tell you what I did to her? Better yet, has she shown you what I did to her?" Olivia stayed quiet as she watched Dylan's lips twitch into a smile. "Oh you've seen her body, haven't you? You know, she called out your name in her sleep."

Olivia's face turned to stone as she looked up at Dylan, frozen from the pain that was coursing through her body from his words. "Every night she called out for you. I tried beating it out of her but that didn't seem to work so I settled for making it clear that you would never love her again after you saw what I did to her." Dylan paused to lick his lips before looking back up at Olivia. "The look on your face tells me that it worked. You can only think of me when you touch her, when you look at her, even when you hear her broken voice."

"The only person I think of is her," Olivia spat out in disgust.

"Well, I guess I should fix that then, shouldn't I?" Dylan taunted as dropped his head back and rolled his head to the side, causing his neck to crack multiple times before he straightened up again. "Where should we start, Detective? Maybe you'd like to know how I beat her every day but after a while that got pretty boring. So I started carving her up with my favorite knives. That too got pretty boring once she was so numb from the pain that she couldn't feel anything anymore. You know, I expected her to cry and beg a lot more than she did. She tried her best to keep it to herself when I tortured her but I could see the pain behind her eyes."

Dylan licked his lips again before continuing. "I think my favorite part was when she gave up. She didn't bother fighting me when I tied her arms above her head and tied her legs open. She didn't even cry when I entered her tight little body, would you believe that?" Dylan asked with a light chuckle.

Olivia swallowed roughly as she forced herself to stay calm. She needed him to confess so that he'd go down for everything and Alex wouldn't have to testify. "That's what you've been waiting for, haven't you? You know, I'm starting to think that you're a SVU detective because this stuff gets your rocks off, doesn't it? You're just like me in that way, Olivia. I bet you would've loved to be the one violating her sexy body. God, she was so fucking tight and wet!" Dylan exclaimed as he closed his eyes as if he was picturing her body in his mind.

"You know, I think she got off on the pain. I mean why else was she so wet and tight, so ready for me? But don't you worry, I took advantage of it and fucked her lithe body until she was quivering around me and screaming out. I bet you would've loved to see the look on her face as I made her come; I certainly enjoyed it."

For everyone observing the interrogation, it seemed as if everything happened in a heartbeat. Olivia lunged toward Dylan the same moment that Elliot barreled through the door, grabbing a hold of Olivia before she could beat the shit out of Dylan. "Calm down!" Elliot screamed at Olivia as he tightened his grip around her body and practically dragged her out of the interrogation room.

She was struggled against Elliot, trying her best to free herself from his hold as Dylan continued to taunt her. "God, it felt so good to be inside of her! Why don't you ask her how much she enjoyed me fucking her! And when she came…Fuck I came right with her."

Fin slammed the door shut as Elliot pushed Olivia into the wall outside of the interrogation room, pinning her against it. "It's over, Liv! Stop fighting me!"

"Olivia." The detective immediately stopped her struggled when she heard Alex's voice call out her name.

She jerked her head to the side and looked at Alex in shock. "What the hell is she doing here? She shouldn't have seen that!" Olivia practically screamed out as she turned to face Elliot.

"She snuck in without us knowing. She told me to pull you out," Elliot explained as he waited for Olivia to calm down before he let go of her.

"Alex," Olivia whispered as she walked over to the blonde who simply shook her head as she covered her mouth in an attempt to stop herself from crying. "Sweetie, it's okay," The brunette tried to assure her as she reached out and gently touched Alex's shoulder.

No," Alex managed to mumble out from behind her hand as she continued to shake her head back and forth.

"Alex, there's nothing to be ashamed of. We have all seen plenty of cases where women were raped and couldn't control their body's reaction even if they wanted to."

"Stop," Alex sobbed out as she wrapped her free arm around her waist while the hand over her mouth tightened its grip.

"It's alright, Alex," Olivia told her again as she reached out to touch the shaking blonde.

"No," Alex choked out again as she shook her head.

"Alex—"

"He didn't rape me!" Alex screamed out as she pushed Olivia back slightly and continued to hold onto herself. "He did a lot of damage but he didn't get the chance to…do that to me. He—he was just trying to mess with your head."

"Oh Lex," Olivia whispered before taking a step forward and gathering Alex up in her arms, hugging her tight to her chest. She felt foolish for buying into Dylan's lies and only now realized how manipulative he was. Even locked up, he could still torment Alex; admitting to raping her would not only piss off Olivia but it would also require the detectives to ask Alex about the rape, forcing her to live through the traumatic events that she went through again. There was no doubt in Olivia's mind that Alex was thoroughly tortured at Dylan's hands, even if he didn't get the chance rape her.

Alex allowed herself to fall into Olivia's arms as tears trickled down her cheeks. Dylan didn't rape her not because he didn't want to, but because he was waiting. He was waiting for the perfect moment.

_"Do you remember when you first met me, Alexandra?" Dylan asked as grabbed onto Alex's bound wrists and dragged her across the room before propping her upright against a wall. "You were so beautiful that night," Dylan recalled as he sat down next to her as if they were two friends having a normal conversation. Alex continued to look down at the bloodied hands in her lap which were unsuccessfully trying to cover up her exposed lower half. _

_"I wanted to take you home, my little mouse," Dylan whispered almost sweetly as he cupped her face and tried to turn her to face him. Alex jerked her face out of his hands, not even bothering to regret her action when Dylan slapped her roughly across the face; she was used to the hits by now. "Look at me," Dylan growled out as he gripped her face firmly and forced her to look at him. "You used to be so beautiful." _

_He pushed her off of the wall so that she crashed down against the concrete floor before crawling on top of her. "I can't look at your body anymore, Alexandra," Dylan told her as he settled his weight over her torso and positioned his legs on either side of hers. "You're disgusting, all bloodied and bruised. No one will ever be sexually aroused by the sight of you again." _

_Alex pinched her eyes shut and tried to pretend that she was anywhere else as his jean clad lower half rubbed against her naked body. "You still have a pretty face though," Dylan commented as he ran his fingers along her face before bringing his lips down to her neck and biting her. She screamed out momentarily before forcing her mouth shut; she knew struggling only got him off more. "I think I should change that," Dylan stated as he chuckled. _

_The rough denim started rubbing against her more firmly now and she could feel the friction burns forming on the tops of her thighs and stomach as he grinded into her. She could hear his grunts increasing in frequency and volume as his thrusts grew harder and more ragged. While she preferred this over him physically entering her, she still felt disgusting and sick as he humped her. She could feel his erection rubbing up against her lower abdomen and the tops of her thighs through his jeans. After a few more minutes, he groaned out as he stilled his body. _

_He pushed off of Alex and smirked as he looked down at her shivering frame, eyes still firmly pinched shut. "I can't wait until I'm actually inside of you, Alexandra. That was good but it's nothing compared how good you'll feel as I fuck you senseless. You'll know that feeling soon enough though; I'm just waiting for the perfect moment." _

_Dylan walked around her before kneeling down next to her head. He roughly grasped onto her hair as he pulled her up and pressed her face against his jean-covered erection. Alex squirmed against his grip as she felt the wetness seeping through his pants brush against her skin. "I bet you're wondering what I'm waiting for, right?" He laughed as his own question before dropping her head back onto the ground. "An audience, my little mouse. I'd like your little detective to be able watch me fuck you." Alex's eyes shot open at his words. "Oh yes, that's right. I'm going to pick up Olivia with the help of a friend and bring her back her so she can watch me rape you." _

_"Leave her alone!" Alex finally managed to scream out, although it sounded more like a gargled croak as she tried to muster up as much strength as she could to speak. She had been silent for what she assumed was two days. _

_"Oh but I can't do that, Alexandra. I want her to watch me violate you. I want to destroy her while I destroy you." _

"He was waiting," Alex whispered out against Olivia's chest before pushing back slightly to look in those warm familiar brown orbs. "He wanted you to watch." Olivia closed her eyes as she willed back her own tears. She gently cupped the back of Alex's head as she pressed a series of rapid kisses against Alex's forehead, more so to calm down herself than to soothe Alex, before bringing Alex's head back against her chest and holding onto her with all the strength she could muster.


	29. Chapter 29

Alex glanced around at the white-washed walls covered in cheap, reproduced artwork. One painting in particular caught her attention. She admired the dark blues, greys, and blacks that contrasted greatly with the bright red streak across the canvas. She shivered slightly as images of Dylan and her own blood flashed through her mind.

"What are you thinking about?" Olivia asked curiously as she glanced over at the painting that Alex was looking at.

Alex looked at the red streak once more before tearing her eyes away from the painting to look at Olivia. "Nothing," Alex replied softly as she admired the detective's attentiveness. Normally she would feel overwhelmed by someone checking in on her so often but it was endearing with Olivia.

"Really?" Olivia asked a bit sarcastically. "You looked pretty deep in thought, Lex." Alex smiled at the use of the nickname. It seemed as if Olivia was the only one who understood her hatred for her full name ever since Dylan had used it to taunt her. She looked down at her hands and fiddled with the bandage slightly as she swayed her legs beneath the platform that she was seated on.

"It's my prerogative," Alex teased as she looked back up to warm brown eyes. "Looking deep in thought helps me keep my job when I'm really off in some dream world ninety percent of the time."

Olivia chuckled softly at the blonde's joke. "I wouldn't want to see you focused a hundred percent of the time then," Olivia remarked. They heard a light knock on the door before a short woman in a white coat appeared.

"Hello, Ms. Cabot. How are you today?" The doctor asked as she walked around the room and pulled out a pair of gloves before tugging them over her hands.

"Fine," Alex replied quietly as she looked over to the doctor.

"Good, good. Well I'm going to need you to remove your shirt so I can take a look at your stitches to make sure that they're healing properly." Alex peered down at her shirt hesitantly. It wasn't as if the doctor hadn't seen the worst of it already but it still felt as if it were further humiliation that Dylan could inflict on her.

"Do you want me to leave?" Olivia's voice tore Alex out of her thoughts. She looked up at the detective and immediately shook her head before reaching down and pulling off the NYPD shirt that she had stolen from Olivia.

The doctor turned around and didn't bat an eye at the looks passing between the two women. "Go ahead and lay down on your back for now." Alex did as she was told and reclined against the crunching white sanitary paper beneath her, flinching slightly at the sound. She always hated that sound, ever since she was a kid.

"Alright," The doctor commented as she walked over to Alex and looked down at her stomach. She placed her hands around the stitches and prodded at the skin there to make sure that there were no signs of infection. "Looks good," She mumbled as she moved down the row of hash marks across Alex's stomach, checking each one.

_Relax, relax, breathe, Alex told herself over and over again. She squeezed her eyes shut as chest convulsed slightly, telling her that she needed air in her lungs or else she'd pass out. A part of her wished that she could just suffocate to death but that would be too easy. Of course the human body was so resilient that you would just pass out before you suffocated. And of course, her will finally broke and she took in a short breath of air before growing nauseous from the scent. _

_Dylan pushed his soiled pair of boxers further against Alex's face, smearing the wetness across her reddening face. Random things like this somehow seemed to enthrall him. He pushed the cloth more firmly against the blonde's face, growing frustrated as her face transitioned from a deep red to an almost purple hue. He crumpled up the boxers underneath his hand, pinching Alex's nose shut while placing his other hand over her mouth so that she couldn't breathe at all. _

_Her body naturally squirmed against his hands, an unavoidable response from within her body to gain access to air. He grinned down at her as her vision started to darken before releasing his grip on her nose, forcing her to breathe out of her nose. Unwillingly, her body forced her to suck in as much air as she could, filling her lungs with his scent. His disgusting, nauseating scent. _

_Her throat constricted in response to the acrid scent and she could feel the bile rising in her throat. This was just another way for him to humiliate her, dominate her, and control her. He had countless ways to do so but somehow he was still coming up with more ways every second. _

She reached up slightly to the cuts that continued upward and under Alex's bra. "May I push your bra out of the way?" The doctor asked as she looked at Alex who had her eyes pinched closed. When she didn't respond, the doctor spoke again. "Ms. Cabot?"

"Alex," Olivia whispered as she gently traced her fingers against Alex's arm, gaining her attention. The blonde's eyes slowly opened and her head tilted to the side so that she could look at Olivia. "Can I hold your hand?" Olivia asked as she traced her fingers down the blonde's arm and to her hand. Without a word, Alex intertwined their fingers and squeezed tightly before nodding her head in response to the doctor.

She proceeded to push up Alex's bra, glancing at Alex's face every so often to make sure that she was still comfortable. Alex squirmed slightly against the soft but deliberate touches across her breasts. Her hand tightened around Olivia's hand but the detective didn't seem to mind. Olivia ran her thumb gently across the back of the blonde's hand, trying to soothe her in any way she could.

"Alright, everything seems to be healing just fine, Ms. Cabot," The doctor stated as she stepped away from Alex. "Can you go ahead and turn around for me?" As if almost in a trance, Alex released Olivia's hand and pushed off of the crinkly white paper before settling back down on it, face first.

Olivia swallowed roughly as she looked at the extensive red streaks that crisscrossed the entirety of the blonde's back. She had seen the scars on Alex's chest but she had never seen her back; she hadn't even contemplated the thought that Dylan would want to scar every inch of her body. The doctor stepped forward again and looked over the healing marks. "Have you been applying the antibiotic cream that I supplied you with?" The doctor asked curiously as she looked at the blonde's damaged back.

"No," Alex replied a bit quietly as she turned her head away from Olivia and laid it back down on the white paper.

"Ms. Cabot, it is crucial that you apply the antibiotic cream to these wounds if you wish to avoid infection. I'm going to go ahead and apply some now since you haven't been doing so." The doctor walked over to the cabinets and pulled out a small bottle and a few cotton swabs before returning to Alex. She squirted the cold substance onto a swab before brushing it across the foot long lines.

_"__Ahh!" Alex screamed out as her back arched in an attempt to ease the pain that was coursing through her body. Her handcuffs dug firmly into her stomach, no doubt cutting through the tender flesh, as she tried to move away from the slashes raining down on her back. _

_"__How does it feel, Alexandra? How does it feel to be treated like the animal you are?" He pulled back the bull whip before striking it across her bleeding back once more, eliciting yet another scream from the blonde. _

_She couldn't answer even if she wanted to. She bit down on her cheek as another stinging sensation flooded her body; she could taste the blood pouring out of her cheek where she broke the skin. The metallic taste almost made her feel better somehow. It made her feel more like a human; she was alive._

_Another rather painful whip crisscrossed the dozens of other marks but this time her scream came out gargled as blood dripped out of her mouth. Dylan paused for a second as he took a step around her and looked at her bloodied mouth. He kneeled down and gripped her face in his hands, turning her to the side. "What did you do now?" He mumbled as he dropped the whip and squeezed against Alex's cheeks, causing her jaw to open up. He looked at her curiously as the blood spilled over her lips and onto the floor beneath them. "Stupid," Dylan muttered as he released his grip and stood up before leaving the room._

_Alex relished in the quiet room and she continued to let the blood drip onto the floor, swallowing every now and then because it was some sort of liquid and she couldn't remember the last time that Dylan gave her something to drink. Her throat burned and constricted as the metallic flavor filled her senses. She gagged slightly before spitting up the remainder of the blood. _

_Two firm hands flipped her over, causing pain to course through her body once more as the open cut wounds on her back pressed against the floor. A part of her enjoyed the sensation because the floor was cold and offered her some sense of comfort for her pain. Dylan pulled her up slightly before cradling her upper torso against his as he sat on the floor. "Here," He whispered as he opened up her mouth again and stuffed a lump of cotton against her bleeding cheek. _

_Alex continued to gag against the cotton, a natural response to the unexpected intrusion into her mouth. "Calm down," Dylan warned her as he held her face still and applied pressure to the wound. "Stop moving." Alex desperately tried to swallow as the blood pooled into the back of her throat. Unfortunately, the way Dylan was forcing her mouth open made it hard to do so which resulted in the blood jolting around in her mouth before she managed to expel the substance. Dylan growled abruptly as he dropped the cotton down onto Alex's body and wiped the blood off of his hand. "You're disgusting," He mumbled quietly before reaching behind him and picking something up. "Here." He held the water bottle up to her mouth and tipped the cool liquid into her mouth, allowing it to wash away all the blood. _

_Alex greedily swallowed down as much of the blood-tainted water that she could, desperate for something to soothe her throat. "Slow down, you'll choke," Dylan told her as he pulled back the bottle before returning it to her lips and allowing her to drink some more. "There you go, Alexandra." He pulled the bottle away completely after a few seconds and set it to the side. "You're such a good girl," Dylan whispered as he stroked her cheek gently and wiped away the blood that had started to dry on her skin. _

_Alex looked up at him, defeated. She knew exactly what he was trying to do; she had seen dozens of women be manipulated in the same way. But the sad thing was, it was still working._

"Alright, let that dry for a few minutes before putting your shirt back on," The doctor stated as she looked down at her work before collecting the swabs and tossing them in the waste basket. She removed her gloves as well before putting on a new pair and returning with a pair of scissors. "Let's see how your hand has been healing." She sat down in her rolling stool and rolled around the floor so that she could pick up Alex's hand while she remained laying on the table. She cut off the bandage and traced over the puckered skin before flipping Alex's hand over to look at the other side. "It seems to be healing just fine. Have you been able to feel anything with this hand?"

"No, she hasn't," Olivia replied once she and the doctor realized that Alex wasn't going to answer the question.

"Well that's alright," The doctor confirmed as she wrapped Alex's hand once more in a removable bandage. "It may take some time for you to feel again so don't give up hope on that just yet. Is your left hand just as functional as your right?"

"She's able to use her left hand just like she used to. She just tends to avoid using it due to the pain," Olivia told the doctor as she tilted her head slightly and looked at the mess of blonde hair in front of her. She hesitantly reached out and ran her fingers through the soft locks in an attempt to soothe Alex.

"Well that's acceptable." The doctor removed her gloves and tossed them before facing Olivia. "Everything is healing as expected. There were no signs of infection but I would recommend that you encourage her to apply the antibiotic to her back once a day." The doctor glanced back at Alex, who had yet to move, before continuing in a lower voice. "She seems to be very underweight. Is she eating?"

Olivia looked over at Alex and continued to gently run her fingers through blonde locks. "Her medication makes her sick so she tries to avoid eating or else she'll just throw it all up. I've been encouraging her to eat but she can't seem to keep anything down except toast and rice."

"Well that's to be expected from the medication but she's supposed to eat with it in order to avoid feeling nauseous. I'm a little concerned about her eating habits, however. Her ribs are rather prominent and she appears very under-nourished. I recommend she starts taking some over the counter vitamins and I recommend you start encouraging her to eat more. Maybe some fresh fruit or steamed vegetables so it's easier on her stomach. She's going to throw up since she hasn't eaten anything like that in weeks but she needs to transition into more substantial food."

"I'll try my best, thank you Doctor," Olivia told the lady and she held out her unoccupied hand to shake the doctor's hand.

"You're welcome. I hope Ms. Cabot starts feeling better. Feel free to take as much time as she needs before leaving this room." The doctor opened up the door and paused before exiting. "You're a wonderful partner." Olivia opened up her mouth to correct the doctor before closing her mouth again and simply smiling.

"I'm trying my best," Olivia whispered long after she heard the door quietly click shut.


	30. Chapter 30

Alex glanced down at the handful of pills resting on the napkin that Olivia had just set in front of her. She counted them out and paused before recounting them again. "More?" She asked as she pushed around the larger cream colored pill.

Olivia set a glass of water in front of the blonde and looked down at the pill that she was pushing around. "Vitamins," Olivia clarified before walking away from the table and returning to the cutting board. She picked up her knife and sliced up the bananas and strawberries that she had set aside earlier for the blonde.

"I've never bothered to take vitamins before," Alex replied as she took the smallest pill first and swallowed it down with a small gulp of water. She robotically picked up the next one and repeated the process.

Olivia paused mid-slice as she turned back to watch the ADA. "Doctor's orders," Olivia clarified before returning to her cutting. She picked up the bananas and set them on the plate before returning to the cutting board to dice up the strawberries.

Alex scoffed as she swallowed down another pill. "They're all from the doctor's orders." She stared down at the remaining four pills. At least it was less than she had to take earlier that week. Olivia sighed softly as she slid the strawberries onto the plate next to the bananas. She carried the plate over to the blonde and set it down in front of her. "I'm not hungry," She muttered in response to the plate of fruit now resting in front of her.

"You need to eat, Lex," Olivia told her as gently placed her hands on the blonde's shoulders, genuinely surprised when Alex didn't flinch like she typically did.

"We both know after I finish my pills we have thirty minutes before I'm on your bathroom floor." The detective closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. Alex was right; they had half an hour on most days before Olivia was holding back the blonde's hair as she dry-heaved into the toilet. It pained her to watch Alex suffer the way she was but she knew she needed to encourage her to eat.

"The doctor said that you're supposed to eat with your medication. It might keep you from throwing up," Olivia clarified as she started to gently knead Alex's shoulders, hoping that the action would relax her a bit. Almost instantly, the ADA leaned back into the touch, resting the back of her head against Olivia's abdomen.

"The doctor also said that I was supposed to regain feeling in my hand by now," She countered as she rolled her head ever so slightly to the side so that Olivia could massage her way up her neck.

"She said it may takes weeks or even months," Olivia tried to assure her. She traced her thumbs softly behind the blonde's ears, pushing her hair out of the way as she went.

After a few minutes of silence, Alex straightened up her neck and picked up another pill. "Thank you," She whispered before swallowing the pill. She picked up the newest addition to the bunch and rolled it around in her fingers for a second, getting used to the filling. It certainly wasn't the largest pill she had to take but it was unfamiliar. She took a sip of water and popped the pill in her mouth, roughly swallowing it down, almost enjoying the feeling of it rubbing against her throat as it went down.

"You're welcome. Now will you please eat just a few pieces of fruit?" The detective asked as she pulled out the seat next to Alex.

"If it'll appease you," Alex replied with a soft sigh.

"It will," Olivia remarked with a smile. She reached out for Alex's left hand, which was resting on the table, and ran her thumb over the light weight bandage protecting her stitches. The blonde flashed her back a small smile before picking up the fork and stabbing the smallest piece of banana that she could find. She gingerly brought it up to her mouth and closed her eyes as the waves of nausea rolled over her.

This was how things had been recently. She used to love bananas and strawberries, especially strawberry-banana smoothies but now she couldn't stand the scent of anything. She only managed to eat toast and rice since they lacked any distinct scent that would cause her to feel sick. She opened her mouth and breathed out through it, rather than her nose, before taking the banana slice into her mouth. She set the fork back down as she smashed the banana carefully with her tongue, not bothering to chew it since her jaw hurt so much, before swallowing it down.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked as she drew soft circles on Alex's wrist. Alex opened up her eyes and offered up a weak smile as she nodded. She prodded at a piece of strawberry before repeating the same painful process that she went through with the banana.

After a few more pieces of fruit but not nearly enough, Alex pushed the plate away from her and shook her head. "I can't," She whispered as she cupped her hand over her mouth and swallowed roughly. A split second later, she shot up from her seat, causing the chair to skid against the tiled floor.

"Breathe, you're okay," Olivia assured her as she wrapped an arm around Alex's back and led her to the bathroom. She had grown so used to this that it almost made her sick by how relaxed she was. She propped up the lid and kneeled down onto the ground, guiding the blonde to kneel down next to her. Without waiting for it to begin, Olivia pulled back Alex's hair and gently combed it back into a ponytail with her fingers. She picked off the wristband that now resided on her wrist and lightly tied up the blonde locks.

Alex lurched forward as her stomach convulsed and her throat constricted. "You're okay," Olivia whispered as she wrapped an arm around Alex's waist, placing it on top of the blonde's arm that was already gripping her stomach. The detective rubbed soothing circles into the ADA's back with her free hand as she held the shaking blonde as best as she could.

After dry-heaving for a few minutes, Alex finally threw up what little she had eaten. "Sorry," Alex muttered as she wiped her mouth with the cloth that Olivia had handed her.

"Don't be sorry," Olivia replied softly. She pulled Alex to the side and held onto her as her body shivered in reaction to her ordeal. The detective could feel the tiny sweat beads that covered Alex's forehead and neck soak through her shirt but she didn't care.

"Let's get you to bed," Olivia whispered as she helped the blonde up off the floor. She picked up the bottle of mouth wash that she knew Alex would beg to use. The blonde hated to leave her mouth unwashed after throwing up but she was in no shape to properly brush her teeth. She poured a tiny bit into the paper cup and handed it to Alex who wearily poured it into her mouth. After a few weak swishes, she spat it back out into the sink and allowed Olivia to lead her into the bedroom.

The detective laid Alex down onto the bed and studied the wetness that was seeping through the blonde's shirt. "Let's get you into a new shirt so you don't feel so cold, okay?" Olivia pulled out one of her NYPD shirts and set it down next to Alex as she helped the blonde sit upright. She peeled off the sticky shirt and carelessly tossed it to the side. The ADA immediately laid back down on the bed, not bothering to wait for Olivia to help her into a new shirt.

Olivia studied Alex's back for a few seconds. She had been able to see the majority of the slashes when they were at the doctor's but she hadn't had time to actually look at them. She counted over a dozen of slashes, crisscrossing each other and she couldn't help but feel sick. "Alex?" The detective called softly. "Can I put antibiotic cream on your back?"

Alex nodded weakly against the pillow that her face was buried in. After a few minutes of silence, she felt Olivia's warm hands brush against her shoulders, letting her know that she was going to start applying the cream. She winced slightly as the cold liquid smeared across her back in gentle strokes. She buried her head further into Olivia's pillow, breathing in as much of the detective's calming scent that she could.

Once Olivia was sure that she had cleansed all the marks, she returned the supplies to the bathroom. She entered the bedroom once more, flicking off the lights as she walked over to the shivering blonde. She gently stroked back the blonde locks and pressed the back of her hand against Alex's forehead. "I think you have a fever, sweetie," Olivia whispered as she pulled her covers up and over the ADA's bare back, not caring if the cream would stain her sheets.

"It hurts," Alex whimpered quietly as she curled up further into the bed and brought her hands up to her head. Olivia felt her heart drop as she watched the blonde continue shivering.

"I know, sweetie," Olivia replied as she ran her hand through Alex's tangled locks. "I know." The detective pulled back after a few minutes and shed out of her jeans before sliding under the covers and next to Alex. She was still shaking uncontrollably so Olivia moved a bit closer to her, hoping that she could help her warm up. Instinctively, Alex slid closer to Olivia before burying her head against Olivia's shoulder and curling her arms up under her own torso and pressing that against the detective's side.

She remained staring up at her dark ceiling with her arms wrapped around Alex's naked torso while the blonde slowly drifted off to sleep. Once she felt Alex drift off, Olivia released a large sigh as she closed her own eyes, unconsciously holding the blonde tighter against herself.


	31. Chapter 31

Olivia tossed her keys onto the table, allowing them to slide across the wood before coming to a stop right before they tipped off the surface. She immediately noticed the TV flickering out of the corner of her eye and couldn't stop the smile from forming on her face as she walked over to Alex.

"Hey," Olivia whispered softly as not to scare the blonde.

Alex hit the mute button on the TV and turned around to offer Olivia a smile. "Hey back. How bad was it?" She asked, referring to the case that Olivia had been called out on at 4 am.

"Not too bad considering it only took us twelve hours to close it," The detective responded as she sat down on the couch. "How have you been this morning?"

"I feel—cooped up," Alex responded honestly as she crossed her arms in front her chest and sighed softly. "I honestly don't know how I'll even react if I go out and try to act normal again but a part of me wants to."

Olivia reached over and laid a gentle hand on the blonde's thigh. "Then let's go and find out. I'll be there with you in case anything happens." Olivia stood up from the couch and extended a hand to her.

"What are you proposing?" Alex teased slightly as she took the offered hand and allowed Olivia to carefully pull her up off of the couch.

"A walk in the park? It's a nice day out and the sun is still up, might as well enjoy it."

Twenty minutes later, they were sitting at a park bench, watching a few others wandering around the park themselves. Olivia peered over at the blonde who was intently looking across the park. She followed her gaze and landed upon a couple laying on a blanket in the grass, the guy with his arms wrapped around the girl.

"What's on your mind?" Olivia asked as she looked over to the ADA. She could tell that the blonde was deep in thought.

Alex finally shook her head and looked back at Olivia with a saddened look on her face. "Will I ever be able to have a normal relationship like them?" She asked quietly as her eyes dropped down to her lap.

The question struck Olivia as a bit odd but then again it made sense considering what Alex went through at the hands of Dylan. They had yet to talk about the kiss that they had shared and Olivia managed to reason herself into believing that Alex only kissed her in an attempt to erase what Dylan did. The blonde had made it clear that she was straight when they first met.

"I think that's up to you," Olivia replied as she looked back out into the park, trying her best to avoid the couple.

"Really?" Alex asked a bit sarcastically. "Dylan took what little comfort I had remaining. I can't even stand the thought of letting someone touch me."

Olivia stayed quiet for a few seconds before reaching out for Alex's hand and weaving their fingers together. She rested their hands in the blonde's lap as she spoke. "You're okay with this."

Alex smiled a bit as she shook her head. "You're different, Olivia."

"I don't have to be," Olivia replied almost too quietly for Alex to hear. The blonde turned to look at her for a few seconds, searching her face before turning back to the couple. She knew what Olivia was trying to say. "You know how I feel about you."

"And you know I'm in no position to return your affection," Alex responded as she squeezed Olivia's hand gently.

"You don't have to," Olivia almost pleaded as she wrapped her other hand around Alex's. She brought their entangled hands up to her lips and exhaled unsteadily.

Alex finally turned back to look at Olivia. The detective had her eyes closed as she held their hands steady in front of her. "Olivia, it's not fair for me to ask that of you." The blonde's eyes softened up as she tried to coax Olivia into looking at her.

The brunette finally dropped their hands back into her lap before meeting the blonde's gaze. "Lex, I don't care about fair, I care about you."

Alex sighed as she slid herself across the bench so that she was closer to the detective. She leaned down slightly and rested her head against Olivia's shoulder. "I care about you too. Too much to do that to you." They both understood that their conversation on the topic was over. Olivia closed her eyes and tipped her head back slightly, enjoying the feeling of the sun beating down on her along with the feeling of Alex pressed up against her.

After a few more minutes of sitting at the park, Olivia reluctantly moved herself away slightly from the blonde. "Should we head back?"

"Sure," Alex replied as she picked her head up off of the detective's shoulder and stood up. Olivia followed her lead and they walked back to Olivia's apartment in silence.

* * *

"Are you hungry?" Olivia called from the kitchen as she peaked her head out to look at the blonde who was seated on her couch again.

"Are you really asking me that?" Alex teased as she tossed a smile back at her.

"I'll rephrase. Will you eat if I make you something?" Olivia asked as she wiped her hands on the rag she was holding before tossing it over her shoulder as she walked over to Alex.

Alex pursed her lips as she looked up at the brunette. "Something light?"

"Rice?" Olivia questioned. This had become a pretty normal routine for them recently. It was always a struggle trying to find something that Alex would willingly eat. The blonde scrunched up her face in response which surprised Olivia. Normally she would eat toast, rice, or oatmeal. "Toast?" Olivia tried again, only to be met with another grimace.

"Ice cream," Alex replied as she turned to look at Olivia.

The detective's eyes widened as she searched the ADA's face for any hint of sarcasm. "Ice cream?" Olivia repeated as she stared at her, waiting for her to burst out in laughter at her joke.

"Yes, ice cream," Alex confirmed as she turned back to her book. Olivia stayed in her place as she continued to stare at Alex. The blonde set down her book and looked back to Olivia. "Do I have to get it myself?" She asked with a slightly teasing tone.

That jerked Olivia out of her thoughts. "No, I got it," She responded as she walked almost robotically to the kitchen. She pulled open her freezer and pulled out a container of chocolate ice cream and scooped some into a bowl.

She carried it back out to the blonde who gladly accepted the bowl and scooped a little bit out, all while Olivia stared at her in shock. She took the tiniest of bites and smiled as the ice cream melted on her tongue. "What?" Alex finally asked as she looked over at Olivia. The detective merely shrugged as she continued to watch her eat in fascination. This was the first time that Alex had willingly eaten anything other than bland tasting food. The blonde scooped up another bite of ice cream and held it out slightly toward Olivia. "Do you want some?"

"I'm okay," Olivia responded as she shook her head slightly. She still couldn't believe that Alex was eating ice cream of all things. Then again, she would probably miss chocolate the most if she had to eat only what Alex was surviving on.

"Oh come on," Alex teased as she leaned over and held the spoon a few inches from Olivia's lips. "One bite," Alex stated with a smile. Olivia couldn't say no to that look. She wrapped her lips around the offered spoon as Alex tilted it up slightly before sliding it out from between her lips. The blonde quickly scooped up another piece of ice cream and ate it, not caring a bit that she had just shared the spoon with another person. "I've missed ice cream." She scooped up another bit of the melting ice cream and held it out for Olivia.

They repeated their earlier actions, alternating between who took a bite of the ice cream. Olivia was dumbfounded at what was going on. She had never seen Alex so playful or even so willing to eat. A part of her wanted to ask what was going on but then again she didn't want to break the moment. She watched the blonde eat the last bit of ice cream as she closed her eyes, moaning softly in satisfaction as she slid the spoon out of her mouth.

Alex set the bowl down on the side table before reaching for the remote and turning on the TV. Olivia smiled as a familiar song filled the room and she couldn't stop herself as she rose off of the couch and extended her hand for the blonde. Alex looked at her curiously for a second before placing her hand in Olivia's allowing the detective to pull her up off of the couch and against her body.

_When the rain is blowing in your face,  
And the whole world is on your case,  
I could offer you a warm embrace  
To make you feel my love._

Olivia searched her eyes for any sign of discomfort before placing her hands on Alex's hips, making her intentions clear. The ADA followed her lead and placed one hand on Olivia's shoulder while her other arm wrapped around her back. She rested her chin against the crook of the detective's neck as they slowly began to sway in sync.

_When the evening shadows and the stars appear,  
And there is no one there to dry your tears,  
I could hold you for a million years  
To make you feel my love._

Olivia heard a soft sigh come from the blonde as she tilted her head to the side, facing Olivia's neck. The detective could feel her warm breath softly flowing across her neck. She instinctively slid her hands around Alex's hips and to her back, pulling them even closer together.

_I know you haven't made your mind up yet,  
But I will never do you wrong.  
I've known it from the moment that we met,  
No doubt in my mind where you belong._

They swayed together for a couple more minutes before Olivia heard a quiet sniffle come from the blonde. She placed her hands back on Alex's hips and leaned back slightly, forcing the ADA to look at her. She smiled softly as she reached up to cup Alex's face, wiping away a few stray tears with her thumbs.

_I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.  
Nothing that I wouldn't do.  
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,  
To make you feel my love_

Alex slid her hands down to Olivia's shoulders as she held onto them. Olivia stayed as still as she could as the blonde brought her face closer and closer. She hesitated slightly as she looked into Olivia's eyes before closing the last inch between them, connecting their lips. Alex slid her lips against Olivia gently before increasing her pressure and parting her lips ever so slightly, allowing a soft gasp to escape. The brunette traced her thumbs across Alex's cheeks as she deepened the kiss ever so slightly. The blonde whimpered softly, which finally caused the detective to gently pull away in order to make sure that Alex was okay.

_To make you feel my love_

They looked into each other's eyes for a few seconds as the song ended, leaving them in complete silence. Alex gently pressed a hand against the side of Olivia's face, trailing her fingers down the brunette's cheek as she sighed. "I'm sorry," Alex whispered as pulled her eyes up from Olivia's lips and looked into warm brown eyes.

"You never have to apologize with me, Lex," Olivia replied softly as she dropped her hands from Alex's face and ran them ever so slightly up and down Alex's sides. "I'll be here for you—as a coworker, a friend, or something more if that's what you want."

Alex nodded slowly as she placed her hands on the detective's shoulders and pulled her into a hug. Olivia willingly accepted the hug, wrapping her arms tightly around the blonde's small waist and holding her so tightly that she could feel her heart beating.


	32. Chapter 32

Olivia couldn't stop the smile that formed on her lips when she opened up her eyes and saw the sleeping blonde. Alex was stretched out slightly with one arm underneath the pillow and the other resting out in front of her across the mattress and Olivia couldn't think of a time when she had seen her more peaceful. There were no worry lines, no clenched fists, and no sadness in her eyes. She couldn't help herself as she reached behind herself to grab her phone before snapping a quick picture of Alex. She wanted to be able to think of Alex like this rather than all the horror that she had seen over the last few weeks. It seemed as if once the blonde made progress, something small always found a way to set her back.

One blue eye popped open as Alex scrunched up her face and looked at the brunette who was smiling at her. "Why are you staring at me like that?" Alex mumbled sleepily as she rubbed her eyes wearily before looking back at Olivia.

The detective shrugged as she propped herself up on one elbow. "You look so cute when you sleep."

Alex made a look of disgust as she rolled onto her back. "I bet I look real cute as I drool," Alex deadpanned.

Olivia chuckled softly in response. "You don't drool and even if you did you'd probably be the cutest drooler."

"Ew, how can drooling even be cute?" Alex asked as she rolled back onto her side so that she could look at Olivia.

"Babies and dogs drool," Olivia replied casually.

"And I love dogs but their drool is just slimy and gross," Alex shivered slightly as she grimaced. "Babies are adorable but once they start drooling I just hand them back to their parents."

Olivia laughed heartily as she laid back down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. They stayed quiet for a few beats before Olivia spoke up. "Do you want kids?"

This time it was Alex who propped herself up on one elbow so that she could lean over Olivia and look down at her. "That's a peculiar question."

"Maybe," Olivia replied as she looked up into blue eyes and a curtain of blonde hair. "I've always wanted children but I'm getting older and I still haven't found the one."

"You could always adopt," Alex suggested as she contemplated children herself. If she was being honest with herself, she always saw herself without children, without a husband even. Her main focus was her career until she joined Special Victims Unit. The cases that she saw made it harder for her to consider anything but the pain and struggles that the victims went through. Hell, the pain and struggles that she went though. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she forced herself to think of anything but him.

"Yeah," Olivia replied softly as she glanced back up at the ceiling. "So…you never answered my question. Kids?" Olivia asked more enthusiastically this time.

"I can't say that I've given much thought to the idea of having children," Alex replied honestly. She paused before laughing to herself as she shook her head. "I couldn't see myself being a stay-at-home mom. I would be absolutely horrible at it!"

"I'm sure you'd be just fine, Alex," The brunette assured her as she placed her hand on top of the blonde's and stroked it lightly before placing her hand back onto her stomach. "You'd be an amazing mom."

They both let the silence engulf them for a few minutes as they each though about their lives. For Alex, many things had changed since she joined Special Victims Unit, more so than she could ever fathom. She wasn't sure if she was ever going to be able to act as an ADA for the unit considering everything. She hadn't even thought about returning to work for that matter. The only thing that she was really sure of was that relationships would never quite be the same for her, no matter how much she wished that she could just pretend that everything was normal again. That had to be the hardest part of it all. From the outside, especially as an ADA, she never really understood why people were so destroyed once they became victims. Sure, she understood that what they went through was horrible and she would never wish it on anyone but she didn't get why they just couldn't move on. Now she did.

It was a struggle, every damn day was a struggle of trying to figure out who you are and where you stand. Sometimes she just didn't want to wake up; maybe it'd be easier that way to never have to face reality again. She'd be lying if she said certain thoughts never crossed her mind but she'd never act on them out of fear of the unknown. As much as she wanted this all to be over, she also wanted to overcome the struggles to prove just how strong she was. She had been resistant to being called a victim initially because of the implications. She wasn't weak, she never was. From a young age, she learned how to look out for herself which involved putting up walls. But it seemed as if someone was slowly breaking down her walls and it wasn't Dylan.

"Liv?" The detective hummed softly in response as she looked back at the blonde. "I trust you," Alex started off as she sat up completely. Olivia looked at her in confusion as she followed her lead, sitting up on the mattress as well. "I want you to touch me."

The brunette's eyes widened as she looked at Alex in shock; she certainly hadn't been expecting Alex to say that. Dozens of thoughts raced through her mind about how Alex wasn't ready for anything intimate even if it was just innocent touching. "Alex, I don't think—"

"Please," Alex interrupted as she laid down on her back and reached out for Olivia, pulling her toward her but not quite on top of her. "I know you're worried and to be honest I don't know if I'm ready for this but I have to start somewhere. I want to feel something again; I need to know that someone's touch can be affectionate and not just a way to hurt me."

Olivia sighed as she held herself up, not allowing her body to touch Alex's yet. "If you don't think you're ready for this, you shouldn't force yourself to do it. You need time to heal, Alex, and I want to give you as much time as you want. When the time comes that you feel comfortable enough for me to touch you I will gladly do so but I don't want to set you back."

Alex's gaze softened as she listened to the brunette intently. Olivia had to be the most caring person that she had ever met and she certainly knew just what to say. Alex chewed her lip for a moment before deciding that she knew exactly what she wanted. "I'm ready for this," She replied softly. "I trust you with my life, Olivia."

"I'm not sure about this," Olivia replied honestly as she squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her jaw ever so slightly. She didn't want to hurt the blonde. She couldn't live with herself if she ever hurt her.

"I'll tell you to stop if it's too much, okay?" Alex asked as she waited for Olivia to open up her eyes and look back down at her. "Just…just go slow please." Olivia nodded hesitantly as she scooted closer to the blonde. Alex offered up a smile as she took the brunette's right hand and placed it on her stomach, over her shirt. Olivia's hand tensed ever so slightly before she forced herself to relax. This is what Alex wanted. She allowed the blonde to slide her hand down and then under her shirt. She bit her lip as her hand came into contact with rough, raised flesh from where scars remained on the blonde's torso. "It's okay," Alex whispered softly as she closed her eyes and slid Olivia's hand up a bit further. The detective wasn't quite sure who Alex was trying to assure with her words.

Olivia allowed her hand to splay out across Alex's chest as her hand heated up, absorbing the warmth from the skin beneath her. She slowly began to move her fingers around ever so slightly as she watched Alex intently. Her closed eyes flinched slightly as she tugged her bottom lip between her teeth. "Hey, it's just me. Open up your eyes," Olivia whispered as she lowered her face so that she was closer to Alex. Blue eyes finally opened and Olivia mentally sighed in relief when she didn't see any pain in those crystal clear eyes.

She kept her hand in the same place for a few minutes, slowly tracing her fingers across the taut abdomen, careful not to touch too high or too low. Alex reached out and firmly grasped onto Olivia's shoulders as she pulled her to the side, encouraging Olivia to reposition herself. The brunette hesitantly placed her legs on either side of Alex's, careful not to apply any pressure. Her heart dropped as she watched the blonde unconsciously squeeze her legs tighter together before forcefully relaxing them. "Tell me to stop," Olivia whispered as she made a move to return to her initial position.

Two hands clenched around her shoulders, effectively stopping her from moving. "I don't want you to," Alex replied softly as she ran her hands up Olivia's shoulders and to her neck. She cupped the detective's neck and stroked her thumbs across the soft flesh.

"Are you sure?" The blonde nodded as she continued to stroke Olivia's neck, pausing as she felt the strong pulse beating beneath her skin. "We can stop at any point. All you have to do is say the word."

"I know," Alex assured her as she nodded ever so slightly. "I know." Olivia hesitantly lowered herself a few inches, still staying well above Alex. She used her left arm to support herself as her right hand slid to Alex's side, wrapping her hand around the thin waist. The blonde reached out and grasped onto Olivia's wrist before sliding it further up until her fingers pressed against the side of Alex's braless breast.

"Alex," Olivia warned as she held her hand firmly in place while the blonde attempted to coax her hand upward.

"Just give me a minute," Alex replied, clearly missing what the detective was trying to say.

"You're not ready," Olivia told her as she brushed her fingers against Alex's side, purposely avoiding her breast.

"I am," She quickly replied as she gripped tighter on Olivia's wrist. "Please, I'm ready. I want you to touch me."

Olivia blinked back the wetness forming in her eyes as she listened to Alex plead. She leaned her head down and gently pressed a kiss against the blonde's forehead. "Please don't make me do this," She whispered softly as she slid up her left hand up to caress Alex's cheek.

Alex's eyes immediately filled with sorrow. "I'm sorry," She immediately responded as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath in regret. This process wasn't just about her and she had failed to think of how this affected Olivia as well. She knew how much the detective cared about her and how against hurting her she was. "Can we just stay like this for a few minutes?" Alex asked softly as she encouraged Olivia to rest their lower halves together. The detective nodded and hesitantly allowed her abdomen to press against the blonde's but still kept their upper halves and faces apart. "Thank you."


	33. Chapter 33

Olivia smiled proudly as she admired the blonde that sat across her at the small round table. This was the first time that Olivia had convinced her to go out to dinner and somehow they had wound up at a small, classy Italian restaurant in Brooklyn. The lights were dimmed, tables were topped with white clothes with a vase filled with roses on top, and classical music was humming lightly in the background. To Olivia's surprise, Alex had chose to wear slacks and lower cut blouse than she was normally comfortable with. Alex typically wore as much clothing as she could in an attempt to hide the scars that marred her body. There had been dozens of times where Olivia wanted to punch someone for staring at the beautiful blonde's scars. She frowned as she thought back to the events that occurred a few days prior when Alex wore a t-shirt rather than a sweatshirt when they went for a small walk.

_They had just turned the corner when Alex stopped and inhaled deeply. Olivia paused and looked back at her before the fragrance of freshly baked bread filled her nostrils. "Hungry?" Olivia teased as the blonde took a few more steps and peered into the bakery. She still wasn't eating normally but she had grown accustomed to eating bread and Olivia had even learned a few homemade recipes in order to mix it up for her. _

_Alex grinned as she nodded ever so slightly. Olivia turned toward the bakery and opened up the door, gesturing for Alex to enter first. Once they were both inside, they wandered up to the display case, considering their options. "Everything looks so amazing," Alex stated as her eyes wandered over all the different types of breads and desserts. _

_"__Then we can get one of everything," Olivia stated with a shrug. Anything to get Alex to eat. Hell, she'd buy the entire bakery if it'd encourage Alex to eat more than she currently was. While Alex had begun to eat more, it still wasn't enough for her frail body. _

_"__Ha, ha," Alex teased as she rolled her eyes at Olivia and turned back to the display case. Just then, a little girl ran in front of Alex, placing both of her hands on the display case as she pressed her nose against it. _

_A smile graced the blonde's lips as she admired the little girl who was dressed as if she had just gotten out of church with her blonde hair pulled up into high pigtails. "Mommy! I want this one!" She screamed out in delight as she pointed to the chocolate cake behind the display case. When her mom didn't respond immediately, she spun around with a pout, eyeing up Olivia and Alex as she tried to find her mom. Her eyes froze on Alex as she stared the scars on her arms. The little girl's eyes widened as she blindly walked toward her mom, never taking her eyes off of Alex's cuts and bruises. _

_Alex wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly feeling self-conscious as the little girl continued to stare at her until she bumped into her mom. "Mommy, what's wrong with her?" The little blonde asked as she pointed in Alex's direction. _

_"__Mandy! That's not something you ask," The mom scolded her daughter before turning to see what the fuss was about. She too froze as she looked at Alex's exposed arms as she tried to hide them. "Oh dear," The lady mumbled as she met Alex's eyes. "I apologize for what my daughter just asked," She told Alex as she took a couple steps closer to her, her eyes dropping back down to the scars before looking at Alex's face which was also still healing. "Honey, God is here for you. I go to the church just down the street and we supply a safe place for women like you. You can get away from his abuse, you just have to take the first step and seek out help."_

_Olivia immediately stepped forward once the woman started talking since she could visibly see Alex's discomfort. She laid a gentle hand on Alex's back, assuring her that it was okay, before sliding her hand around Alex's back and placing it on her hip. "That's quite alright, Ma'am. We're doing just fine," Olivia told the lady as she turned Alex away from her. _

_"__God help you and your kind if you're hurting that poor woman," The lady muttered as she turned back to her daughter. Olivia froze as anger course through her body. A soft hand against her arm stopped her from yelling at this woman for being so disrespectful to Alex by pointing out her insecurities in a room full of strangers. Dozens of people were looking on at this point. _

_Olivia met Alex's soft blue eyes as she pleaded with Olivia. "Please, let's just leave," Alex whispered softly. Olivia took a deep breath and nodded as she guided Alex out of the bakery, avoiding everyone's beady eyes. _

_Once they were far enough away from curious eyes, Alex stopped and turned back to Olivia. "I'm sorry," Alex told her as her eyes fell to the ground. _

_"__Alex, what happened isn't your fault," Olivia assured her as she placed her hands on the blonde's upper arms and tenderly rubbed up and down. _

_"__Everyone in there thought you were beating me," Alex whispered softly as her eyes met Olivia's. The detective sighed as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _

_"__I don't care what they think, Alex. All I care about is you. You know I would never hurt you and that's all that matters."_

_Alex nodded as she moved away from Olivia and turned back around. "Can we just go home?" She asked softly and Olivia felt her heart drop. She had been making so much progress but it had been taken from her again. The brunette nodded and they walked back together in silence. _

Alex hadn't worn a t-shirt since that day; it had always been one of Olivia's larger sweatshirts that she wore when they went out and about. But when Olivia told her that she wanted to take her out, Alex had seemed so excited and shed her typical sweatshirt and jeans. "Anything look good?" Olivia asked as she watched the blonde intently study the menu.

Alex continued looking for a few more seconds before lifting up her head and looking at the detective with an amused look on her face. "Is everything an answer?" Alex teased as she picked up her glass and took a long sip of the lemon-water.

Olivia chuckled softly. "Everything does look pretty good, huh? I'm sticking with the shrimp scampi, it's my absolute favorite thing here."

Alex hummed softly as she flipped to the page with the seafood. "It does sound good," She replied as she read the description and a few others. "How's the salmon here?"

"Amazing," Olivia assured her as she read through the salmon dishes. "The lemon and dill salmon is always good. I heard their smoked salmon is amazing as well."

"Lemon and dill salmon," Alex repeated softly as she folded up her menu and smiled at Olivia. "This will be the first time that I've had seafood since…" She let her words trail off as she frowned slightly before shaking away her expression. She placed her left hand in the middle of the table and leaned in slightly. "Thank you," She whispered softly as she met Olivia's gaze.

Olivia smiled back at her as she placed her right hand on top of the blonde's stroking the top of it gently. "You have nothing to thank me for," She replied back. She was taken off guard as Alex's eyebrows furrowed and the hand beneath hers flipped over. "Is everything alright?" Olivia asked curiously as her thumb traced Alex's palm. The blonde's face lit up as her mouth fell open and she sighed in relief. "Alex?"

"Yes, yes," Alex replied quickly as she stood up from the table abruptly. "We need to leave now." Olivia stared at her in confusion as she too rose from the table.

"Okay…" Olivia dragged out as she quickly pulled out a twenty and tossed it on the table to cover for their drinks, not bothering to wait for change. Alex grabbed onto her hand and led her out of the restaurant and down the street. They continued walking down the streets, around corners, and across the streets. "Where are we going?" Olivia finally asked as Alex picked up her pace to a speed walk, causing Olivia to jog slightly in order to keep up with the blonde's long legs.

Her question was answered the moment Alex stopped outside of a building before pulling her inside. Olivia stared at the large block letters that read "NY Aquarium" as Alex pulled them up to the front desk before returning with two tickets. "Not that I don't love the aquarium—actually I've never been here before—but why are we here?" Olivia asked as she followed Alex into the aquarium.

The blonde weaved in and out of people's way, intent on a certain destination. "Our live-in nanny used to take me here whenever I was upset about something as a child. My parents were never really around to care for me so she tried her best. This used to be one of my favorite places to go when we went to the aquarium," Alex told her as she stopped at a large tank of water with various children surrounding it.

"Touch tanks," Olivia clarified as she stood next to the blonde and watched the bat rays glide through the water. A kid next to them squealed as the ray slid underneath his hand. They both smiled as the ray swam toward them. Alex carefully slipped her left hand under the water, causing the ray to move to the side slightly before slipping under the blonde's fingers. Olivia watched, enthralled as the blonde closed her eyes and sighed out in relief as a huge smile graced her lips.

"Alex?" Olivia finally asked, still unsure as to what exactly was happening. It wasn't like her to take random trips anywhere, least of all the aquarium. Alex didn't bother answering, instead she walked over to the washing station and thoroughly cleaned her hands before pulling Olivia back through the aquarium and to the deck that lined the outside.

Once they arrived, Alex spun around to face Olivia, a huge smile playing across her lips. "I could feel it," Alex stated as she glanced back into the aquarium and then back to the detective. Olivia's eyebrows furrowed. That was typically the point of the touch tanks. "No," Alex clarified as she reached out her left hand and pressed it up against Olivia's cheek. "I can feel this." Her fingers ran down the length of Olivia's cheek bone before stopping to trace her lips. "I can feel _you_."

The brunette's eyes widened as she realized what Alex was saying. She could feel with her left hand again; the blonde had given up hope of regaining feeling in her hand since their first visit to the doctor together. Olivia immediately wrapped her hand around Alex's before pressing a kiss against her palm. "You can feel again," She whispered softly as her own fingers stroked Alex's hand.

The blonde nodded as she pulled both of their hands away and weaved their fingers together before turning to look out into the distance with Olivia at her side. They stared out into the ocean together for a few minutes in complete silence except the gulls calling in the distance. "It's progress," Alex whispered softly as she pulled Olivia closer to her and rested her head against the detective's shoulder. "We're getting there."


	34. Chapter 34

"Are you going to tell me what has your knickers in a twist?" Olivia asked as she stared up at the blonde who was propped up on the mattress by one arm.

Alex's eyes flickered to meet hers. "Did you really just say knickers?" Olivia smirked and merely shrugged in response. "I was just thinking about…about us." One of Olivia's eyebrows shot up as she waited for Alex to continue. "What exactly is this?" The blonde questioned as she gestured between the two of them.

Olivia's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she glanced around them ever so slightly. Alex had never really questioned them sleeping in the same bed before but every day there was always something changing. "What do you mean what is this?" Olivia asked, deciding that she better ask for clarification before she went on an unnecessary rant.

"I mean," Alex paused as she pursed her lips. "You used to have a different woman in your bed every week. Why am I here every night?"

It was true. Olivia thought back to all of her one night stands, suddenly regretting their existence. Sure it was convenient to have a one night stand since she didn't have the time to commit but she was also afraid of commitment—except when it came to Alex. "I got tired of one night stands," Olivia replied casually.

"So you just gave up relationships in general?"

This time, the detective pursed her lips as she thought of a suitable response. "No, I wouldn't say that. I just don't feel the need to have one night stands anymore in order to blow off steam."

Alex seemed to accept that answer as she dropped back down onto the mattress. She moved closer to the detective and rested her head on Olivia's shoulder, a common position for the two of them. "What changed?" Alex finally asked, breaking the silence.

"You," Olivia responded honestly as she moved her head to the side, allowing her to look down at the blonde locks splayed out across her shoulder.

Alex shifted her head up so that she could meet Olivia's gaze. "Why?"

"Honestly, I can't explain why," Olivia answered as she ran her hand up and down Alex's lower back instinctively. "You're—you're something else. You make me want to be a better person. I guess…" Olivia paused as she rolled her head back and looked up at the ceiling. "You're enough for me. Even if we're not actually in a relationship or sleeping together, you're more than enough."

"Well technically we are sleeping together," Alex quipped as she taped her fingers against Olivia's sternum before dragging them down and resting them her chest.

"Way to ruin the moment, Alex," Olivia teased as she placed her free hand on top of Alex's. She intertwined their fingers a bit and rested them both back down against her chest.

"Do you ever think about us becoming something more?" Olivia's eyes shot open at Alex's words.

"What?"

"I mean do you ever think about us actually being in a relationship together?" Alex asked as cuddled up a bit closer to Olivia and lifted her head off of the detective's shoulder in order to see her face.

"Honestly, yes," Olivia responded as she glanced at Alex and then back to the ceiling. "You're a beautiful woman and I would like nothing more than to show you how much I care about you but I also understand that we can't be in a relationship."

"We could," Alex replied back as she removed her hand from Olivia's chest and brought it up to the detective's cheek, guiding her to meet her gaze. "I'd understand if you don't want to," Alex started off and Olivia immediately shook her head in response but the blonde silenced her with a finger across her lips. "But we could. It wouldn't be a typical relationship; you wouldn't be able to touch me but we could be something."

Olivia stayed quiet as she waited for Alex to finish. Finally the blonde lifted her finger up from Olivia's lips. "What made you start thinking about this?"

"We've never really been able to follow the norm," Alex chuckled softly to herself as she thought back to their first time meeting each other. "And we've certainly changed a lot since Whiteman but you've always been there for me, more than you'll ever know. I don't know if I would've been able to make it out alive if I didn't have you to keep me going." Olivia stayed quiet as she listened to the blonde intently. They never really discussed the events that occurred while Alex was being tortured by Dylan but she knew that it was a lot for anyone to handle.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want to ever have to fathom the idea of a life without you," Alex clarified before chewing her lip nervously, awaiting the brunette's response.

"I won't leave you unless you ask me to, Lex. You don't ever have to worry about that," Olivia told her as she reached up and ran her hand through the blonde locks falling around her face. "We don't have to become something more just to ensure that."

"That's not what I meant," Alex quickly replied as she shook her head, understanding what Olivia was getting at. "I—I don't know why I feel the way I do but I care a lot about you, Liv. I want to be around you all the time. I miss you when you're at work, I count down the minutes until you're home." Alex paused as she smiled. "_Home._ I call your apartment home, doesn't that say something? I sleep next to you every night and you hold me every time I have a nightmare. You've seen me through my worst and yet you're still here and I'll never be able to thank you enough. Maybe that's why I'm falling for you," Alex stated as she watched Olivia's eyes widen at the revelation. "Yes, I'm falling for you Olivia Benson. It took me so damn long but I've realized that I want you to be the one lying next to me every night. I want you to be the face I see every night before bed. I want you to be the one who," Alex's voice lowered as she continued, "kisses me and tells me that everything will be okay."

"We can do that without being in a relationship," Olivia replied. If she was being honest with herself, she wanted nothing more than to date Alex and treat her how she deserved to be treated but she also didn't want the blonde to jump into a relationship because she thought that's what Olivia wanted.

Alex smiled ever so slightly as she ran her fingers down Olivia's cheek. "Is it selfish of me to want you all to myself?" Alex whispered quietly as she trailed her fingers down to the detective's neck, lingering at a section of skin as she felt Olivia's pulse beat strongly.

Olivia sighed softly as her eyes closed, enjoying Alex's touch. "I'll always be yours."

She kept her eyes shut as the blonde's fingers traced around her neck before returning to her cheek, rubbing the skin there lightly. Her breath hitched as she felt warm air blow gently across her face. "Promise?" Alex asked, her voice much closer than it was before. If Olivia had to guess, she'd say that Alex was inches from her face.

"Promise," Olivia assured her before soft lips pressed against hers.


	35. Chapter 35

"Are you sure about this?" Olivia asked from her position leaning up against the kitchen counter as she admired Alex dressed up in a pristine suit. The only thing missing was a pencil skirt rather than the black slacks she was wearing.

"I need to go back at some point," Alex told her as she took a sip of her water before bringing it over to the sink to wash it.

"You can take off more time," Olivia countered as she watched the blonde's movements intently. Alex had officially decided to go back to working as an ADA a few days prior. While the detective wanted Alex to progress, she just didn't want her to rush into anything.

"I'll be fine," Alex assured her. "It's just major case and I'll be stuck in an office all day filing motions and dealing with incompetent coworkers." Olivia chuckled at the blonde's joke. She was slowly going back to her regular pain in the ass, ice princess self.

"Okay," Olivia replied softly as she grabbed her gear and holstered her gun and cuffs. Alex looked at the detective curiously as she slipped into her leather jacket. "At least let me drop you off for your first day."

Fifteen minutes later, they were both sitting in Olivia's Mustang, putting off their temporary goodbye. This would be Olivia's first time heading off to work while Alex was somewhere other than her apartment which scared her a bit despite the fact that there was no longer a threat to the blonde's life.

"I should go in," Alex stated as she glanced up at the familiar building.

"Probably," Olivia replied as she reached over and placed her hand on top of the blonde's running her thumb across it soothingly. "It'll be fine. In eight hours I'll be back here to pick you up, okay?"

Alex continued to stare out the window before finally opening up the car door. "Eight hours," She repeated as she stepped down onto the sidewalk, wavering ever so slightly in the high heels that she hadn't worn for quite a while. She paused as she held onto the car door, intent on shutting it. In a split second, she leaned back down and grasped onto Olivia's face with one hand while the other supported her against the center console of the Mustang. She brought their lips together for a kiss, lingering for a few seconds before pulling back with a smile on her face. "I'll see you then, Detective."

* * *

"Are you not hungry?" Olivia asked as she examined Alex's plate which was still filled with untouched food. Well technically the blonde had just pushed the food around, trying to appear as if she was actually eating.

"Not really," Alex replied as she sighed, setting the fork down against the plate. "Thank you for making dinner but I just don't feel like eating."

Olivia studied the ADA for a few seconds, trying to figure out what was going on. "Is something wrong?" It was common for Alex to lose her appetite over random things but she had a feeling that this had something to do with her first day back at work. The blonde had hardly said anything on their drive home. Alex shook her head in response. "Did something happen at work?" Olivia pressed on.

Alex shook her head again, finally looking away from her plate of food and up to Olivia. "Nothing happened, that's just it." The detective looked at her in confusion as she waited for her to continue. "Shouldn't something have upset me? Absolutely nothing was wrong. I dealt with a couple idiots and went over a few cases but nothing happened."

"That's good," Olivia countered as she tried to figure out why the blonde was upset. She was certainly afraid that something would greatly upset the ADA and she'd have to pick her up—not that she minded.

Alex wearily ran a hand through her hair as she closed her eyes and let out a long breath. "I know, I just—it feels wrong." Olivia nodded in understanding as she collected both of their plates and went about cleaning up dinner. "Is it wrong that I can't feel anything?" Alex asked quietly over the clanking of the dishes.

Olivia paused before setting the plates in the sink and shutting off the water. She quickly dried her hands and walked over to the blonde, resting her hands on her shoulders. "No," Olivia replied softly as she kneaded the knots out of Alex's tense shoulders. She could feel the pain rolling out of the blonde's body as she leaned into the touch, dropping her head against Olivia's chest. "It's okay to feel numb. You've been dealing with this for so long and you've been so strong, Lex. So maybe things don't feel quite the same but that's okay."

Alex hummed softly in agreement before reaching back to steady the brunette's hands. She tilted her head back and tried her best to smile. "Is it wrong if I just want to curl up in bed with you and stay there forever?"

Olivia chuckled softly in response as she lifted her hands off of the blonde's shoulders before extending a hand to her. Alex took the proffered hand and allowed Olivia to guide her to her feet. "Of course not," Olivia responded as she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone.

Alex frowned as the detective rapidly tapped against the phone. "What are you doing?"

Olivia continued typing away before locking her phone and sliding it back into her pocket. "Calling in sick," Olivia replied with a grin which Alex soon copied. "I got you sick as well. Cragen will notify your boss."

"Sick, huh?" Alex teased as she headed for the bedroom with Olivia close behind. "So I guess that means we can sleep in tomorrow?"

"Whatever you want," Olivia replied as she shed out of her work clothes, not even bothering to change in the bathroom like she normally did. Since they had discussed potentially building on their relationship, Olivia had tried her best not to make Alex feel uncomfortable in any way. The two hadn't done much besides kissing every now and then which the blonde always initiated. She knew that it would take plenty of time before Alex would feel comfortable enough to go beyond kissing, especially after the debacle that occurred when Alex tried to get Olivia to touch her.

"I want to hold you," Alex casually stated as she pulled on one of Olivia's NYPD t-shirts and a pair of shorts.

Olivia looked at her curiously for two reasons. The first being the sentence that just came out of Alex's mouth. The second being the fact that Alex pulled on shorts rather than the sweatpants that she always wore to bed. The detective tried her best not to stare at Alex's legs since she knew that made the ADA uncomfortable but she couldn't resist staring at those long, slender, gorgeous legs. She didn't care if they were covered in healing scars, Alex would always be beautiful to her. "You want to hold me?" Olivia finally questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"What, I can't be the big spoon?" Alex teased as she slid under the covers and patted the spot next to her, encouraging the detective to lay down.

Olivia shrugged as she chuckled softly. "I guess you can," She replied as she slipped under the covers next to the blonde. "So what exactly am I supposed to do?"

Alex smiled as she shook her head at the clueless detective. "Well you can start off by facing away from me. Haven't you ever been the little spoon?"

"Would you stop calling it that?" Olivia teased as she rolled over so that she was facing away from Alex. "I'm not a kitchen utensil."

Alex hummed softly as she pressed the front of her body against Olivia's back. "You're most certainly not a kitchen utensil. You're way more comfortable."

Olivia groaned as the blonde wrapped her arms around her. She instinctively placed her arms on top of the ones wrapped around her waist, weaving her fingers with the ones she found there. "This feels weird," Olivia commented as she turned her head slightly to the side, trying to see Alex.

"Well you can't always be the dominant one," Alex teased as she tightened her grip around Olivia's waist before nuzzling her nose against the back of Olivia's head. She inhaled deeply, enjoying the unique scent that always seemed to relax her.

"Says who?" Olivia retorted only seconds before she yelped out in response to the well placed pinch on her rear. Alex returned her arm back to its initial position around the brunette's waist.

"Me."


	36. Chapter 36

"We can still turn back," Olivia whispered into Alex's ear as she paused outside of the door. The blonde shook her head in response.

"Let's go in. We're already twenty minutes late," Alex replied as Olivia opened up the door for her, gesturing for her to enter the bar first. Olivia followed right behind her before they both caught sight of everyone gathered around a large table, making quite a ruckus.

Alex couldn't help but smile as she walked up to the group that is until her eyes landed on a familiar redhead. Olivia caught the blonde's hesitance and placed a soothing hand on her lower back, silently telling her that it would be fine. Alex hadn't talked to Casey since that day in her apartment and a part of her still felt as if the redhead hated her even though she proved the opposite countless number of times. Of course, next to Casey was Abbie, laughing and enjoying herself with an arm casually swung over the back of Casey's chair.

The redhead caught her gaze and smiled back, waving Alex and Olivia over to the empty seats on the opposite side of her. "There's the final counselor of the trio!" Elliot cheered out as he nodded at Alex as she reluctantly took a seat next to Casey. It's not that she didn't like Casey, she did, it was just that she couldn't stop the guilt that overwhelmed her every time she thought of the pain and suffering that the redhead went through because of her.

"It's nice to see so many familiar faces," Alex replied, glancing around at all of the detectives as Olivia took the seat next to her, scooting a bit closer which offered the blonde an unexplainable comfort.

"We've certainly missed you," Fin told her with the slightest smile since he wasn't one to share his emotions. "And Casey as well," He added as he looked over to the redhead. Even though they hadn't been working with either ADA for very long, SVU had a way of growing close to the point where everyone was considered family.

"I heard your new ADA is even better than those two combined!" Abbie exclaimed before receiving a shoulder nudge from her girlfriend.

"She's a total pain in the ass," Olivia mumbled as she flashed Abbie a grin. Since Alex had joined major case and Casey had been reassigned to homicide, they were left grasping at straws for a new ADA. Unfortunately, rather than being assigned a new ADA, a former ADA was assigned. One Ms. Abigail Carmichael and boy was she even more rambunctious than before.

"Am not!" Abbie replied as she took a swig of her beer with a pout on her face.

"Yeah, I like her," Munch quipped as he winked at Abbie which earned him a glare from Casey. Alex chuckled out at the exchange, finally feeling at ease around her friends. While she still thought regularly of her struggles, it seemed as if everyone else thought of her as the same person that she was before.

"Is Olivia still requesting warrants without any substantial evidence?" Alex teased as she tossed a grin at the detective.

"Did she ever stop?" Abbie quipped back. "She and Elliot are the worst! Last week they asked for a warrant for a judge's financials. Are ya'll trying to get me fired?"

"Maybe," Elliot replied with a suggestive eyebrow wag. Despite their teasing, all of the detectives enjoyed having Abbie back as their ADA because it was certainly better than having some fresh out of law school twenty-something year old.

Throughout the night, everyone fell into comfortable conversations, splitting off into smaller groups since it was so hard to talk at a table so full. Alex sat quietly for the most part, just enjoying the feeling of being surrounded by friends who didn't seem to have a care in the world as they built up their bar tab. A gentle touch on her arm stopped her observations and she turned to see Casey smiling at her. "So how have you been?"

Alex bit her lip slightly as she thought back to all the events that had taken place since her kidnapping. Images of Whiteman flashed through her mind before immediately being suppressed by images of her detective. She thought back to sleeping under an impromptu blanket fort with the brunette, being at the park with Olivia, Olivia taking care of her when she was sick, cuddling with the detective, and even kissing her. A small smile fought its way onto Alex's lips. "I've been happy."

Casey smiled in response, leaning a bit closer to the blonde. "I don't assume that has anything to do with the smiling detective next to you, does it?"

Alex chuckled softly as she glanced over at Olivia who was laughing her ass off at something Elliot had said. "You always knew," Alex contemplated as she turned back to Casey. "How?"

"How did you not know?" Casey countered with a raised eyebrow. "She's constantly giving off dozens of signs that she loves you."

Alex quirked an eyebrow as she frown slightly, resisting the urge to look at Olivia in hopes of seeing those signs. She never really understood why the detective had feelings for her in the first place, especially after what had happened to her. Though she'd never admit it to Olivia, she constantly wondered how the detective could stand looking at, not to mention touching, her marred body. "Sure I know that she has feelings for me but I don't think there are dozens of signs," Alex countered.

"She opens the door for you, she touches you in order to comfort you, she always positions herself towards strangers when she's with you, she defends you whether it's verbally or physically, she smiles when you're around, she talks about you constantly, shall I continue?"

"Okay, okay," Alex relented as she shook her head in response. "How'd you even know that she does all those things?"

Casey paused as she looked over at the detective and then back to her own girlfriend. "Because Abbie does those things for me, too." The redhead tilted her head slightly as she tried to read the thoughts that were rolling around in Alex's mind, suddenly recognizing that look. "You haven't told her yet, have you?"

Alex's head snapped up as she met Casey's gaze. She knew what the ADA was talking about but she wasn't sure she was ready to admit the truth to anyone, especially someone other than Olivia. The thought alone scared her. Loving someone more than life itself scared her.

The blonde thought back to one of the few appointments that she had with a psychologist. For the first time, she had openly discussed her feeling toward another woman only for the psychologist to tell her that she was trying to cling to something, someone in order to make herself feel complete. Alex had believed the woman for a while before rejecting the idea completely which resulted in her no longer seeing the psychologist. If there was one thing that she knew, it was that her feelings for Olivia were real; they weren't just something that she had because Olivia had been there for her through it all. Sure, it was probably a contributing factor but that wasn't the reason that she loved Olivia. "No," Alex finally replied as she ducked her head down, feeling a bit embarrassed at her admission.

"That's okay," Casey assured her as she glanced around the table once more, admiring the carefree feeling surrounding them. "She won't mind waiting." Alex looked back at her curiously. She had expected some rant about how life was too short and that we needed to tell people how we felt but that most certainly was not her response.

The words replayed in her mind, over and over again until she was wondering how true that statement was. Would Olivia be willing to wait so long? Hell, she had been waiting for Alex to feel comfortable around her for months already but that was different. She had her assault as an excuse as to why she didn't feel comfortable getting physical with the detective despite the fact that sometimes she wanted Olivia to go a little further than they currently were. But saying those three little words were different. She couldn't claim her assault had stopped her from loving because it most certainly did not. Would Olivia really wait as long as it took for her to finally become comfortable enough with herself to admit her feelings?

A soft touch on her leg pulled her out of her thoughts. She turned toward her detective who was still in a conversation with Fin and Elliot about some case. She smiled as Olivia drew slow circles with her finger against her leg, whether it was subconsciously or not, it was endearing. Alex placed her hand on top of Olivia's, earning herself a raised eyebrow from the detective. While Olivia had no problem with showing her feelings for Alex to the world, the blonde had been hesitant to initiate contact while in the public's eye. Alex squeezed the brunette's hand in response before intertwining their fingers.

Olivia carried on with her conversation for a few more minutes before she leaned over toward the blonde. Alex turned her head to the side, hiding Olivia's face from their curious friends as the detective brought her lips toward Alex's ear. "I'm so proud of you," Olivia whispered into her ear before hesitantly turning her head and quickly pressing a kiss against the blonde's cheek before withdrawing.

Of course she'd wait.


	37. Chapter 37

Olivia rolled over onto her side, a single eye forcing itself open as she felt her bed jostle repeatedly. She looked up at shining blue eyes with a matching smile. "Whaa?" Olivia mumbled, still half asleep, as she rubbed her eyes in order to get a better look at Alex.

"Well good morning to you too, sleepyhead," Alex replied as she nudged the sleepy detective.

"I thought we were sleeping in?" Olivia grumbled as she rolled over onto her back and tossed an arm over her face. The light was on in her bedroom, no doubt Alex's doing, but there was no natural light streaming in the room which meant it was still pretty early.

"Well we were," Alex stated as she bounced the bed slightly, jostling the detective once more which earned her an unamused groan. "But I really want to go for a jog with you."

That caught Olivia's attention. She moved her arm up slightly, revealing one eye so she could look at the blonde. "A jog, huh?" Alex nodded in response and Olivia leaned up slightly, looking outside. "But it's so early. The sun's not even out!"

"That's the point," The ADA replied as she hopped out of the bed and Olivia finally realized that she was already dressed in a sweatshirt and a pair of running tights. The detective unabashedly admired Alex's form, particularly her legs which left very little up to imagination in her running tights. Suddenly something landed on her face and she flinched as she pulled the offending object off her only to look down at one of her workout t-shirts. She glanced up at the blonde just in time to reach out and grab the shorts that were about to hit her. "Get dressed, let's go!"

Olivia plopped back down on the mattress with a groan. "But I'm tired!" She jokingly whined as she pulled the running shirt back over her face, blocking out the bedroom light.

She felt the bed wiggle slightly before her shirt was pulled down from her face, revealing Alex's face hovering above hers. "I promise I'll make it worth your while," Alex whispered as she suggestively wiggled her eyebrow and Olivia couldn't help but laugh. Alex leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss against Olivia's lips before pulling back and jumping off the bed.

Olivia reluctantly sat upright and grabbed onto the clothes Alex had tossed at her. "I thought you said I had morning breath?" Olivia questioned with a raised eyebrow.

Alex chuckled in response, remembering a conversation that they had a while ago when the blonde insisted on always brushing her teeth before talking in the morning. After much prodding from Olivia, she finally admitted that everyone had morning breath and that she thought it was gross. "I've gotten used to it," Alex replied with a shrug as she sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for Olivia to get dressed. "Besides, you pretty much just taste like coffee."

"It runs in my blood," Olivia joked as she finally stripped out of her night clothes and pulled on the running attire that the blonde had picked out for her. "So why exactly are we going for a run this early in the morning?" Olivia asked as she followed Alex out of her apartment and down to the street.

"You'll see," Alex replied as she started jogging, tossing a smile back to the brunette who was still a bit sluggish and standing in place. Olivia rolled her eyes before sprinting to catch up to the blonde.

They continued jogging for close to half an hour before Olivia was exhausted from the hill that Alex decided they were going to climb. Sure, she worked out but she was never really one for long distance. She was surprised that Alex had such excellent endurance, especially after not running for such a long time due to her healing process.

Finally, Alex slowed down her jog to a walk, holding her hands above her head in order to get more air to her lungs. Olivia slowed down behind her, copying her posture and inhaling as much air as she could in order to liven up her body. The ADA slowly turned around and smiled at Olivia, causing her to take in her surroundings. Olivia made a full circle, admiring the fantastic view of the city from high on top of the hill. She could see dozens are cars flying by before slowing down for the morning traffic.

The sun had just started to creep up when Alex grabbed onto her wrist and pulled her over to the side, allowing them a perfect view of the sun rising. "This is beautiful, Lex," Olivia finally said after they stayed there in silence for a few minutes, admiring the beautiful surroundings.

"So was it worth waking up for?" Alex asked as she stepped into Olivia's personal space, leaning her head against the detective's shoulder.

Olivia instinctively wrapped her arm around a thin waist, pulling Alex closer to her even though they were both sticky from sweat. "No," Olivia replied which caused the ADA to lift up her head and look at her with an amused look. "You're worth waking up for," Olivia replied before pressing a quick kiss against Alex's temple.

Alex grimaced slightly in response. "That's gross, I'm so sweaty!" Alex exclaimed as she used the back of her hand to wipe off the sweat forming along her hairline.

Olivia chuckled as she pulled the blonde's hand away. "It's not gross," Olivia countered as she kissed her temple once more. "Besides, I like you all hot and sweaty," She stated before blushing at the double meaning that her sentence carried.

Alex tried her best to keep a straight face as she tried to raise a questioning eyebrow at the brunette but ended up laughing instead. "Perv," Alex quipped as she wrapped both of her arms around Olivia's waist and leaned against her as they continued to watch the sun rise.

"What do you say we go get some breakfast?" Olivia asked once the sun was shining brightly above them.

"Better yet, how about I cook breakfast for us?" Alex asked as she lifted her head off of Olivia's shoulder and released her grip around the detective's waist.

Olivia raised an eyebrow at the blonde's suggestion. "You aren't going to burn down the kitchen, are you?" Alex pretended to look offended as she swatted the detective's shoulder. "Kidding!"

"Sure you were," Alex replied as she shook her head and smiled. "Race you home," She stated milliseconds before she broke out into a sprint back down the hill. Olivia merely shook her head in response before running after the blonde who had a substantial advantage.

* * *

"Cheater," Olivia panted out as she unlocked her apartment door, allowing the blonde to enter first.

"You're just a sore loser," Alex teased as she headed toward Olivia's bedroom, stripping off her sweatshirt before tossing it into the hamper. The brunette followed her into the room, averting her eyes as Alex took off her running tights as well so that she was only in her undergarments. "Sorry, I'm really hot," Alex replied once she noticed that Olivia was trying her best not to look at her.

"Yeah you are," Olivia mumbled as she turned away, trying her best to cool her libido after she accidentally got a fantastic view of Alex's rear and sports bra clad chest. Alex was about to comment when Olivia spoke up again. "You can go ahead and shower. I'm going to go make some coffee before I fall asleep."

Ten minutes later, Alex wandered into the kitchen in a pair of shorts and a long-sleeved t-shirt. She accepted the cup full of coffee that Olivia was holding out for her before searching through the fridge that had been well stocked ever since she practically moved in. "Pancakes…Eggs…Do we have any bacon?" Alex questioned as she pulled out the eggs and set them on the counter.

"Top drawer on the left," Olivia replied as she opened up the carton of eggs and started cracking them into a bowl. Alex retrieved the bacon and set that on the counter before searching for the ingredients for pancakes.

"Hey, you're not supposed to be helping," Alex teased as she grabbed out a bowl and poured some pancake mix in it.

"What else would I be doing?" Olivia asked as she beat the eggs before setting them to the side. She unwrapped the bacon and tossed a few pieces on the griddle, earning her the wonderful sound of bacon sizzling.

"Sipping coffee and reading the newspaper?" Alex countered as she mixed up the pancakes before grabbing some chocolate chips out of the pantry.

"I should probably shower," Olivia observed as she looked down at herself. She had cooled off drastically but she was sure that she wasn't exactly the best company right now. She left the cooking to the blonde as she wandered into her bathroom.

Once she emerged, she was pleasantly surprised to find the apartment filled with the delicious scent of pancakes and bacon. "Mm, it smells fantastic," Olivia stated as she walked up to Alex, stopping right behind her so that she could look over her shoulder. The blonde flipped a couple of pancakes before setting the spatula on the counter and turning around to see the detective.

Olivia simply admired her for a few seconds as a smile grew on her face. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" She asked sincerely as she ran her fingers across Alex's temple, pushing a wet strand of blonde hair out of the way as she went. A light blush quickly rose on Alex's cheeks, one that she tried to tell herself was from the heat of the griddle and not what her detective just said to her. "I'm serious, Lex. You're gorgeous, absolutely remarkable." Anything else Olivia planned to say was lost as Alex leaned forward and connected their lips.

The blonde moaned softly into the kiss as she brought her arms up to wrap them around Olivia's neck, pulling her more firmly into the kiss. Olivia stayed as still as she could, letting Alex take control of the kiss. Alex slid her lips across the detectives, letting out a soft sigh before parting her lips and slipping them between Olivia's, encouraging her to open up to the kiss. The brunette immediately let her lips separate ever so slightly, giving Alex enough room to enter her mouth of she was so inclined. Olivia's mind turned to mush as a taste she could only describe as Alex filled every sense she had.

Enjoying the kiss far too much, Alex forgot about her cooking duties and instead, dropped her hands to her side in order to push herself up on to the counter in a sitting position. Olivia took a step forward, filling the gap between Alex's legs as she slid backwards across the counter, careful to avoid the hot skillet to her side. Hands trailed along the smooth skin of the blonde's exposed thighs, hitting a rough patch every so often until two hands clasped onto hers, holding them in place.

Olivia pulled out of the kiss and felt her heart clench as she looked at the pain in Alex's eyes. She was about to ask what was wrong when the ADA looked down at her legs, carefully lifting Olivia's hands off of her marred skin. "Lex," Olivia whispered as she resisted Alex's attempt to move her hands, placing them back on her thighs. "There's nothing wrong with you," Olivia assured her as Alex shook her head in response. It was clear that Alex hated the scars that remained on her body; she often tried to hide them when she was out in public but it hurt Olivia that the blonde was afraid of letting her touch them. "Hey," Olivia whispered as she brought one hand up to nudge Alex to look at her. "You're beautiful and I love every single inch of you, sweetie. I so desperately want to touch you but if you really don't want me to, I won't."

Alex stayed quiet as she looked down at her legs, skimming over the dozens of scars that marked her once flawless skin. "Okay," She finally whispered as she placed her hands on top of Olivia's and slowly ran them across her legs. The detective spread out her fingers, touching as much skin as she could while gently stroking the inside of Alex's thighs with her thumbs as she went. Deep down, she knew what a huge step this was for Alex but at the moment she couldn't think of anything other than the wonderful feeling of being able to touch the gorgeous blonde in ways she could only imagine.

After a bit longer, Olivia finally pulled away, but not before kissing Alex once more, assuring her that everything was fine. The ADA sighed as she hopped off of the counter with Olivia's help. She turned toward the griddle and frowned. "I burnt the pancakes."

Olivia couldn't stop herself from breaking out in laughter as she admired the concern on the blonde's face from something so insignificant. "We can make more," Olivia told her as she wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist from behind, pulling her close.


	38. Chapter 38

The room was almost completely dark, minus the low glow of the city lights flooding through Olivia's bedroom windows. Alex continued looking at the detective from her position in bed next to her. Olivia had come home after a rough case and had refused to discuss it with the blonde.

Alex propped herself up slightly on one elbow and admired her detective from above. She was relieved to see that the worry lines that seemed to be etched across Olivia's face were finally gone. While Alex could not see her favorite warm brown eyes, she was sure that they wouldn't be as red as they were when Olivia came home. The ADA couldn't resist as she hesitantly traced her finger tips lightly across the detective's cheek, pushing the messy brown locks out of the way.

There had been days, despite how few, where Olivia had been open about her struggles at SVU but most of the time, she kept it to herself. Alex understood; she knew that the job carried a large burden and that a part of the detective wanted to protect her at all costs, especially after her kidnapping.

After a few more minutes of simply admiring the detective, Alex finally slid back down onto the mattress, shifting over slightly so that she was next to Olivia. Carefully, she adjusted Olivia's arm so that it was around her back before she shifted into the makeshift embrace, resting her head against the brunette's shoulder.

There was something so comfortable about being in Olivia's brace and she could never quite find the words to explain it. Arms instinctively tightened around her, pulling her closer, and Alex smiled at the subconscious gesture; even in her sleep, Olivia was trying to protect her. The blonde placed her hand on top of Olivia's torso, settling against the firm abdomen she found there. She traced her fingers across the firm muscles, surprised as they twitched ever so slightly underneath her fingertips. She spread out her hand, placing her palm flat against the detective's t-shirt as she slid her hand up to the center of her chest. She traced the rough print of the NYPD logo that was stained into the grey shirt, reveling in the simple comforting fact that she could actually feel something with her left hand.

The blonde readjusted her head, snuggling further against the warm chest beneath her, inhaling the calming, familiar scent. The scent that was simply Olivia. She had tried imitating the scent while the detective was away at work; she tried using her body wash and even searched for any perfume or scented lotion but Olivia never wore either. On days where she felt so completely alone and Olivia was at work, she would curl up in Olivia's bed, clinging to the detective's pillow—the only thing that somehow smelled like her. She had never told this to the brunette, too afraid that she would insist on staying home with her, not that she would've minded.

Alex would gladly enjoy the comfort of simply having the detective near her but she didn't want to hold Olivia back. She was a bleeding heart and a voice for the victims and Alex couldn't stand the thought of taking that from her. Olivia had told her that she would be more than willing to take more time off, at least until Alex felt more comfortable in her own skin again but the blonde had immediately rejected the idea. She knew that eventually she too would also have to return to work and there was no point in holding Olivia back with her.

Some days were a complete struggle; there were times where she just wanted to give up but then that soft voice would fill her ears and send warm tingling sensations throughout her whole body. For some reason, she couldn't seem to stop the smile that always appeared on her face when Olivia flashed her that adorable sideways grin. That grin…Alex couldn't help herself as she chuckled softly against Olivia's chest as she thought of the detective's signature smile. That same smile could comfort her in her darkest moments or make her grow weak in the knees and yet somehow it never seemed to change.

The blonde momentarily wondered how one person could have so much control over her and yet not use that power against her. There had been so many times in her life where her affection for someone else had been used against her, whether it be her father or a boyfriend who wanted her to forget about all her goals in life and belong to him. She shook those thoughts out of her mind, instead turning her head up in order to look at Olivia. The brunette had never asked anything of her; she had never once tried to use her affection against her. Alex couldn't help but wonder how in the world Olivia did it.

Despite trying very few cases, Alex still knew how horrible human beings could be. Maybe she was biased from personal experience but somehow she highly doubted that. She had seen the effects of the cases on Olivia—especially the effect of her case. They had tried not to dwell much on the events that had occurred since Whiteman was still in a coma and there was no point in discussing the case further than giving their statements to a few detectives and talking with the attorney who would eventually be trying the case.

Alex blinked rapidly, willing back the tingling sensation that had filled her eyes and nose at the thought of Whiteman; she wouldn't let him still control her in this way, especially when she was wrapped up safely in Olivia's embrace. She sniffled slightly as she wrapped an arm around the detective's waist, pulling her impossibly closer. Her eyes flashed open as a hand gently pressed against her arm.

Olivia softly ran her fingers up and down Alex's arm, drawing abstract patterns against the warm skin. The blonde sniffled again, as quietly as she could since she felt bad for waking up the exhausted brunette. "Are you okay?" Olivia whispered softly as she picked her head up slightly in an attempt to see if Alex was actually awake. The blonde simply nodded against her chest, sniffling quietly again as she tightened her grip around Olivia's t-shirt, bunching it up under her fingers.

The detective pressed a soft kiss against the crown of the blonde's forehead, tightening her own grip around Alex's back. She placed her hand along the length of the ADA's side, rubbing soft circles against her t-shirt. "Nightmare?" Olivia questioned quietly.

Alex shook her head in response as best as she could against Olivia's chest, still not trusting her voice. She cleared her throat ever so slightly and licked her dry lips. "I—" Alex frowned slightly at the hoarse quality of her voice. She wanted to tell the detective all that she was thinking about. She wanted to tell her how much she meant to her. She wanted to tell Olivia that she wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for her. There were so many things that she wanted to say and yet somehow she had no clue how to voice her thoughts. Olivia was her silent supporter through it all. She kept her safe when the storm seemed like it would never cease. There were so many things that the blonde wanted to say and yet all she could think of were three little words.

The brunette pulled Alex even closer, embracing her tightly before relaxing her grip, assuring Alex that everything was fine without saying a word. _I love you._ She wanted to say it, she really did but she couldn't seem to find her voice. Olivia continued to draw random patterns against her arm, trailing up and down the length of it which caused her skin to erupt in goosebumps. "Are you cold?" Olivia asked softly as she instinctively reached for the covers, pulling it further up around them, tucking it carefully in around the blonde. _I love you._ "Is that better?" Olivia asked again as placed her arm on top of Alex's, rubbing up and down the length of it soothingly.

Alex opened up her mouth again, intent on voicing her thoughts but nothing came out again. _I love you._ She licked her dry lips again, clearing her throat once more. "Yes." That was all the blonde managed to say even though internally she was saying three very different words.

"Good," Olivia whispered softly as she pressed another kiss to the crown of Alex's forehead. _I love you._


	39. Chapter 39

Alex precariously balanced the large pizza box in one hand while trying open up the door with her other less occupied hand. With a bit of a struggle, she finally managed to open up the door and headed straight toward the elevators. Less than a minute later, she strode into the all too familiar precinct, immediately spotting her detective.

"Counselor! What a surprise." The blonde turned toward her side and smiled at Munch who was previously chatting with Elliot, giving him a clear view of the entrance.

"Hey Alex," Elliot said after he spun around and confirmed that the ADA was actually in the precinct and Munch wasn't just going crazy.

Brown eyes flew up to meet blue as Alex found her way to Olivia's desk, setting down the pizza box between the two desks. "I figured you guys would be hungry since you're pulling such a late shift with this case," Alex stated as she pulled the bag to the side and extracted the paper plates and napkins.

"Oh you're a saint, Cabot," Elliot stated as he quickly grabbed a plate and pulled open the box, wafting the wonderful scent of peperoni pizza around the room. Fin and Munch wasted no time in joining Elliot, each mumbling a thanks around the pizza in their mouths.

Olivia stood up and took a step closer to the blonde, smiling at her before stopping her motions. She wanted nothing more than to go up to Alex and give her a kiss on the cheek as a thanks but she knew that Alex wasn't fond of public displays of affection, especially considering that no one around the precinct really knew that they were more or less seeing each other.

"Thank you," Olivia whispered as she placed her hand on Alex's lower back, rubbing there for a split second before pulling away and taking some pizza for herself before the boys scarfed it all down.

"So what's the occasion?" Munch asked around a bite of pizza. "Just couldn't stay away from me?" He teased which resulted in everyone but Alex laughing and shaking their heads at him; the blonde was far too polite to laugh at him as well.

"Olivia had texted me and said it was going to be a late night," Alex stated as she leaned up against said detective's desk, wrapping her arms around her chest. She felt slightly odd since she was dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt rather than the typical suit she had to wear every other time she was at the 1-6. "I figured knowing you all, you wouldn't bother getting any food."

"So you brought us this healthy delight?" Olivia teased with a raised eyebrow, earning her a soft chuckle from the blonde.

"Well it's better than my pancakes," Alex quipped, referring the burnt pancakes from when Olivia had successfully distracted her in the kitchen. Olivia merely smirked in response, a light blush gracing her cheeks as she looked down at the piece of pizza in the front of her. The three male detectives all looked at their fellow detective curiously as her cheeks turned from a light pink to a deep shade of red as the seconds ticked by.

"Can you not cook?" Elliot finally asked, breaking the silence. He couldn't help it; he was just as curious as the other detectives as to what was making Olivia blush so profusely.

"Oh I can cook," Alex countered as she glanced over at the boys before turning back to stare directly at the brunette in front of her. "Just not when someone's distracting me." A muffled laugh came from behind the blonde, no doubt Munch as he tried not to choke on his pizza.

Despite Alex thinking that Olivia's blush couldn't possibly get any worse, she grew even redder. "This pizza is good, I was hungry," Olivia mumbled out before running her hands through her hair, clearly frustrated with her blushing. The brunette couldn't help but wonder what had Alex in such a teasing mood. It wasn't like the blonde to tease her, especially not in front of others. Maybe the other detectives felt more like family to Alex than she had initially thought.

"Benson, Stabler," Cragen's voice boomed into the room before he stopped and looked around at the group surrounding their desk.

"What's up, Cap?" Elliot asked as he straightened up in his chair, Olivia followed his lead and turned around to see Cragen.

"It's nice to see you, Alex," Cragen said softly as he walked toward them. "I need you two down at Mercy to interview a vic," Cragen stated before stopping. "Actually, Stabler take Munch." He turned toward Olivia. "Benson, go home." Olivia was about to argue but Cragen held up a finger, silencing her. "Don't argue. Go take Alex home and don't come into work tomorrow."

Olivia's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Are you suspending me?" She questioned in shock.

"No, I'm telling you to take a day off, you know, like most people do every now and then?" Cragen teased, even though his face gave no hint at joking.

Olivia broke out into a smile and rolled her eyes in response. "Yes, sir," She playfully mocked as she rose from her desk and started packing up her things.

"I came here with a pizza and wound up with one of New York's finest taking me home," Alex whispered into Olivia's ear as the detective tossed a few files into her desk cabinet. Olivia froze as the blonde's warm breath blew softly across her cheek. "Lucky me," Alex stated as she stood upright again and waited for Olivia to finish up.

"Lucky me," Olivia countered as she escorted the blonde out to the street in order to hail a taxi. "I got pizza and the day off."

"Hey!" Alex exclaimed as she playfully hit the brunette's shoulder.

"Kidding!" Olivia replied back as she hailed a cab before wrapping an arm around the blonde's waist. "Lucky me because I get to take this gorgeous blonde home and I intend to thank her for the pizza tonight." And of course, the detective immediately blushed at her words, cursing herself since she'd been making suggestive comments a lot recently without even meaning it.

Alex merely chuckled in response as she bit her lip. She knew that Olivia hadn't meant it that way but it allowed her to feel normal, even if just for a few seconds. It was hard to explain but ever since her kidnapping, she hadn't been, for obvious reasons, sexual with anyone. And while she still wasn't ready to go that far, she liked being able to think, if only for a second, that she could be that way with Olivia. It made her feel like she wasn't a victim; she was a woman who was simply in love with another woman.

When she finally regained her bearings, Olivia was holding open the taxi door for her, gesturing her to enter first, something that Olivia always did for her. Now that Alex thought about it, she couldn't remember the last time she had to open the door for herself when she was in the presence of Olivia; maybe that was why it was so hard to open up the precinct door alone. The detective spoiled her and she knew it.

After a short drive, due to the lessened traffic from the later hour, they arrive back at Olivia apartment. "So how exactly did you intend on thanking me?" Alex asked with a raised eyebrow as they entered the apartment and flicked on the lights.

"Well," Olivia paused as she set her bag on the table and rummaged through it. "I may have picked up a movie for you while I was at lunch today."

Alex's face lit up as she took a step closer to Olivia, trying to peer into the bag. The detective removed the DVD from her bag and showed it to the waiting blonde who now had the most adorable grin on her face. "The Princess Bride, oh Liv, that's my favorite movie! How did you know?"

"Let's just say I had an inkling," Olivia replied as she handed it over to the ADA. "Why don't you go set it up on the DVD player and I'll make us some tea?"

"Hot chocolate?" Alex replied with a sheepish grin. If there was one thing that the detective learned while living with the blonde, it was that she absolutely loved chocolate. Hell, chocolate ice cream was the first thing that Alex willingly ate when she was trying to regain her appetite.

"Of course," Olivia replied before playfully shooing the ADA out of the kitchen. A few minutes later, they rejoined in the living room with the lights off and the bright TV screen displaying the movie. "Your hot chocolate, malady," Olivia stated as she held out the cup for the blonde.

"Why thank you," Alex replied back in a cheesy accent before patting the spot on the couch next to her. The brunette took the hint and sat down next to Alex, casually swinging an arm around the back of the couch and thus behind Alex. The blonde instinctively leaned toward Olivia, cuddling against her as she sipped her hot chocolate.

Near the end of the movie, they two women had discarded their mugs and repositioned themselves with Olivia laying against the arm of the couch and Alex settled between her legs, leaning her back against the detective's front. "All the things that he does, just for her," Alex mumbled, more to herself than anyone as she watched the two characters interact.

"He loves her," Olivia replied back as she ran her fingers through the blonde hair spread out across her chest. Alex smiled at the gesture, subconsciously leaning into the touch. There was something so incredibly soothing about the way Olivia ran her fingers through her hair, gently running them against her head.

Those three little words played over and over in Alex's head as the detective continued stroking her hair. "I—" Again, somehow she couldn't seem to spit out the two remaining words. "I really enjoyed watching this movie with you," Alex finally said, mentally kicking herself at her inability to tell Olivia what she really wanted to say.

"I'm glad you liked it," Olivia replied as the names started scrolling down the TV screen. She turned off the TV, allowing the darkness to engulf them. "I guess we should probably head to bed."

"Probably," Alex agreed as she stretched out slightly against the detective before pulling herself off of the brunette. She stood up and stretched out her arms before offering a hand to Olivia and pulling her up off of the couch. They both walked into the bedroom, quickly shedding their clothes and putting on their night attire.

Once Olivia's nightly routine was done, she crawled into bed and watched the blonde wander around the room before flicking off the light and crawling in next to her. "I want to hold you," Olivia whispered quietly, almost hesitantly so as she looked over at the blonde in the dark. Without saying a word, Alex shifted over on the mattress until her back was pressed against Olivia's front. The brunette wrapped her arms around Alex's torso, pulling her closer until she could smell the blonde's shampoo as she settled her head against the ADA's.

"As you wish," Alex whispered softly. That seemed to be the only way that she could say those three little words…


	40. Chapter 40

"Hi…" Olivia uttered, more in confusion than anything since she walked into her apartment to the smell of pasta and fresh bread. The scent had lured her into the kitchen where she found Alex rummaging around, throwing things together with a boiling pot of water that was about to spill over. She quickly walked over and turned down the heat on the stove before looking at the blonde with a raised eyebrow as she peeked into the oven before shutting the door.

"Hi," Alex replied almost breathlessly as she smiled back at the brunette. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. Why don't you go freshen up and meet me back out here and hopefully your kitchen won't be burned down and we'll have a meal to eat?"

"Uh, okay," Olivia responded as she stayed rooted to her spot in the kitchen for a few more seconds as Alex grabbed a spoon to stir the boiling water which appeared to have pasta in it. She grimaced slightly before setting down the spoon and grabbing another one and stirring what appeared to be pasta sauce and sausage in another pot.

She let the blonde be and wandered into her bedroom, shedding off her dirty clothes and putting on a more comfortable pair of sweatpants and a NYPD t-shirt before returning to the kitchen. She was slightly surprised to see that the former chaos in her kitchen had simmered down and there was a large dish full of pasta that Alex was currently dishing red sauce and sausage over. The blonde turned back to the counter and tossed something green on top of the pasta before bringing over a cutting board with sliced bread on it, setting that on the table next to the pasta. "I hope you're hungry," Alex replied with a cheeky grin as she looked down at the large amount of pasta that she had prepared.

"This looks amazing, Alex," Olivia replied as she sat down next to the blonde, admiring the food that smelled absolutely delicious. "Not that I'm complaining but what made you decide to cook?"

Alex dished up a good portion of pasta for the detective and then for herself. "Well I wanted to thank you, I guess," Alex replied back almost shyly. "And I know how much you love your pasta and I really wanted to try this recipe."

The detective took a bite of the pasta and moaned out in approval. "This is fantastic but you know you never need to thank me for anything."

"I have plenty to thank you for," Alex countered as she paused to take a bite of her own food, giving her time to formulate her response. "You've done so much for me recently Olivia and I want you to know how much you mean to me. You've allowed me to practically move into your apartment for months and somehow you manage to put up with me being rather moody ninety percent of the time. I have no clue how you do it," She stated with a chuckle.

"It's easy," Olivia replied back. "And you're not moody and I think I made it clear that you're allowed to stay her as long as you want. I was the one who insisted that you stay here anyway. We both know that I'm pretty lonely and you're wonderful company."

"Well I'm glad you're not sick of me yet," The blonde replied with a smile as she took a sip of her water.

"Never. Especially if you continue cooking for me like this," The detective teased, earning her a soft chuckle from the blonde.

"Mother always said the way to someone's heart was through their stomach."

"Sounds like a wise woman," Olivia replied as she took another bite of delicious food. It felt nice being able to come home to someone else in her apartment, especially with the smell of pasta permeating through every room. Alex had never really showed too much of an interest in cooking anything beyond the basics so this was certainly a welcomed surprise.

"Save room for dessert," Alex interjected as she watched Olivia take some more pasta. The detective's eyes widened as she held up the pasta midair above her plate as she looked at the blonde. "I didn't exactly make it but I picked up some chocolate ice cream with fudge and brownies mixed in earlier," Alex explained with a sheepish grin. Her and her chocolate.

Olivia couldn't help but smile as she shook her head in response. "God, I love you," She replied back before her smile immediately froze as she realized what she just said. For a moment it felt as if her heart had stopped as she glanced up at Alex whose expression was also frozen in shock.

After long moments of silence, Alex rose from the table. "I'll go get the ice cream," She muttered as she quickly headed toward the freezer. Olivia groaned internally as she dropped her head into both of her hands, desperately hoping that she hadn't just screwed up their relationship by saying that. She hadn't meant to say it, it was just a natural reply but she certainly meant it. She loved Alex and she wasn't afraid to admit that; she was just too afraid to tell the blonde in fear of how she'd respond. She shook off her disappointment, hoping that Alex would just take her words with a grain of salt rather than freaking out. She certainly didn't want to ruin things between them.

When a single bowl full of ice cream and two spoons were placed in front of her, she sighed in relief. Alex settled down next to her and scooted the chair closer, grabbing a spoon and scooping up some ice cream. She took a bite, smiling as the chocolate melted against her tongue before looking back at Olivia. "Do you plan on eating or are you just going to stare at it?" Alex teased as she scooped up some more ice cream.

"Thank you," Olivia replied quickly, once Alex's voice had snapped her out of her thoughts. "This looks delicious."

"It tastes better than it looks," Alex quipped as she held up her spoon full of ice cream to Olivia's lips. The detective willingly took the ice cream, enjoying the taste.

"Why'd you bother to bring two spoons?" Olivia teased as Alex used her spoon to scoop some ice cream for herself.

Well I figured your hands would work but they seemed to have broken while I retrieved the ice cream," Alex replied back with a smirk.

"Ha ha," Olivia replied sarcastically as she finally moved her hand and picked up the spoon. She scooped up the ice cream and held it up to show the blonde. Alex quickly bent down and ate the ice cream off of Olivia's spoon, pulling back with a huge grin on her face. "Hey!" Olivia joked as she pretend to look at the blonde in shock.

"It was melting. You shouldn't let good ice cream melt." The detective continued to look at Alex with a raised eyebrow. The blonde scooped up some ice cream and offered it up to Olivia. "Here," She stated as she held it up to the brunette's mouth. Olivia took the proffered ice cream, leaning back in her chair once she was done.

"Fine, you're forgiven," Olivia teased as she placed her arms over her stomach in an attempt to show how full she was.

"You don't want any more?" Alex asked curiously as she eyed up the detective.

"My hands are broken," Olivia copied the blonde's words from earlier with a grin.

"I certainly hope not," Alex countered as she took another bite of ice cream. "I was hoping you'd use them later tonight." The room grew so quiet that Olivia swore she could hear her heart thudding against her ribcage. With wide eyes, she looked over at the blonde who now had a blush spreading across her cheeks and down her neck, dipping beneath her shirt. "I—I'm sorry," Alex mumbled as she covered her face with her hands. "That probably wasn't the most appropriate way to bring this up."

Olivia opened and closed her mouth a few times, feeling like a fish out of water. She was thankful that Alex was too busy hiding her own embarrassment to realize how confused she was right now. She swallowed hard, hoping that she could regain some moisture in her mouth in order to speak. "What—what did you want to bring up?"

The blonde dropped down one hand as she cupped the other over her mouth in a contemplative position. She dropped her hand back down and propped her chin on her fist. "I was hoping that maybe…Maybe tonight we could…I mean you could—if you wanted to of course…touch me." Alex immediately groaned as she covered up her face in embarrassment. "God, that sounded so stupid," She mumbled into her hands as she shook her head. She ran her hands down her face dragging the skin with her motion before dropping her hands. "I'm sorry, forget that I said anything," Alex stated as she rose up from the table and grabbed the ice cream bowl. "If you wanted to touch me you would've done it by now."

That caught the detective's attention. "What?" Olivia asked as she abruptly stood up from her seat, causing the chair to skid against the floor in a painful screech.

Alex paused before setting the bowl into the sink and bracing herself against the countertop. "I—It's okay if you don't want to touch me," She replied back quietly as she hesitantly turned back to face Olivia. "I understand."

"Alex," Olivia interjected as she walked over to her, coaxing her to look up into her eyes. "I want to touch you, more than I should want to," Olivia explained as she sighed, hoping her admission wouldn't freak the blonde out. "But more than anything, I want to make sure that you not only want me to touch you but that you're also comfortable with the thought of me touching you."

Blue eyes locked onto brown. "Do you—would you be willing to…do that tonight?" Alex asked hesitantly.

The detective cupped the blonde's cheek as she stroked her thumb across the strong cheekbone that she found there. "If you think you're ready for it and that's what you want, of course."

"I am," Alex replied as she nodded. "I do."

"Okay," Olivia replied softly as she smiled at the blonde, continuing to stroke her cheek. Alex reached up for Olivia's hand, removing it from her cheek in order to lead her through the kitchen. She hesitantly crossed the border of the bedroom, knowing that the next few minutes could possibly change everything between the two of them but it was a risk she was willing to take. It was a risk they were both more than willing to take.

"Just tell me what you want me to do," Olivia told her as she turned around to face the seemingly nervous blonde.

Alex hesitantly picked up Olivia's hands and settled them above her hips. She paused as she dropped her gaze to the floor before taking a step toward the detective, bringing them closer to the bed. "What if," Alex paused again as she chewed on her lip nervously, debating her next words. "What if I wanted you to take control?"

The detective raised an eyebrow as about half a dozen red flags went off in her mind. She knew it had been awhile since Alex had been tortured and she had certainly made a lot of progress but she still wasn't sure if she was ready for this. Making one wrong move could set the blonde back months and destroy any hint of progress. She took a deep breath as she slid her hands down Alex's hips, resting her hands there as she stroked the blonde's stomach over her shirt. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't," Alex interjected as she placed her hands on top of Olivia's and coaxed them under her shirt, resting them against her skin rather than over her shirt. "I promise I'll tell you to stop if it gets to be too much but I just want you to touch me in the way that you want to." She looked into the warm brown eyes in front of her, looking for some sort of understanding but saw hurt instead. "I'm not doing this for your sake," Alex clarified before Olivia could say that. "I want to feel that connection with another human again. I want to know that you want to touch me and if I tell you what to do, well, it just won't feel the same. It'll feel like I'm forcing you."

They stayed quiet for a few minutes as Olivia simply ran her thumbs over the taut stomach that she was caressing. "Okay," She finally replied as she looked up at Alex again, searching for any doubt in her eyes. When she saw none, she leaned in slightly, pausing to see if Alex would pull away. Once she was sure the blonde was still okay, she leaned in the rest of the way, pressing her lips against Alex's ever so slightly, just reveling in the feeling of those soft lips that she loved so much. The blonde released a soft sigh against the detective's mouth as she leaned into the touch, pressing her body a bit more firmly against the brunette's.

Olivia tentatively swiped her tongue across Alex's bottom lip and the blonde immediately complied, parting her lips slightly. Once given permission, the detective hesitantly tasted the blonde's lips before slipping her tongue between two smooth lips, gaining her first real taste of Alex. Olivia felt her brain turn to mush as her senses were overwhelmed with Alex. Her taste, scent, touch…even those soft little gasps that were being released against her lips. Everything was overwhelming her in the most amazing way. She couldn't imagine ever not having Alex overwhelming all five of her sense.

Alex always smelled like vanilla and strawberries and something so uniquely her that Olivia could never manage to describe. Then there was touching her. Smooth skin with toned muscles that always seemed to instinctively flex and shudder underneath her touch. She hated to admit it but she found herself often using any excuse to touch the blonde; a gentle hand on her lower back, brushing against her wrist, wrapping her arms around her, cuddling against her, kissing her… The detective didn't think that there could possibly be anything more intoxicating than touching Alex but then there was her taste.

She didn't think kissing someone could possibly feel so overwhelming and calming at the same time. It was as if a storm was rolling in and yet somehow the rain landed around her, never pelting against her. Maybe Alex was simply the calm during a storm. That was the best way that she could describe what it felt like to taste the blonde. She couldn't even fathom the idea of trying to describe the unique taste of Alex.

As two hands settled on her shoulders, Olivia worried for a split second that her heart might actually stop from all of the emotions coursing through her body; she could only imagine what Alex must be going through. Her hands instinctively tightened around the thin waist beneath her fingertips as she took a step backwards, leading them both to the bed; she wasn't sure how much longer she'd be able to stand up.

In an attempt to regain some of her senses, Olivia pulled out of the kiss, giving them both a few seconds to breath. They both looked into each other's eyes, completely oblivious of the world around them; for them, it was as if time had stopped. The detective finally allowed her knees to give out once she felt the mattress press into her legs. Once seated on the edge of the mattress, she used her hold on the blonde's waist to guide her forward, settling her between her legs.

Olivia wasn't really sure how far she could go with Alex, and she certainly didn't want to push her too far, but she couldn't imagine not being able to see the blonde's body. She pushed her shirt up a few inches, pausing as she glanced up at the blonde, looking for any signs that she was uncomfortable. She repeated the process again, moving her shirt up another few inches before Alex reached down and pulled the shirt completely off, surprising Olivia.

The detective merely stared at Alex's torso, admiring the expanse of pale skin in front of her. Of course, the skin wasn't as smooth as she remembered the first time that she had laid eyes on Alex's body but she was still just as beautiful, even with her scars. She finally shook herself out of her trance and confidently traced her fingers over the puckered skin, running her fingertips along the length of the scars. "You're so beautiful," Olivia numbly mumbled as her eyes stayed locked onto Alex's torso. She wrapped both of her hands around Alex's waist as she brought her head forward. She sighed as she rested her forehead against Alex's warm stomach, reveling in the soft thudding of Alex's heart vibrating through her body. Her eyes naturally closed as she slowly exhaled, blowing warm air across the blonde's stomach.

Alex shivered at the sensation, her hands hesitantly finding purchase on Olivia's shoulders since she was unsure as to where else she should place them. "Please," Olivia whispered out as she stroked her thumbs across Alex's stomach, causing her muscles to twitch under the caress. "Please let me kiss you."

The blonde felt her heartrate double at Olivia's words. It meant more to her than words could describe that Olivia asked for permission for something that seemed to be a given. She nodded in response before realizing that the detective still had her forehead pressed against her stomach so that she couldn't see her face. "Yes," Alex breathlessly replied as she ran her hands up Olivia's shoulders and onto her neck, running her own thumbs across the smooth skin that she found there. Both of her thumbs settled on two pounding pulse points, finally allowing her to realize that the detective's heart was beating just as rapidly as hers.

Olivia pulled her forehead back ever so slightly before pressing her lips against the warm abdomen in front of her. She ran her lips down Alex's stomach, conforming to the shape of the raised skin that she ran across during her motions. She had felt the blonde's scars before, but never quite so intimately. She wanted to touch, kiss, and caress every inch of Alex's body. She wanted to show the blonde just how much she thought about and craved to touch her. But most of all, she wanted Alex to realize how much she loved her and that a million scars couldn't change that; absolutely nothing could. But words weren't her strong suit. Sometimes her feelings could only be accurately represented through actions.

Olivia's attention was drawn back to the blonde in front of her when she heard a zipper clanging against metal. She glanced up as the ADA shyly pushed her jeans over her thighs, allowing them to fall around her ankles. Olivia nudged Alex back ever so slightly, allowing the blonde to step out of her jeans, as she stood on unsteady legs so that she was at the same height as the blonde. She cupped her face, unable to stop herself as she traced her thumbs across strong cheekbones. She admired Alex's face for a few more seconds before pressing a quick kiss against her forehead. She searched her eyes for any hesitance before slowly trailing her eyes down. She admired the curve of Alex's cheeks, the slight pout of her lips, the prominent jawline, the smooth expanse of her neck, the dip at the base of her throat, the protruding collarbone, the few scattered freckles across her chest, the swell of her breasts against her bra, the raised scars across her abdomen, the tops of her creamy thighs, the slight buckle of her knees, the prominent line of her shins, and the flexing muscles on the top of her feet as she tried her best to stay standing. Everything about Alex simply took her breath away.

She brought her eyes back up to Alex's, finally leaning in to kiss her cheek before trailing down to kiss the side of her jaw, intent on kissing every inch of her body that she had just admired. She slid her lips down Alex's neck, kissing there before pressing a single kiss against the hollow of her throat. She played connect the dots with the scattered freckles, pressing a kiss to those that she could easily identify before kissing the smooth spot between the blonde's breasts. She dropped down to her knees, following her line downward, kissing across Alex's abdomen, skipping over her underwear and gently kissing the tops of her thighs. She ran her hands along the back of Alex's knees as she leaned forward to kiss her scarred legs again before two hands clamped around her shoulders and the blonde's knees buckled ever so slightly under her touch.

Understanding what was going on, Olivia rose back to her feet, supporting Alex's waist as she went before turning the blonde around in a half circle, positioning her back to the bed. The ADA's knees finally buckled as she sat down on the edge of Olivia's bed. The brunette ran her hands through the blonde locks in front of her as Alex regained some of her strength. She watched curiously as small bumps rose across the expanse of Alex's arms, spreading toward her chest and down her legs. "Are you cold?" Olivia whispered softly as she dropped her hands down to Alex's arms and ran them up and down the length of the skin, transferring some of her body heat. The blonde nodded slightly and Olivia immediately pulled back the covers on her bed. "Let's get under the covers then," She replied as she encouraged the blonde to slide under them.

Alex did as was suggested and crawled under the covers, shivering more as the coldness of the sheets settled around her. She glanced back up at Olivia, confused when the detective didn't immediately climb in with her. "Is this okay?" Olivia asked as she fiddled with the waistline of her sweatpants. The ADA nodded as she watched the detective push the sweatpants down her tan legs before struggling slightly to step out of them. Once they were off, she picked up the covers and slid in next to Alex, dropping the covers around them. She felt the blonde shiver again as the cold air wafted under the blankets and immediately scooted closer to her, wrapping an arm around the blonde's back and rubbing there quickly in order to create heat.

Alex held her arms out in front of her as she pressed against Olivia's chest, burying her arms between both of their bodies. The brunette slipped her other arm under Alex's neck, allowing her to hold onto the shivering blonde. Once her shaking subsided, Alex pulled a hand out from in between their torsos and grabbed onto the arm wrapped around her back, pulling it forward. Olivia looked at her curiously but complied, removing her arm from around Alex's back. The blonde placed the detective's hand against the top of her abdomen before sliding it slowly up, taking her hand off of Olivia's. The brunette hesitantly continued to push her hand further up, stopping every few inches to run her fingers along the skin that she found there.

Once she felt the underwire of Alex's bra, she checked to make sure that the ADA was still okay before she slipped the tips of her fingers under the bra. She continued to move her hand upward slowly until a warm breast completely filled her hand and she could feel Alex's heart thudding against her palm. "Are you okay?"

Alex nodded in response, not quite trusting her voice. She couldn't describe the feelings that were overwhelming her at the moment. Olivia was so delicate with her, so hesitant that it was endearing. For some reason she couldn't fathom the thought of anyone else touching her, only Olivia could. Only Olivia could make her feel so completely safe and loved at the same time. She reveled in the feeling of the warm palm tenderly cupping her breast, a sensation that she hadn't felt for far too long. She smiled slightly when she felt a pair of warm lips press against her forehead before she felt the arm around her back pull her even closer.

"I love you." Alex wasn't sure who said those three little words, the voice sounding unfamiliar and distant. Yet those words continued to ring in the silent room, echoing through the apartment, permeating every wall.

"I love you." This time the voice was much stronger and Alex couldn't help but smile at the way those three little words rolled off of her tongue. A matching smile appeared on the face in front of hers before Olivia kissed her gently. And suddenly it felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off of her shoulders.

"I love you, too." Alex instinctively snuggled closer to Olivia, burying her head against the detective's chest. They stayed in that position, ignoring the light still illuminating the room, with Alex snuggled up as close as she could to the detective while Olivia's hand rested over her steady-beating heart.


	41. Chapter 41

The following morning, both women found themselves in the same position that they had fallen asleep in the night before. Alex smiled as she inhaled deeply, feeling Olivia's hand press more firmly against her breast since it was constrained by her bra. Two hazy brown eyes fluttered open, looking at her curiously before smiling as well. "Morning," The detective mumbled as she motioned to rub her sleepy eyes but couldn't considering her hand was stuck under Alex's bra. She glanced down at the blonde's chest, her eyes widening slightly as she slowly looked back up at her.

"Good morning," Alex replied as she reached out a hand to caress the detective's cheek, running a thumb under her eye. "Thank you for last night."

The brunette instinctively tilted her head to the side, leaning more into the touch. "I didn't really expect to fall asleep so quickly," Olivia replied back with an embarrassed smile. She made a move to remove her hand from under Alex's bra but was stopped.

"You don't have to move," Alex stated as she held Olivia's wrist in place.

"As much as I enjoy touching you, my wrist is kind of numb from the underwire of your bra digging into it," The detective admitted which earned her a blush from the blonde.

"Sorry," The ADA replied as she let go of Olivia's wrist, allowing her to remove her hand.

The detective extracted her hand and rolled her wrist around slightly, looking at the slight indent across the back of her wrist from where the wire had dug into. "It was worth it," She responded with a smile as she moved her hand back to cup Alex's cheek. "Thank you for trusting me enough and allowing me to touch you like that. And I want you to know that just because that happened last night, doesn't mean I expect it to happen every night or go further than it did. I'm perfectly content with how we were before."

The blonde smiled back at her as she leaned in hesitantly, glancing down at Olivia's lips and back up to her eyes before connecting their lips. She continued kissing the detective until somehow, Olivia found herself on her back with Alex leaning over her, still kissing. The brunette's hands found purchase on Alex's hips, slightly surprised when she touched nothing but skin until she slid down far enough to reach the seam of Alex's underwear, the only article that still remained on her body besides her bra.

Olivia felt the bed dip down on either side of her head as the blonde supported herself above the detective, still refusing to break the kiss as her body slid across Olivia's settling on top of her. Desperate for air, the brunette finally pulled out of the kiss, mindlessly running her hands up and down Alex's bare sides. "Is this okay?" Alex questioned as she slid her leg on the other side of Olivia's body, straddling her. The detective swallowed roughly as she nodded, her hands nervously tightening around Alex's hipbones as her thumbs stroked the protruding bone.

Alex kissed Olivia once more before pulling away and straightening up her body so that she was almost sitting on the detective's lower half. She placed her hands along Olivia's shirt-covered abdomen and braced herself there as she tugged her lower lip between her teeth, clearly deep in thought. "Lex?" Olivia questioned as she slid her hands off of the blonde's hips and down to her thighs, resting them on top of a few scattered scars.

The blonde let her lip slide out between her teeth before she looked back down at Olivia. She removed her hands from the brunette's torso and lifted them up halfway before pausing and placing them on top of Olivia's hands. "I want…" Alex paused as she frowned slightly, slipping her fingers between the detective's. Olivia gave her a gentle squeeze which seemed to encourage her. "Would you be okay with me taking off my bra?" She rushed out all at once, but her question was clear. Olivia searched her eyes for a few seconds before slowly nodding her head. "Do you…do you want to?" Alex asked hesitantly as she placed her hands flat against Olivia's abdomen and lowered herself down, making her question clear.

With shaking hands, the brunette reached around the ADA's back, running across raised scars until she felt a small segment of fabric. She fiddled with the clasp nervously, something she had never done before. For some reason, she couldn't seem to get the damn clasp off and she felt like a young boy trying to take off a girl's bra for the first time. Alex chuckled softly, causing Olivia to look up at her in confusion as she continued fiddling with the clasp. "And here I thought you had done this before."

The detective rightfully blushed as she stilled her hands, resting them against the blonde's back. "You make me feel like…" Olivia paused, trying to find the words to express what she was feeling. "You make me feel things that I've never felt before, Alex." The blonde blushed slightly as she smiled in response to the sweet words.

She scooted her legs up slightly so that she could support herself as she removed her hands from Olivia's torso. She reached her own hands around her back and placed them over Olivia's shaking ones, guiding her as she unclasped her bra. Once she was sure Olivia had a hold on the now undone segments of her bra, she dropped her hands back down, giving the detective control.

Olivia looked up into Alex's eyes as she ran her fingers up the bra straps until she reached the blonde's shoulders. She slowly dragged them down her slender arms, maintaining her gaze into blue eyes as she did so. "Can I?" Alex immediately nodded in response, knowing what the brunette wanted to do. Olivia trailed her eyes slowly down Alex's body, before narrowing in on her chest as she let her bra drop away from her breasts and all the way down her arms. She blindly set it to the side before reaching up, hesitantly cupping her hands around the ADA's side, avoiding her breasts for the moment.

She gently stroked her thumbs across Alex's ribs, just nicking the underside of her breasts as she went. Two soft hands covered hers, stopping her motions, before pushing them slowly up. Olivia tried her best to keep her breathing steady as her fingers naturally curved up as they made their way up the swell of Alex's breast and back down the tops of them. "It's okay," The blonde whispered as she closed her eyes in response to the sensation, allowing herself to simply _feel_ Olivia.

For her part, the detective could feel her heart pounding against her chest, the complete opposite of the rhythmic beating that she felt underneath her right hand. She wondered momentarily how Alex managed to stay so calm during this, especially with all that she had been through. For a moment she questioned whether she had been hindering Alex's progress by treating her like something broken that needed to be fixed. Alex had never completely told her what had happened during her time with Dylan, something that she was in part grateful for; she wasn't sure if she'd be able to stand hearing all the horrible things that he did to her.

She could still remember having to talk to Casey after the redhead regained consciousness in the hospital after struggling for far too long. While her time with Dylan had been short, he still managed to inflict physical and emotional pain on her, even if it was mostly at the hands of his accomplish, a man that still remained unknown. She had wondered about Casey as well but she knew she was in good hands with Abbie. All she could do was try to be what Abbie was to Casey; something that had occurred with a decent struggle but had finally happened. At this point, she couldn't imagine not waking up to the blonde next to her or cuddled up against her side; sometimes it felt as if Alex naturally gravitated toward her in her sleep, somehow always wiggling her way into the detective's arms.

Olivia smiled fondly at the memories before regaining sense of her surroundings. She glanced up at the blonde, who still had her eyes softly closed, her head tilted down as if she was looking at Olivia through lidded eyes. Tentatively, Olivia increased the pressure against Alex's breasts ever so slightly, earning her a soft gasp as blue eyes flickered open to look at her. The detective was about to voice her concern when the blonde nodded, silently letting her know that it was okay.

She palmed Alex's breasts as gently as she could, running her thumbs over the insides of the blonde's breasts as nipples hardened under her touch. For a moment she looked Alex up and down, looking for any sign that the blonde was cold but found no indication that that was the case. The softest of moans filled her ears as Alex lowered herself a bit more on the detective, increasing the firmness of Olivia's touch.

Alex slid her hands down Olivia's t-shirt covered torso, her hands immediately finding their way under the fabric before pushing it up and around Olivia's waist. The detective watched her own shirt rise before taking the hint; she reluctantly removed her hands from the blonde's chest and allowed Alex to peel off her own shirt before she settled back down on the mattress. Alex placed her hands on either side of the brunette's face, using her hold to support herself as she lowered her chest slowly on top of Olivia's, giving the detective time to stop the descent if she wanted to.

After a few seconds, Alex finally connected their upper halves, immediately dropping the remainder of her weight on top of the detective. Hands roamed the blonde's back before wrapping around her lower waist and settling there. The detective sighed heavily as she closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of Alex's weight on top of her. "Am I hurting you?" Alex questioned as she lifted up her head slightly, looking at the detective with concern.

"No," Olivia immediately replied as the blonde tried to pull away. The detective maintained her grip around Alex's lower back, not allowing her to pull away. "It's okay. I love the feeling of you on top of me," Olivia mumbled as she opened up her eyes and offered the blonde a sincere smile. "If I could stay like this forever, I would."

Alex chuckled softly as she lowered her head back onto the detective's shoulder, nuzzling against it. "You'd lose feeling in your extremities."

"It'd be worth it," The detective replied as her fingers played across Alex's lower back, tracing over the slight dimples that she found there. "I am so incredibly lucky to have you."

"I should be the one saying that," Alex mumbled against Olivia's neck as she tilted her head up slightly so that she could see the detective's face. "You…" Olivia felt a rush of warm air blow across her neck as Alex sighed. "You mean so much to me, Olivia. Words can't even describe how you make me feel but I want to try," The blonde stated before she paused, waiting to see if Olivia was going to say anything. "You've been there for me from the very beginning. I don't think I realized that until recently. You were trying to protect me from him since day one and you did save me from him that first night. You continued doing so," Alex stated as she blindly stretched her hand up so that she could run her fingers along the detective's cheek.

"I let him hurt you."

"No," Alex interrupted as she shook her head against Olivia's chest. "No, that was all on me, Olivia. You can't blame yourself for that. It was my fault that Casey was kidnapped and…" She paused, not wanting to voice the word that surrounded Olivia on a daily basis. "It was my fault and I was stupid and naïve to think that he would honor his promise and release her without harm. I was the reason she almost died."

"None of this is your fault," Olivia interjected as she tried her best to blink back the tears that were on the brink of spilling. They had never really spent time discussing what had happened like this before. "He made his own choices, Lex. He's a psychopath and a bunch of other things. All of this is on him and he will pay for what he did to you and Casey. Yes, maybe it was naïve on your part to think that he'd release Casey without harm but you were under a lot of stress and pressure, especially from Abbie. I don't blame you for what you did; you couldn't think clearly. You blamed yourself, wrongfully so, but that guilt forced your hand and I'm so sorry I didn't realize what was going on with you until it was too late. I wish I could go back in time and stop you, stop this all from happening. If only I had arrested him for trying to assault you that night at the bar—"

"Let's not play what ifs," Alex mumbled as she slid her hand into Olivia's hair and tangled her fingers within the locks. "I'm still alive, Casey's still alive, and we're both going to be okay. He's going to prison and we're never going to have to deal with him again." Alex stayed quiet for a few seconds as she slowly inhaled the soothing scent of her detective. "I have you now," Alex mumbled quietly as she tilted her head up slightly and pressed a lazy kiss against Olivia's chin. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."

Olivia smiled in response as she shifted one of her hands up to wrap it around the back of Alex's head. She tilted her own head down and returned the kiss on the blonde's forehead. "I don't ever want to have to imagine a life without you," Olivia whispered back as she ran her fingers gently through soft blonde locks.


	42. Chapter 42

"You look gorgeous," Olivia husked out from her position behind Alex. She drank in the gorgeous blonde, her eyes greedily devouring her from afar. Alex was dressed in a deep blue, floor length dress that accentuated her thin frame in the most beautiful ways. She couldn't help herself as she took a step closer and placed her hands around the blonde's upper torso, slowly sliding them down as she reveled in the feeling of the fabric gliding across her fingers.

Blue eyes met hers through the mirror that Alex had been looking in and they both simply smiled at each other as Olivia trailed her hands down to the ADA's hips, resting them there as she placed her chin on the partially exposed shoulder in front of her. The detective took her time in admiring Alex's front through the mirror; the low dip of her dress presented just the perfect amount of cleavage to appear modest but more than enough to drive Olivia crazy. She knew she was going to have to spend the night fighting off random men in suits, pining for the blonde's attention.

"I should be saying the same about you," Alex replied as she finally turned around, allowing Olivia's hands to settle back on her hips as she admired the brunette from head to toe. Olivia, much like Alex, was also wearing a floor length dress but rather in black. It was a touch less feminine than the blonde's with no bejeweling but the simplicity suited the detective.

Olivia hummed softly in response as she brought a hand up to cup Alex's exposed neck since her hair was pulled up in a tight twist. Her fingers traced over the smooth skin, waiting for permission which was quickly granted. She ducked her head down slightly and pressed a soft kiss against the warm skin, sliding her lips up to Alex's sharp jawline and laying half a dozen kisses there before pulling back to smile at the flustered blonde. "We should probably get going," Alex mumbled as coherently as she could; Olivia always had a way of making her dizzy and weak in the knees.

"But I'd much rather stay at home with you then go to some stuffy art show," Olivia replied as she kissed the tip of the blonde's nose before finally dropping her hands from Alex's waist.

"I would too but she's an old friend," Alex replied as she turned back to the mirror to make sure that her makeup was still intact. "Plus we agreed that we'd make an effort to have a date night instead of just movies and ice cream," Alex teased which got a chuckle out of Olivia. It was true; they tended to wind up on the couch watching some sappy love movie while chowing down on takeout Chinese and ice cream most weekends.

"Yeah, I guess it'll be good to get out," Olivia replied as she grabbed her heels and stared at them in distaste. "Even if I'll have to be fighting off guys all evening," Olivia mumbled quietly as she put on her heels and stood tall, testing her stability.

"Not interested in them," Alex quickly replied as she grabbed her own heels and effortlessly slipped them on before strolling out of their room and out to the living room. "Ready?"

"Always," Olivia replied as she opened up the door for Alex and escorted her to the car.

* * *

"So this piece is…" Olivia let her words drift off as she tilted her head, trying to get a better view of the picture in front of her. It literally looked like a five year old had splatted paint all across a piece of paper and then it was framed. Hell, she could probably do that if she wanted to.

"Mm the vibrant greens contrast beautifully with the subtle hints of innocence through the white space. The elongated strokes and broken color are exceptional. What a wonderful piece." Olivia resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she turned to see the elderly woman discussing the painting in front of her. What she described as was definitely not the same piece that she was looking at.

"It is beautiful, isn't it?" Alex asked as she looked toward Olivia with a raised eyebrow.

"Exquisite," Olivia replied a bit sarcastically as the blonde chuckled softly to herself. She wrapped both of her arms around one of Olivia's, bringing their bodies closer together as she playfully nudged the detective.

"It certainly is but the piece in the back corner should really be the center of attention," The woman stated as she gazed off into the distance. Both of the women looked at her like she was crazy before she continued rambling on. "The striking contrast of crimson on blue and oh! The gold specks. It's remarkable, really. The organic feel as if there's no real pattern within the piece and yet it blends so beautifully. Come, I'll show you." The two women exchanged a glance as they tried not to laugh before following the woman across the art gallery.

"It's not really what I'd expect in such a fine art gallery as Monte's but it's been catching everyone's attention. I wonder if the artist is planning on auctioning it off," The lady rambled off as she led the two women toward a crowd of elites, mingling in a half circle. Olivia managed to snag two water glasses, passing one over to the blonde before arriving near the crowd.

"Must be pretty damn amazing," Alex whispered into Olivia's ear in a teasing tone as they stopped around the crowd of onlookers.

"The striking crimson on, what was it? Blue?" Olivia chuckled as she waited patiently for people to move out of the way. A large group migrated, allowing them a clear view of the artwork. Everything was quiet except the water glass crashing onto the floor, shattering into hundreds of tiny pieces as it spread out beneath Alex's feet. Olivia's eyes were still glued to the blue tarp covered in dark crimsons stains, stains that she could easily identify as blood rather than paint. Her eyes shifted rapidly across the tarp, landing on dozens of pieces of short blonde hair rather than gold flecks as the woman had described.

The detective barely managed to turn in time as Alex's fell into her arms, her knees suddenly giving out. "No, no, no…" Alex whispered as her hands tightened around Olivia's upper arms, clinging to her as if her life depended on it. "No, please no. This isn't real." Dozens of people had turned to look at the scene that was playing out, each trying to figure out what was going on. Olivia could see security headed their way, most likely to drag out the woman who was making a scene but nobody knew except them.

Olivia pulled the blonde to her, cupping a hand around the back of her head as she turned her face to look away from the tarp. "It's okay. It's okay, Alex. You're okay. He's in prison, sweetie. Breathe," She told the blonde as she tried her best to soothe her. A security guard stepped closer to them and Olivia practically growled at him as she pulled her badge out of her handbag, flashing it at the man. "NYPD, this is a crime scene. I'm going to have to ask you to escort everyone away from this tarp immediately."

The security guard looked at her curiously for a few seconds before gesturing for everyone to move away from the two women. Olivia quickly pulled out her phone and hit speed dial. This couldn't really be happening, could it? "Elliot, I need you at Monte's Art Gallery on seventh now…It's Whiteman, he left something here for us to see. Bring CSU."

* * *

"How's she holding up?" Elliot asked as he stood next to his partner while subtly glancing over at Alex who was now sitting down, wrapped in a blanket, while an EMT checked over her. Alex had insisted that she was fine now but Olivia still wanted her to get checked considering it took twenty minutes for the blonde to stop shaking from fear and flashbacks.

"She seems okay now," Olivia replied as she watched CSU snap dozens of pictures before taking down the tarp and swabbing for DNA. Fin and Munch were questioning the employees and owner in order to figure out how the tarp had gotten into the art gallery. "El, please tell me it's impossible. Tell me this isn't actually the tarp that Whiteman used while torturing her."

"I have a friend who works at the prison," Elliot said as he pulled out his phone. "I'll give him a call just to confirm that Whiteman is still locked up and we'll go from there, okay? He might've just paid some idiot to break in and hang up a tarp. You never know." Olivia nodded, allowing Elliot to walk over to a corner as he placed the call.

Today was supposed to be one of their first formal dates in the public eye and this had to happen. Olivia sighed as she walked over to Alex, gingerly sitting down next to her. "How are you holding up?" Olivia asked as she wrapped an arm around the blonde's back and rubbed it soothingly.

"I'm okay," Alex replied quietly as she looked up at Olivia. "Did he…"

"He's still in prison, Alex. It's okay. Elliot's calling right now just to confirm but we would've been notified if he got out," Olivia assured her as the blonde leaned closer in to her touch. "I'm sorry this happened."

"It's not your fault," Alex replied as she snuggled closer to the detective. "I was the one who insisted on going to this stupid thing."

"You couldn't have known," Olivia told her as she looked up at Elliot, waiting for him to come back and confirm that Whiteman was still locked up. Elliot appeared frustrated as he paced back and forth before Cragen walked into the room. Elliot snapped his phone shut and walked over to Cragen, both of them stepping off to the side for a moment. Olivia shook her head before turning back to Alex and pressing a soft kiss against her pulled up hair. "What do you say we go snuggle up and watch a comedy while stuffing our faces with ice cream after this?"

Alex cracked a small smile as she nodded against Olivia's shoulder. Anything sounded better than sitting here, especially cuddling up next to her detective. Both of them looked up as Elliot and Cragen walked up to them. Olivia's eyebrows furrowed as she took in Elliot's posture. Something was off. "He's still in lock up, right?" Olivia asked hesitantly as she glanced between the two men.

Cragen sighed as he looked at Alex briefly before locking eyes on Olivia. "According to Elliot's source, yes. I intend on personally contacting the warden to confirm. If that's the same tarp," He stated before pausing as he ran a hand along his chin. Alex had no doubt in her mind that it was the same one he had used to torture her on, her mind involuntarily flashing back to those darker days.

_He had spent hours carving at her flesh with his knife, making sure to thoroughly mutilate her body. And then he had cut her hair as well, taking yet another piece of her that she had no control over. All she could think about was how sick she felt, laying down against the blue tarp which was covered in splatters of her own blood and locks of her hair. _

_"__It's beautiful, isn't it?" Dylan asked as he walked around the tarp, admiring it from different angles. "Too bad I had to destroy one piece of artwork in order to make another. But with all good things come sacrifices, right Alexandra? I'll have this beautiful piece of artwork to remember our moments together forever. And for you? Well, you're no longer a beautiful piece of artwork, my little mouse. No one will ever accept you now, except me. You'll do yourself good to remember that, Alexandra." _

"Then Whiteman probably bribed someone to put it up. We're going to see if we can get any finger prints off of this. Don't worry, Alex. We'll do everything we can to make sure that the bastard who did this is found," Cragen finished as he offered the blonde the best comforting smile that he could muster which wasn't much considering all the horror that he had seen in his time. Somehow it felt like things only got worse, especially when one of his own was targeted.

Olivia's soft strokes against Alex's cheek finally pulled her out of her flashback. She shook off the memories as she nodded, not quite hearing what Cragen had said. All she knew was that Whiteman was still in prison and she had Olivia; that seemed to be enough for the moment. And yet no matter how many times she repeated that to herself, she couldn't stop her vision from blurring as hot tears streamed down her face.


	43. Chapter 43

Olivia carefully sat down on the couch, not too close but not too far away either from Alex. They had both discarded their dresses for sweatpants and shirts and headed home after Cragen took over the scene and ordered Olivia to leave. "Do you want to talk about it?" The detective questioned as she looked up at the blonde who seemed to be staring intently at the wall opposite of them. She couldn't imagine what was going through Alex's mind right now especially after seeing what she had. She was well aware that Whiteman had tortured the ADA and she had lost substantial amounts of blood but there was more blood on that tarp than she could imagine Alex losing while still staying alive.

"He still has control of me, even from prison," Alex whispered as she ducked her head down, covering her face with her hands. "Why? Why is he doing this to me?" She questioned as she dropped her hands down and shook her head frantically as tears threatened to spill.

The detective slid a bit closer to Alex, wrapping an arm around her lower back, hoping to supply her with some sense of comfort. The blonde immediately turned to her, burying her head against her neck as her body shook. "He's a psychopath, Lex and I'm so sorry this is happening to you. We're going to figure out who put the tarp there and cut off his connections," She explained, hoping that it would help Alex calm down. She understood why Alex was reacting the way she was, she had seen dozens of victims fear for their lives even after their attacker was imprisoned. Sometimes it seemed as if the fear never really went away.

"And in the meantime?" Alex whispered softly as she reached a hand up, running it down the center of the detective's chest. "I'll live in fear, just like he wants."

"No," Olivia interrupted as she grasped onto Alex's hand, intertwining their fingers. "In the meantime everything will go back to normal. I will be here for you no matter what, protect you from anything and anyone. He's still in prison and his bank accounts are frozen so there's no way that anyone would do anything for him without monetary compensation since they could go to jail for it. So please don't worry too much, Lex. I'll keep you safe."

The blonde stayed quiet for a few seconds as Olivia used her thumb to stroke the back of her hand. There was something so soothing about being in the brunette's arms; something that she had never felt before. As a child, her parents were often too busy to care for her. They left for vacation, weeks at a time and left her with her live-in nanny. Despite being somewhat close to her, Alex never really felt safe enough to break down in front of her when things got bad at school or with her parents. "That tarp," Alex stated as she felt a shiver course through her body. "I want to tell you what happened."

Olivia blinked a couple of times in surprise as the hand that was rubbing soothing circles in the blonde's back paused before picking up once more. She had spent hours, days even, wondering what Alex went through in order to end up the way she did. She had seen the physical scars but sometimes the emotional scars were the worst and those you could never really see. The only thing she had really gathered was that Alex was brutally tortured in a manner she wasn't sure anyone else would be able to survive. She was genuinely surprised that the ADA was so willing to let her touch her; she had seen far too many victims beaten badly and it had taken them years before they could even think about touching another person. "If that's what you want," Olivia replied as she bit her lip lightly, increasing the pressure as the silence ticked on.

"When I woke up, it was underneath me. He told me that he was going to make his own artwork…" Alex sighed as she closed her eyes, willing herself not to flash back to those darker days. She knew that it was important to talk about these things, something she hadn't really done besides a few sessions with a psychologist which ended poorly when the psychologist had made excuses for her feelings towards another woman. She brushed off those thoughts; they weren't important anymore. "He said my body was a piece of artwork before he started to cut me." Her voice lowered as she forced herself not to break down. No, he wouldn't have that power over her anymore. "He said he had to sacrifice me in order to make his own piece of art. 'Too bad I had to destroy one piece of artwork in order to make another. But with all good things come sacrifices, right Alexandra?'" She parroted, memories of him hovering above her with those bloody knives flooding her mind.

Olivia didn't speak; there were no words to comfort Alex in the way she needed to be. Instead, she pulled a blanket off of the back of the couch, wrapping it around the blonde as if it were a cocoon, keeping her safe from the outside world. Instead of settling it around the ADA's back, she pulled it completely over their heads, tossing it over the arm of the couch so that they were completely covered. She carefully slid down until she was lying flat across the couch cushions with Alex partially on top of her. The blonde slid off to the side, positioning herself between the back of the couch and Olivia's warm body. The detective turned as well so that she was facing Alex, wrapping her arms around the shivering body. "You're safe," Olivia simply whispered as she kissed the blonde on the forehead.

Alex closed her eyes as she absorbed the warmth from Olivia's body. The detective always knew just what to do to make her feel better, even when she didn't. "I know," Alex whispered in response as she curled her arms up against her chest, allowing Olivia to capture them between their bodies as she moved until they were flush against one another.

They stayed like that for hours, Alex recounting the physical and emotional abuse that she had been victim to. While there wasn't too much that she really explained, she just couldn't get everything out at once which turned into long minutes of silence at a time while she tried to maintain her composure. Of course, Olivia didn't mind; she simply held the blonde just a little bit tighter every time she grew quiet. Maybe the detective knew that she was trying so hard to beat back the flashbacks.

As the time ticked on and Alex finally finished recounting what she could manage before it became too much to bear, they grew quiet. Olivia stayed there, running her fingers across the side of Alex's forehead, brushing back blonde locks as she took in everything that she had just said. It was only then that she realized how much Alex had really gone through. It had easily surpassed physical abuse; from what the ADA had told her, Whiteman was trying get her to trust him and rely solely on him. He wanted that control over her that no one else could ever reclaim without years of therapy. She had seen dozens of victims with Stockholm's Syndrome but she hadn't realized had close Alex was to falling victim to it as well. She couldn't tolerate thinking what would've happened if she had waited just a few more days.

When the silence finally grew to be too much, Alex spoke up. "Tell me about your favorite childhood memory," Alex whispered as she finally opened up her reddened eyes, offering Olivia the best smile she could muster.

The detective stayed quiet as she pursed her lips, thinking back to her younger years. Sure, there was a lot of bad, but there was also a lot of good. "When I was six, I remember going to the zoo for the first time ever," Olivia started off as she smiled slightly at the memory. "I was supposed to go for school but my mom was so busy that I didn't want to ask her to sign the waiver so I had to stay in the library with another teacher. When my mom came to pick me up, she saw how upset I was and I guess the teacher had explained what had happened." She paused as she thought back to that day. Her mom had come to pick her up which was pretty surprising on its own especially considering she was actually on time for once. "Anyway, my mom asked me why I didn't give her the waiver to sign and I told her I didn't want to make her sad. Of course that was six year old me speaking," Olivia chuckled slightly and watched as the blonde finally broke out in a smile. "So she took me to the zoo the following day. She even called me out of school and she made me pretend to cough but I think that was just to make me smile. But anyway, that'd probably have to be my favorite childhood memory. I got to touch a goat and feed a giraffe."

Alex laughed softly as she smiled at the brunette. "I wish I could see you as a six year old," She stated with a grin before sobering up slightly. "I wouldn't mind seeing a little Olivia Benson running around this apartment," She almost whispered as she diverted her gaze, no longer looking at the detective.

For her part, Olivia tried her best to keep her jaw from falling open. Sure, Alex could've just meant that in a general sense but it felt oddly specific. And the way she looked away… "I feel the same way about a little Alex Cabot," Olivia replied as she ran her fingers through blonde locks, encouraging Alex to look at her. "I could just see her with long blonde hair and glasses, rambling off legal jargon." The last comment earned her a smile from the ADA. "Tell me about one of your favorite childhood memories."

Alex's forehead scrunched up slightly as she thought back to her childhood. "I already told you about the touch tanks," She replied as she thought of all the times that she had gone there. Those were certainly some of the better days of her childhood. "I remember one time when I crawled up into the largest tree in our backyard," Alex started off as she smiled fondly at the memory. "My parents were yelling about something so I snuck out and I climbed and climbed until I finally looked down and realized how high up I was. Unfortunately I was like eight at the time and deathly afraid of heights," She chuckled as she bit her lip, trying to maintain some composure. "I was too terrified to climb back down and my parents didn't even realize I was gone. The nanny found me the next morning asleep but surprisingly, it was the best night sleep I had ever gotten and that tree became my new hideout every time I wanted to get away. It was my safe place."

Olivia couldn't help but laugh at the image of a little Alex getting stuck up in a tree and sleeping there all night. "Is that tree still there?"

Alex frowned slightly as she thought about it. "I think so. That house has since become my parents' vacation house when they moved further up north. Apparently the neighborhood was too poor for them," She stated as she scoffed, just thinking about how ridiculous her parents were. That transition had made her lose her one safe place and she had to restart again, but at that point, it was too much for her to try to make friends because she knew she'd just be moving in another year.

"Let's go," Olivia said as she nudged the blonde slightly and smiled.

"Olivia," Alex paused as she pulled away to look at the detective. "It's one in the morning!"

"Okay, so we'll go in the morning," The brunette corrected as she pulled Alex closer to her. "Come on, it'll be fun. We can go climb up the tree and you can show me what a little eight year old you was so afraid of."

Alex's lips quirked up a bit as she thought about that large oak tree before she frowned. "It belongs to my parents. I don't know if they're going to be there or if they have security."

"Then we'll sneak in," Olivia teased even though really, she was being rather serious. "Plus I have a badge so I can just say I'm investigating something."

"Investigating an oak tree?" Alex quipped as she grinned. "What'd the tree do? Kidnap a squirrel's nuts?" Olivia immediately broke out in laughter, shaking Alex along with her as she chuckled. "Come on, it wasn't that funny," Alex said as she leaned her head against Olivia's shoulder, enjoying the way the detective's laughter vibrated through her, filling her with a sense of joy.

Olivia merely shook her head in response. "God I love you," She muttered as she tapped her index finger against the blonde's nose. Alex immediately scrunched up her face in response as she playfully glared at the detective. "So, tomorrow morning?" The brunette hopefully asked. Alex pursed her lips, pretending to think about it as she pushed herself off of Olivia's shoulder so that she could see could see her face. Instead of responding, her eyes flashed down to the detective's lips as she leaned in closer, connecting their lips. She kept it chaste, simply reveling in the feeling of Olivia's soft lips against hers as the brunette's hands wrapped around her back, holding her close. "Is that a yes?" Olivia questioned once they ended the kiss.

"I'd go anywhere with you," Alex whispered in response before wrapping her arms around Olivia's neck, the best that she could considering they were lying down, pulling her into a kiss once more, one that was a little less than chaste.


	44. Chapter 44

"Uhm, Alex," Olivia mumbled as her head tilted up, following the expanse of the large oak tree trunk in front of her. "I thought you said you climbed this?"

Alex chuckled softly as she glanced up at the tree. "About twenty years ago, Liv," The blonde quipped as she glanced up at the oak tree which had apparently sprouted up since the last time she climbed it. "Don't tell me you've chickened out," She deadpanned as she looked over at the brunette.

"Oh no, I drove all the way here and narrowly escaped the guards so we're doing this," She stated as she walked up to the base of the tree and frowned. Alex laughed in response, in truth Olivia had simply driven past a security guard sleeping in his car while they drove in. "Come over here," The detective requested as she beckoned Alex over. The blonde complied and stood in front of the tree, looking up at it.

"It certainly is a lot bigger than I remember," She commented as she reached out, running her hands along the rough bark, childhood memories flooding her mind. Suddenly she felt two strong arms wrapped around her legs, spreading them slightly, and the next thing she knew, she was a few feet off the ground, her hands immediately steadying herself against the trunk. "Olivia!" Alex exclaimed as she looked down at the detective who was now supporting her on her shoulders.

"What?" Olivia asked with a sly grin. "How else were you going to get up that high?" She teased as she ran her hands up and down Alex's thighs as she stood up to her full height, putting the blonde at the perfect level to hoist her way into the tree.

"Some warning would've been helpful," She muttered as she reached out, pulling herself up into the nook of the tree, somehow managing to get up without causing any bodily harm to her or Olivia.

"Would you have done it if I asked?" The brunette questioned with a raised eyebrow.

Alex bit her lip, trying to keep from laughing; Olivia knew her too well. "No," She replied as looked down at Oliva curiously. "How are you going to get up?"

The detective shrugged as she glanced up. "I'll wing it. Watch out," She warned as she took a couple steps back. Alex pushed herself further back into the tree, giving Olivia room to climb up. The brunette took a few more steps back before running toward the tree and jumping. Her hands caught a higher branch, much to Alex's surprise. The blonde watched in awe as the detective used her strong core to pull her legs up, wrapping them around the branch before she pulled herself up completely and crawled her way toward Alex.

"I'm impressed," Alex replied with her eyebrows raised. "That was…not what I was expecting." She chuckled slightly as she thought of how toned the detective must be in order to do that; just thinking of Olivia's body made her feel warm and fuzzy inside.

"I aim to please," She quipped as she flashed the blonde her signature sideways grin. She leaned back against a large branch, snuggling in between two of them. Alex looked at her for a few seconds before hesitantly moving towards her. The detective smiled in response as she spread her feet apart slightly and held open her arms. Alex slid her way in between and leaned her back against the brunette. Warm arms circled around her as she rested her head against Olivia's chest and the detective propped her chin on the top of blonde hair. "It's beautiful up here."

"It is," Alex replied as she glanced around the large yard, admiring the view that didn't appear to change since she left—well except maybe the tree grew ten feet taller. She placed her hands on top of the ones weaved together, resting right below her chest.

There was something oddly familiar about their current position, despite Alex never bringing anyone to this tree before. It was always her safe place, somewhere she'd go to get away from everyone else and yet Olivia was here with her. She smiled as she thought of the detective holding onto her like nothing else mattered in the world. Through the up and downs—mostly downs—Olivia had stayed with her the entire time. She had never once requested anything in return, she had simply offered her support and unconditional love.

"I feel like I don't say this enough," Alex stated as she tilted her head slightly so that she could look at the brunette. The detective hummed in response as she met brilliant blue eyes. "Thank you for being here for me these last few months. You've been there for me when I needed it the most and I can never thank you enough for it." Olivia opened her mouth to response but Alex cut her off. "I know you said I don't need to thank you but you've seriously been my rock through this all. And," She paused as she bit her lip slightly. "And I love you so much for that."

Olivia couldn't help but smile in response, Alex had only ever said it twice before, within a ten second period. And although she had returned the sentiment to the blonde on multiple occasions, she didn't expect her to say it often which is why it meant so much to her.

She hesitantly lowered her head and waited as the blonde tipped her chin up slightly, responding to her movement. She moved her head forward, her eyes fluttering closed as their lips brushed softly against each other's. Alex's lips slipped between hers and parted them slightly, allowing Olivia to enter her mouth. The detective captured the blonde's lower lip between her lips, sucking on it slightly as Alex open her mouth even more to her. She grinned into the kiss as she felt the blonde's tongue hesitantly touch her lip; they had never really kissed too passionately.

Alex's hands rested against the detective's torso as they continued kissing, her fingers slowly trailing further and further down until her palms were lightly touching the tops of Olivia's breasts. The brunette moaned into the kiss, suddenly overwhelmed by the feeling of Alex's hands on her body. The blonde had mostly insisted on Olivia touching her and had never really touched the detective so this was certainly new. For a few seconds, the brunette completely forget that they were up in a tree in Alex's parents' vacation house. For those few seconds, she allowed herself to get lost in the feeling of Alex. There was nothing quite like kissing her and touching her.

And they certainly would've continued kissing each other if it weren't for the grumble beneath them. The blonde immediately pulled away at the sound of someone clearing their throat beneath them. She glanced down, her gaze landing upon a burly man with greying hair. He had a frown on his face until he examined the woman standing up in the tree. "Well if it ain't little Lexi!"

Alex smiled in response as she blushed, patting Olivia gently against the chest to silently tell her that it was okay. "Henry, it's nice seeing you again," She replied.

"Whew-y, the last time I saw you, you were this tall!" He exclaimed as he held his hand around mid-thigh. "You've certainly sprouted up my dear. What brings you back here?"

"Childhood memories," She responded as she glanced at Olivia who was looking a little lost. "This," Alex stated as she grabbed onto Olivia's hand and weaved their fingers together, holding them up slightly to show Henry. "Is my girlfriend, Olivia."

"Well I'd shake your hand but you're too high up!" Henry chuckled as he waved to the detective. "It's nice meeting you dear."

Olivia returned the sentiments before Alex spoke up again. "What exactly are you doing around here, Henry? I didn't realize you were still working for my father."

"Yeah, still am," He replied with a short smile. "For thirty-five years now. He sent me over to prep the house since he plans on spending a few days here with the new missus. Actually," He paused as he glanced down at his watch. "He should be here in half an hour! How about I go make you lovely ladies some tea and you can catch up with your father, Lexi? I'm sure he's missed you since…" He let his words trail off and both women realized that he must've heard about her kidnapping.

"That's quite alright," Alex replied as she offered him up a polite smile. "We really should be going."

"Ah, well so be it," Henry replied with a forced smile. "It was lovely seeing you again, Lexi. Please don't wait another twenty-something years before saying hi again, I might not be here!" He exclaimed with a good-humored chuckle.

"I'll be sure to say hi sometime soon," She replied as he nodded before heading back toward the house. "Henry," She called out hesitantly as he turned around. "Can you please do me a favor and not let my father know that I was here?"

"Of course dear," He assured her with a smile. "But Lexi, do remember that he really does love you even if he doesn't express it properly." Alex merely offered him up a weak smile in response as she nodded. He took his cue and headed back toward the house—or more properly named, the mansion.

"Should we head back?" Olivia questioned once Henry had disappeared from sight.

"Probably," Alex replied as she glanced back at the brunette. She couldn't help but glance down at Olivia's lips; they looked a bit kiss swollen in the most alluring way and she wondered if her lips looked similar. "Just…" She paused as she bit her lip. "Just one more thing," She muttered as she leaned up against the detective in a flash, pressing them against a tree branch as she connected their lips. The kiss lasted only for a few seconds but Olivia enjoyed every second of it, especially because the blonde had taken full control.

Finally, Alex breathlessly pulled away and smirked as she glanced down toward the ground. "How exactly are we supposed to get back down?" She questioned once she actually realized how high up they really were.

"Do you feel eight again?" Olivia teased as she grabbed onto a branch and swung down, hanging from it before dropped a few feet to the ground. Once she was standing she smirked at the blonde before walking away a few steps. "Good luck getting down!"

"Liv!" Alex exclaimed as her eyes widened; internally she knew that they detective wouldn't really leave her but it did remind her of her younger years.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," Olivia replied as she turned back. "I'd never leave you, Alex."

"Well that's all nice and sweet," Alex teased as she looked down at the brunette. "But how exactly do you plan on getting me down from here?"

"Same way you got up," Olivia replied casually as she got closer to the trunk. "Turn around and lower your waist down, I'll grab onto you and you can sit on my shoulders, and then I'll lower you to the ground."

"Easier said than done," Alex muttered as she did as she was told. Within a minute, she found herself standing in the soft grass. "Thank you."

"Thank you for letting me come here with you," Olivia returned as she wrapped an arm around the blonde's waist, pulling her against her side. "You have no idea how happy I am whenever I'm around you," She stated as she pressed a kiss to Alex's temple as they wandered back toward the car.

"Oh, I think I have an idea," Alex whispered, more to herself than Olivia as she glanced over at the brunette, admiring the smile on her face.


	45. Chapter 45

An abrupt shrill from a phone pulled Olivia out of her sleep. She jerked upright in her bed, reaching blindly across her nightstand until she felt her vibrating phone underneath her fingertips. She grabbed onto the phone, answering the call as she slipped out of her bed, allowing Alex to continue sleeping. "Benson," She mumbled as she stepped into the hallway.

"Liv, we got a call from Mercy. A vic personally requested you," Elliot explained.

"Well that's certainly new," Olivia replied as dozens of horrible scenarios ran through her mind. Whoever requested her had to know her. Images of Abbie and Casey flashed through her mind before Alex. She pushed open her bedroom door slightly and looked over the sleeping blonde.

"Yeah, I'm headed out now. Meet you there in twenty."

"Got it," Olivia replied as she hung up and tiptoed back into her room. As quietly as she could, she rummaged through her stuff, throwing on whatever clothing that she could find.

"Liv?" A sleepy voice called and Olivia couldn't help but smile at the husk in the tired voice. Alex rolled over lazily on the bed and opened up her eyes, rubbing them and squinting to see the detective since she didn't have her glasses on.

"Go back to sleep, sweetie. Elliot called me, I have to go in for a case," Olivia told her as she attached her badge and gun to her belt.

"Oh," Alex mumbled as she leaned up slightly as Olivia turned to leave. "Liv." The detective turned back as the blonde propped herself up on the pillow, silently beckoning her over. She smiled as she walked back over to Alex and kissed her quickly on the lips.

"I'll call you later, okay? Go back to sleep."

"Okay," Alex replied as she laid back down on the mattress. "Be safe."

"Always."

Fifteen minutes later, Olivia caught sight of Elliot and headed over to him. "Hey I just got here," Elliot stated as he gestured for Olivia to follow the nurse that was leading them away from the nurse's station.

"Do we know who requested us?" Olivia asked as they were led to the room.

The nurse turned toward both of them as she stopped outside of the door. "She refused to give us her name. She just kept rambling off Detective Olivia Benson and SVU. She shows signs of sexual assault and she's pretty badly beaten, we had to sedate her. I—" The nurse paused as she glanced at the door. "I think her name might be Alexandra."

Olivia swallowed hard as she glanced at the doctor. "What makes you say that?" Elliot asked, voicing what Olivia couldn't.

Olivia didn't bother waiting for a response as she pushed open the door and walked into the room with Elliot and the nurse behind her. She froze as her eyes landed on the familiar head of blonde hair. No. No, she was at home in her bed. Olivia blinked repeatedly in confusion as she took a step closer, trying to see the blonde's face. "The name was carved into her stomach," The nurse stated before stepping out of the way, allowing the detective's to do their job.

"No," Olivia mumbled as she practically ran across the room even though she had just kissed the blonde minutes ago. She stopped as her eyes landed on a face, much like Alex's but not quite the same. "Madeline Garth."

Elliot followed Olivia until he could see the familiar face as well. "Shit." It was her, a face that they hadn't seen for months and certainly didn't ever want to see on another hospital bed.

Blue eyes opened up and wearily looked over at the two detectives. Madeline blinked a few times despite both of her swollen eyes that were rapidly turning a dark shade of purple. "It…" She started coughing violently as her body convulsed in response.

Olivia took a step forward and walked over to the side of the bed. "It's okay, breath, you're okay. You're in the hospital, Madeline. The doctors said that they had to sedate you," She tried to sooth the blonde, much like she had for Alex on countless occasions.

"Him," Madeline mumbled as she looked over at Elliot. "Him."

"What?" Olivia questioned as she looked over at Elliot who looked as clueless as her.

"Him, it was him," She mumbled out as she looked back at Olivia. "Same guy." Olivia froze as she felt her stomach plummet. "He said…" Madeline sobbed slightly as she wrapped her arms around herself. "Alexandra's next. He'd kill me if I didn't…I had to ask for you. I'm so sorry," Madeline choked out as tears streamed down her face.

Olivia numbly took a step back away from the bed, her mind running so fast that she couldn't contemplate anything that was happening other than the room spinning around her. She stumbled backwards, knocking into the chair before Elliot pulled her upright, supporting her. "Alex," Olivia mumbled as her eyes widened in shock. Alex was at her apartment. Alone. "Alex!" She screamed out as she ran toward the door. "Send a unit to my apartment, NOW!"

Elliot immediately pulled out his phone before jetting out of the room after Olivia but she was already gone. She ran out to the street, sliding over the hood of her car as she grabbed onto the handle, wrenching it open before jumping in.

She wasn't sure how she managed to get back to her apartment so quickly. She could faintly remember the flashing lights as she sped around drivers and ran right up the curb in front of her apartment before barreling through the entrance of her apartment complex. "Ms. Benson?"

She ignored her doorman as she sprinted toward the staircase. "NYPD emergency, don't let anyone leave this building!" She yelled to the security guard as she barreled up the staircase and took the stairs, four a time. She shoved open the staircase door as her heart thudded in her chest, nothing but the sound of her panting filled her ears as she ran toward her door, shakily shoving the key into the hole but the door was already unlocked, causing her heartrate to double.

She pushed it open and withdrew her gun, scanning the dark room, looking for anything or anyone. Her heart was beating fiercely against her chest as she took a few steps further into her apartment, looking for any source of light, straining her ears for any sounds. She proceeded to the kitchen, clearing the room as her heart rate picked up even more. She headed straight toward the bedroom, not worrying about the other rooms.

She stood outside of her bedroom door and reached for the knob. She practically fell forward as the door opened up and she quickly wrapped both of her hands around the gun, shakily aiming at the figure in front of her. The sound of glass shattering finally caused her to move her finger off of the trigger. "Olivia," Alex breathlessly whispered as she stood as still as she could, holding her hands up in the air to show that she meant no harm.

"Oh god, Alex," Olivia muttered as she shoved her gun back into its holster and grabbed onto the blonde, pulling her firmly against her chest. She immediately wrapped an arm around Alex's back while the other tangled into her hair, holding onto her tightly as her body shook from adrenaline. "You're okay…" The detective whispered over and over again, more to herself than the blonde.

Alex had no clue what was going on and merely stood still, allowing Olivia to hold onto her. She could feel the detective shaking and she knew something must have been wrong in order to evoke this response from her. A few minutes later, another figure came barreling into the room followed by three other men with guns.

Alex's eyes widened as her body grew rigid before her eyes landed on Elliot. "False alarm, we're clear," Elliot stated into his radio as he holstered his gun. The three other men followed his lead and stepped out of the room, allowing them some privacy.

At that point, Olivia finally released her grip around Alex and was instead running her thumbs across Alex's cheek as she cupped her face. "Liv, he's not here. She's safe," Elliot said as he rested a hand on his partner's shoulder.

Alex's eyes shot up to meet Elliot's flickering between the two detectives as she looked for answers. "What is going on?" She finally questioned. Elliot sighed as he rubbed his chin. Olivia finally dropped her hands from Alex's face and glanced back at her partner.

"Madeline Garth was beaten and raped earlier this morning. She called specifically for Liv because she was told to ask for her," Elliot stated as he glanced at Olivia. "I'll give you two some time," He muttered as he took a step back. "I'll call Cap and give him an update. I'll station a patrol car outside your apartment complex for now, Liv."

"Thanks," Olivia replied as she nodded before turning back to Alex.

"Whi—Whiteman?" Alex questioned breathlessly. Olivia closed her eyes and merely nodded before she felt a pair of arms wrap around her neck tightly.

"It's okay, I won't let him hurt you again, Alex. You're going to be safe."

"He—he actually got out. They lied?" Alex questioned as she sobbed against Olivia's shoulder, her knees finally giving out. Olivia supported her weight before reaching down and picking up Alex, carrying her over to the couch before setting her down.

"We don't know," Olivia replied honestly as she held onto Alex's shaking body. "Cragen is going to find out what's going on no matter what it takes. You're one of our own Alex. We are all going to do whatever it takes to protect you from him. Fin, Munch, Elliot, even Cragen. I'll die before I'll ever let him lay a hand on you again."

"Don't say that," Alex whispered as she buried her head against the crook of Olivia's neck. "I can't lose you."

"You won't," Olivia assured her as she tightened her grip around the blonde's body, rubbing her back as she shook. "I promise I will protect you no matter what the cost."


	46. Chapter 46

Alex continued to stare blindly up at the screen not quite registering anything other than Dylan Whiteman's face. She could hear a flurry of voices, see men and women in blue rushing around the precinct but they seemed oblivious to everything going on in her mind right now.

She thought she'd be stronger by now. She thought he couldn't affect her like this but it was one thing after another. The tarp had caused about half a dozen flash backs, all of which Olivia slowly pulled her back from and soothed her back into a fitful sleep. She had hardly slept the last few weeks and certainly didn't plan on sleeping until Whiteman was found.

A part of her wanted to run. She wanted to get up and get the hell out of there and never ever look back. Olivia would be safer that way. Nobody understood that his threat of kidnapping Olivia as well, in order to make her watch, was real. He was a sadist; stuff like that got him off. She shivered at the thought of him touching her when she was far too weak to fight back.

Two firm hands on her shoulders hardly did anything to pull her away from her thoughts. Whiteman was always there, even if it was just a memory of him tucked back into the far corner of her brain. He'd always be there and she was just starting to realize that.

"Alex." The voice behind her barely registered as she continued looking up at the screen that had Whiteman's mug shot displayed on it. The screen clicked off a second later and she jerked her head around to see Cragen standing behind her.

"Don," She mumbled as she glanced back at the screen where Elliot, Fin, Munch, and Olivia were all looking back at her in concern.

"Can I have a word with you in my office?" He asked as he offered up a friendly smile.

"Of course," She replied as he removed his hands from her shoulders, allowing her to get up off of the chair. She stood up, glancing back at Olivia once who gave her a reassuring smile before they turned the screen back on. She hated that. She hated the way everyone tried to protect her but they were right to do so. It was always the little things that set her back…

"I wanted to give you something," Cragen stated as he closed the door behind them and walked around to his desk. Alex looked at him curiously as she took a few steps closer to him. "My old service revolver," He said as he held up a small revolver for her to see. "Straight shot, won't jam up. I had the license division expedite a carry permit for you."

She glanced down at the gun; it's not like she hadn't seen one before, she just had never held one, not to mention shot one. "Without my signature?" She asked curiously.

"Your prints are on file," He explained as he placed the gun in a holster then a bag along with the paper work. He led her over to the door, handing her the bag. "We care about you Alex and we're not going to let anything happen to you, okay?"

Alex swallowed roughly as she licked her lip nervously, taking the proffered bag. She nodded in response as she exited Cragen's office. "Alex?" He called once more before she returned to Olivia's chair. She turned back, meeting his gaze. "If anything seems off, you call one of us, okay? It doesn't matter if it's a false alarm. If you hear a sound outside, call. I don't care if it's just a cat jumping on a trash can. I'll send half a dozen officers there anyway." He offered her up a reassuring smile before heading back into his office.

She walked over to Olivia's chair on autopilot before sitting down. The screen had since gone back and the detectives had returned to their desks, minus Olivia who was talking to Elliot about something in the corner. She narrowed her eyes and unconsciously adjusted her glasses as she watched them argue about something before Olivia returned to Alex. "Why don't we go home, alright? They'll be a unit outside of my apartment and I'll give his mug shot to the security guards just in case."

"Okay," Alex replied as she stood up from the chair. Olivia reached around and pulled her jacket off from the back of the chair, holding it out for the blonde who had her arms wrapped around her chest. "Thanks," She mumbled as she slipped on Olivia's jacket, pulling it closer to her chest as she inhaled the soothing scent. Her eyes closed for a second as she thought of being anywhere else; she was back in Olivia's bed, in her arms and neither had a worry in the world.

A gentle touch on her lower back caused her to open up her eyes again, looking onto warm brown ones. "Ready to go?" Olivia asked as she applied light pressure to the ADA's back, encouraging her to walk. Alex nodded and they both headed out with Elliot who was escorting them back to Olivia's apartment.

Twenty minutes later, Elliot had cleared the apartment as a precaution and checked on the patrol car stationed outside of the apartment complex. "We're going to be just fine," Olivia told the blonde as she rubbed her back soothingly as Elliot checked over the apartment once more before heading off.

"I hope so," Alex muttered as she shrugged out of Olivia's jacket and hung it up in the closet. She immediately shed out of her clothes and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and one of the detective's sweatshirts. She let the calming scent of Olivia take over once more as she crawled into the brunette's bed and curled up.

Olivia shut the bedroom door behind them and turned the lock before taking off her work clothes and putting on something more comfortable. She flicked off the light, drew the curtains closed, and slipped into bed behind the blonde. She pulled Alex to her, wrapping her arms around the blonde's thin waist. "I know so," Olivia whispered back.

The ADA finally allowed her body to relax as Olivia held onto her from behind, both arms wrapped securely around her waist. She felt a gentle kiss press against her temple before Olivia settled back down against the pillow, nuzzling her face against blonde hair.


	47. Chapter 47

_They were happy for once. Olivia was smiling back at her as she lifted up the blanket and shook it out, causing it to straighten out as the wind took hold of it. The sun was shining down brightly on them, illuminating the white dress that she was wearing. She glanced down at her bare arms where no scars resided. When she looked back at the detective, the blanket was already set on the grass with random food scattered on top of it. _

_She smiled back at the brunette as she sat down on the blanket next to her. Warm arms wrapped around her shoulder, pulling her closer to her detective. Olivia kissed her forehead before pulling away and reaching for a champagne glass. _

_No words were spoken as Olivia held up the glass to her and raised an eyebrow. Alex nodded in response and the detective popped the cap before pouring it into the glass. She handed it over to the blonde before filling up her own glass. They both held up their glasses for a toast, clinking them together before bringing it to their lips. _

_Olivia smiled back at her as she rested her glass against her leg. "I lo—" The sound of shattering glass stopped any further words from coming out of the detective's mouth. Alex jerked her head down to look at the shattered champagne glass that Olivia was still holding with her hand. But instead of champagne, the remainder of broken glass was filled with blood. Her eyes widened as she looked at the red pool spreading over Olivia's white blouse, permanently staining it._

_"__Olivia," She gasped out as she dropped her own glass and reached out for the brunette. Before she could, however, she felt a hand press against her mouth, holding her back. _

_"__Alex," Olivia whispered as the blonde fought against the hand over her mouth. "Alex." _

Alex's eyes flashed open as she took in the figure towering above her. Her heartrate increased as the hand over her mouth loosened up slightly. "Alex, shhh. Don't say anything, sweetie." Suddenly that dark scary figure contorted into a familiar face, her detective. Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked at Olivia in confusion. Why was she holding her mouth shut? "I need you to stay quiet. Call 911, go hide in the closet, and do not leave this room no matter what, okay?" Alex simply stared at her in shock, trying to comprehend what was going on. "Alex, please. I need you to do this for me. Promise me you will stay in here no matter what you hear," Olivia pleaded as she finally removed her hand from over Alex's mouth. The blonde nodded as she felt the detective place something on her hand.

She looked down at the phone and quickly dialed the familiar number as Olivia carefully extracted herself from off of the bed. The brunette grabbed her gun from under her pillow and tip-toed toward the door. She pressed her ear up against the wood for a moment before reaching for the handle. She quietly clicked open the lock and turned the knob, immediately holding out her gun as she searched the dark room.

She slipped out of the room, locking the door behind her as she shut it. She had woken up a few minutes prior from the sound of glass shattering and something thudding in her living room. She scanned the dark room, her gun following her eye sight. She felt bad for scaring Alex but she knew that she couldn't just sit idly in her bed while someone, possibly armed, searched for them. She hoped that Alex had followed her advice and was now safely hidden in the back of her closet.

She continued scanning the room as a low whistle filled the room, causing her to jerk to the side. She held her gun steady as she walked toward the sound. A low crunch sounded beneath her and she grimaced as something cut through her foot. She stayed in her place as she tilted her head to the side, catching sight of something white moving near her kitchen. She took a deep breath as her finger slipped over the trigger. _Exhale slowly,_ she told herself, her shooting instincts suddenly kicking in.

She increased her pressure against the trigger as the object moved once more before flying toward the side. She jerked her finger off of the trigger as she finally made out the shape of her window curtains flailing about. She took half a step to the side, ignoring whatever object was digging into her foot, finally catching sight of the shattered window.

She sighed in relief, finally lowering her heartrate as she cleared the kitchen before turning on the lights. She cleared the rest of the apartment before returning her attention to the broken glass that was sprayed across her floor. She groaned as she took in the bloody footprints that she had left; she must've stepped on a pile of glass.

Alex.

She quickly returned to her bedroom, trying the knob before remembering that she locked it. "Alex, sweetie, it's me. Everything is okay, alright? I still want you to stay in there until the police arrive, okay sweetie? It's just a broken window." She pressed her ear against the door as her heartrate increased once more; no sound came from the room. "Alex, sweetie can you please say something so that I know you're okay?" She called out once more as her breathing started to come out more rapidly. "Alex! Please!" She cried out more frantically now before taking a step back and kicking the door knob right off.

The door swung open and she held up her gun once more, scanning the room for any sign that someone other than Alex was there. She glanced over at her closet which was shut closed rather than open like it was the night before. Rationally, she knew the blonde had probably closed it but she still couldn't shake the horrible feeling in her stomach.

She walked over to the door, pulling it open as she trained the gun into the dark closet. She immediately spotted a head of blonde hair bowed down. Alex had both of her arms covering her head in a defensive manner, no doubt blocking out any sound. She was whimpering quietly as she rocked back and forth.

"Oh Lex," Olivia whispered as she dropped down to her knees and placed her gun to the side. She reached out for the blonde, causing her to jerk away and whimper louder now. "Alex, it's me sweetie. Shh, you're okay," Olivia soothed as she carefully moved her arms away from her head. Reddened eyes finally made eye contact with her and she wasted no time in pulling Alex into her arms, rocking her back and forth as she sat down on the floor. "Oh sweetie, you're okay. I'm so sorry for scaring you. Everything is okay. Nobody is here but us, okay? You're fine, sweetie," Olivia whispered as she held onto the shaking blonde, running one hand through blonde locks.

Within a minute, she could hear her front door kicked down as boots thudded into the apartment but at this point the only thing she cared about was the shaking blonde in her arms. "NYPD!" A loud voice called out.

"In here! We're fine," Olivia called as she held up her hands, knowing full well that hiding in the closet wasn't the best idea. Three men entered the room with guns trained on them. "I'm Detective Olivia Benson, shield number 4015. This is ADA Alexandra Cabot, she's the one who called. It was a false alarm," She explained as one of the men walked over, kicking her gun out of the way as a precaution.

"Help them up," A man ordered as he looked over at Olivia, recognizing her from his visits to the 1-6 precinct. "And put your damn guns down," He grumbled as the two other men walked over to the women.

"It's okay, just give us a minute," Olivia told the men as she continued stroking Alex's hair. At some point, something must have triggered a flashback for the blonde and the detective wasn't sure if she was still stuck in it or not.

Two of the men left before the man in charge returned. "Detective Benson," He called as he glanced over at the brunette. "Your window was broken by a brick with an envelope attached to it. Captain Cragen called me just a minute ago and asked that everything be preserved until he arrives here with CSU."

"That's correct," Olivia confirmed as she gently stroked Alex's head, trying to get her to look up. "Hey, Alex. Everything is alright, sweetie. The police are here. How about we get you back to bed and I'll stay with you until Cap and Elliot arrive, okay?" The blonde nodded a bit and Olivia pushed herself onto her knees. She tried to help Alex but she couldn't seem to get a good footing on the ground.

The detective sighed as she bent down and scooped up the blonde, carrying her to the bed. She carefully set her down and slid over next to her, wrapping an arm around her back. She ignored the curious looks from the officers in the room as the blonde laid her head against her chest, nuzzling against her.

A few minutes later, Olivia managed to soothe Alex, who was now lying down on the bed, clinging to the detective's pillow. Olivia stood up as Cragen walked into the bedroom with Elliot at his side. "CSU took pictures of everything and is documenting the damage. It appears as if someone from the street threw a brick through your window, shattering it."

"I figured as much," Olivia replied as she shifted her weight onto her uninjured foot.

Cragen glanced down and frowned. "I take it those were your bloody foot prints?" Olivia nodded in response and Cragen lifted something up. "This was found tied to the brick," He explained as he held up the bulky envelope. "It's addressed to you."

"Did CSU check for fingerprints?" Olivia asked as she gingerly picked up the envelope.

"Found nothing. He must've used gloves." Olivia nodded as she opened it up and glanced inside where she saw a piece of paper and a small button shaped object.

She dumped out the contents and looked over the paper, closing her eyes after reading the first couple of words. "Don't make promises that you can't keep, Detective," She read as she shoved the note back into the envelope and picked up the small button.

"It looks like a recording player of some sorts," Elliot explained as he walked over to Olivia, glancing down at the object. They certainly weren't going to press a random button without knowing what it did.

Olivia glanced up at Cragen who nodded. She pressed the button down and held her breath as she heard a faint clicking noise before static flooded from the button. "Don't say that, I can't lose you," Alex's voice echoed from the speakers on the back of the button, causing the blonde to jerk upright and look over at them. "You won't," Olivia's voice now stated. The static increased before Olivia's voice spoke up again from the recorder. "I promise I will protect you no matter what the cost."

"Liv?" Elliot questioned as he watched his partner start to shake as she shoved the recorder back into the envelope and shoved it into his hands.

"The door," She muttered as she ran her hands across her face and screamed out in frustration. "The door was unlocked when I came back the day Madeline Garth was raped! I should've known better!"

"Liv, what's going on? What is this recording from?" Elliot questioned as he walked over to her, stopping her from pacing the room.

"My apartment," She stated as she dropped her hands and shook her head in frustration. "He was in this apartment while I was gone. The door was unlocked when I came back but I didn't think anything of it because Alex was safe. I was too busy thinking about her to realize that I didn't leave the door unlocked when I left. He broke in, El. He broke in while she was asleep. He could've…"

"Stop," Elliot ordered as he steadied her. "He didn't do anything to her, okay? And we don't know for sure that he was in this apartment."

"Yes we do," Alex finally spoke up. Everyone looked over at her as she leaned back against the headboard. "That recording, it was us talking when Olivia rushed home to make sure that I was okay. I woke up a few minutes prior and I just assumed I was hearing things. I went out to the kitchen to get a glass of water and then went back to the bedroom. I heard the door open and that's when Olivia pushed open the bedroom door."

"Get CSU in here to sweep for bugs," Olivia ordered as she walked back over to the bed, sitting down next to Alex. "Everything will be just fine, okay? He's just trying to play games with us. Don't let him get in your head," Olivia told the blonde as she wrapped an arm around her back and pulled her close.

"He already is," Alex mumbled too quietly for Olivia to hear as she inhaled the soothing scent of her detective, the words from the letter replaying over and over again in her mind. _Don't make promises that you can't keep, Detective._


	48. Chapter 48

"Detective, can we clear the bedroom?" One of the CSU technicians asked as she held up the scanning device to sweep for bugs. "The other rooms were clear."

"Go ahead," Olivia replied as she stayed seated on the bed, still holding the blonde. Alex had been nodding on and off the past hour while they swept the apartment and Elliot took care of the broken window and busted door. Cragen had already called half a dozen different people, yelling at each one about something or another. She was thankful that her family had taken Alex in as one of their own. It always brought her to tears how close-knit the NYPD family was.

Cragen had already ordered another patrol car to be stationed in the location where the brick had been thrown while they had any video footage pulled and talked to anyone who may have been around to see something.

Olivia watched the woman walk around the room with the handle, sweeping it across random objects while another technician followed behind her. She highly doubted that anything was in her bedroom, partially because it was wishful thinking. She didn't want to imagine Whiteman in the same bedroom as Alex, especially while she was sleeping.

The technician continued sweeping as she cleared the left side of the room before going over the right. A slow beeping increased and Olivia straightened up as she watched the technician zone in near the corner of her room. She titled her head to the side as her eyes narrowed in on the area that the technician was sweeping. "We have something here," The technician called out as she grabbed onto Olivia's hamper and moved it out of the way.

The trilling slowed down as she swept where the basket once stood. The technician frowned before turning back to the basket, the beeping rapidly increasing again. She picked up a blouse, running the scanner over it as the beeping went off rapidly. "Got it," She stated as she set the shirt down and picked up the sleeve.

At this point, Cragen and Elliot had returned to the room and were surrounded the technician as she held up the sleeve, showing a miniscule black object. "They're getting incredibly small these days," The woman explained as CSU entered the room and snapped a few pictures of it before the woman picked it off. "Looks like it was just pressed onto the sleeve with a sticky substance, most likely a glue of some sort." She fiddled with it for a moment before pressing something on it. "It's been disabled."

"Why the hell would he put it on her shirt?" Elliot questioned as he looked down at the familiar blouse, one that Olivia often wore to work. "He had to know that if it was in the laundry basket she was going to wash it and then it would just ruin it."

"Who knows what the hell he's thinking," Cragen grumbled as he shook his head. If it got into the laundry basket, it meant that Whiteman must've been in the bedroom with Alex.

"Wait," Olivia called as she slipped off of her bed, gently laying Alex down across the mattress. She frowned as she walked over to the shirt. "That's impossible," She muttered as she shook her head, trying to wrack her brain for answers.

"What do you mean?" Elliot asked as he looked curiously at his partner.

"I—" Olivia paused as her eyebrows furrowed up. "I wore that shirt the morning we got called out for Madeline Garth's rape. It wasn't in that laundry basket."

"Could it have fallen off of the wall?" Elliot asked the technician who merely shook her head.

"No, the substance dried onto her shirt making it rather hard for me to remove. The glue would've dried within minutes of attaching to something so it's impossible for it to fall down and still be that sticky by the time Detective Benson removed her shirt and put it in the basket."

"Then how the hell did it get on your shirt?" Elliot asked as he looked over at Olivia.

The brunette's face switched from confusion to realization as her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. "Madeline grabbed onto my sleeve while I was trying to soothe her but then she pulled away and wrapped her arms around herself right after."

"You think…" Elliot rambled off as his eyes widened as well.

"Pick her up, now," Olivia ordered as she ran her hands through her hair in frustration, pulling at her roots. This was far more complex that she initially thought but Madeline had to be the one to put it on her sleeve. "I want to question her."

* * *

Olivia glanced up from her desk and felt her blood boil as she looked at the bruised and beaten woman that Elliot was currently escorting into the precinct. She knew she couldn't blame Madeline, surely Whiteman had forced her to do it under a threat that wasn't exactly empty considering what he did to her already. The brunette nudged her head to the side, telling Elliot to take her into Cragen's office rather than an interrogation room, something that they had agreed upon earlier.

Once they passed her, she got up and followed them to the room. She shut the door behind them as she leaned against the frame, glancing between Madeline, Elliot, and Cragen. "Madeline," Olivia stated as she pushed up off of the door frame and walked over to the blonde.

"Yes?" She questioned as she noticeably shrunk down, looking up at the detective who stood in front of her.

"You put a recording device on me," Olivia stated as Madeline's eyes widened as she opened up her mouth. "Don't," Olivia cut her off as she waved a hand in front of the blonde. "I know it was you when I was in your hospital room. All I want to know is why."

"I—I…He said I had to do it! He's going to kill me…You aren't supposed to know! He'll know I told you!" She started rambling off as she wrapped her arms around herself, shaking.

"You could've told us in the hospital room, you were safe, Madeline. But instead, you put another woman's life at risk."

Madeline shook her head back and forth. "No…" She mumbled as she steadied her motions and looked straight up at Olivia. "No, I'll never be safe from him and neither will she. It doesn't matter what I do because he'll get her. He always finishes what he starts."

"What do you mean he finishes what he starts?" Elliot questioned as he stood next to Olivia just in case his partner reacted to the threats.

She scoffed slightly as she shook her head. "I gave you your message," She stated in an eerily calm voice. "My job is done and now he's going to kill me. He'll kill her too after he rapes her." Olivia's fists immediately clenched up as her jaw tightened, taking a step toward Madeline. Elliot stepped in the way, blocking her path. "You can't protect her, Detective Benson. No one can."


	49. Chapter 49

Olivia paced back and forth in the interrogation room that she had ran off to once Cragen ordered her to leave the room. Madeline's words kept replaying in her mind over and over again. _You can't protect her, Detective Benson. No one can._ She shook her head as she paced over to the wall, pummeling her fist against the brick and screaming out in anger. _No one can._ "Shit," She grumbled as she shook her fist out, causing small dots of blood to splatter across the floor.

This wasn't how this was supposed to happen. Hell, none of this was supposed to happen. She slumped up against the wall that she had just punched, slowly sliding down it until she was sitting on the floor. She tipped her head back, resting it against the wall as she closed her eyes.

There were so many ways to stop this and yet she failed to do so. She could've arrested him at the bar when he was touching Alex against her will. She should've been armed when he broke into Alex's apartment, then she could've arrested him. She shouldn't have let Alex out of her sight the night Abbie came over. And she should've shot to kill. She should've put that gun right up to his forehead and ended it all. But she didn't. And now Alex was paying the price.

She tilted her head forward before jerking it backward again, connecting her skull against the brick as she grimaced in pain. She could've stopped this all and yet here she was, sitting alone in the interrogation room while Alex was sitting at her desk waiting for her. Hell, what difference would it make? It's not like she protected Alex thus far. She thought she had. She thought she was doing a good job at protecting the one she loved but now, now she didn't believe that anymore.

Whiteman was fixated not only on Alex, but her as well. A fixation that won't give until he gets his way or ends up dead. "I should've killed him," She muttered into the empty room as she covered her face with both of her hands, shaking her head back and forth. "Should've killed him."

After a few minutes of silence, she heard the door creak open. She didn't bother removing her hands from her face; she knew it was Elliot, trying to get her to calm down and see Alex. She focused on the light footfall as the steps got closer and closer to her until they stopped. She heard a bit of shuffling before someone sat down next to her and a hand landed on her knee. Except, it wasn't the large hand she was expecting; it was smaller and a much softer touch.

She lifted up her head and dropped her hands as she looked to her side to see Alex sitting next to her rather than Elliot. She looked into clear blue eyes, ones that she hadn't seen since she came barreling into her apartment that morning to check on the blonde.

Alex hesitantly reached out, grabbing onto Olivia's bloodied hand. She tilted it to the side, evaluating the damage before she pulled her hand up and gently kiss the back of her hand where there was no blood. "I overheard what she said to you," Alex calmly stated as she slipped her hand underneath Olivia's and intertwined their fingers, careful to avoid the dried blood on her knuckles.

"I'm sorry," Olivia muttered as she shook her head, her gaze falling down to her lap.

"No," Alex countered as she pulled their intertwined hands into her lap. "Don't let him get to you as well, Olivia. He's been in my head for months and I don't want to think about what would happen if he got his way and got into yours as well." She tipped her head to the side, resting it against Olivia's shoulder as she continued talking. "We'll be fine as long as we're together."

They stayed quiet for a minute before Olivia felt a drop on her shirt. She turned her head to the side, trying to see the blonde. Alex pulled back, wet streaks down her face. "Even if he does win in the end," Alex stated as she released Olivia's hand and used it to brush back the detective's brown locks. "He doesn't," Alex finished as she twisted her body to the side so that she was facing Olivia as she leaned forward, connecting their lips.

"Because I love you," She murmured against Olivia's lips before deepening the kiss and wrapping her other hand around the brunette's head. Olivia reached out, holding onto her as well, one hand around the blonde's back and the other at the nape of her neck. She kissed back, slowly and passionately as they melted into one another. "And he can't change that."


	50. Chapter 50

"Maybe we should consider living somewhere else," Olivia suggested as she ran her fingers through the fine blonde hair in front of her. She was leaning up against the arm of the couch, legs spread out across the cushions with Alex settled between her legs, leaning against her chest.

"What do you mean?" Alex questioned as she turned her head against the detective's chest, allowing her to look up at Olivia slightly.

Olivia sighed as she continued stroking the soft blonde hair. She took a second to admire the small wrinkles across Alex's forehead; for once they were from confusion rather than sadness. "I mean maybe we should consider staying in a safe house for a while. Somewhere, anywhere except where he knows we're at."

The blonde continued looking up at her for a moment before looking back down, settling her head against Olivia's chest once more. "I don't want to run," Alex mumbled as she wrapped her arms around her chest, burrowing herself further against Olivia.

"It doesn't have to mean we're running, sweetie," Olivia tried to explain as she let go of Alex's hair and wrapped both of her arms around Alex's chest as well, pulling her impossibly closer. "We'd just be playing it safe."

"And what about work?" The ADA questioned as she sighed, thinking about all the paperwork that she'd have to catch up on now.

Olivia chuckled softly; Alex was always thinking about work even when there were bigger things to be concerned about. She wondered if that was the blonde's way of distracting herself from the bigger issues at hand. "We can both take some time off. God knows I have enough vacation time stocked up," She replied with a small laugh.

Alex copied her laugh, enjoying the feeling of Olivia's laugher reverberating through her body. "You never take time off except when it comes to me," The ADA murmured, suddenly feeling guilty about that.

"I'd quit my job if I knew it'd keep you safe, Alex," Olivia replied as she tightened her arms around Alex's waist and leaned down, pressing a kiss on the top of her head.

"I don't want you to do that," She replied as she took a deep breath and sighed. "And I don't want to run and hide from Whiteman either. He's going to taunt and torture us until he's captured. It wouldn't matter whether or not we went into hiding because the moment we left, he'd come after us."

"Maybe he'll slip up?" Olivia questioned as drew circles into Alex's arms with her fingers, enjoying the feeling of the soft skin. "Let's say we leave for a month, I don't know, take a vacation to Europe or something. He'd get antsy, maybe he'd even try to strike again and then he'd be caught."

Alex shook her head adamantly in response. "There is no way in hell that I am going to run and let yet another woman get raped because of me." She pulled away from Olivia in the blink of an eye, standing up and facing away from Olivia. "Weren't two enough?" She scoffed as she shook her head and ran toward the door before the detective even had time to get up.

"Alex!" Olivia called as she jumped up and went after the blonde. She heard the front door slam shut behind the ADA and screamed out in frustration as she ran her hands across her face. She grabbed her jacket since she knew it was rather cold outside and headed out, quickly locking the door behind her.

A minute later, she was on the street level, frantically looking left and right, trying to spot blonde hair. She frowned as she felt a few drops of rain pelt down on her and she couldn't help but worry about Alex; she was in nothing more than a pair of sweatpants and a NYPD t-shirt. Hell, she wasn't even sure Alex took the time to put on shoes.

She spotted the familiar unmarked patrol car and headed toward it, pounding on the window. The passenger jerked up, one hand reaching for his gun while the other rubbed his sleepy eyes. "Seriously?" Olivia grumbled as she glared at the man. Once he recognized her, he rolled down the window. "Did you see which way she went?"

"What?" The man asked as he frowned, clearing trying to wake himself up. He reached over and hit his partner who jerked awake as well.

"Useless," She grumbled as she pulled away from the window and picked a random direction, heading down the street. She thought of dozens of ways to get them demoted as she wandered around, wondering where the hell Alex went off to.

She stopped dead in her tracks and she thought of their conversation, minutes before. Alex was blaming herself for the rape of Madeline and Casey. She turned around and sprinted down the street, ignoring the rain and the curious eyes.

Finally, the familiar café came into view and she slowed her run to a walk. She scanned around the large umbrellas before she caught sight of blonde hair, now dripping wet. She took a moment to sigh in relief as she walked over to Alex. "You can't blame yourself," Olivia stated, letting her presence be known to the ADA as she took a step closer. She shed her jacket without a second thought and wrapped it around Alex's shaking shoulders. She took a step forward, wrapping her arms around Alex's body, cocooning her in the jacket as she pulled her against her body.

"Can't I though?" Alex mumbled as she continued looking down at the concrete sidewalk. "That's my fault," Alex stated more confidently as she finally pointed down where she was looking.

Olivia perched her chin on top of Alex's shoulder and peered down at the sidewalk, her eyes immediately zoning in on the rust colored stain that had been soaked deep into the pores of the concrete over the months. "She's alive," Olivia murmured in response, unable to drag her eyes away from the blood stain on the concrete.

"And?" Alex question in frustration. "It was my fault she was kidnapped and I only made it worse by offering to trade myself for her," She paused, letting the silence settle around them. "I had to watch Whiteman throw Casey right there," She stated as she pointed down to the blood stain. "And then I had to watch him aim his gun and pull the trigger."

"You didn't pull the trigger, Alex, he did. This is all on him, not on you," Olivia tried to assure her as she pressed a soft kiss on the exposed skin by the blonde's neck, ignoring the wet hair that was clinging to the ADA's neck.

"I thought she was dead," Alex finally mumbled as she tilted her head to the side, resting it against the top of Olivia's. "He said he was going to kill her and then he pulled out the gun. I tried to stop him but I wasn't fast enough. I heard the gunshot and then he hit me and I can't remember anything else."

"She's alive and that's all that matters now." Olivia instinctively tightened her grip around Alex's waist and rocked her side to side a little bit. "It's not your fault and you know that Casey doesn't blame you for what happened."

"She should," Alex mumbled quietly as she closed her eyes. Her body involuntarily shivered, reminding her that she was standing in the middle of the sidewalk in the pouring rain with Olivia's jacket.

"You're cold. Why don't we head back to my apartment and get you warmed up?" Alex nodded in response as Olivia finally released her grip from around the blonde's waist. She grabbed onto Alex's hand, weaving their fingers together as she pulled her down the street and back toward her apartment.

Alex pulled herself closer to Olivia, wrapping her free hand around the detective's upper arm. "You must be freezing," Alex stated as she finally realized that Olivia had given up her jacket and was in only a shirt.

"I'm fine," Olivia replied as they finally headed back into her apartment complex. She shot a glare back at the patrol car stationed in front of her apartment, grumbling to herself about how she was going to get a replacement unit as soon as she could.

Once they were in the warm confines of the apartment, Olivia led the blonde to the bathroom and began shedding out of her wet clothes. She reached into the shower and turned on the water, turning it to the hottest temperature, allowing the room to fill up with steam as she stripped the rest of the way. She wrapped herself in a bathrobe as she exited the bathroom, giving Alex some privacy to change.

She pulled out some fresh towels and carried them back to the bathroom, knocking on the door before slipping back in. She averted her eyes when she realized that Alex was now completely naked, arms wrapped around her chest as she was shivering. "Hop in and warm up," Olivia directed as she hung the towels on the rack.

Alex slid open the glass door and stepped in, turning down the heat as she glanced back at the detective. She hesitantly bit her lip as she glanced down at her naked body and back to Olivia who was leaning against the bathroom counter, respecting her privacy by looking away. "Will you join me?" Alex questioned quietly, knowing full well what she was asking.

Olivia's head jerked to the side as she looked Alex in the eyes, trying her best not to glance down. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" She asked. While they had been partially undressed in each other's presence, they had never both been completely naked and they certainly had never shared a shower together.

"You're cold, come on," Alex replied as she gestured for Olivia to slip into the shower with her. Olivia paused as she considered what she was about to do. She looked back up at Alex and slipped out of her robe when she saw no hesitation in her favorite blue eyes.

"Last chance to kick me out," Olivia teased as she stopped in front the glass door, not yet entering the shower.

"Come on," Alex replied as she grabbed onto her arm and tugged her in with a small grin. She took a step back and finally allowed the warm water to beat down on her. She stayed there for a few seconds, enjoying the warmth dripping down her body before she pulled Olivia closer to her, taking a step back so that the water could spray on the detective.

Olivia swallowed hard at their close proximity, trying her best to keep her libido in check. While she wouldn't consider herself horny, she certainly couldn't deny her attraction to the blonde, especially when she was completely naked, standing inches away from her.

The urge to just reach out and touch her glistening skin became increasingly prominent until she finally gave in. She ran her fingers gently over the water beads across Alex's temple, building the water droplet until it slipped down Alex's cheek and fell off her chin, landing on her chest as it mingled with a few more water droplets. "You're so beautiful," Olivia whispered as she continued looking into bright blue eyes, her fingers still playing across the warming skin.

Alex finally reacted, leaning forward and wrapping her arms around Olivia's neck, pulling her a bit closer. She rested her forehead against the crook of the detective's neck. "I should feel vulnerable," She mumbled against Olivia's neck. "He stripped me down and left me naked for that entire week." Olivia stayed quiet as she gently placed her hands on Alex's mid-back, not wanting to touch anywhere that would cross a line. "So I should feel terrified, exposed, and vulnerable but I don't." The detective smiled in response, allowing her hands to slip down a few inches before wrapping her fingers together, pulling Alex flush against her body. "So thank you for that," Alex stated as she lifted up her head and looked at Olivia.

She glanced down at the detective's lips and then back to her warm brown eyes, repeating the process until she found her lips pressed up against Olivia's. She sighed into the kiss, her body completely relaxing under the brunette's kiss as her fingers splayed out across the back of Olivia's neck, one hand weaving into the roots of the wet, brown locks that she found there.

The kiss continued until Olivia felt her back press up against cold tile, her eyes immediately flashing open as she pushed Alex forward a bit, disconnecting their lips. "What?" Alex question as she tried to steady her heavy breathing.

"The tile," The detective mumbled as she shivered slightly. "The tile was cold."

"Baby," Alex teased as she turned Olivia around, guiding her so that the hot water was spraying across her back. She took a couple steps closer to the detective, leaning in to kiss her once more.

Olivia finally broke the kiss when she felt hands sliding down the front of her chest, getting rather close to the tops of her breasts. "We're supposed to be showering," She mumbled, trying to gain control of her sense. Somehow she always turned to putty in the hands of the ADA.

Alex frowned slightly as she lifted her hands back off of Olivia's chest, running one through her wet locks in an attempt to get them out of her face. "I guess we should stop wasting water," She replied with a grin as she leaned forward once more, pressing her lips up against Olivia's again.

"Aleeex," Olivia moaned against her mouth as she turned her head to the side. "Showering."

Alex pulled back slightly, looking at the detective. "Showering," She repeated but there was still a faint smile on her lips. "Showering," She stated again as she reached behind Olivia, pumping some shampoo into her hand before running her fingers through brown locks, not bothering to separate their bodies. She used her other hand to lather the soap into the detective's hair until it was thoroughly coated. She kissed the detective once more as she led her backwards until the spray hit her hair.

Alex continued running her fingers through brunette locks, allowing the water to wash out the soap. She watched the bubbles curiously as they ran down Olivia's chest and across her breasts. Her hands instinctively followed its path, running her fingers over the detective's breasts. "Alex!" Olivia gasped out as she grabbed onto Alex's wrists, finally pulling her eyes out from under the water so that she could open them up. "Showering," She reiterated as she raised both of her eyebrows at the blonde.

"We are showering," Alex countered with a smirk as she reached behind the detective once more, getting some shampoo for herself.

"You're distracting, that's what you're doing," Olivia grumbled as she stepped out from under the water, allowing Alex to shampoo her hair.

"Are you actually complaining?" Alex teased as she tipped her head back, closing her eyes as the water washed the shampoo out of her hair. Olivia finally let her eyes trail down Alex's body. She swallowed back the lump in her throat as she look at the blonde's pert breasts, her eyes zoning in on her rosy nipples before she slid her gaze down Alex's body. She admired the blonde's smooth torso, hardly recognizing the faded scars that still covered her body.

A throat clearing pulled her eyes back up, immediately zoning in on blue eyes and a single raised eyebrow. Alex grinned slightly as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "Should I be embarrassed?"

"No," Olivia quickly replied as she took a step forward, settling her hands on Alex's thin hips. "God, you're beautiful," She whispered as she glanced down at Alex's body before looking back into her favorite pair of blue eyes. "Every inch of you, inside and out is absolutely beautiful."

"You're such a sap," Alex whispered back as a faint blush rose to her cheeks. She playfully pushed Olivia's shoulder but the detective didn't waiver.

"I'm just telling the truth," She stated as she kissed the top of Alex's shoulder before sliding up her neck and kissing her gently there. Her mouth continued to explore Alex's skin, kissing her jawline, across her cheek, and finally on her lips.

The blonde instinctively wrapped her arms around the detective's neck, bringing their bodies into a familiar position. They continued kissing, slowly, passionately, both of their bodies heating up as the seconds ticked by. Alex finally pulled her lips away, tipping her forehead against Olivia's instead. "What happened to showering?" She murmured as her gaze met warm brown eyes and dilated pupils.

Olivia reluctantly pulled back, but not before chastely kissing the blonde once more. "Reconvene in the bedroom?" Olivia asked with her signature sideways grin and a raised eyebrow to match it. Alex merely shook her head and chuckled in response, rolling her eyes slightly.

"Only because I'm _forced_ to share a bed with you," Alex teased, putting emphasis on the word forced so that Olivia knew she was just kidding.

Maybe I'll even force you to cuddle with me a bit," Olivia quipped as she squirted some conditioner in her hands.

Alex let out a pretend exasperated sigh. "I guess I'll have to put up with it," She teased, lovingly gazing over at her detective as the brunette washed out the conditioner.


	51. Chapter 51

Olivia gently placed her hand against the center of Alex's back, guiding while also reassuring her. They walked through the restaurant, ignoring a few curious onlookers as they caught sight of their friends. Alex broke out into a small smile, suddenly feeling a lot safer in the presence of three other detectives.

"Alex!" Casey called, a smile forming on her face as well as she caught sight of the familiar blonde. Of course, Casey was already sitting next to Abbie who begrudgingly sat next to Munch.

"Hey Case," The blonde replied as she headed over to the open seat next to the redhead, sitting down without hesitation. Olivia followed her lead and sat down next to Alex, resting her hand on the blonde's jean covered thigh, almost instinctively.

"So nice of you to join us," Cragen teased as he smiled warmly at the two women who had just sat down.

"Hey, we're fashionably late," Olivia replied with a grin as she squeezed Alex's thigh slightly. "Someone wanted to finish the movie that we were watching before we left."

"You're the one who started it so late," Alex replied as she raised an eyebrow at the brunette. "I told you we should've just watched a TV show instead."

"But it's your favorite movie!" Olivia argued back as she nudged Alex's shoulder.

"Hence why I wanted to finish it before left," The blonde replied back as she winked at Olivia.

"You two already sound like an old married couple," Elliot quipped as he flashed his partner a shit-eating grin.

"That obvious?" Alex questioned as she reached down, intertwining her and Olivia's fingers before holding up their hands for Elliot to see. Everyone around the table seemed rather surprised, especially Olivia. While it was pretty obvious to everyone that they were a couple, Alex wasn't very fond of showing it off in public. It wasn't that she was ashamed of Olivia, it was more so that she worried that people would think she was just clinging to the detective as a life-line of sorts. She also didn't want to make it common knowledge considering that Whiteman was still trying to kidnap her in order to finish what he started. She shuddered at the thought of him, goosebumps making their way across her arms.

"You two are adorable," Fin commented as he winked at Olivia, glad that they were finally comfortable enough to let the squad know the truth.

"More like every male's fantas—oof," Munch gasped out when he felt Elliot's elbow connect with his stomach.

"Can it," Elliot replied as he smacked the older detective on the back jokingly.

"Just voicing what we were all thinking," Munch grumbled as he grabbed onto his soda cup, holding it up to the girls. "Mazel tov."

"Anywaaaay," Olivia stated, dragging out the word. "Where's the food?" She questioned as she glanced down at the empty table. "I came here late so that there'd be food on the table already!"

"We decided that we'd wait for you," Abbie teased as she leaned back in her chair, winking at the frowning female detective. "God, Benson you and food! Don't worry, we already ordered since we're doing this family style."

"Dibs on the shrimp before Liv gets a hold of it," Elliot quipped as he smiled back at his partner who was glaring at him.

"I don't even eat shrimp!" She countered.

"Good," Alex replied as she gave Olivia's thigh a squeeze. "I'll eat your serving."

Olivia looked over at her with her mouth partially hung open. "I was kidding, I love shrimp!"

"Too late," The blonde replied as she winked at her detective.

"Finally!" Munch exclaimed as the waiter started piling the dishes of food on the table, spreading it out among everyone.

"Oh it smells so good," Abbie groaned as she leaned in, smelling the delicious Chinese food.

"Certainly beats take out," Fin replied as they all started dishing up and passing around the plates. They settled into casual chatter as they ate, talking about their most recent cases every now and then but trying their best to avoid touchy topics considering what Casey and Alex went through. Neither girl minded, however. They both preferred to be treated just like anyone else but they understood why it was hard for the detectives to treat them that way because they really weren't just anyone else. They were family and family looked out for family.

"You guys want dessert? I could really go for some green tea ice cream," Munch commented as he leaned back in his chair, patting his stomach.

Alex's head perked up and Olivia couldn't help but chuckle at the blonde. "You and ice cream," She whispered into the blonde's ear, giving her a quick kiss against her cheek. She pulled back slightly and frowned when Alex's body went rigid in response to her kiss.

She leaned back a few more inches so that she could see Alex, who seemed to be frozen in place, staring straight ahead. "Alex?" Olivia questioned as she placed her hand on the blonde's thigh, running her fingers across it in an attempt to get the blonde's attention. "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

"He's here," Alex whispered, almost too quietly for Olivia to hear but the detective did, her head immediately jerking in the direction of where the blonde was looking.

"Liv?" Elliot questioned as he took in his partner's distress, immediately placing his right hand over the grip of his gun that resided on his belt.

Olivia caught sight of short brown hair before the man ducked behind a wall. She instantly stood up, sending the chair to the ground as she reached for her own gun which she so conveniently chose to bring along with her everywhere since Dylan became a threat again. "Whiteman," She stated in shock. "Cap," She called as she glanced down at Alex who was frozen in her seat, still staring off in the distance.

"Go," Cragen stated as he stood up, understanding that Olivia wanted him to stay with Alex. Olivia nodded as she headed toward where Alex was staring, Elliot immediately flanking behind her. Munch stood up as well, going toward the front entrance while Fin split toward the back.

Casey slid her chair over slightly, wrapping an arm around Alex's shoulders as she pulled the blonde toward her. "Alex, hey, come back to me sweetie. You're okay. You're safe with us, okay? You're in a restaurant surrounded by people and half a dozen detectives." Both Cragen and Abbie were now standing behind the women, glancing around the restaurant as well, searching for anyone suspicious.

"He's here," Alex mumbled as she shook her head, tears threatening to spill as she leaned her head against Casey's chest, wishing that it was her detective instead.

"Shh, you're safe," Casey mumbled against the top of the blonde's head as she held onto her, rubbing soothingly against her arm. Cragen was already on the phone, no doubt calling in backup just in case as he beckoned over a few members of the staff.

A few minutes later, Olivia returned to the table, her gun still holstered beneath her jacket. Cragen looked at her expectantly but she shook her head in response. "If he was here, he's gone," She replied as she glanced over at Elliot who stood next to her as well.

Munch and Fin returned as well, both shaking their heads. "Okay," Cragen stated as he ran a hand over his chin. "Let's get out of here then. I'm not taking any more risks than we need to. Munch, Fin, go out first and make sure the front is clear, Stabler and Benson will follow after with Cabot. You two will get her out of here and take her to the precinct. I'll stay here with Carmichael and Novak until back up arrives."

They all nodded in response, Fin and Munch heading out first. Olivia walked back over to Alex, taking her from Casey and pulling her to her feet. "We're going to be fine," She whispered to the blonde as she pressed a kiss against her temple. "We're going to spend the night at the precinct though, just in case."

"Okay," Alex finally replied as she leaned into Olivia's touch, allowing the detective to wrap an arm around her.

Cragen looked over at Olivia and Elliot, nodding at them. "Head out and take her now. I'll check things out here. A unit should be here in a bit and we'll talk to the staff, check video feeds. I'll meet you back at the precinct in thirty."

"Got it," Elliot replied as her guided Olivia forward. She took the hint and headed for the door with Elliot behind her. She slipped out the door, one arm securely around Alex's waist as Munch and Fin glanced back at them, Fin nodding his head in the direction of the car. "We'll take two cars," Elliot directed as he grabbed out his own keys. "I'll follow you guys back."

Olivia continued walking down the street, guiding Alex with her. She barely saw the figure flash out of the corner of her eye, the streetlight catching the metal casing of a gun. "GUN!" She screamed out as she spun in front of Alex, shoving her backwards until she was pinned between Olivia's body and a brick wall.

Elliot jumped into action, pulling out his own weapon and aiming it toward the figure as tires squealed around the corner. He pulled the trigger twice as the figure jumped into the van before taking off. Both Munch and Fin took to the streets, chasing after the vehicle to no avail.

"You guys okay?" Elliot called as he sprinted over to Olivia who had Alex pinned against the wall, her entire body hidden beneath the detective's.

"Yeah, we're good. He didn't shoot," Olivia replied as she pulled away from the blonde a bit, glancing down at her. Her eyes were pinched closer, clearly trying to calm herself. "Alex?"

"Fine," Alex mumbled out as she opened up her eyes. "I'm fine," She stated more confidently as she gestured for Olivia to step away. The detective moved off of her and held out her hand, pulling the blonde off of the wall.

"Are you sure?" Olivia questioned as she wrapped an arm around Alex's shoulder and guided her to the car door that Munch was holding open.

"Yes, let's just get out of here, please," Alex pleaded as she slipped into the car with Olivia next to her. The door slammed shut as the two detectives got in and pulled the car away from the curb, speeding toward the precinct with Elliot on their tail.


	52. Chapter 52

Olivia watched Alex out of the corner of her eye as the ADA sat down at her desk. She turned her attention fully to the blonde as she jerked forward, not allowing her back to touch the rest of the chair. "Are you okay?" The detective questioned as she looked at Alex in concern.

"Fine," Alex replied as she nodded, leaning back once more before sitting up straight.

"Alex, what's wrong?" She asked as she kneeled down next to her rolling chair and placed a gentle hand on the blonde's leg. "Tell me what's wrong," She prodded as she tried to catch Alex's gaze.

"I—my back," She mumbled as she sighed.

Olivia stood up, pulling her off of the chair before spinning her around. She carefully lifted up the blonde's shirt, ignoring the large crisscrossed scars where from Whiteman had whipped her, instead zoning in on the new bloody marks across her shoulder blades and spine. "Shit," Olivia cursed as she closed her eyes, replaying the moment when she shoved Alex into the brick wall with far too much force.

She heard a sharp intake of air and turned her head to the side to see Elliot, staring at Alex's scars rather than the new bloody marks. She pleaded with her eyes for him not to say anything as she let Alex's shirt drop back down. "I'm so sorry Alex," Olivia stated as she grabbed onto Alex's hand, guiding her to the crib and grabbing the medical kit as she went.

"It's not your fault," Alex replied as she pulled off her shirt, setting it on one of the beds. "You were just trying to protect me."

"I could've been a little gentler, she grumbled as she gestured for the blonde to lay down on the bed. Alex did as she was instructed and spread out across the mattress, folding her arms under her chin. "Jeez," She muttered as she grabbed a pad and some hydrogen peroxide.

"It's fine. I can hardly feel it," Alex replied as she turned her head to the side so that she could see Olivia. The detective hesitantly pressed the pad against the bloody cuts, gently rubbing at them. She frowned when Alex didn't even wince or say anything in response; she simply laid there, ignoring the pain. She couldn't help but wonder if her high pain tolerance was another result from Whiteman.

After thoroughly swabbing her back and taping cotton pads over the bigger gashes, she cleaned up everything else. "I'm just going to lay here for a while," Alex muttered as she turned her head away from Olivia, rolling onto her side.

"Okay," Olivia replied as she walked over to the blonde and sat down near the head of the bed. She gently reached out, brushing her fingers through blonde locks, trailing down until she reached a bare shoulder. She ran her fingers over Alex's smooth, warm skin and down her sides, running her fingers back and forth.

"That feels good," Alex murmured as she adjusted herself slightly, allowing Olivia to move further onto the bed. "Lay down with me?"

Olivia smiled as she picked up Alex's shirt and set it to the side before laying down behind the blonde. She settled in behind her, bringing her front to Alex's back. She placed her hand over Alex's side, running her fingers up and down there like she had been doing previously.

They continued laying there for a few minutes, Olivia continuously stroking the blonde as her eyes lulled shut, almost letting sleep claim her but not quite. "Shh," Olivia hummed quietly as she stroked Alex's hair. "Go to sleep," She whispered, knowing that Alex was trying her best not to fall asleep on her. The blonde sighed, finally letting sleep claim her.

The detective continued to run her hand up and down Alex's side, tracing her fingers across Alex's stomach before finally settling her arm around the ADA's bare waist. She snuggled in behind her, nuzzling her head against Alex's blonde locks, inhaling her scent as her own eyes closed.

A few minutes later, they were both fast asleep and neither of them woke when Elliot opened up the door to the crib. He stood there for a few seconds, not quite sure whether or not he wanted to look away. He could see Alex's shirt on the head of the bed but her torso was covered since Olivia's back was facing him. He couldn't help but smile as he admired his partner; whenever she fell asleep in the crib, she always had a fitful sleep. She could never let her thoughts leave her but now, wrapping around Alex, she seemed to be sleeping as calmly as he had ever seen her.

He turned back to the door but paused before making a last minute decision. He quickly grabbed one of the blankets left in the crib and shook it out. He tiptoed over to the two women, finally catching sight of a sliver of pale skin. He averted his eyes as he laid the blanket out across both of them, settling it around their shoulders.

He took a few more seconds to admire the relaxed state of his partner and the ADA before slipping out of the room as quietly as he could. They were good for each other.


	53. Chapter 53

Alex stirred awake when she heard noise coming from somewhere. Her eyes flashed open, taking in her surroundings since the bed didn't feel as comfortable as Olivia's. She glanced around at the walls before looking down at the arm wrapped around her stomach. She blushed slightly when she noticed the blanket draped over her body and Olivia's and the fact that she wasn't wearing a shirt. She slipped a hand out from under the detective's hold and ran a hand wearily across her face before pushing up off the mattress a bit.

Olivia's arm instinctively tightened around her waist and she couldn't help but smile at the protective gesture. She ran her fingers gently down the brunette's arm, soothing her as she leaned up the rest of the way, her back pressed up against the wall. "Liv," She whispered as she reached a hand out, stroking down the detective's temple to her cheek bone. She smiled as the brunette stirred ever so slightly before stilling once more. "Liv," She repeated as she traced a single finger across Olivia's forehead, down her cheek, and to her lips.

She traced the brunette's darker lips, her fingers gliding across them softly. She smiled to herself as she leaned down and pressed her lips to the detective's in a gentle kiss. "Liv," She whispered again as she pulled back. "Time to wake up." She kissed the brunette again, about to pull away when the kiss was returned and deepened. She melted into the kiss, allowing Olivia's tongue to slip into her mouth and simply enjoying the feeling.

"Favorite way to wake up," Olivia sleepily muttered once they finally pulled away. She ran a hand across her face and offered up the blonde a weak smile as she sat up on the mattress as well.

"It was pretty enjoyable on my end as well," Alex replied back as she cupped the detective's face and gave her another chaste kiss before slipping off of the bed. "We should probably go back down. I think someone stopped by while we were sleeping since there's a blanket on the bed." Olivia frowned slightly as she glanced down at the blanket and back up to Alex's naked torso as she pulled on her shirt. The blonde headed over to the door and turned back to the detective. "You coming?"

"Yeah," Olivia quickly replied as she grabbed onto the blanket, folding it up and tossing it to the side as she followed Alex out of the crib. "Do you want to go home?" She asked as they headed toward Olivia's desk.

The blonde glanced around noticing only Elliot and Fin before turning back to Olivia. "It must be late," She muttered as she grabbed onto Olivia's wrist, turning it around so that she could look at the detective's watch.

"If you want to go home I can have us escorted," The detective offered. The ADA remained silent as she pursed her lips. She really did want to go back to Olivia's apartment because it felt like home but she didn't want to cause more trouble than was necessary. In her mind, she was already causing more than enough. Olivia watched her curiously before nodding. "Okay, let's go," She told the blonde, not needing verbal confirmation; she had a way of reading Alex now.

"I'll give you guys a lift," Elliot offered up, even though it really was more of a request than an offer. He grabbed onto his gear and nodded at Fin who followed as well. The two women silently followed behind them.

!

"You guys are good," Elliot whispered in Olivia's ear as he passed by her. The brunette merely nodded in response. Elliot had tried his best not to make it obvious that he was clearing the apartment for Alex's sake but it was pretty noticeable; still, she appreciated his effort.

"Why don't we go get some sleep?" Olivia questioned as she looked over to the distracted blonde. Alex slowly nodded her head as she headed into the detective's bedroom, already working on her jeans as she slipped out of sight.

"Are you two going to be okay tonight?" Elliot asked as he rubbed a hand over his head. "I was thinking that maybe I could crash on the couch for the night."

Olivia smiled at his protective gesture; he was so much more than a partner to her, he was family. "I think we'll be okay," Olivia replied as she glanced back to her bedroom. "You had the patrol car outside replaced, right?"

"Yeah, that was fixed the moment you called me. Those two are probably writing parking tickets right about now," Elliot replied back with a deep chuckle. "Look, don't argue with me on this but I'm going to have an officer stay outside of your door just in case." Olivia opened up her mouth to speak but Elliot cut her off. "Please, just for tonight. If he was at the restaurant than that means he's been keeping tabs on you two. I'd rather be safe than sorry."

"You're right," Olivia agreed as she glanced back to the bedroom and sighed. "I think I've given up on the whole 'I can keep her safe' ego trip," The brunette stated as she laughed to herself. "I'd do anything to keep her safe at this point."

"We all want to protect her," Elliot replied as he patted his partner on the shoulder. "Now go comfort her in the bedroom and no funny business!" He teased as he smirked at her before heading out of their apartment.

Olivia locked the door behind him and padded into her bedroom where Alex was already curled up in bed, predictably in her NYPD sweatpants and t-shirt. She smiled to herself as she admired the blonde, quickly shedding out of her own clothes. Within a few minutes, she had turned off the lights, checked all the doors and windows, and was cuddled up with Alex. The ADA turned around in her arms, facing her now. "I'm so glad you're here," Alex whispered as she offered up a weak smile.

"Of course I'm here," Olivia replied back as she kissed her forehead. "I'll always be here for you."

"You make me feel so safe," Alex admitted as she tipped her head down, pressing her forehead against Olivia's neck. The detective wrapped her arms around the blonde's back, pulling her closer until she felt like they couldn't possibly get any closer.

"Go to sleep, sweetie," Olivia whispered as she kissed the top of her head before closing her own eyes. Alex nuzzled against her body before settling in as well, quickly drifting off despite all the anxiety coursing through her body.


	54. Chapter 54

**A/N: I apologize for the delay in all of my stories. I have been writing less frequently but I'm trying to finish this story up so that I can focus on completing the rest. Hopefully "Control" was enough to satisfy some of you in the meantime. This chapter is short but enjoy it because very soon things will be heating up...**

* * *

Alex wandered into the bedroom, her eyes immediately landing on her detective sitting on top of the covers in a NYPD t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants with a book in hand. She smiled as she wandered over to the dresser and pulled it open. Her hand lingered over her night clothes but she paused as she looked back at Olivia who seemed rather content reading her book.

It had been a week since they spotted Whiteman at the restaurant and video footage had proved that it was in fact him. It seemed as if things were starting to get better but Olivia was always on high alert, especially when she went out anywhere with Alex which was almost all the time. For the most part, she refused to let the blonde out of her sight but neither seemed to mind being around each other twenty-four seven.

Alex bit her lip as she trailed her eyes up Olivia's navy sweats, over her tan hands which were clinging to the book, and to her disheveled brown locks which were hanging in her face since she was looking down. Hesitantly, she slid the drawer shut and took a few steps closer, stopping at the foot of the bed. She stood there for a few seconds before the detective finally peered up from her book, a smile instantly appearing on her face when she caught sight of the ADA.

Taking another step closer, Alex forced her nerves to calm down as she reached for the hem of her shirt and slowly began to pull it up. She watched curiously as Olivia's brown eyes widened, both eyebrows arching up while her gaze stayed steady on the blonde's torso. Once the shirt was off, Alex carelessly tossed it to the side before reaching for the waistline of her jeans. It took her a few tries due to the shakiness of her hands, but she finally managed to unhook the button and unzip them.

"Come here," Olivia whispered as she set her book down on her side table and returned her full attention to the blonde. The ADA bit her lip as she crawled onto the bed as gracefully as she could before settling her knees on either side of the detective's thighs. "You're so beautiful," The brunette whispered as she placed her hands on Alex's hips, sliding them up her bare sides when Alex didn't pull away.

The blonde leaned down, connecting their lips as her eyes fluttered shut. She melted into the kiss, lowering her waist so that she was sitting on the detective's lap. Olivia's hands migrated further north, her fingertips skimming along Alex's bra strap. Without much thought, she unhooked the strap, allowing it to fall off of the blonde's torso.

Alex pulled off her bra, tossing it aside, much like her shirt, all while maintaining their kiss. Once her arms were free of her bra, she threaded her fingers through her favorite brown locks, instinctively pulling Olivia closer to her as she pressed herself up against the detective.

Without any warning, Olivia flipped them over, pinning Alex against the mattress as she towered over her. The blonde gasped in response to the new position, a noticeable warmth spreading between her thighs as the detective kissed her neck, trailing her lips to just underneath her ear and back down to her collarbone.

"Are you okay?" Olivia murmured against warm, pale skin, pausing just long enough to see Alex's head nod furiously in response. "Guide me," Olivia suggested as she kissed across the blonde's collarbone and to the dip in her throat. She sucked there briefly before kissing down Alex's chest as the hands in her hair guided her there.

"That feels good," Alex whispered, her words catching in her throat as she tightened her grip in Olivia's hair, keeping her steady between her breasts.

The brunette glanced up at the blonde as she continued peppering her chest with kisses. She kissed a bit closer to the ADA's left breast, testing the waters before moving closer when Alex made no attempt to stop her. Hesitantly, she pressed a soft kiss against the side of Alex's breast, then another further up. She could feel the blonde's heart pounding underneath her breast, the beats becoming more frequent as she got closer.

"You can tell me to stop," She whispered, her lips just barely brushing up against warm skin.

Alex shivered as she felt Olivia's warm breath flow over her sensitive breast. "I don't want you to." Olivia closed her eyes for a brief second before pressing her lips against Alex's nipple, the bud hardening immediately under her touch. She opened her mouth, welcoming the bud into her warm mouth, gently closing around it as she pressed her tongue up against it. The hands in her hair tightened, twisting her locks as the body beneath her squirmed in response but she didn't care about the slight pull in her roots.

She continued her ministrations, moving her tongue across the hard nipple, teasing it just enough to register. She shifted her body to the side, her right hand sliding across Alex's taut abdomen and down to her jeans. Gently, she stroked the blonde's firm abdomen, her fingertips sliding lower and lower with every swipe until she could feel Alex's underwear from where she had unbuttoned her jeans.

Another pull to her hair led her further down Alex's body, until her lips were just above the blonde's naval. Her left hand settled around the ADA's hip while her right slipped over Alex's underwear and to her thigh, pulling the jeans down as she went. When she had enough room to maneuver, she placed her hand on top of Alex's thigh, her thumb slipping down until it was pressed up against her inner thigh as her left hand pulled her jeans down even further.

In the blink of an eye, strong legs clamped down onto her hand as fingers tugged firmly on her hair, pulling her up. Olivia gasped in pain as she lifted up her head, watching as the blonde shot straight up onto the bed, her entire body tensing up. "Stop," Alex whispered as her torso shook slightly, her hands finally releasing brown locks. She pulled Olivia's hand out from her pants before sliding further up on the bed, her arms wrapping around herself.

"It's okay," Olivia tried to soothe her as she ignored the pain from where Alex had pulled too tightly on her hair. She leaned up as well on the bed, removing herself from on top of the ADA's legs and sitting to the side of her.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this," Alex muttered as she shook her head, a single tear sliding down her cheek.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Olivia whispered as she sat up completely on the bed and leaned up against the headboard next to her. "You don't need to apologize. We don't have to be intimate, sweetie. That was more than enough for me."

"No, I should be able to do this by now," Alex whispered as she finally opened up her eyes and leaned her side against Olivia's. "I'm so sorry."

"It's fine." The detective wrapped her arm around the blonde's shoulder, pulling her body closer. Alex rested her head on Olivia's shoulder and the brunette rested her head on top of the blonde's.

After a few minutes of silence and enough time for Alex to calm down, Olivia spoke up again. "Can you tell me what I did wrong so that I know not to do it again?"

"I—your hand," Alex whispered as she nuzzled her head further against Olivia's shoulder. "When you put your hand between my legs and tried to pull down my pants. That's how he undressed me."

"I'm so sorry," Olivia mumbled as she tightened her grip around the blonde's shoulder, internally cursing herself for triggering a flashback in her lover. "I should've known better. How about next time you're completely in charge of undressing yourself?"

"But I like it when you undress me," Alex whispered just loud enough to hear. "It makes me feel wanted. He never made me feel wanted."

"Oh sweetie," Olivia whispered as she lifted up her head off of Alex's. "You're always wanted. I'll want you as long as I shall live and maybe even after." She pressed a soft kiss on the top of Alex's head, holding her close. "I love you so much which is why I want to make sure that you're okay with everything I do. I'll wait for you, as long as you need."

"Promise?" Alex questioned as she lifted up her head so that she could look at the brunette.

"Always and forever."


	55. Chapter 55

"Alex?" Olivia mumbled as she felt the bed jostle from movement. She wearily opened up her eyes and rubbed them as she looked at a head of blonde hair moving away from her. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to get some water," Alex replied as she turned back to look at the sleepy brunette. She smiled at her ruffled brown locks which were pointing off in random directions from rubbing against the pillow. "Do you want some water?"

"No, just you," Olivia replied half-asleep as she flashed Alex her signature sideways grin. The blonde chuckled softly in response as she stood up and softly padded to the door.

"You'll have me in a few minutes," She teased as she opened up the bedroom door and slipped out of the room and toward the kitchen.

Olivia rolled over onto her back, swinging an arm over her stomach as she closed her eyes once more, her mind wandering off with images of Alex smiling. There was something about that smile that drove her crazy but she couldn't explain it. She often found herself doing everything she could to get her to smile or laugh in that carefree way. Her laughter was rare but it immediately put a smile on the detective's face because it was so infectious.

She faintly heard the door softly shut before the bed dipped down, indicating that Alex was joining her once more. She felt her pillow move slightly before it stopped. When Alex didn't immediately lay back down next to her, she began to open up her eyes. Before she could, a hand gripped over her mouth, pushing her head down against the pillow. Her eyes instantly flashed open as she stared down the barrel of her own gun. Her vision refocused from the barrel onto the figure above her.

Dylan Whiteman.

She looked up at his disgusting face as his lips twisted into a smile. "Detective Benson," He whispered as he lifted up his pointer finger that was on the gun, gaining Olivia's attention before he placed it directly over the trigger, letting her know that he meant business. "Oh now, it's a shame that Alexandra isn't here with you right now but I guess that makes this a little bit easier," He stated as he licked his dry lips. "Tell me, how has she been?" He paused as he cocked his head to the side, waiting for an answer. "Oh that's right," He chuckled. "Cat got your tongue?" He teased as he pressed the barrel firmly against her forehead.

"Now, you're going to be a good girl, right? You won't scream out when I let go of your mouth? You don't want to end up like the two lovely police officers that were stationed outside of your apartment and your nice security guard. He actually put up a fight but the other two were too busy listening to the game on the radio." Olivia nodded against the barrel, desperately hoping that he'd believe. "Good girl," He replied as he wiggled his finger once more, showing that it was on the trigger and ready to shoot.

He hesitantly lifted off a couple of fingers before completely removing his hand when she didn't scream out. He smirked at her, satisfied that she was obeying him. "ALEX RUN!" She screamed out the moment his hand was away from her mouth. That hand immediately clasped back over her mouth as his nostrils flared, pressing the gun firmly against her forehead.

"You bitch," He growled out as he brought the gun up and smashed the hilt against Olivia's forehead in a deafening crack. Her head fell to the side as her vision started to grow black. She could only wish that Alex heard her and was already running out of the apartment to protect herself.

She blinked back the darkness as she heard her door open. _Please don't do this Alex,_ Olivia thought to herself as Whiteman's head spun around to look at the door. "Get off of her." Olivia's eyes widened at the familiar voice, far stronger than she had ever heard it before.

"You heard me, Dylan, get the hell off of her or I'll shoot you," Alex ordered as she leveled the revolver with his back.

Dylan took a moment to admire her stance; she didn't look nearly as scared as she had when she was with him. She looked almost…stronger. He grinned as he held up his hands, the gun still in one of them. "My dear Alexandra," He cooed as he slid off of the bed with his hands still in the air. "Oh how I've missed you, my little mouse."

"Shut up and stop moving," Alex demanded as she followed him with her gun. "Stop moving!" She yelled out as she clenched her grip around the revolver that Cragen had given her for protection. Since Olivia kept her gun on the nightstand, she decided that it'd be safer if she kept hers in the drawer by the couch which in hindsight was a good choice. "Get down on your knees," She ordered as she fingered the trigger, touching it with light pressure.

"You want to be in control, huh, my little mouse?" He questioned as he took a step closer to her.

"Get on your knees!" She screamed out as she shook with anger, the gun wavering slightly in her hands before she steadied it.

"I know you won't shoot me," He replied as she dropped down onto one knee and then the other. "But if you want to be in control for a bit, well, we can do that Alexandra."

"Shut up," She spat out as she aimed the gun square at his chest. "Put the gun on the floor." He hesitantly lowered the gun before he placed it against the hardwood. "Push it over to me," She ordered as she followed his motions with her own gun. He gave it a nudge, causing it to slide a few feet in front of her. She took a step closer and kicked it with her bare foot which made it slide underneath the bed, out of reach.

Alex shook her head as she chuckled, smiling at Dylan. "Look where we are now," She scoffed out as she smirked at him. "Tell me, how does it feel to be at the other end of a gun, huh, Dylan? Doesn't feel so good now, does it?" She taunted as she walked around him, still aiming the pistol at his head. "Now you know how I feel. Maybe I should tie you up as well, beat you? Cut you up with a knife? But you'd like that, wouldn't you?" She spat out as he grinned at her.

"Do it," He ordered as he tilted his head up, aligning it with the barrel of the gun. "You're too scared."

"No," She replied as she shook her head, pressing the gun against his forehead. "That'd be far too easy," She stated before pulling the gun back and smashing it against his forehead. He fell back against the floor, groaning in pain. "You deserve to suffer."

"Ahh," He groaned out as he pushed himself back up onto his knees. "I like it when you're feisty. You know, you were feisty when we first met. You kept pushing my hand away from you when I tried to go up your dress," He stated as he licked his lips and swallowed. "God you were so hot in that dress. It wasn't quite the same when I cut off your jeans and sweatshirt. Do you remember that, my little mouse? Do you remember our time together?"

"Shut up," Alex ordered as she blinked repeatedly, forcing the flashbacks away.

"You think about me often, don't you?" He questioned as he licked his lips again, glancing up and down her body. "I think about you a lot. Do you remember all those time where I'd touch your breasts and you'd beg me to stop? When I'd slip my hand between your legs and tease you?"

"Shut up!" She screamed as she closed the distance between them, hitting him across the face with the gun. He fell down to his side again and stayed there for a few seconds before pushing his way back up.

"God I love it when you're feisty," He muttered as he used the back of his hand to wipe the blood away from his mouth. He glanced down at it before spitting blood onto the floor. "Hit me again."

"Don't." Alex turned to see Olivia, weakly trying to push herself up on the bed. She could see the huge bruise already forming on the brunette's forehead, which had knocked her temporarily unconscious. "Alex, don't do this," She croaked out as she blinked rapidly and ran her hand over her head, trying to get the pain to stop.

"He needs to die," Alex muttered as she turned back to Dylan, aiming the gun at his head. "We both know that the only way this ends is with one of us dead," She told Whiteman as she fingered the trigger.

"You're right," Dylan replied as he shifted slightly closer to Alex, pushing himself across the hardwood floor.

"Stop moving!" Alex ordered as she tightened the grip.

"Shoot me."

"Alex, don't! Lex, please don't do this," Olivia pleaded as she finally regained enough awareness to push herself up off of the bed. She stood up on unsteady feet, still heavily disoriented from the blow to her head. "You're going to regret this, sweetie. I can't let you do this."

"I have no choice," Alex whispered as she shook her head, taking a step closer to Dylan. "He has to die, Olivia. He has to pay for everything that he did to Madeline and me. Don't you understand what you did to us?" She cried out at Dylan.

"Tell me," He stated as he smirked at the blonde. "Tell me what I did to you."

"You bastard," She mumbled as she blinked back her tears. "You think this is just a game. Well this isn't a game for me! I can't sleep! I can't let anyone touch me without thinking about you! Every time I'm alone, your disgusting face pops into my mind. You taunt me. But this ends now. You don't have control over me anymore!" She screamed out as she finally pulled the trigger.

The shot rang out into the room, causing Dylan to fall back onto the floor, blood pooling around his chest. A split second later, Alex heard the revolver drop to the floor before her body collided with the wall, Olivia pressed up against her. "No," Olivia cried out as she held Alex against the wall, a second too late to stop the blonde from destroying her life.

Alex reached up and cupped Olivia's face, brushing her brown hair out of the way. "I had no choice," She whispered as her eyes softened, finally meeting Olivia's. "I had no choice…"

Everything seemed to slow down as Olivia's eyes widened and her torso pushed forward, almost as if by an external force. Alex watched as Olivia's brown eyes slowly fluttered closed as her hands slipped down the wall a few inches.

The gunshot finally registered to her ears as she watched Olivia take half a step away from her, her head slowly looking down at the blood pooling around her stomach. Alex's eyes widened as her eyes flashed over to Dylan who was sprawled out on the floor, gun in hand with a smirk on his face. His grin grew before he dropped the gun to the floor, his head thumping against the hardwood as his eyes stayed pinned on her.

Her eyes jerked back to Olivia as the detective fell to her knees, her upper torso slumping against Alex's knees. And finally time seemed to return to normal pace as the blonde dropped down to her knees, grabbing onto Olivia's body. She laid the detective down as her eyes landed on the pool of blood soaking through her night shirt.

"No…" Alex whimpered out as she wrapped her hand around Olivia's side, trying to stop the bleeding from the front and the back. "HELP!" She screamed out as she kneeled over Olivia's body, applying pressure to the gunshot wound. "SOMEONE HELP!" She continued to scream out as she dropped her head against Olivia's collarbone, hot tears streaming down her face.

She was too busy trying to save her detective that she didn't even register the tip of the bullet which remained lodged in her lower abdomen from where it had shot straight through Olivia's body and into hers. "No…"


	56. Chapter 56

Six Months Later...

Alex walked across the green grass, her eyes wandering around, taking in the dozens of bunches of flowers surrounding her. She continued walking on before she stopped in front the marble tombstone. Hesitantly, she kneeled down in front of it, resting the bouquet of flowers in her hand in front of it.

She looked over the familiar name, blinking back her tears as she sat down against her heels and bowed her head. She thought back on her life over the past year, dozens of happy and sad memories flooding her mind. She sighed as she finally opened up her eyes, focusing on the tombstone.

"Hi," She whispered, not really sure how this was supposed to go. She reached down for the flowers, tracing her fingers over the petals. "I'm sorry I haven't visited you since…" She let her words trail off, ducking her head in shame. "When you left me, I was angry," She whispered as she closed her eyes again and willed back her tears. "It wasn't fair. You died and he lived."

She tipped her head back and took a deep breath, taking in the scent of spring that filled her nostrils. She slowly let it out as she looked around her up at the flowering trees, a few leaves fluttering out of them. She followed one in particular, as the wind caught it, swooping it into a circle before slowly fluttering down. She watched the wind catch it once more, blowing it toward her before settling down next to her. She smiled as she reached out, tracing the leaf before pulling back.

"It's been tough ever since you left me," She murmured as she looked over at the tombstone once more. "I struggled a lot at first. I had no one to turn to; no one to comfort me." She paused again as she rubbed beneath her eyes, swiping away an invisible tear. "Things got worse before they got better, but they did eventually get better." She blinked a couple of times before taking a deep breath. "I wanted you to know," She whispers as she subconsciously ran her hand over the healed gunshot wound on her lower abdomen. "Since you left me, I fell in love," She whispered as her eyes teared up slightly, a small smile appearing on her lips.

Two strong but gentle hands settled on her shoulders and she leaned back into the touch. "We never really talked about it but I can't help but wonder if you'd approve of her," Alex stated more confidently now as she reached up, placing one hand on top of the one on her shoulder. "All I know is that I love her, Mom," Alex whispered as she finally turned her head to look up at Olivia who gave her shoulders a reassuring squeeze.

She turned her attention back to the tombstone, reading over her mother's name, Caroline Cabot. "I wish you could've met her," She whispered. "But she came into my life after you passed." She stood up again, wrapping her arms around Olivia's waist as the detective wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Actually, saying came into my life doesn't do her justice. She forced her way into my life," Alex chuckled as she carried on, "and protected your little girl."

She glanced up at Olivia as she pressed her lips against the detective's cheek, giving her a small kiss. "And she continued to do so for months to come," She stated as she turned back to look at her mother's grave. "You always wanted me to be happy, Mom. So I want you to know that I finally am. She makes me happier than I've ever been before. I don't want to ever have to imagine a day without her by my side."

Olivia gave Alex a reassuring squeeze as she pressed a kiss to her temple. "So I'm not going to," Alex explained as she removed her left hand from around Olivia's waist, holding it out in front of her. "I guess that's why I'm really here, Mom. I wanted you to be the first to know." She watched as the sun light glistened against the ring on her finger, catching the stone perfectly as it sent a pyramid of lights across the grass. "Your little girl is getting married."

Olivia pulled the blonde closer and kissed her lips softly before they both turned around and walked across the green grass. "Do you feel better?" Olivia asked as she dropped down her hand, weaving her fingers with Alex's.

"Better than I have in a long time," The blonde admitted as she continued walking with the detective. After a few steps, she stopped short of the concrete sidewalk. "Are you sure you can live with what I've done?" She asked hesitantly, looking up into warm brown eyes.

"You kept my secret, Alex."

The blonde ducked her head, avoiding Olivia's gaze. "But that doesn't make it okay."

"No," Olivia replied as she stepped closer to Alex, wrapping her arm around her back. "What makes it okay is that he had a gun behind his back and he would've killed given the chance. It was justified."

"But I didn't know that he had a—" Olivia cut her off by kissing the blonde, a bit more forcefully than usual. Alex's arms instinctively rose up, wrapping in the detective's hair as she deepened the kiss. When they pulled apart, Alex grinned as she bit her bottom lip, tasting Olivia on her. "I really like it when you do that," Alex whispered as she finally stepped onto the concrete, grabbing onto Olivia's had once more.

"I'm glad. I'll be doing it for a lifetime."

* * *

**A/N: I'm done with this story. Sorry if you didn't like it but thanks to those of you who stuck through with it to the end. I really lost my inspiration for this story which is probably why a lot of you stopped liking it and I don't blame you because I stopped liking it as well. I may or may not come back and fill in the blanks of the six months explaining how everything happened but for now this will be it. **


End file.
